In a week it'll all be over...

This year I feel like I've actually got the hang of this Christmas lark. 

The presents are all wrapped and under the tree - apart from the boy's pressies of course. Father Christmas is bringing those over on Xmas Eve as arranged.  

I've bought my veggie main for the big day just in case Hubbie can't find the nut loaf he got a few years ago that was fab and has never been seen again.

Cards have all been posted - yes even overseas ones - I know, get me !!

Now we are into full kid mode starting with Christmas songs and mince pies at nursery today. There was stage fright and tantrums (from adults and tots) and when they all came out in their little costumes we all went "AAAWWWWW" - not a dry eye in the house ! My boy looked at me, spotted grandparents in the audience and said (loudly), "Mummy, where's Grandma ?" I smiled and hid behind my iPad videoing his refusal to sing along. Ironic considering he's serenaded me on the car every day so far with songs about snowmen and Santa's seasonal mishaps.

Tomorrow he has a Christmas party with sports, party games, food and a special appearance from Father Christmas himself - whether or not he will be in football kit is as yet unconfirmed. 

On Friday we'll be singing with elves, preparing reindeer food and meeting Santa before going to another party at nursery. 

On Sunday we're having breakfast with Father Christmas. I'm not sure what he's having, but I'm looking forward to eating breakfast out - a luxury normally reserved for holidays only !!

Finally I have a Christmas Eve bag ready for his overnight stay with my parents. The red bag (naturally) contains festive new pyjamas, lovely Xmas books, a soft toy and I'm sure a few festive treats will find their way in too. My Dad's birthday is on Christmas Eve so it's a double celebration and my boy will get to spend it with his beloved Nani-mummy (my Mum) and Nanaji (my Dad). We get to spend it in a hotel *beams widely.*

If all of this seems a bit over the top I should explain. Last year my boy didn't see Father Christmas at all. He was supposed to at the nursery Christmas party, but on the day they had a power cut so the party was cancelled. I tried - in vain - to get him into one of the myriad grottos within the M25, but it was too late and they were all booked up. I'm pretty sure I was more gutted than he was !!

So this year I've ensured he's got multiple opportunities to meet the big man. He's going to feel like a member of the family by next week. 

Of course the boy isn't too worried because he knows his Nanaji is the real one :o) 

Rebranding Mummy

I've given notice for my (unpaid) role as PR for Hubbie. Since our boy was born I have been cheerleader in chief for Team Daddy and now - after three years - I've decided to reconfigure the use of my resources. I'm now working on Project: Rebrand Mummy.

A family friend told me (before we were parents) how frustrating it was that her children clearly preferred Daddy to her, despite her doing the day to day caring and 'dirty work' of parenting. Now don't get me wrong her hubbie is a hands on dad, but she's a hands on Mum and didn't feel she got any credit for it. She put it down to all the work she did as Mummy telling the kids how much Daddy loved them and how he was thinking of them even while he was at work all day. I now know what she was talking about. 

I'm now doing the every day stuff of parenting a toddler and remind him how much Daddy loves him and how much Daddy looks forward to bedtime stories and bathtime when he comes home from a long day at work. All of which is true of course. However, I have written myself out of the fun stuff by letting Daddy have the intimacy of bath and bedtime stories. I get the moody, not eating breakfast, don't want to go to nursery, not putting my shoes on today, standing on the front step refusing to get into the car bit of the day instead. I also get the post nursery tired and grumpy, not eating that, want to watch telly, no I'm not going to take off my shoes bit.

Then at the weekend they go to football together and I am told that "Daddy is my best friend." Yesterday we took the boy to meet Santa and I said afterwards, "Go and give Daddy a big hug and say thanks for driving us to see Santa and Percy Penguin." which he dutifully did. I waited patiently for Hubbie to say, "and give Mummy a big hug and say thank you (for booking it, paying for it, packing a lunch for us to eat and programming the sat nav with the postcode so we could find it)." Nothing. We all got in the car, I passed him an apple and he said thanks.

No one is working for Team Mummy. There's no-one selling the benefits of 24 hour hands-on bespoke parenting by a trusted professional. It's not being advertised that Mummy wants to be the fun one sometimes. 

That is now going to change. I've decided that the job of selling brand Daddy is done and now I'm taking on Brand Mummy. This is going to make the Olympics look like a school sports day. It's going to have impact in more territories than a zombie attack in a bad movie. In short, this will be the biggest thing to happen in Mummydom since satchels made a comeback. 

I did some blue sky thinking and here are my initial ideas:

• When he says he doesn't want porridge for breakfast I'm I'm going to be relaxed about it, or make toast. 

• I'm going to be less, "Put your socks on," and more, "Hey buddy, let's go outside and do fun stuff. Who needs socks anyway ?"

• If he trots off to the really big slide in the park, "that Daddy always lets me go on." I'm going to smile and say (through gritted teeth) "that's a great idea !"

• On his refusal to wear a safety helmet when riding his scooter I'll say, "Really ? Are you serious ? Put it on !" - What ? I said I'm going to be fun Mummy not A&E Mummy !

Now you may feel similarly aggrieved at the lack of appreciation of your role in your household so take a marker pen and instead of Brand Mummy replace with your chosen epithet. Whether you are one of two Daddys, two Mummys, a parent going it alone, a carer, a grandparent or any other type of 'parent figure.'  Let's rebrand the unpopular/unappreciated one.

Come on - we can do this ! 

Who's with me ? 

"I'd give anything to have biscuit crumbs trodden into the carpet."

I was driving back from a yoga training day today and listening to Radio 4. It was a repeat of Woman's Hour with Jane Garvey and I heard an interview with Jody Day for the second time this week about her experience of being a childless woman. It moved me when I heard it the first time, but I was doing chores that time and today I was properly listening. It was a breathtakingly honest account of discovering one day that having children just isn't going to happen. In addition to dealing with the grief at this realisation there is the loneliness as friends with children slowly let you go as they carry on with their lives as a family.

The interview hit a chord with me for two reasons. At one point we were told we wouldn't have children and it reminded me how it felt when that was the realistic future that me and Hubbie had to come to terms with. One day I was sitting reading a magazine at the hairdressers and I phoned Hubbie from under the dryer to ask if he'd agree to adopting one of the millions of abandoned girl children from India. Another time I called him to say that I'd heard about some healing technique that had amazing results and we just had to try it. We were asked constantly when we were going to have children and some family members were less than subtle about it. As well as being asked about it we also had to contend with other people who were having babies. It broke my heart hearing we wouldn't have a baby. It broke Hubbie's heart too and he even suggested I might want to be with someone else who might be a better bet. I nearly hit him for that.

It could have broken us. Thankfully it didn't.

The other reason is because now we do have a son and when I met up with friends recently we were chatting. I mentioned how I missed going out as much as they do and having holidays and other things that we don't do as much any more now we are parents. My friend said she would love to be in my position and have a child and a family life. I was reminded of that today on Radio 4 when a listener said she would give anything to have biscuit crumbs on her carpet rather than a clean and tidy childless home. That made me choke. Not a good thing when you're on the M25.

I know how it feels to long for a child. To try and count the blessings you will have instead of children. The beautiful home free from sticky fingerprints and the expensive holidays instead of day trips to Legoland and Chessington. I also know that I had a career because I didn't have children. I wasn't a 'career woman' out of choice. Hubbie was willing to endure acupuncture in our pursuit of parenthood - he is terrified of needles.

Of course I know that not every woman wants to have children, but I also know that when it is not an option it just feels so very unfair. I also know that being told you're so lucky that you don't get woken up early is not reassuring. That owning a gorgeous handbag that won't have upturned juice cartons and gummy sweets in it is no consolation when you want someone to call you Mummy. I know that having a spontaneous and inventive sex life with your partner doesn't necessarily make up for having a second bedroom that you would have loved to have been a nursery.

Most importantly that interview reminded me today that I should never forget to be a kind and considerate friend.

I remember how it felt to long for what I now have.

Bacon for breakfast.

This morning my boy wandered over to the side cabinet by mine and Hubbie's bed and picked up a small flat purple case:

"Switch on the ipad Mummy." he said.
"It's not an ipad sweetie it's a kindle. Now go and brush your teeth" I said.
He proceeded to open the case to check.
"Watch Peppa Pig on it Mummy." he said.
"It's not a tablet honey, you can't watch Peppa Pig on it. Go and brush your teeth" I said.
"Daddy watch Peppa Pig on the phone please." he said.
"Ok son, you can watch one Peppa Pig on my phone then we can go and brush our teeth."

I guess that's why it's called Fathers' day.

Foodie Friday: the food of love

In foodie terms this last week has been an obstacle course of planning and preparation. Last Sunday was Chinese New Year and despite the various offers out there for prepared meals I decided to try my hand at homemade wontons. I had some wonton wrappers in the freezer that I'd bought a while back and I found a recipe in a veggie cookbook that my lovely friend Vicky gave me last year. Double bubble - working down the freezer contents and managing to get another of my resolutions going too. It was a very simple recipe with only a few ingredients: garlic, ginger, mushrooms and soy sauce. Preparing the ingredients and assembling the wontons took a little bit of time, but I used the one knife I love and hardly ever use (the proper chopping knife) and was very proud of myself once they were done. Cooking is very quick as they only need to be boiled for a few minutes and they're ready. They look like soggy samosas, but tasted really good.

I also made a pad thai using a kit from Waitrose to which I added prawns and an egg. It was half price, but to be honest I wouldn't buy it again as it's far too pricey when not on offer. We scoffed my efforts with some ready made prawn toast and some spring rolls. Not strictly chinese really, but it was delicious and made a change from the usual noodles and stir fry that we have. I plan to do the wontons again at the weekend, but next time I might pinch them into a small bag shape instead of folding them over. It has made me realise how few ingredients it takes to make very tasty dishes and that nothing beats the feeling of cooking from scratch and it tasting delicious.

Shrove Tuesday was a working day for Hubbie and a nursery day for my boy so we didn't have pancakes until teatime. One of the nursery staff told me they'd made pancakes with the children and my boy loved it - if he sees me using a frying pan he often encourages me to 'flip it' even if I'm making eggy bread so I do try and oblige to make him happy. I have a recipe for buckwheat pancakes that I'll be doing at the weekend - maybe a post swimming brunch or a light lunch I'm not sure yet. We usually eat pancakes for breakfast so having small ones with fruit for post nursery / work snacks made a nice change for the boys. I know it's lazy, but bought in scotch pancakes are such a lifesaver that I keep some in the freezer at all times.

The freezer also came in handy for Valentine's morning as we had fruit and pancakes complete with heart-shaped sparklers. At first my boy wasn't sure what to make of the sparkling and fizzing that was coming from Daddy's breakfast plate, but when I brought his food out sans sparkler he was most insistent that I go back and rectify the error. Now, of course, he's a bit put out if he's served breakfast without the pomp and ceremony, but I'm sure he'll get used to eating toast or Weetabix without so much fanfare,

I did my Valentines baking on Wednesday afternoon following a few weeks of planning and a variety of recipes to try. In the end I went with heart shaped red velvet cupcakes with chocolate topping. There was so much mixture left over from the dozen cakes that I made a red velvet loaf cake with chocolate topping too. It took a while to find a recipe I was happy with as I've found that what disappoints me with red velvet cake is that it just isn't as good as I expect it to be. In my imagination it's as rich as devil's food cake but bright red. Instead it's always a pretty dry chocolate cake with a buttercream topping and falls apart.

The recipe I used turned out pretty well although I might add a bit more raising agent next time for added oomph. The chocolate topping was partly so it would keep for longer (buttercream has a shorter shelf life so it compels me to eat them against my will !) Also, I like the contrast of a soft cake and a harder topping, but I did add icing sugar to the chocolate to make it spreadable and a bit sweeter because I used the 70% cocoa variety the same as in the sponge.

I've written before about food being about love and for me the challenge of a week like this one is being able to keep things interesting and delicious while also encouraging my boy to enjoy his food.

The bigger challenge is stopping myself from scoffing all the baking I've done when they boys aren't looking !!

Let me tell you about the birds & the birds and the bees & the bees.

To my beloved son,

As I type there is an urgent debate taking place on Twitter, in the Houses of Parliament and on news channels about the free vote taking place on marriage between gay couples. The most interesting part of this for me is how we retread the same old arguments for years and years. In my youth the debate was about 'promoting' homosexuality in schools - in other words acknowledging that some relationships exist outside of the man and woman scenario that was considered the norm. Of course you know that there is no such thing as 'the norm,' there is just who we are and how we live.

I heard a discussion on the radio this morning where a woman claimed that it was 'God's law' that marriage is only between a man and a woman. Now let's be clear where I stand on this issue. Anyone who wants to be married and who is free to in law should be able to. If they want to do this in a religious ceremony that is up to them and if they want to do this in a legal, but not religious way that is fine too. That means: a man and a woman who want to be married, a man and a man who want to be married or a woman and a woman who want to be married.

Can you believe there was a time when me and your Dad being married would have caused a similar hoo-ha because we have different coloured skin ? I know, I know, it's ridiculous the things that people think are any of their business.


You are nearly two and a half now and you have no preconceived ideas about the people in your life. I just have a few things that I need you to know and remember as you grow into the amazing man I know you'll be:

• Treating someone differently because of who they fancy is stupid, plain and simple. 

• I bitch-slapped a grown man (ok he was a young man, but he was in the army at the time) for repeatedly using the word gay in a pejorative way -  I will not hesitate to do it again.

• Whoever you fancy / adore / love we will always love you - there is no question. 

• If you want to marry or not marry the person you love you deserve the choice either way. 

Most important of all, to meet someone you love enough to want to marry them is a special gift - not everyone is that lucky.

If anyone tries to stop you from being with the person you love come and get me - I'm nowhere near out of slaps yet.

All my love always,

Mummy

You have nothing to fear… except the things you're frightened of

I was scrolling through the BBC website and saw this article about China's Ghost projects  which include a theme park that was built and is now used to grow crops, a 'British Town' that is only used for wedding photo shoots and most disturbing (to me at least) a shopping mall with 1500 empty shops. This is the stuff of nightmares. Endless corridors of emptiness and the haunting echoes of masses of space with no purpose.

It disturbed me most because it made me feel very queasy and reminded me of my own irrational fear which I rarely share and am now making public. I have a phobia of empty swimming pools. When I posted this on Facebook a friend confessed to the same fear and suggested googling it. Then something odd happened. I have never felt the need to look into this fear before so I have no idea how common or otherwise it may be. I found out that it's not uncommon and that some sadist has put lots of images of empty swimming pools under the heading 'fear of empty swimming pools' which comes up about third in the search results.

A non-scary swimming pool

It's as though some wag is trying aversion therapy on the sly. I genuinely don't want to see images of swimming pools in a state of disrepair or with a small muddy puddle at the bottom of an otherwise drained space. I can't explain why it bothers me so much. I love swimming and an over-full pool bothers me far less. If there is a gap that suggests the pool is slightly under-full I do get a bit anxious. Again, I have no idea why.

I don't want my son to develop phobias so I try to get him to be braver than I ever was. I was a fearful child and it wasn't until I was an adult that I decided to face down some of those fears.

- When I visited my friend Fatima who was living in Toulouse we went a climbing wall as she had taken up climbing as a hobby. As I wrangled with footholds and handholds and negotiated belays and carabiners I didn't think about my fear of heights. From the top I had no choice, but to be ok about it, but I really did feel alright. It also meant that I was able to learn to ski as a fear of heights can be pretty debilitating otherwise.

- How I ended up sitting in a roller coaster at Chessington next to my friend Norm is anyone's guess, seeing as they are not my idea of a good time. As I tried to climb across him to get out he calmly explained that they go slower than I drive a car. Also the man who was eating his lunch sitting under it looked very relaxed about it so it probably wasn't going to kill us all. I can't say I'm an adrenaline junkie now, but at least I'm not completely terrified of them any more.

- It wasn't until my Mum reminded me that I had a toddler tantrum about getting back on a plane that I remembered my childhood fear of flying. I have Hubbie to thank for getting me past this by a) rationalising my fears for me and b) taking the mickey so mercilessly that I was distracted by laughter rather than waiting to plummet thousands of feet into the ocean.

- Another irrational one that my Mum reminded me about was automatic car washes. Apparently as a child I screamed my head off as my Dad drove the car through a car wash and had she not reminded me about it the memory would have remained buried where it belongs. Instead I used to invite people to sit and talk to me while the big rolling brushes threatened to crush us to death. Thankfully now Hubbie and my boy love to wash the car by hand, so I'm spared the trauma.

So, the biggies are dealt with. I'm pretty sure that a fear of empty swimming pools isn't going to have a detrimental effect on my life, but so long as I don't pass it on to my son I'm happy.