I've put on my red shoes David.

This isn't the blog post I was planning to write today. I'm not entirely prepared if I'm honest. All day it's been on my mind and now I'm here sitting at the keyboard and looking for the words.

As I stood at the sink this morning trying to persuade Baby Boy to prise open his mouth so I could brush his teeny tiny teeth Hubbie popped his head round the door.
"Have you heard the news about David Bowie ?"
"No."
"He's died."
"Are you sure ? Show me where you saw that."
He showed me the tweet. I went back to my son's teeth and turned on the radio to hear Nick Robinson talking about it. Yes it was true.
Big Boy heard the news items on the radio and asked me,
"Mummy are you sad about the man who died ?"
"Yes baby. It's a very sad day."

When we heard Golden Years on the radio on the school run I told him it was that man who died singing. Big Boy nodded along and smiled. I knew I had to make a radio show just for my boys so they would know who he was and how diverse and fantastic his musical legacy really is. On Friday night me and Hubbie will be on the radio presenting our tribute show - I always play a Bowie track on my own show and this one will be bitter sweet as I get to play all Bowie, but for the saddest of reasons.

Beckenham, Bromley and Brixton are all taking credit for Bowie. Tonight there is a street party in Brixton and every radio station has played songs by him all day. I tuned into BBC London earlier and heard Robert Elms breaking down as he tried to compose himself to go on air. No one quite believes it.

Hubbie took this photo on his way to work in Brixton, it's become an unofficial shrine:

This evening when I got back from swimming I sat in the car on the drive listening to Lazarus. Before I had to open the door to whatever nonsense might be going on at bedtime. I just couldn't face taking part in real life and wanted to feel the emotion of music performed by a man who knew that most people would listen to it just after he had passed away.

If you look back at the titles of my blog posts you will spot that I often pilfer lyrics and titles from Bowie songs. On one of the rare occasions I baked a cake for the Clandestine Cake Club I called it Rebel Rebel and made it look a bit Ziggy Stardust. Any excuse really. Ok so I wasn't the only one who was in love with Bowie. It wasn't just about the make up and the incredibly attractive man wearing it. It's been a said a lot today that everyone felt like he knew them intimately and that the represented how we felt.

A lot of tributes have concentrated on how he was an innovator and reinvented himself so many times. He was also influential in LGBT politics as a figure who was open and honest about his own sexuality at a time when it just wasn't the done thing. He also challenged racism in the music industry and the preferential treatment given to white artists. The first time I found out about the ill treatment of the indigenous people in Australia was when Bowie made the video for Let's Dance featuring aboriginal actors/dancers. When he married Iman it made me joyous that he loved a beautiful black woman (ok her beauty is irrelevant to her skin colour) as it meant when he was bored of her he would be mine all mine.

London is clearly in mourning for this son of South London and the music he made is the best legacy anyone could hope for.

Personally I think this is pretty cool too:

Do you know what we've done this Summer ?

This is the first year we've had summer holidays with our boy. Of course we do things with him all year round, but this is the first time we've had a few weeks to fill with activities. He has been going to a nursery that runs all year round, but as he's going to be in school this September we decided to give him a break first to help with the big transition. So now we have first hand knowledge of how challenging it is to fill the weeks of summer when you have a child to entertain. We've planned meticulously to ensure that our boy has enough to keep him busy and the weather has mostly been lovely so we've been able to go out and do some fun things.

My boy rode a Sumatran Tiger (just call him Pi)

We love outdoor activities and as he finished before the official summer holidays we were able to do go on a London Safari before the schools broke up and everywhere became super busy. We also aim to familiarise ourselves with where we live and to try new things as a family so we discovered new places in South Norwood  including a country park that we didn't know about. One lovely sunny afternoon we travelled to Biggin Hill and visited Foal Farm animal sanctuary where we met the rabbit that I sponsor. We also made friends with the other animals that live there including cats, horses and goats.

Keeping things local we are fortunate to have so many activities in our area and one that I only discovered this holiday is Whitgift Weenies. This is club that is free to join and they run free activity mornings for children in the middle of the Whitgift shopping centre in Croydon. The ones we've been to so far have included a loom band workshop and the most amazing children's performers and free face painting for everyone. The best was the chap who made balloon animals and entertained the children then at the end climbed inside the biggest balloon we've ever seen !! He did make all of the children promise not to try it at home, but I admit mine did look like he was considering it *grimace*

My boy shoots hoops

Of course not everything can be free and our favourite local activity is a sports activity for pre-schoolers called Totstars. They have been running Totstars Summer Camp with different sports every day, crafts, quiet time and fresh fruit. My boy comes home after 3 hours exhausted and having had a lot of fun with friends. I also get to do a few things while he is busy - like finish a cup of tea or hang up washing in the sunshine that then gets soaked when it pours with rain - humpf.

Talking of freak weather we have had to make some alternative plans for those inevitable indoor days and one of the best is the Gorringe Park Pub cinema in Tooting. All summer they show free films for children during the day and for grown-ups at night. It's an ideal activity for rainy days in the purpose built cinema downstairs complete with popcorn, cinema seats and massive bean bags or for sunny days in the pub garden with outdoor games too. We've only recently discovered this gem and will be going a lot more often I can tell you !

Setting up the 'pins'

Testing the 'bowling ball'

We like to spend time at home too and I keep cardboard egg boxes, toilet roll inners and all manner of materials for model making or making impromptu instruments - you should see our tissue box guitar collection. The materials pile gets bigger by the day so I was delighted when my boy helped himself to some things and went off quietly to the back room. A few minutes later he called me in to play a game with him and this was what he had created - we call it ten (toilet roll) pin bowling. He uses a lightweight small football as the bowling ball so it's very safe to play indoors, thankfully. I'm so pleased he used his initiative and made a game to amuse himself •proud face*

One of my interests - other than parenting, teaching yoga and blogging of course - is radio and I've produces and presented few about fun things to do in the holidays. My show is aimed at families with children and offers ideas for how to spend time together from days out to unusual activities. You can listen to my latest shows by clicking on the links in the margin just to the right of this blog post. If you can spare an hour make a cup of tea and have a listen. Of course you can pop it on while you do something else, it is radio after all :)

To help get you started here are the links to my guide to all you need to know about family festivals  and the show I did about Open Farm Sunday . Then there's this show based on some lovely ideas from Alison at Not another mummy blog - 50 things to do with a toddler in London . We have tried a few of them, but by no means all, so there are plenty left for us to work our way through.

We grew tomatoes 

At the start of the summer I was walking through Surrey Street Market in Croydon on my way to present my show and I saw a stall selling plants. They had small tomato plants for 50p each and I thought we'd have a go at growing tomatoes. We chose 4 different varieties including two that produce yellow or 'golden' tomatoes. I had hoped that these would inspire my son to eat tomatoes as he insists he doesn't like them, but I'm hoping he will try them if he picks them from the plant himself. So with the alternating wet and sunny weather they have flourished and look absolutely amazing now. I can't believe that I've grown them from such humble beginnings. The real test will be if he actually eats them when they are ready.

Of course it's never a challenge to ask a toddler to eat a biscuit - especially when it's got a big smiley face on it. He'd never tried BN biscuits before so when we got two packs to try he kept asking when he could have one. I told him we'd all have them as a family, not least as I wanted to try them before he got his paws on them and ate the lot ! We tried the chocolate and raspberry flavours and they are delicious and not too sweet - ideal with a cup of tea (for me) or as a treat (for my boy).

A happy alternative to indian sweets :)

Last weekend was an indian celebration that we call Rakri in my family where sisters tie a coloured band to their brother's wrist and exchange sweets and gifts. My boy doesn't have a sister, but he does have a lovely cousin who always sends him a rakri even though she now lives in Canada. As a special treat this year we decided he could have a 'smiley biscuit' instead of indian sweets and his smile was a mirror image of the one on his BN biscuit.

We're having so much fun this Summer - we've even had a chance to sit in the garden and relax.

 Chilling out in the sunshine

This post is an entry for 42 Days of Summer Linky Challenge sponsored by McVitie’s BN. Learn more at http://bit.ly/1mRpMCL 

It's FRIDAAAAAAAAYYYYY !!!!!!!

Ok, I know you already know that so maybe it's a bit obvious. Like those people who always post on Facebook the 'Thank Goodness It's Friday" images of drinking, partying or going somewhere exotic. If you are one of those people, just shush ok ?

If - like me - you're a stay at home parent/carer/pet parent/whatever this may be like any other day for you. It makes no odds that tomorrow is not a working day because every day is a working day/ non-working day for some of us. Well for me Saturday is the day I do my radio show in the morning so it's more like a working day than most actually.

However, this week I've got a few things to be happy about - not just the blazing sunshine outside which made the picnic we went to today a fun and fabulous activity instead of a potential disaster as outdoor events can so often be. As it's almost the weekend I thought a photo post might also be fun:




My new cards have arrived in plenty of time for Britmums Live in a few weeks. I've also got a fantastic sponsorship with a local company working with kids that we love, love, love. More details to follow in my Britmums post...

Kathleen Perkins' gorgeous hair

The fab comedy series Episodes was back this week and found this pic of the gorgeous Kathleen Perkins - who responded to a tweet of mine !!!! I'm having my hair cut this week and I SOOO want this style - maybe not so blonde though.

Talking of Episodes - I took part in the Mumsnet web chat with Stephen Mangan on Thursday and he was just so lovely. He was talking about his new movie Postman Pat (he is the voice of Pat) as well as previous projects like Green Wing, Jeeves and Wooster and - of course - Episodes.

He kindly responded to a few of my questions, so of course he's my new best friend :)

My love of social media has resulted in a massive coup this week - I spotted on Twitter that Jesus and Mary Chain are playing live this November and this morning me and Hubbie were both online sweating profusely while clicking refresh to get tickets, they sold out in 5 minutes.

After an adrenaline packed 5 minutes I sent Hubbie a text to say "we got tickets !!!" I am beyond excited.



Now if this post sounds a bit boastful please be assured it is not often I get a week of lots of nice things happening. That's why it's such a big deal and I'm mentioning it. Also, it is lovely and sunny outside and that automatically makes things seem better doesn't it ?

I read this week that 'positive things happen to positive people' - no I'm not getting all philosophical on you it was an interview with Sarah Beeny.

So my mantra (for now at least) is to be positive :)

Blog your heart out

Fellow Team Honker and Honkopoly birthday girl Franglaise Mummy has tagged me in to “blog my heart out” - a blog post that tells readers more about me and my blog. The idea is that I answer 5 questions and then tag five other bloggers to do the same. So, here we go:

Who/What encouraged you to start blogging ?
I'm pretty sure Hubbie had something to do with it. I spoke to a few people who were bloggers and because I love writing I thought I'd give it a go. I was at home with my son, not working, and it seemed ideal as I had the time to devote to writing when my son was having a nap.

How did you choose what topics to blog about ?
It depends what is happening in my life/ in the world and if it's a special occasion. I swim and walk a lot and when I'm pondering I often have ideas for content and a topic will become clear to me. I take my iPad with me everywhere so I an jot down ideas and sentences as they occur to me. When I was walking the other day I had an idea for a particular sentence and didn't have any paper or my iPad so I recorded a sound clip on my phone so that I didn't lose the idea or form of words I was so pleased with. Some topics seem a good idea and when I start writing they just don't work. I have so many posts that are just a few ideas waiting to form into something cohesive/interesting.

What is something most people don’t know about you ?
I was stopped at the airport leaving Sierra Leona as the authorities suspected me of smuggling diamonds. Turns out they had been mislead by the diamante stick on tattoos I had in my luggage. Oopsie !

Who could mistake these for blood diamonds ?

What three words describe your style ?
Visual, passionate, rumbunctious (Hubbie suggested the last one !)

What do you love to do when you’re not blogging ?
I love my family and my friends and enjoy spending time with them whether it's swimming as a family or enjoying dim sum or a lovely glass of wine with friends.
I love music and present a radio show on Croydon Radio - I swim pretty much every day and even though I'm not great at it I enjoy dancing. I'm training for the Moonwalk this summer so I'm also walking a lot which is really helping me to finally lose some baby weight. Seeing as my boy is three and a half I think it's fair to say it has been a bit of a battle !

Ok, so now it's my turn to nominate 5 bloggers to do this.
Please be upstanding:

http://jenniferslittleworld.com
http://culturalsnow.blogspot.com
http://blackwatertown.wordpress.com
http://ihappynow2.blogspot.co.uk
http://rockandrollmum.com

Why my friend Penny wishes she had breast cancer.

You may have seen this poster - it has been in papers and magazines and is also now on the walls of tube stations too. Hubbie came home from work last week and said, "did you know Penny is in the Evening Standard ?" This was the poster he was referring to.

The woman in the poster was one of our midwives. On the morning of 30th September 2010 she took over from the Glenis and Rosie who had been sweltering in the birth room with me since the previous afternoon. We had met Penny a few times and during the pre-natal checks we had talked about yoga, being healthy and how she loved her job - helping women to give birth as naturally as possible. By the time we got to the day our son was born we felt we knew her pretty well. As things didn't go to plan in the birth (when do they ever ?) she was calm and - more importantly - a calming influence. It's this calmness and the smile she had on her face as she told Hubbie our son was born and she'd stay with me as he went to meet our boy that I remember vividly. Penny took the most beautiful photos of us all as a family within minutes and the image of my Hubbie joyful at the sight of our much longed for newborn, healthy son is one that I am forever grateful to her for capturing for us.

We stayed in touch and shared photos on Facebook and were delighted when she announced she was getting married to her wonderful partner Terry. Beautiful photos of their special day followed. Then last year she dropped a bombshell when she told us all that she had inoperable pancreatic cancer. It was very serious and the prognosis was not good. This was a woman who was healthy, fit and took care of herself. It turns out it had taken months of going back and forth to get that diagnosis even though Penny's father had pancreatic cancer. Her own children are similarly at risk.

I interviewed Penny on my radio show last year - you can listen to the interview here. Since she was diagnosed she has been determined to increase awareness of pancreatic cancer and how serious it is. She has been interviewed in magazines, on television and on radio. As she says she wants something good to come out of this and if people get tested and know what to look out for then maybe their chances of surviving will be better than the current shockingly low rate of 3%. Pancreatic cancer is the fifth biggest cancer killer in the UK and yet so few people know anything about it.

So we come to the controversy caused by the words, "I wish I had breast cancer." There has been all manner of hand-wringing and media sorts claiming it's immoral and terrible to wish to have any cancer. The people featured in the campaign have spoken on TV and radio about why they took part and they have even been asked if they regret the sentiment of the poster. Considering that Penny and the others featured in the campaign all have Pancreatic Cancer and know their chances of surviving would be much better if they had breast cancer I think they have a right to express how they feel in any way they choose. None of this takes away from the pain and anguish of breast cancer - this isn't a competition.

The lovely folks at Pancreatic Cancer Action have sent me this handy infographic to share with you. They are keen to see more people being diagnosed early enough to increase their chances of surviving.

I hope that Penny's amazing progress continues in a positive direction. She has been tireless in campaigning all the while undergoing gruelling treatment that has left her feeling sick and exhausted. The hope is that after this latest round of radiotherapy she will be able to have an operation to increase her life chances.

Kerry Harvey also appeared in the posters and TV advertising and she gave interviews passionately defending her decision to take part in such a controversial campaign. Sadly Kerry passed away on Saturday morning.  I would like to dedicate this post to her memory and to Penny for her amazing strength. They are both genuinely an inspiration.

Thanks to Pancreatic Cancer Action for giving permission to use these images.

Love is... music, chocolate and sarcasm

Now as I type this me and Hubbie are on the radio presenting our Valentine's Day show - we do our show every two weeks and we pick a theme and choose alternate songs based on that theme. We joke that it's the only time we actually talk to each other, but the truth is we love to banter between songs and it's a chance to share our passion for music and bizarre facts with whoever is interested in listening to our ramblings.

I know not everyone is into Valentine's Day. Yes it's very commercial and a made up holiday and an excuse to sell cards and flowers and chocolates and to charge more for a set meal in a restaurant because you just have to go out and if you are still in a new relationship it's a minefield (and breathe). If you are single it can be a hellish thing much like the scene in Sex and the City the movie which typifies the miserable singleton experience of Valentine's Day. However, it is a thing and there are more songs written about love than almost anything else so it seemed an apt theme for our show - so there !

Besides which I'm married and we've been together almost ten years so we're supposed to be in the 'romance ? what's that ?' stage of life. I don't really get why you're supposed to celebrate being cynical about being in love when actually I genuinely do love Hubbie and my son and our cat. It's not just humans who get all loved up on this day either, 3% of all pet owners will give their cat a gift on this day. Neo got a kiss and cuddle from our boy, but he did wander off with disdain that it wasn't accompanied with a shake of biscuits in his food bowl.

If you are quite old or into cartoons you may recall that in the seventies there was a thing called "Love is..." with two slightly chubby characters who were pretty much naked all the time. Each one signified something that was supposedly typical of love and it was usually something twee like, "giving her the moon," or "kisses on a park bench."  I was never really into them if I'm honest. They were always a bit too schmaltzy for me, but inspired by this retro romanticism I've compiled my own signifiers of love - just for you this Valentine's Day.

You are welcome :)



Love is... Hubbie remembering the elephant teapot I mentioned that time we went past that shop in town








Love is... going out with my son and Hubbie for lunch instead of for dinner in the evening, because we love our boy's company - even if he prefers to watch Alphablocks on Daddy's phone.






Love is... Neo putting a paw on my leg to stop me getting up from the sofa because he's so comfy lying on me








Love is... me saving up all my calories for weeks so that we could splurge on a chocolate dessert pasta only for it to be really disappointing actually



and finally




Love is... Hubbie giving me this badge - even though I suspect he was being sarcastic !!

Do you remember when … ?

It's that time of year when all the programmes are a look back at the last year so I thought in the spirit of that I'd post a few random thoughts about what I can remember of the last 12 months. It's not in any order particularly and I may well leave out something pretty momentous purely as I've forgotten. So here is my year in headlines:

The Write Stuff: In terms of my blogger life I attended two conferences that taught me an amazing amount and where I met some lovely fellow bloggers who I have learned so much from. Special mention goes to Jennifer Jain who has given me some really great advice and help - you are a lovely lady :o)

Music is the food of love: The radio show I do with Hubbie has been great fun to work on and we're thinking of new themes all the time. It's great being able to share an interest that we have and to have something to show for it in the form of podcasts. We really do have great fun and hope to do more shows this year and grow the audience for both His & Hers and my show Are We Nearly There Yet ?

It's never too late: At the beginning of this year David Bowie created a media 'event' when he released a new single on the internet - followed by an album - without any fanfare or publicity. Most of the surprise was because it was assumed he'd semi -retired from music. I absolutely adore Bowie and thought it was a beautiful single. Just goes to show it's never too late to surprise people.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside: Closer to home this was the first summer that we have attended the Edge of the Sea two day festival in Brighton and left our son with his grandparents for the weekend. It took me a full day to get used to being without him, but I think I could cope with doing it again this year. I hope so as me and Hubbie have plans to go to more gigs in 2014 and even to take the little man to some family friendly festivals.

Thank you for the days: We took the plunge and decided our boy was ready for days out at theme parks this summer too. He loved Paultons Park - the home of Peppa Pig World - so much that we took him twice. Chessington was also a lovely day out that we were lucky to be invited to try as a family. I think Legoland might be on the cards next summer. 

Eye eye: In hypochondria corner I found my eyes going funny and thought I might be developing diabetes - I know, it's almost comical isn't it ? Finally I went to get my eyes tested and discovered I need varifocals. Hubbie stifled his hilarity and helpfully suggested we look at the Stannah range. Yes I did give him a hard - if myopic - stare. 

Don't believe the hype: Having avoided it for a long time I finally played Candy Crush and did indeed find it to be mildly addictive. I also tried to watch Breaking Bad and just couldn't get into it. I will try again, but if it hasn't gripped me so far it's not looking good. I became hooked on Mad Men and watched a whole series in two weeks on the train journey to work. After again trying to avoid it I gave in and watched one episode of Game of Thrones and that was it, I had to watch them all. My friend who is always ahead on telly trends was delighted as she can now talk to me about it and when I watch an episode I invariably send her a text message declaring, "That Joffrey needs a good kicking."

You're a big boy now: This was the year that not only did we manage to get the boy out of nappies, but also graduated from a cot to a big boy bed. I recall everyone telling me that the time passes really quickly when your children are young and it is so true. It seems only days ago that he was a newborn baby sleeping next to me and I carefully took away his blanket to find he was asleep on his front with his limbs all tucked under his body like a cat. It made me smile even in my new parent insomniac state.

Goodbye and farewell: Our lovely neighbour passed away after being ill for a few months. He'd been like another grandparent to our boy and as he grew weaker through illness our boy learned to be gentle and kind with this man who loved seeing our boy grow from a baby to a toddler. It was very sad even though it wasn't entirely unexpected.

In the public eye there were the deaths of two high profile political figures - Thatcher and Mandela. One who I despised with my very being and the other who had a bar at my uni named after him - which I know is hardly unique. I think it's enough to say I didn't know either of them, but the two events were big enough to warrant a mention here. 

Stop me if you've heard this one before: And in the dying embers of the year another singer whose name begins with B released an album online to the apparent surprise of everyone. Beyonce caused a stir with this supposed 'never before' phenomenon (oh how forgetful the media are) and the album has been a massive success.

So, it's now almost the end of 2013 and I've decided to start my resolutions early to give myself a fighting chance, but that's a whole other post for the start of 2014.

Seven Years Hitched

Dear Hubbie,

Yes I know it's a really bad play on words, but it wouldn't have made sense if I'd titled this post Some Like it Hot would it now ? (well maybe to some people, but you know I'm not about being cliquey). So today is our wedding anniversary - yes I know you've already fallen over in shock as I always mix up the date of our wedding with the date we went on honeymoon. It's an easy mistake though isn't it ?

Anyway, I digress. Seven years ago we were married in a civil ceremony at Chelsea Town Hall followed by a party with family and friends above a pub in Battersea. I know you know this, but I'm narrating for other readers so bear with me please. I wore a gold silk sari and you wore a very snazzy suit (as modelled by Bryan Ferry). We took photos on Battersea Bridge and I let the bath overrun in the lovely hotel in Paddington that we stayed in afterwards as we were too busy opening wedding cards from our lovely guests.

Since that day in 2006 a lot has changed, where we live, what we do, who we live with and much more besides. Here are seven of the highlights (one for each year - naturally):

1. When we bought our first house we spent months working on it and learned that when DIYing we have to be doing separate projects in order to preserve our sanity. I'm not joking when I tell people that we nearly got divorced putting down the kitchen flooring. It was worth it for the laughs over cheap pizza and Weatherspoons breakfasts though.

2. Going to Battersea Cats & Dogs home to choose Neo as our newest family member was brilliant. You made up your mind as soon as you opened the door to the cattery and he wandered up to you to say "hello." He was one of us from that day forth and it's thanks to you that he is.

3. When we were told that it was unlikely we'd have children we sat in the corridor of the hospital for what seemed hours crying and holding each other. It felt like the worst pain in the world and could have broken us. It didn't, it made us stronger. We're still here.

4. On your first visit to India my late Naniji was delighted at your shared love of cricket and I was amazed at how the two of you would sit watching TV together, communicating despite your lack of Punjabi and her limited English. She adored your love of trains too and when asked by my Mum she said, 'Of course he's one of us - he's Indian.' High praise indeed ! 

5. I'm glad that when we're on holiday we've always enjoyed spending all our time together - mostly thanks to your laid back approach if I'm honest. It was you who taught me that Rome will still be there even if we don't visit the Coliseum in the morning. Another hour in bed is fine, we are on holiday after all.

6. When our son was being born, things were going wrong and you were incredible. You had family calling you to ask what was going on and you had doctors telling you that you might lose your wife and son. That was a lot of stress all at once on the back of no sleep for more than a day. I had no idea, because to me you were a picture of calm and joy when our boy was delivered safe and perfect. 

7. Our son has your cheeky sense of humour and I love how he enjoys making people smile - just like Daddy. Eventually he will, no doubt, develop sarcasm too. He's hilarious and clever and looks like you. We did that :o) 

So that's my top seven. It hasn't always been easy, but it has been totally worth it. Being married is more than 'just a piece of paper' to us. We work at our relationship and sometimes we work harder than seems fair. Other times we laugh until I can't breathe and I have tears rolling down my face and you think that's even funnier than the thing that made me laugh in the first place. 

Happy Anniversary - I love you :o) 

Listen to His & Hers: The Seven Year (H)itch - our new show featuring songs we've chosen to celebrate our anniversary on Fri 25th Oct 9pm-10pm at www.croydonradio.com or as a podcast from Sat 26th Oct. 

Hear ye hear ye - read all about it (every day !!)

As well as hosting my own radio show on a Monday Hubbie and I present a music show jointly that goes out online every two weeks. We make time to pre-record shows based on themes that we've chosen and pick songs that we play in turns on a show called "His & Hers." 

The idea came about because we have different preferences in music style and it provides contrast and - we hope - interest for listeners to hear how we've interpreted the theme. In the past we've done shows about colours, numbers, movies and food. Today we recorded two shows about couples who are in bands either together or separately. You know, Abba who were married to each other or Sonny & Cher. Neither of these made the cut, but you can listen on Friday 21st June and find out who we chose.

It's almost as much fun to choose the theme and songs as it it doing the show. It's a fun challenge and harks back to our shared history and the interests we had before we were Mummy and Daddy. You see we met when we were both doing a journalism course and had aspirations to be writers for a living. While both of us do write a lot for our work neither of us does it as a job or is paid for writing. Of course, that's the reason I have this blog.

So with that in mind I'm challenging myself to write a post every day. The logic being that by writing every day I'm closer to getting into the discipline of being a writer.

A health warning for you though dear reader, the posts may well be shorter than usual (which may be no bad thing).

So let's see how it goes shall we ?

How you like me now ?

"No, my NCT group didn't bond at all." It's the truth we don't tell isn't it ? We're supposed to say that they are the backbone of our friendship group. The ones who kept us sane during the baby bit and who we still have coffee with once a week even though Sabrina went back to her job straight away and Melanie and Mike (the nice ones) have twin babies now as well. Well my group didn't get on from the first meeting - we were all perfectly civil of course (we're not animals), but we weren't about to start meeting up for tea and baby chat and that was clear from the off.

I hadn't actually expressed this out loud until last Friday night. I met up with a friend I haven't seen for years - well not since she had the first of her two children - and we were trying to catch up on around 5 years in a few hours. We had a rapid and wide-ranging discussion that encompassed; our kids, our husbands, going back to work (or not), how long was it since we last saw each other ? the family support we have around us and the groups that we take our kids to. It was during this that she asked me if I had bonded with my NCT group and I uttered the words that you're just not supposed to say. Now, I realise that not all parents choose to go to the NCT pre-natal groups. If you do there is this mythology that they will become your best friends throughout the whole birth and after process and you'll be friends for life (well until you go back to work anyway).

Then it occurred to me that our parents didn't have this option and both my Mother and Mother-in-law have been very honest about how lonely it was raising their first child. Neither of them had family nearby to help and both of them were isolated and caring for a baby without having their own mother around to help or advise. Neither my nor Hubbie's family live nearby so we don't call on them for day to day childcare, but they have been massively helpful with raising our son. My sister still takes care of my boy which enables me to go to work knowing that he is with someone he loves and who loves him. As we are fortunate enough to have families that are pretty internet savvy we use Skype so that they can chat to our son and see him running around playing at home when we can't get to them in person.

We have a great relationship with our neighbours who are very kind to our boy and help us out with childcare so I haven't really felt the absence of that group support that the NCT gathering is renowned for providing. I'm not critical of the NCT, far from it I think it's great and the course we did was invaluable in teaching us so many things we had no idea we didn't know. In fact I still keep in touch with my tutor and have met up with her a few times as well as interviewing her on my radio show. The other parents though, were a different story. I think it comes down to the twin issues of Hubbie's disinterest in 'joining in' and my seeming incompetence at 'fitting in.' Hubbie isn't bothered about making pals with new people so he is friendly, but not trying too hard. Me, on the other hand, I'm trying far too hard. I offer to make tea for everyone, make crappy jokes intended to lighten the atmosphere and talk far too much. It's only when I see people glazing over at another 'interesting' bit of info I just had to share with the group that I realise I've done it again.

What I've always wished for is that effortless cool that I observe in others. Those folk who just ooze confidence and social magnetism and whose entourage hang on their every word. I always desperately wanted to be non-conformist as I knew I wasn't going to be part of the popular crowd. At school this meant making my own clothes (not all of them, just the crazy stuff like a puffball skirt that I'd seen on the Clothes Show), spending ages on decorating my nails and doing my hair differently every day. At university I went a whole other way and found a few groups that I could be part of - the university newspaper, the radio station and my friends who I went to gigs with and dressed the same as. The latter were also the friends I lived with and it was very confusing when the washing consisted of similar goth skirts, black tights and floaty tops only discernible by the different sizes.

Now that I'm a grown up I have learned to embrace my conformism. I like it actually. I still talk too much and I still share too much. I still think that people who like me must have got it wrong. I slightly mistrust them for not knowing better.

So imagine how amazed I was that one of my Twitter followers is Dave Gedge of the band The Wedding Present. Then last night during a radio show I was presenting I tweeted him to say I was playing one of his songs and he tweeted this:

I'm not sure it makes me cool, but it does make me very happy indeed.

Resolutions Schmesolutions :o)

If you'd told me at the start of this year that at the end of it I'd have a weekly radio show of my own I'd have looked at you sideways and smiled kindly. I'd also have been amazed if you'd told me that the most toxic female journalist of modern times would refer to this blog in a column following the fab Mumsnet blogfest event.

So it's with this in mind that I am starting 2013 in a novel way. I won't be detoxing or giving up anything on Jan 1st. Not because I have a perfect life or I am as good as I think I can be, but because I'm coming at this resolutions thing from a different perspective for a change. Instead of stopping doing something I'm going to concentrate on doing more of things I want to do better. By doing that I hope that I will spend less energy and time on the things that I don't need or want.

So, in no particular order:

I am going to make time to read. I was given so many great books for Christmas and I still haven't read the ones I got last year. I'm sure it's possible for me to make time in my day to read a little bit - although this might mean watching less Hawaii 5-0.

I'll be trying new sporting activities that I haven't done before. I've been doing the same exercise classes for almost 4 years now and while they are fun it's a routine for me and I attend because I feel guilty if I don't. That's not a good reason. I used to play softball and scuba dive and ski -  what happened to that action chick ? Oh yes I am a middle-aged Mum now, but that's no excuse is it ?

At least once a month I will go to the cinema and watch a movie - this may entail finding a movie buddie or I could go along on an afternoon when my boy is at nursery. This is all thanks to Hubbie being super generous and getting Sky movies so I can see films at home, but let's be honest sitting in a dark room at home isn't the same if you haven't overpaid for the popcorn.

I'm going to cook at least one recipe from each cookbook I own - and no, not just the baking ones !! Kind people have given me some great books full of recipes which I look at and go "ooh aah," but I haven't actually followed any of them yet.  My aim is to make a seasonal Slater stew, some gorgeous Gok gyoza and anything from the achingly beautiful Lilli Vanilli baking book I won from a fellow blogger. I hope to find some interesting new meals and to use ingredients I haven't tried to cook with before. I will, of course, share how this goes with you for good or ill (preferably not getting ill !)

I'm sure I'll think of other things as time goes on, but these are a pretty manageable start I think. They are already better than my original list which was:

To be able to afford to use Aveda shampoo and conditioner

To have someone to do my hair for me at home

Have a personal trainer to get my backside to exercise when I want to sit on the sofa watching Hawaii 5-0
The beloved Kitchenaid mixer which I really want to own, but I can't justify the cost of 

To be able to travel first class - anywhere

I realised that all of these were materialistic and made me sound like I want to be Madonna - which I used to when she was all cool and wore rubber bangles and lace in her hair, but not so much now.

Thanks for reading my blog and for listening to my show. If you haven't yet tune in at 1pm today or you can podcast it later.

Hope 2012 was good to you and here's to not turning into Madonna in 2013 :o)

Mothering isn't just wiping snotty noses you know

Mothering Monday is what I'm calling today. At the beginning of it there was my early morning playtime with my little boy before he went to nursery for the day. He loves to lie on mine and Hubbie's pillows and pretend he's sleeping to put me off getting him ready for his day, but ultimately it's a bit of fun for us both. It's my special Mummy time with my son and it sets me up for a day without him.

Then I went to visit a friend who I met when she was our NCT teacher and we've stayed in touch. Wendy helps me to feel better about being at home with my son and not 'doing a job.' It's from her that I've grown to believe that loving my son and wanting to be with him is not a weakness on my part. We also spoke about the phenomenon of the 'Tiger Mama' which there was a big fuss about a while back. The very idea that a parent might push and direct their children rather than take a laissez faire attitude to their education and socialisation was considered radical and controversial when Amy Chua's book was published last year. I grew up in an Indian household where it was expected that we do well at school, but my parents had neither the time nor the money to hothouse us. Instead they took an approach where they trusted the school to direct our learning and made sure we felt bad if we weren't doing well. It wasn't hardcore, but a hard stare from either of my parents is a pretty strong deterrent.

On my show today I referred to me and my guest Sarah Milne as part of the "Mummy Mafia' of presenters on Croydon Radio who present shows during the day covering topics of interest to us and similar families. The main part of my interview with Sarah was about an appeal that she has launched through the charity Williams Wishes which is named after her son who received an organ transplant a few years ago. The appeal is to enable families who will be spending Christmas in the children's ward of Croydon University Hospital to have a nice day by providing them with some christmas treats to have in the hospital environment. When my sisters were young children they often spent the weeks leading up to Christmas in hospital so I know how hard it can be to make plans for a family day when you don't know if all of you will be at home. A child being ill causes distress to all the family anyway and if that child has an ongoing condition or a range of illnesses it can become all you think of. William's Wishes offers children the opportunity to ask for a wish during their illness and to have something special. The charity also supports siblings and family members as it can be anyone in the family who needs cheering up.

We also spoke about the importance of organ donation and how three people die every day while waiting for a donated organ. I carry a donor card and have done for over 20 years. I have discussed this with my family and have asked that in the event they respect my wishes and agree to donate quickly to ensure as many people as possible can benefit. My parents did not want to discuss it, but I reassured them that as they would be asked to make the decision (at the time I wasn't with Hubbie) it was important that they be brave. No parent wants to think about their child dying so it was a tough concept for them to come to terms with, but I think they realised I was only asking so they didn't feel ambushed if it did happen. It amazes me that the national average for being registered to donate is only 31% and in my local area it is half the national average. Once you're gone it isn't going to benefit you to keep your organs and they could save more than one person's life. In the same way that I am passionate about giving blood I also believe it's something we should all give serious consideration to. I used to joke that no one would want my eyes as they don't work properly, but actually if they can be of use to someone who am I to say they can't be reused. After all it's the ultimate adherence to the Green mantra to reuse and recycle isn't it ?

Finally we spoke about her charity record 96th Son which is available on itunes and the profits from which are going to the Hillsborough campaign. The song was written in response to the recent report that found that what the families of victims have been saying for 23 years was in fact true and that their loved ones had died when some of them might have been saved. I spoke with Sarah off air about how I had always heard people say being a Mum opens you up to a different set of emotional responses. I didn't really understand that as I always believed I was capable of empathy, understanding, love and caring, but once I had my son I was overwhelmed by what I called the 'lioness mama' response which for me was to defend him against anyone and anything that could possibly hurt a single hair on his head. I simply cannot imagine how a parent who hears that their child died when they could have been saved must feel or how they process that loss.

So I'm asking that you consider the following in the run up to the Christmas season.
An advent wish if you will:

* Donate to: www.williamswishes.com - the Christmas appeal target is £500 and any amount will help

* Register as an organ donor at http://www.organdonation.nhs.uk/ukt/

* Give blood: http://www.giveblood.co.uk/ - stocks run very low in the winter months, but the need for donated blood does not reduce

* Download 96th Son from iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/96th-son-feat.-sunraii-single/id571252509

and finally:

* Listen to my show so you can hear a few cracking tunes and some interesting topics of conversation: www.croydonradio.podcast. You don't have to be a Mum to listen, I promise !

I am thankful for...

I'm not American, nor am I especially interested in celebrations that are American in nature, but I like the idea of giving thanks. Whether it's for a safe crossing and successfully displacing an already settled people or for a hot meal on the table I think it's a worthwhile exercise to consider what we have and to give thanks for it.

There are the big things we thank for - like family, health and happiness if we are lucky enough to have those. Then there are the small, but meaningful things like a lovely conversation with someone we don't see very often or a bargain that we weren't expecting to get. In my case having Hubbie at home for a few weeks has made me appreciate how lucky I am that the father of my son is so keen to be involved in his son's life and genuinely enjoys spending time with him (and me).

In the last few weeks I've found a few new things to be thankful for:

- The wonderful community of bloggers I've come to know and love who write beautiful things and share their thoughts publicly so I don't feel like it's just happening to me (about pretty much anything). It's also made me appreciate the women who support each other rather than get upset about the ones who try and bring other women down.

- My fellow presenters and lovely listeners who make me feel less like I'm talking to myself every Monday on www.croydonradio.com. The fact that I now have people asking to be guests on my show is wonderful. Today Robert Elms had a guest on who was on my show a few weeks back - I got him first and I'm feeling most smug about that :o)

- The lovely competition prizes I've won in the last few weeks meaning my son gets the Snowman on DVD for Christmas thanks to www.acupcakemum.co.uk and a lovely new baking book for me thanks to www.frankiesfancies.com. All without any cost to me - that's a bonus !

- Loyalty points schemes that I've quietly and diligently been saving with for months and thanks to which my son has an enormous garden playhouse (Tesco) and an electronic tablet thing (Boots) that we would never have bought otherwise. Hubbie has a leaf blower / vac thing (Nectar) that he's very pleased with and that means the whole back breaking task of leaf clearing is now less painful, but far noisier, more fun and he looks like a horticultural ghostbuster when he's using it.

The main thing I've come to be thankful for is that I have been doing this 'full time parent' thing for a while now and instead of feeling embarrassed or explaining it away I'm proud of my work as a Mum. In fact I've coined a term for it that reminds me of one of my favourite clothing companies:

The hardest day at home with my son beats the best day at work in an office (original 2012).  

I'll be there for you (even if you're not there for me)

Apparently Sunday evening at 6pm is when we get that 'school tomorrow' feeling which transports us back to childhood and the doom laden realisation that the weekend is now over. I offer this as an explanation for the 'misery memoir' tone of this post as I began writing it at 6 this evening. I've been pondering the things that disappoint me in life - initially this was prompted by a few instances of food related disappointments:

1. The bottle of water I bought from Boots that smelled and tasted like sewage - I found this out as I took a swig of it during my Zumba class <retch>

2. As I finished tucking into a delicious dish at a ball in a posh golf club I found the bar code sticker that had been left on the stuffed aubergine I'd just been eating.

3. The middle of my pizza fell through the shelf onto the floor of the oven. I was left with half a pizza -  presumably that is why it's advertised as low fat ?

4. I opened a pouch of toddler food to give my son only to find it was mouldy. However, Ella's Kitchen sent me a freepost envelope to return it to them and responded very quickly. All in all great customer service.

Then there are the emotional matters that cause more of a deep rooted upset than these pretty minor irks.

Years ago my Mother told me that I do too much for my friends and when they don't reciprocate I get hurt. Of course she knows me better than anyone and has watched me people please my entire life and get walked over or ignored instead of acknowledged or appreciated. I'm still learning who deserves the time and effort and have realised that in life we have friends we do for and friends who do for us. A friend who is in both categories is a rare find and I'm very blessed to have a few of those too - they're precious and I hope they know who they are (they tell me they read this and that's one of the reasons I love them so).

One of the things that concerns me is when people I think I know and actually like share photos or updates on Facebook that are offensive. In the last week I've had shared with me two posts that are racist, uninformed or just plain wrong. How these people can agree with those views and be friends of mine just baffles me.

Then there are the friends who disappear. When my son was born I met some other first time mums who I became close to and we met up and our children became quite good friends. Then they both fell pregnant again and I didn't so they stopped being friends with me. I'm making a causal link here, but in the absence of an explanation that's all I can do. It hurt and I was upset, but let's face it, if all we had in common was our children then we weren't really friends were we ?

Then the cause of this post in the first place. I was up early and out all day helping someone who has never yet thanked me for a single thing. I always think I'm just being petty for wanting to be thanked, but being actively rude to me when I try to help and making a point of effusing over everyone else and ignoring my contribution is a step too far.

This is also one of two people I've had as guests on my radio show who have shown little to no interest in what I've tried to do to help them. I present a radio show on which I invite guests to talk about their work and to help them promote their local businesses. Most guests are very positive and kind about being invited on and make an effort to get their friends and family to listen as well as using the appearance to build their profile.

I have invited onto my show some folks who I know quite well who have behaved as though they are doing me a favour by being on. One of them completely ignored my questions and just delivered a monologue, therefore missing the entire point of it being an interview. I have also asked them to help me promote my show and blog and they haven't been willing to do it, so clearly this is a one way street in which I mistakenly think we're friends and we're not really.

I'm having a bit of an audit of people who are worth the effort and those who aren't and I'm not sure they will make the cut. Not that they'll notice of course. In case you are wondering why I'm sharing here, I am safe in the knowledge that neither of them read this blog.

Thank you for reading though, you're lovely. Will you be my friend ? :o) 

Adults Do Have Disorders too you know

On Monday I presented my radio show as usual and this week the topic I covered was Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder. It was suggested to me by my guest and fellow presenter who was diagnosed with ADHD only 2 months ago, even though he believes he has lived with the condition all his life.

Before I spoke about it with him it hadn't occurred to me that adults could also have the condition. In fact I had intended to have a second guest on to talk about being a parent to a child with ADD or ADHD, but he was unable to participate at the last minute. As it turned out this was no bad thing as it gave me the opportunity to really get into depth about the topic with one person which made for an engaging interview.

I was fascinated to learn that it is possible to hide ADHD and not be the 'naughty' child that we have come to expect from the stereotypical idea of a disruptive and noisy presence in the classroom or home. What I also didn't know was whether or not a child with ADHD can be 'cured' or will always have the condition and can manage it as an adult so they can function in society without being singled out. It is not uncommon for parents to worry about the behaviour their children display and to seek answers in order to help their offspring. The difference here is what if you as a child learn to cover up and your parents or carers don't see it so you struggle along without any support ?

While we are familiar with the terms Autism, Aspergers, Bipolar Disorder and ADHD or ADD it is entirely possible that we don't really know what any of them are. In his search for answers my guest was repeatedly misdiagnosed and it was only due to his tenacity and self awareness that he eventually got a diagnosis of ADHD which is now being treated with medication.

In my research process to find a parent who would talk to me on the show I asked around and was told that parents can be reluctant to talk about it as they don't want to appear disloyal to their child. Maybe that was the real reason behind my other guest's non appearance ?

I really hope that this show is a good start to exploring the topic and that in a future show I can interview a parent or even a young person with ADHD. If people can move on from the belief that it's just old fashioned naughtiness hopefully we can then have a proper discussion about what is needed to support young people and adults.

If you have experienced ADHD yourself or are a parent or carer I'd appreciate your comments about this show and suggestions for what to include in the follow up I plan to do.

Thank you.

Listen to Are We Nearly There Yet ? every Monday online at www.croydonradio.com or podcast it now