Evolution - not revolution.

I'll refrain from doing all the new year new me stuff and just ask if you're alright. Did you make it ok ? 

I know how difficult it can be to participate in the enforced jollity of the festive season and to be honest I just take myself way from it all now. If it's too much I make my excuses and leave or I just don't attend parties. As I'm about to turn 50 I've finally acknowledged that I just don't do socialising with more than a few people who I already know. I'm no longer putting myself in places that make me uncomfortable. I'm confident enough now to choose not to go the work party, or the 'big do' that I really don't fancy. 

There is always a lot of emphasis on new beginnings in January and again it's pressure to make changes and be new and shiny. To go vegan, give up alcohol, take up running - whatever your particular flavour of "New Year New You" might be. On New Year's Day I saw people go sea swimming en masse, park run was full to the brim with hungover runners and the Nutri bullets were dusted off so that New Year smoothies could be made. I am not a cynical person at heart. If you want to do a new thing I applaud your efforts and will cheer you along. I set myself a goal to run a half marathon and managed it - despite people doubting I could do it. One 'friend' said, " I didn't think you had trained enough so you did well to finish." Thanks mate - don't let the door hit you on the way out. I guess what I am saying is you can choose to make the changes any time and sometimes not putting pressure on yourself to do it on the 1st of January might make it a bit more achievable. 

Resolutions aren't really my thing. I have aspirations, wishes, ambitions, but not resolutions. I don't know what is coming up in the future so I would rather work on my resilience to deal with the twists and turns that might come. I have had a lot of practice now and while I don't feel anything like as bullet proof as people tell me they think I am, it is heartening to know that I can take things in my stride. 

So what does a new decade bring ? Well I think it's worth a bit of a review of what has gone before.

2000s: were all about finding my independence. I had left an unhappy and damaging relationship that had isolated me from my friends and left me depressed and lacking in confidence. Once I was out of that I cut my hair and lost weight. I moved house a bit - travelled for work and eventually bought my own flat. I went to Romania and Sierra Leone with my job and did a lot of public speaking. Meeting lots of different people and visiting pretty much every town and city in England was a mission, but it was amazing and gave me confidence and self belief. 

I did internet dating when it was still like the Wild West out there. The whole of London reminds me of places I have been on dates - none of which went on to become a relationship, but as I had never dated in my younger years it was a lot of learning for me. I worked out where to meet for a first date, what places were best for daytime or evening and where to get a coffee or go for a walk. I learned the hard way that you will know very early on if it's not working and if you have agreed to go for dinner it will be a painful experience unless you go for one course and no coffee. 

2010s: I found out I was having a baby. My miracle boy was much longed for and when his brother came along by adoption my status as Mum was set. I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home with my kids, but it was far from easy. I had no idea how much it would test me to parent these boys and I had to learn how to do the best for them without losing myself in the process. I was home with the boys for a long while so the eventual decision to go back to work has been a big transition and I have had to learn the inevitable 'working mum juggle.' 

This last decade has been about being a parent. Putting my kids first and finding ways to make it all work. I came to parenthood older than a lot of other people I know. If anything it made me more grateful and I have tried so hard for my kids. They are my life and being her for them has been an honour. It has also shown me that I am loyal, passionate and driven to do what is best for my loved ones. 

2020s: Well this is the new big unknown isn't it ? I am now a single parent and this is a whole new challenge for me and my kids. We have made it through our first Christmas and New Year as a family of 3. Our beloved cat died and the boys have shown me they are resilient and brave. They are also very protective of me and it makes me so proud that they are good people. As they grow older we are finding new ways to be a family. It is all about negotiating what we all need in order to be mentally well and happy. 

I know whatever life throws at me I have to roll up my sleeves and get on with it. I have two amazing guys by my side and an entourage of incredible people who love and care for me too. I am learning to ask for what I need and to accept help with gratitude. 

So many people have said, "I hope this year is better for you." I will tell you something though. Everything that has happened has shown me what I can do and who I can be. I may not know what is coming, but whatever it is I'll take it on. 

If I were to make resolutions they would be something like: 

• Say no more often 

• Prioritise my needs

• Trust myself

I can do this - I know I can

I've said before that I don't make resolutions, but I try to have goals or aims that are achievable. I'm keeping it simple this year so hopefully I'll have a good chance of making progress.

So, in no particular order:

1. I will finish an entire book (no, kids' books don't count)

2. I'm committed to building Baby Boy's vocabulary from Daddy, Mama, Bubba (brother), bubbles, bowl and more.

3. I'm going to use my time constructively when the boys are at school and pre-school. It's only 3 hours, but I'll make it count.

4. The great declutter will pick up pace and I'll stop keeping things 'just in case.'

5. I'll make time for myself whether that's to have a soak in the bath or taking time to do my hair.
 

It's the second day of the rest of your life :)

Don't you tell me what to do !! 

I realise that resolutions is a dirty word and everyone keeps going on about how they've decided to make 'life changes' instead of resolutions. Well, I've decided to go all old school and just set myself a few things to do and not do. It's terribly dull hearing about how other people are giving up drinking or going on a diet so I won't actually go into that. On the basis that the hardest part of any life change is just making a start, what I will do is tell you how I'm getting on so far. You can work out from that what I've set myself as aims. It's like the US game show Jeopardy.

So today on the second day of this year I have managed to:

• Wake up (not that early really) and made myself breakfast - I don't always eat breakfast as I rarely have time so that was a massive achievement

• Get out of the house to go swimming - the pool was empty and it was proper blissful :)

• Not shout at my boy - admittedly it helped that he was staying with my Mother last night, but still. I think I might just have cracked this parenting thing.

• Avoid any chocolate passing my lips, even when the man in Thorntons offered me a free sample of a smiley face chocolate. I realise this sounds all wrong, but it really was a genuine and innocent offer.

• Stop myself eating yet another mince pie I chose a healthy 'real food' snack this afternoon - it even involved fruit. Go me !!

• Progress from thinking about making green smoothies to actually going out to buy the ingredients to make them. I hope that tomorrow I will actually get round to making one - can't promise I'll keep it down though.

• Begin the great declutter. I have given away my 'spare' toaster, kettle and filter jug. For me this is big news as I hoard everything.

So, I'm making good progress on some of my aims for the year.

It's only two days in so I think that's a pretty good start.

That is going to make a lot of green smoothie !! 

Blue Monday - yet another remix

On Facebook today I saw someone refer to Blue Monday. It was the first day back at work for many and our boy was back at nursery, so it was business as usual for me too. I was keen to share (well plagiarise actually) a post I've previously written about the phenomenon of blue Monday as it winds me up so much. The actual 'blue Monday' is known as the most depressing day of the year, you know the one:

• the day people give up their New Year's resolutions - especially the not drinking one ! 
• the day gyms see a drop off in new members who've paid up front for the year 
• the day we give up the diet as it's just too difficult and we want to curl up with a cuppa and some biscuits to keep warm
• the day we realise that being paid early for Christmas wasn't so great now we still have ages before the next payday

It's the day that we supposedly feel that sinking post Christmas dread and fall off the wagon of resolutions rashly made in December. So if you feel a bit crappy or were unexpectedly down in the mouth on Monday that's probably why.

Only it's not really. Blue Monday was a PR creation years ago to sell holidays to people in their January gloom. You know how Christmas adverts start in November and then the commercials to entice you to the sales are on just before Christmas then traditionally on Boxing Day we see beautiful beaches, elegant cruises and glamorous aircrews ? Well this whole 'Blue Monday' myth (complete with the 'scientific study' claim that has no basis in reality) is a deliberate effort to get you to book your holidays.

It isn't real people so don't buy into it.

My Monday was pretty good actually - maybe because I wasn't going back to work. Ok, there's no maybe about it, that definitely makes a difference. It was also our boy's first day back at nursery. He's been going stir crazy at home and asking every day if he is going to nursery. When he asked this morning and I replied, "yes sweetie you are," he actually cheered. This on the back of only a few hours sleep between us as he had a horrific nose bleed last night. I went for a relaxing swim at lunchtime and then when I went to Waitrose they had an offer on the wholefood bars I love so much. All in all not too shoddy for me actually - sorry to disappoint.

So, I say let's reclaim the day. Let's make it about something else. So if you've been feeling a bit down about going back to post-Christmas normality this week here are some suggestions of things to shake off the blues:

• change your resolutions to doable ones - instead of I'll lose all the weight and get into a size ten, how about I'll wear clothes that make me look and feel great anyway
• take up something new - not a life changing thing necessarily, maybe start small eg. go for a walk somewhere new or try a different thing for lunch 
• let go of our wishing away last year and embrace this one instead - it's only January, don't be so hard on yourself 
• put all the festive paraphernalia away - accept that all the leftover Christmas food has to go, yes even the peanuts, pretzels, etc.
• make some fun plans for things you can look forward to doing - next week, next month and later in the year. 

Oh and pop on New Order's Blue Monday (the 12") just to remind yourself that it's a song and not a marketing agency's ploy to part you from your holiday fund.

Here's to a Happy Monday (maracas optional)

Wave Hello and Say Goodbye

If you follow me on facebook or twitter you will already know that I've succumbed to January madness. Having kept my head together during the snow chaos and toddler tantrums it would appear my sanity has finally ducked out the back door while I was otherwise occupied. Yesterday morning I was searching for my keys (which is a daily activity since I started locking the front door at night) and having been to all the usual locations I finally noticed the "clink clink" coming from the spinning drum of the washing machine. I looked at my son, he looked at me and then we both took a deep breath as I stopped the machine mid-cycle to retrieve them.

Despite this sounding like a desperate cry for help I am glad it's come at the end of January as for some people it's been like that all the way through. Thankfully for all of us we can now look forward to the days being light for longer, the impending half term holiday and the delights of Shrove Tuesday and Valentine's Day. So as it's the last day of January I thought I'd take this opportunity to revisit my resolutions and update you on how they are going so far.

Making time to read - I'm going great guns with this one having already finished more books in January than I did in the whole of last year. Bearing in mind I used to be able to finish a book a week when I was commuting it's been a readjustment to only reading a few pages a day, but at least I am reading again so that's good. Of course it helps that the books I got for Christmas were by the likes of  Danny Baker and Caitlin Moran - I have decided that if I'm struggling to want to read a book then it's just not worth the effort.

Trying a new sporting activity - Until a few weeks ago I thought Kettlebell was the whistling sound coming from mother in-law's kettle when it makes a whistling sound as the water comes to the boil. Then I went to a free trial of kettlercise a few weeks ago. It is good old fashioned hard work using weights and performing a series of exercises to thumping music - I loved it !! Combined with the five week boot camp I'm currently doing I am definitely getting fitter. I spent last Sunday at lunch with the in-laws pulling my jeans up constantly - cursing the quality of tailoring these days. The next day I dug out a smaller pair of jeans and managed to get into them comfortably so it would appear that the hard work is having the desired effect - hurrah !

Go to the cinema once a month - Well if I go tonight I can still get this one in under the wire, but it is pretty unlikely. So let's just say that I have two willing movie buddies now (thank you Sarah and Vicky). Having Sky movies and on demand has meant I've been watching films at home and have caught up with the Harry Potter series having lost track of the plot a few years ago. Of course watching them in the wrong order isn't helping, but finding a 2.5 hour child-free space to watch a movie has been a feat in itself.

Cook a meal from one of my many recipe books - Ok this one I confess is still a work in progress. I've been consulting the books, but haven't actually made anything yet. I did enter a competition with a family favourite recipe (see previous posts), but haven't ventured too far from the usual menu that's scribbled onto a sticky note on the fridge. I have seen some lovely meal ideas in the latest Waitrose magazine so I'll be trying those for Chinese New Year. I will report back on how the crispy tofu pancakes turn out.



So, that's how I'm doing so far - not too bad I think.

Well, I guess it's farewell January.

Here's to a fun-packed February !

Blue Monday has me seeing Red

So last Friday it snowed and we spent the weekend playing in the snow and borrowed a sled from a kind neighbour so my boy and Hubbie could ride downhill in the powdery stuff. Then it was Monday and our car was so deeply buried (and we live on a steep hill which meant I wasn't going to drive to nursery) that we took two buses to drop my son off then I took two buses back then the same again to pick him up in the afternoon. It wasn't so bad and pushing a buggy uphill in deep snow is pretty hard work for the buttocks, so I feel quite virtuous.

Pretty much everyone else I've spoken to has felt that last Monday was hideous and dreadful and depressing. Then I was reminded that it was officially the "most depressing day of the year," you know the one:

• the day people give up their NY resolutions - especially the not drinking one ! 
• the day gyms see a drop off in new members who've paid up front for the year 
• the day we give up the diet as it's just too difficult and we want to curl up with a cuppa and some biscuits to keep warm
• the day we realise that being paid early for Christmas wasn't so great now we still have another ten days before the next payday 

I have mentioned Blue Monday in a previous post. It's the day that we supposedly feel that sinking post Christmas dread and fall off the wagon of resolutions rashly made in December. Well if you felt a bit crappy this week or were unexpectedly down in the mouth on Monday that's probably why.

Only it's not really. Blue Monday was a PR creation years ago to sell holidays to people in their January gloom. You know how Christmas adverts start in November and then the commercials to entice you to the sales are on just before Christmas then traditionally on Boxing Day we see beautiful beaches, elegant cruises and glamorous aircrews ? Well this whole 'Blue Monday' myth (complete with the 'scientific study' claim that has no basis in reality) is a deliberate effort to get you to book your holidays. It isn't real people so don't buy into it.

I say let's reclaim it and make Blue Monday famous only for being a song by New Order. Let's make it about something else. So if you've been feeling a bit down this week here are some suggestions of things to shake off the blues:

• change your resolutions to doable ones - like I'll bring the wheelie bin inside the same day it gets emptied
• take up something new - not a life changing thing necessarily, maybe start small eg. different bread  
• let go of our wishing away last year and embrace this one instead - it's only January, don't be so hard on yourself 
• put all the festive paraphernalia away - accept that all the leftover Christmas food has to go, yes even the peanuts, pretzels, etc.

Oh and pop on New Order's Blue Monday (the 12") just to remind yourself that it's a song and not a marketing agency's ploy to part you from your holiday fund. 

Here's to a Happy Monday (maracas optional) 

A cat, a fish, a Baker and the Bloggess...

The cat has started sleeping on our bed upstairs. He used to do that in the old house and before the boy was born, but in this house he has a few chosen spots to sleep and our bed hasn't been one of them. Until now. I wasn't sure why this was, but thought it might be that the room is warmer than downstairs, or he might just like sleeping where we've been. Then I spotted the him standing on his back legs with his front paws reaching up the chest of drawers at the top of the stairs. He was straining to look at something and then I realised what it was. The goldfish.

Vince the fish has lived with us for almost two weeks now and he seems to have settled in nicely. My son enjoys watching him swim and talks to him in 'fish talk' ie. making a face like a fish and going 'pop' a lot. He loved going out to get a fish tank for him and even picked up some cat food for the other family member so he is doing well in his ability to care for pets. I don't have a glowing record as a fish keeper - having overfed goldfish in the past - so when Hubbie said "there's too much food in there for him," I looked sheepish and felt guilty. I don't want to have the death of another fish on my conscience so I'm being much meaner with the fish flakes than I was before.

Overfeeding is a common theme for me so it's not surprising that this latest lesson coincides with my new year weight loss regime. I am resisting the urge to polish off all the leftover mince pies and had my first session of bootcamp last week so I'm feeling quite virtuous so far. The freezer is now bulging with yummy food that I've stored instead of 'getting rid' of it by eating it. I realise how uninteresting this must be to you so I promise not to bore you with the details of how it's going.

I may, however, make reference to how my resolutions are going. For example I've almost finished reading Danny Baker's autobiography and have already started on the Bloggess's book (which is great by the way). That's the reading resolution sorted. I've signed up to try a session of Kettlebells next week so that's trying a new exercise. Finally, I am delighted to report it looks like I have a movie buddie (thank you Sarah - you are indeed a Champion !), so I may have the going to the cinema one sorted too. Not bad going for the second week into January is it ?

Now if I can keep the cat from attacking the goldfish he might make it to February.

Resolutions Schmesolutions :o)

If you'd told me at the start of this year that at the end of it I'd have a weekly radio show of my own I'd have looked at you sideways and smiled kindly. I'd also have been amazed if you'd told me that the most toxic female journalist of modern times would refer to this blog in a column following the fab Mumsnet blogfest event.

So it's with this in mind that I am starting 2013 in a novel way. I won't be detoxing or giving up anything on Jan 1st. Not because I have a perfect life or I am as good as I think I can be, but because I'm coming at this resolutions thing from a different perspective for a change. Instead of stopping doing something I'm going to concentrate on doing more of things I want to do better. By doing that I hope that I will spend less energy and time on the things that I don't need or want.

So, in no particular order:

I am going to make time to read. I was given so many great books for Christmas and I still haven't read the ones I got last year. I'm sure it's possible for me to make time in my day to read a little bit - although this might mean watching less Hawaii 5-0.

I'll be trying new sporting activities that I haven't done before. I've been doing the same exercise classes for almost 4 years now and while they are fun it's a routine for me and I attend because I feel guilty if I don't. That's not a good reason. I used to play softball and scuba dive and ski -  what happened to that action chick ? Oh yes I am a middle-aged Mum now, but that's no excuse is it ?

At least once a month I will go to the cinema and watch a movie - this may entail finding a movie buddie or I could go along on an afternoon when my boy is at nursery. This is all thanks to Hubbie being super generous and getting Sky movies so I can see films at home, but let's be honest sitting in a dark room at home isn't the same if you haven't overpaid for the popcorn.

I'm going to cook at least one recipe from each cookbook I own - and no, not just the baking ones !! Kind people have given me some great books full of recipes which I look at and go "ooh aah," but I haven't actually followed any of them yet.  My aim is to make a seasonal Slater stew, some gorgeous Gok gyoza and anything from the achingly beautiful Lilli Vanilli baking book I won from a fellow blogger. I hope to find some interesting new meals and to use ingredients I haven't tried to cook with before. I will, of course, share how this goes with you for good or ill (preferably not getting ill !)

I'm sure I'll think of other things as time goes on, but these are a pretty manageable start I think. They are already better than my original list which was:

To be able to afford to use Aveda shampoo and conditioner

To have someone to do my hair for me at home

Have a personal trainer to get my backside to exercise when I want to sit on the sofa watching Hawaii 5-0
The beloved Kitchenaid mixer which I really want to own, but I can't justify the cost of 

To be able to travel first class - anywhere

I realised that all of these were materialistic and made me sound like I want to be Madonna - which I used to when she was all cool and wore rubber bangles and lace in her hair, but not so much now.

Thanks for reading my blog and for listening to my show. If you haven't yet tune in at 1pm today or you can podcast it later.

Hope 2012 was good to you and here's to not turning into Madonna in 2013 :o)