Ta-daaa !! Things they are a changin'

It's been a while since I last posted. The longest break since I started actually and I can't say it was because I had nothing to write about. I have been quite poorly which didn't help and I've also been pondering on an issue that I think I've worked out a solution to. For a while now I've wanted to write a blog about our family life and more specifically how we came to be a family. The more eagle eyed among you have been kind enough to notice that I went from writing about one boy to talking about two boys. I have been circumspect about writing about how this came about partly out of privacy and also because it's been so overwhelming that I wasn't sure I'd have the words to. 

I've talked to friends and fellow bloggers about whether to start a new blog specifically about adoption, infertility and parenting a family with an adopted and a birth child. I even came up with some names for this all new blog: 

• Even the cat is a boy (a bit sexist)
• A rose between three thorns (too Mills & Boon)
• Boys, boys, boys (too porno)
• One homemade, one off the shelf (too flippant)
• Our so called life - actually I just came up with this one and I might just keep it for later. 

Now, fun though it is to come up with blog names, finding time to write one blog can prove difficult so I wasn't convinced I'd be able to manage two. So, what I've decided is that I will continue with this blog and will use this blog to write about my family instead. I will still feature fun days out and things that we love to do. However it will also be the space where I share our journey and hopefully some information that will help anyone else who is on a similar path and has questions. 

You may notice some changes to the appearance of this blog, and the content will gradually change too. I haven't quite made up my mind whether to do a grand relaunch with balloons, fizz and a Q&A, but as I think about it I may well do. 

For now. I'm well behind on some reviews of lovely things we've been sent to try. I will be posting those interspersed with the beginnings of this new blog about my fabulous family. I hope you will stay with me and enjoy the 'new' blog. 

While it's under construction please enjoy this bit of nostalgia featuring the gorgeous Michael Hutchence in his heyday with INXS:

Britmums live Keynote - I did it !!!

It's possible I'm the last person to post about Britmums live as it was over a month ago now. Last year I posted immediately after and it wasn't until a few weeks later that I really had processed how much I'd gained from being at the biggest blogging event of the year. This year I've taken some time to really get some perspective on the weekend and how much I learned from it all. 

My badge was as wonky as I was on friday night !

There were some welcome changes from last year including a covered area outside the Brewery in East London so that we could meet and greet at the start and during breaks. Considering how beautiful and sunny it was the outside option was much appreciated. It also meant I got to speak to some people who I might not have met otherwise - those bloggers I've been chatting to on Twitter for ages and who I wasn't sure I'd find if they didn't look exactly like their avatar.

Having been before I did have a wish list of things I wanted to achieve this time so I was a bit better prepared and not as 'rabbit caught in headlights' about it all. Here are some of the most memorable aspects for me.

Literary agent speed date: I bottled out of this last year and regretted it so this year I took a deep breath and went through the double doors to talk to lovely Louise. She helped me to focus my ideas and to think about a compelling story rather than the gimmick that would sell my book. All I have to do now is finish it !

the secret ingredient is beetroot

Ooh it's a Vitamix !

Brands: I've always felt a bit awkward about talking to brands, but this year I decided to meet and greet during the quieter bits before lunch and at the start of the conference. I talked to them all and worked out who I could find a fit with. I also got my son a football and bucket and spade for our holiday so that was good. The cloakroom came in handy for storing all my goodies while I went to the sessions.

Sessions: I may just have chosen unwisely, but I found the sessions that I attended were pretty much the same as last year and one was just unintelligible. I won't say which one to be fair to the speaker. I'd been in two minds whether to go to Nigel Camp's sessions on video technique and wished I hadn't missed them in favour of the ones I chose. I collared him and mentioned I was sorry I hadn't gone and he kindly offered to give me and my lovely friend Louise some top tips from his session right there ! He did a personalised video tutorial for us outside in the lovely covered area, so I'm delighted I read his badge and chatted to him during the break. Thanks Nigel, you were fab :)

Me and lovely Jen - hic ! 

Thanks to the lovely wine sponsors me and my pal Jen were nicely happy for the awards ceremony on Friday evening. I hadn't stayed for the BiBs last year as I was so tired, but I'm so glad I did this year, not least as I know a few of the winners so I was even more delighted for them. A lot of bloggers were staying over and met for dinner, but living so close I went home on Friday night. Before I did that, though, I ran all the way to the Betsey Trotwood pub in Farringdon to catch Sara Pascoe doing her Edinburgh warm up show. I was so glad I caught the end of her set, she is fab.

It was up and out early on Saturday morning for another day and even at 8am as I walked to the Brewery I could feel the butterflies in my tummy - yes the nerves had already started !!

Bloggers Keynote: I have spoken to a fair few audiences in my life. Some have been a bit scary. None have made me quite as wobbly or nervous as the Britmums one. I know how to reduce a room full of people to tears - I used to do impassioned speeches about the orphans and refugee children I worked with overseas. I struggle, however with the pressure to make people laugh and gave up my stand up aspirations because of the fear that no one would laugh. The post I read was a bit preachy and a bit teachy and I hoped it had a few laughs in it. All day my fears were:

• When I get up there will be a smattering of polite applause as no one knows who I am
• When I'm talking there will be a low hum of conversation as it's just not interesting enough
• When I walk off the stage, it will be to silence and tumbleweed.

In reality I was so incredibly terrified that I barely noticed what was happening while I spoke and all I could think about when I watched it back was that I hadn't said 'Thank you' to the audience for listening at the end. I did it though and thanks to Nigel Camp I saw how many people kindly listened to me. I am so glad I didn't see that before I got up to speak !

Heads, shoulders knees and boobs... 

The Good Enough Mums Club: We had a sneak preview of the show with some songs and dance numbers and this came hot on the heels of my mini retreat with Pippa from The Story of Mum. The retreat was a much needed boost reminding me that I am indeed good enough :)

The main thing I gained from being at Britmums this year was coming face to face with the reality of my "imposter syndrome." That sense that you are not meant to be somewhere or you're going to be found out at any moment as a fake. I still feel like I don't fit in. It is entirely like being at school where the 'cool girls' all hang around together and I'm not part of the group. Despite trying far too hard to fit in.

I also learned that wearing a tiara is a short cut to feeling amazing and have kept mine to wear whenever I need a little lift. Thanks Emma (Freud) for that - your keynote was great and sitting in a room filled with women (and men) wearing tiaras made my day :)

I am wearing a tiara - oh yes I am :) 

If you're umming and aahing about whether or not to go to Britmums next year I'd say go and get your ticket now while it's at super early bird price.

If you don't know anyone else there you can always come over and say hello to me :)  

Britmums Live, I'm coming to get ya !!!

Immediately after Britmums Live last year I did two things (ok if you count raiding the enormous goodie bag we got then I did three, but I digress as usual) Firstly, I wrote a blog post about the two day conference and how much fun I had and then I went online and booked a ticket for this year. I decided then and there that it had to be a staple part of my blog life to attend so I can categorically state that I will be going to Britmums Live in two weeks - YAY !!!

My souvenir from last year

The first conference I went to I was a newbie so it was just all so overwhelming to me. I panicked about what to wear, what to bring and if I'd have anyone to talk to. It was all fine and I came back armed with a head spinning with ideas about self-hosting, frequency of posting, social media presence and basically it ramped up my blogging life from snail's pace to the speed of a family cat - not mine, he's practically immobile most days.

Now when I attend a conference I try to focus on one thing instead of taking a scattergun approach to which sessions to attend.  The last conference I went to I was thinking about what I need to do to raise the profile of my blog and my writing generally and the sessions I went to all supported this aim. On the train home I made pages of notes with actions that I'm still working my way through.

Ooh snazzy !! 

I haven't decided what my theme is for Britmums this year as there are so many brilliant sessions planned, but it will probably be photography and how my blog looks. I love taking photos and have just started making videos so I'd like to learn more about how to do this better. I'll be bringing an iPad mini with me to make notes, record important information and to take pics of other peoples' fab outfits. Talking of which...

No more sartorial panic for me this year. I booked a personal styling session with John Lewis at the swanky Peter Jones store in Sloane Square so I don't look as baggy and 'Mumsy' as I did last year. I got some great ideas and a wish list of frocks I cannot afford, but it also gave me a bit of a boost to try on clothes that I wouldn't feel confident wearing usually. The lovely Yvonne brought me some proper classy frocks to try on and I even looked slim in some of them !! I will need persuading to move away from my original plans of what to wear though. My idea was to wear a Debbie Harry photo print dress on Friday because it's baggy and sort of ok for the evening do and a Ramones t-shirt and slim fit jeans on the Saturday as it's casual and funky and me and Sonya Cisco can be Indie/Punk matrons together :)

This is the first year I've really thought about sponsorship and have been lucky enough to agree a sponsorship with an amazing company that works with pre-school children. Totstars run sports classes for pre-schoolers including, football, tennis and basketball with coaches who are fun, enthusiastic and great with children of all levels from shy to outgoing. My boy loves them and started at 20 months. He's grown so much and being in classes helped develop his confidence, his language and - of course - his hand eye co-ordination and ball skills. I'm delighted to represent a brand that has great values promoting positive actions, activity, healthy eating and having fun. I'll be writing about Totstars in a specific post, but for now I'd like to thank Coach Thuli :)

Stop Press: I've been invited to be a keynote speaker - eek !! I've done a lot of public speaking before, but never to peers like this and certainly not to a room of women who I feel like I know really well. If it's anything like last year it's also going to be filmed and streamed so my boy and Hubbie can watch it - hopefully live. Gulp !! I'd better wear something nice.

Blog your heart out

Fellow Team Honker and Honkopoly birthday girl Franglaise Mummy has tagged me in to “blog my heart out” - a blog post that tells readers more about me and my blog. The idea is that I answer 5 questions and then tag five other bloggers to do the same. So, here we go:

Who/What encouraged you to start blogging ?
I'm pretty sure Hubbie had something to do with it. I spoke to a few people who were bloggers and because I love writing I thought I'd give it a go. I was at home with my son, not working, and it seemed ideal as I had the time to devote to writing when my son was having a nap.

How did you choose what topics to blog about ?
It depends what is happening in my life/ in the world and if it's a special occasion. I swim and walk a lot and when I'm pondering I often have ideas for content and a topic will become clear to me. I take my iPad with me everywhere so I an jot down ideas and sentences as they occur to me. When I was walking the other day I had an idea for a particular sentence and didn't have any paper or my iPad so I recorded a sound clip on my phone so that I didn't lose the idea or form of words I was so pleased with. Some topics seem a good idea and when I start writing they just don't work. I have so many posts that are just a few ideas waiting to form into something cohesive/interesting.

What is something most people don’t know about you ?
I was stopped at the airport leaving Sierra Leona as the authorities suspected me of smuggling diamonds. Turns out they had been mislead by the diamante stick on tattoos I had in my luggage. Oopsie !

Who could mistake these for blood diamonds ?

What three words describe your style ?
Visual, passionate, rumbunctious (Hubbie suggested the last one !)

What do you love to do when you’re not blogging ?
I love my family and my friends and enjoy spending time with them whether it's swimming as a family or enjoying dim sum or a lovely glass of wine with friends.
I love music and present a radio show on Croydon Radio - I swim pretty much every day and even though I'm not great at it I enjoy dancing. I'm training for the Moonwalk this summer so I'm also walking a lot which is really helping me to finally lose some baby weight. Seeing as my boy is three and a half I think it's fair to say it has been a bit of a battle !

Ok, so now it's my turn to nominate 5 bloggers to do this.
Please be upstanding:

http://jenniferslittleworld.com
http://culturalsnow.blogspot.com
http://blackwatertown.wordpress.com
http://ihappynow2.blogspot.co.uk
http://rockandrollmum.com

Do you remember when … ?

It's that time of year when all the programmes are a look back at the last year so I thought in the spirit of that I'd post a few random thoughts about what I can remember of the last 12 months. It's not in any order particularly and I may well leave out something pretty momentous purely as I've forgotten. So here is my year in headlines:

The Write Stuff: In terms of my blogger life I attended two conferences that taught me an amazing amount and where I met some lovely fellow bloggers who I have learned so much from. Special mention goes to Jennifer Jain who has given me some really great advice and help - you are a lovely lady :o)

Music is the food of love: The radio show I do with Hubbie has been great fun to work on and we're thinking of new themes all the time. It's great being able to share an interest that we have and to have something to show for it in the form of podcasts. We really do have great fun and hope to do more shows this year and grow the audience for both His & Hers and my show Are We Nearly There Yet ?

It's never too late: At the beginning of this year David Bowie created a media 'event' when he released a new single on the internet - followed by an album - without any fanfare or publicity. Most of the surprise was because it was assumed he'd semi -retired from music. I absolutely adore Bowie and thought it was a beautiful single. Just goes to show it's never too late to surprise people.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside: Closer to home this was the first summer that we have attended the Edge of the Sea two day festival in Brighton and left our son with his grandparents for the weekend. It took me a full day to get used to being without him, but I think I could cope with doing it again this year. I hope so as me and Hubbie have plans to go to more gigs in 2014 and even to take the little man to some family friendly festivals.

Thank you for the days: We took the plunge and decided our boy was ready for days out at theme parks this summer too. He loved Paultons Park - the home of Peppa Pig World - so much that we took him twice. Chessington was also a lovely day out that we were lucky to be invited to try as a family. I think Legoland might be on the cards next summer. 

Eye eye: In hypochondria corner I found my eyes going funny and thought I might be developing diabetes - I know, it's almost comical isn't it ? Finally I went to get my eyes tested and discovered I need varifocals. Hubbie stifled his hilarity and helpfully suggested we look at the Stannah range. Yes I did give him a hard - if myopic - stare. 

Don't believe the hype: Having avoided it for a long time I finally played Candy Crush and did indeed find it to be mildly addictive. I also tried to watch Breaking Bad and just couldn't get into it. I will try again, but if it hasn't gripped me so far it's not looking good. I became hooked on Mad Men and watched a whole series in two weeks on the train journey to work. After again trying to avoid it I gave in and watched one episode of Game of Thrones and that was it, I had to watch them all. My friend who is always ahead on telly trends was delighted as she can now talk to me about it and when I watch an episode I invariably send her a text message declaring, "That Joffrey needs a good kicking."

You're a big boy now: This was the year that not only did we manage to get the boy out of nappies, but also graduated from a cot to a big boy bed. I recall everyone telling me that the time passes really quickly when your children are young and it is so true. It seems only days ago that he was a newborn baby sleeping next to me and I carefully took away his blanket to find he was asleep on his front with his limbs all tucked under his body like a cat. It made me smile even in my new parent insomniac state.

Goodbye and farewell: Our lovely neighbour passed away after being ill for a few months. He'd been like another grandparent to our boy and as he grew weaker through illness our boy learned to be gentle and kind with this man who loved seeing our boy grow from a baby to a toddler. It was very sad even though it wasn't entirely unexpected.

In the public eye there were the deaths of two high profile political figures - Thatcher and Mandela. One who I despised with my very being and the other who had a bar at my uni named after him - which I know is hardly unique. I think it's enough to say I didn't know either of them, but the two events were big enough to warrant a mention here. 

Stop me if you've heard this one before: And in the dying embers of the year another singer whose name begins with B released an album online to the apparent surprise of everyone. Beyonce caused a stir with this supposed 'never before' phenomenon (oh how forgetful the media are) and the album has been a massive success.

So, it's now almost the end of 2013 and I've decided to start my resolutions early to give myself a fighting chance, but that's a whole other post for the start of 2014.

Keep calm, I've got a big bag and I'm not afraid to fill it (with cupcakes)

!This time last year I was cacking myself wondering why I'd decided to go to the first Mumsnet Blogfest. I didn't know anyone else who was going and I was terrified I'd stick out like a useless amateur in a room full of technical wizards in amazingly co-ordinated outfits with perfect figures and no evidence of mummyhood other than a much cooler bag than me.

As I waddled over to the venue very early and awaited the onslaught of power mums I was quite surprised to find welcoming, friendly normal women quite happily noshing the pastries that I'd expected they'd be avoiding. My first conversation was with a lovely blogger who's based in Italy and had just been published (intimidating much ?), but everyone I met was really friendly and I learned so much all day. I had been going through an identity crisis wondering whether my blog was actually being read by anyone and whether or not there was any point in continuing. I left with renewed confidence that I could do new things and try to build and audience without changing the essential nature of what I enjoyed writing.

I'm really looking forward to going again this year now I know a lot more bloggers and am less timid about promoting my blog, I've learned how to use linkys (well this post is on one isn't it so that's one skill I didn't have last year !). It's a great day with so much going on and there was not a moment that I wasn't learning something new, including how many cupcakes I can fit into my handbag - a lot if you must know !

The sessions are so great I want to borrow Hermione's ability to be in more than one class at once so I don't have to miss any of them. As well as looking forward to the sessions I'm also going to see some blogger friends who I've chatted to online and some I've even met in real life. Some are even presenting the sessions - ooh get me with my blogger celeb pals :o)

So my top tips if it's your first Blogfest ?

1. Dress how you like, it's not a fashion show and no one is judging you.
2. Bring a very big bag - there is so much to pick up and the goodie bag is enormous !!
3. Take a break from whatever nonsensical food fad you're following for just one day. The cakes, the lunch and the drinks are so wonderful you'd be crazy to miss out on them.
4. Bring a tablet with you and don't lug a massive laptop along - it was heavy and I didn't use it at all !! .
5.  There will be wifi.
6.  Tweet while you're there - it's a great way to meet and greet other bloggers who are sitting in the same room and it's how I got talking to the fabulous Mammasaurus !
7. Don't try and do everything - the sessions will be online later so you can watch any you missed
8. If you're bringing a baby seek me out and I'll be more than happy to hold and hug while you go to the loo or drink your tea - honestly !!
9. Don't be afraid to talk to the brands that are there - they will work with a range of bloggers and you don't have to be the Bloggess to get their interest
10. Make friends & have fun !!

I'll see you there :o)

I'll pack a bucket and spade - oh and a wetsuit too !!

My lovely blogger pal Louise copied me into her bucket list blog post where she once again reminded me that she is the only person I know who has ever built an igloo from scratch in her own back garden. Seriously, that is some hardcore making dreams come true stuff right there ! It made me wrack my brain to think about what I'd really love to have that cost next to nothing and what I'd do if money was no object. Here's what I came up with: 

My budget bucket list item is to have a photo of all of my family members at once. It doesn't have to be a professional photo, just one that features my parents, Hubbie's parents, our brothers and sisters, us and the boy. We don't have any photos of all of us so it would be lovely to get one taken. Any time we have a family get-together someone can't make it so it's not been possible up until now and as our boy gets older I'd like to have a memento of all of his uncles, aunties and grandparents. Of course there is every likelihood that someone will be looking the wrong way (Mother-in-law) or will be fussing with their clothes (my Mum) or making a strange face (any and all of our siblings) or midway through start running off resulting in a blur for a body (our boy, always our boy). Still it'd be nice to have and seeing as everyone has a camera on their phone, tablet and some people even have actual cameras (I know, weird huh ?) it can't be that impossible can it ? 

My "break the bank" bucket list item is to go to Hawaii with Hubbie and the boy and learn to surf and relive my favourite scenes from Hawaii 5-O. Now those of you who know me a little bit (or have read earlier posts) will know that I have a crush on Steve McGarrett - the new one, not Jack Lord, although I'm not casting any aspersions on his attractiveness of course. I have also always wanted to learn to surf and even paid a deposit to do a beginners surfing course on Fistral Beach in Cornwall over ten years ago that I bottled out of doing at the last minute. Since then I've watched friends having lessons on a beach near Swansea and I've thought about doing a course myself, but nothing has come of it. If I was in Hawaii I'd *have* to learn to surf. I mean it's a cultural thing isn't it ? Also, I have a teeny tiny wetsuit for the boy and it won't get used if we don't take him to learn to surf and that would be such a waste. I did also mention to Hubbie that if we did go to Hawaii for our tenth wedding anniversary we could renew our wedding vows - don't judge, it's a thing alright ? I can just see us on a beach wearing a grass-skirt and coconut bra (and that's just him !). Of course now I've actually applied for a passport for the boy it'll make it easier to take him on holiday. I'd love for him to have some amazing memories of learning to surf 'somewhere exotic off the telly.' If I bump into Alex O'Loughlin we're there, well that's just a bonus isn't it ?

This post is my entry into a competition with Money Supermarket www.moneysupermarket.com/life-insurance/competitions/budgetbucketlist - if you want to join in too you've got one more day - get cracking !! 

I thought I'd also share with a couple of blogger pals who have sufficient imagination to write an exciting bucket list:

www.culturalsnow.blogspot.co.uk (he would write his wearing a monocle and a hat - probably)
www.sliceofbarnes.com (her list would probably feature Adam Ant)
www.jenniferslittleworld.com (she'd craft her list in some creative and amazing way, probably using felt)

I'm in a room of 500 oversharers and it's all ok :o)

I spent the best part of two days this weekend at an event for bloggers hosted by Britmums. I missed my boys terribly and am now out of my mind tired, but it was fabulous. The venue was really fancy, being in trendy East London as it was, and once lots of parenting bloggers arrived it was also packed, busy and very informative. It was my first time at Britmums live so I was a bit terrified and also quite excited to see what it was all about.

I went to sessions about feminism, social media and working with charities. It was all very interesting. I met bloggers whose words I've read that have made me laugh, cry and go 'huh ?' at various times. At the start of the event I was taking part in a discussion group where I met some bloggers I ended up practically stalking the rest of the time there. Apologies to Formerly Rock and Roll Mum  and the award-winning Vintage Folly  who probably got fed up of the sight of me grinning inanely at them as I was so delighted to have 'made friends' with real bloggers. Then the sheer delight at spotting Jen whose blog I follow and who is kind enough to read mine too. I feel like I already know her so to meet and talk to her in person was really lovely. I also managed to catch up with the only woman I know who has built an igloo with her kids. Strong coffee is also responsible for my purchase of a new handbag, but as the handle on the bag I was carrying had broken it was meant to be anyway. 

Then there were the freebies; cupcakes, books, soft toys, nappies and more cupcakes (well maybe that was just me). I came away from it all with my head buzzing with ideas, sore shoulders from carrying all the swag and a very big question niggling me. Why were there barely any bloggers there who weren't white ? Now this isn't a criticism of the organisation, after all they don't pre-select who can join. Neither is it a judgement of those bloggers who were there. While we choose to blog we don't choose our ethnicity and we are who we are and we're all doing something we love (hopefully). 

So maybe the pertinent question is do non-white bloggers just choose not to come to these events or are there just not that many of us ? After all there are writers from all different communities and people with an opinion or an interest to share. We are parents, we have families and issues and we talk about them, but maybe not on blogs. Katy Hill eloquently called us a room full of 'oversharers' and while I agree with that there is a lot I choose not to tell and I am very selective about what I share on here and on social media generally. 

It was very obvious to me in all the sessions that I attended that I was the only non-white person in the audience and in every case an all-white panel sitting at the front. When milling around during breaks and at the evening drinks I did spot a couple of women who were also of an 'ethnic' persuasion (how on earth can I say it without sounding either poncey and right on or just daft ?), but otherwise it was a bit of a step back in time. I mean the serving staff and cloakroom attendants were a diverse bunch, but the conference attendees didn't appear to be. Mind you there were 500 of us and while that is a lot it's hardly every blogger in the UK is it ?

Anyway, I had a fab time at Britmums live and would recommend it for the fun, the socialising, the learning and most of all the cupcakes !!