Is kindness hereditary ?

This week we had an email from the headteacher of my sons' school. In it he told us about the trip his family had taken to Romania during the last half term to deliver donated clothes to children living in poverty. We had given gloves, hats and clothes and the boys were delighted to see the photos of their donations being given. The headteacher was launching phase two of the support for the organisation in Romania and during assembly on Monday he had asked the children if they could give £2 for a child to have a Christmas meal. This must have really made an impact on Brown Bear. He came home and asked if it would be ok for him to give more. I said of course it would and what did he have in mind. "£10 would be good." I told him that was very generous, but it would mean he might not have enough money left to get a glow toy for the junior school disco tonight. He didn't even stop to consider the sacrifice and brightly announced, "It's ok I don't want a glow toy, I want to give all the money to Romania." I felt such a glow of pride.

I recall when we visited Waitrose on one occasion and our local food bank volunteers were there making an in person collection. I asked Brown Bear to take the list of required items and to read me and Blue Bear all the things on the list so we could put them in the trolley. We filled it up and also bought some cereal and milk that we had come to buy for ourselves. As we left the store I asked the boys to help load up the items for the food bank volunteers. They were so appreciative and thanked the boys who beamed and smiled at the gratitude. As we drove home they couldn't stop talking about how great it felt to give food to people who didn't have enough.

At the end of the last school year the boys went through their old shoes and we picked the ones that were in good condition, but no longer worn. We gave them to a charity that takes shoes overseas to children who need them. I explained that there are children who just don't have any shoes and we have so many that once we've used them and they don't fit any more they are still good enough for someone else who has none. They really took that on board and it seemed to give Brown Bear an appreciation of how different some children's lives are from his. He now asks if his shoes are going to be good enough for someone else to have once he outgrows them.

In January Hubbie and I are going to do a fundraising walk to raise funds for Help for Heroes. It's 20km and it's the first fundraiser we've done together since the Nuns Run we did for Barnardo's. At the time we didn't appreciate how wearing a synthetic habit and wimple would be extremely uncomfortable on a summer day. I'm hoping that this challenge being a 'winter walk' makes it a little less - well shall we say anti-social ? The boys are used to seeing us take part in charitable endeavours and also understand that we give to others as we are so fortunate ourselves.

This evening Brown Bear was sitting on his bed counting out the change in his Big Ben piggy bank. He worked out it was around £4 and I said I had another tin of change somewhere so we went through that one as well. He took great care to sort the coins into piles of different denominations and we made a note of the totals. In the end it came to just under £14. I said, "that is a lot more than you expected isn't it ?" He smiled and nodded. "Are you sure you want to give all of it ? Are you sure you don't want to keep some of it ?" There was no hesitation at all. "I want to give all of it to Romania. We have £14 and they don't."

On days when this parenting thing seems to be impossibly difficult and thankless I'm going to remind myself of how thoughful and selfless my son can be. I must be doing something right.

I'm a walking

Today I calculated that I've walked 158 training miles so far in preparation for the Moonwalk and I have at least 77 miles to go before the big walk.

On the evening of Sat 13th - Sun 14th May I'll be walking 26.2 miles through London wearing a decorated bra to raise money for breast cancer treatment and support services. I'm doing it because both Hubbie and I have lost loved ones to cancer - as have so many people.

I've taken part in the Moonwalk twice before. The first time was 8 years ago before Brown Bear was born and I had all the time in the world to train and walking was a jolly jape rather than a military operation fitted in between school and nursery drop off and pick ups. It was the most challenging thing I've done (and I'm including taking the boys to Ikea during the school holidays - seriously what was I thinking ?) which is why it's taken me so long to do it again.

The last time I did the moonwalk was with my wonderful friend Soraya and we walked the half moon to celebrate her surviving breast cancer. It was an emotional night and one I'm so proud to have shared with her as it meant so much to me that she made it and is here now to cheer me along.

Walking is a meditative thing for me and I find that whatever mood I'm in when I start by the time I've been walking for an hour or so I've already written a novel in my head and solved at least one world issue. I smile at people walking their dogs and appreciate the trees, plants and flowers all around me. When I've been walking through London I notice how many places I know from having worked there and others from disastrous first dates.

I have at least 77 more training miles to go before the big night. As the weather improves I'm enjoying the walks a lot more than when I started them in the wintry climes of February.

I've got a sponsorship page here - if you are able to sponsor me I'd be so grateful: https://moonwalklondon2017.everydayhero.com/uk/swazi

For now though think of me and my poor sore feet.

Come ride with me - well with East Park RDA actually.

Having fun during a riding lesson

It's not a matter of public record, but I am a big fan of the Archers. It was while discussing this shared interest that the topic of the RDA (Riding for the Disabled Association) came about. You see while the Archers storylines often feature horses and stables there is no mention of any riding by or for disabled people. It was this in mind that I was delighted to be invited by Comic Relief to visit a project they fund, East Park Riding for the Disabled Group in Surrey.

I met Sally who runs the riding school with her husband and daughter and the invaluable help of 80 volunteers. The riding school is a registered charity and they fundraise in order to provide the lessons at a subsidised cost for the children. Parents make a contribution towards the lessons and the school offers extraordinary support. The instructors and volunteers have expectations of the children and their abilities. This is not a case of putting a child on a pony and walking them round a bit. They work towards assessments and take part in competitions. Some children are able to concentrate here where they struggle at school and the teacher has noticed that one child who often needs time out in the classroom has been a lot calmer when attending East Park.

The hat and boot room 

As the children put on their riding hats and boots the ponies are led in and walked around. Then each child goes up one in turn to check the bridle and show they know how to take care of their pony. On the morning I went it was Michael's first riding lesson and his pony came up to say hello before the lesson started. Michael chatters incessantly, he is a twin and has a range of special needs. He was very excited about riding for the first time. I also met a girl who a year ago was fully sighted and has now lost almost all of her sight. It has been a life changing experience that has taken away her confidence. Another child has been in and out of school having chemotherapy treatment. It is hoped that riding will help all these children overcome their fears and anxieties as well as being great fun.

Michael meets one of the ponies before his first lesson

There were two lessons while I was there both with children from the same mainstream school. The children who attend have a wide range of different abilities including special needs and visual impairment and they all look forward to their weekly riding lesson. I observed how calm they were, the attention they paid to instructions and how they undertook specific exercises to encourage movement and co-ordination. One of the moves across the body supports physiotherapeutic work to help children with balance.

Practising a figure eight for competition

Comic Relief fund a great many projects in the UK and I'm so pleased that I got to see this one. I've been aware of riding for the disabled for many years, but haven't seen it. The children I met and talked to have benefited in so many ways and the ponies are lovely and so patient.

The stars of the riding school 

Once again I'll be taking part in a creative fundraising attempt as part of Team Honk. We're a group of bloggers from all over the country who have previously passed a baton from Lands End to John O'Groats (well the other way round actually) and danced for six hours at Wembley Arena. Last year three of us visited as many museums as we could in London in one day - we managed 27 of them. This year we are taking part in 'Come Honk With Me,' and I'll be travelling round parks in London with fellow London Honkers dressed for dinner and preparing meals as we go. I have no idea how yet - we never do before we begin - but I guarantee it's going to be fun and we hope to raise a lot of money to enable Comic Relief to continue funding fantastic projects like the one I visited.  

A carriage that has been donated to East Park RDA 

Thanks to Dara at Comic Relief, Sally at East Park RDA and Mrs Penny from St Stephen's School. 

Sugar Free Me - no really

For reasons I don't quite understand I have signed up for Sugar Free February. It's to raise money for charity so there is a purpose besides punishing myself. You see I have a ridiculously sweet tooth. When people say they don't really like chocolate I'm not entirely sure what that means. It's like when someone describes themselves as 'not really a dessert person." Who are these people exactly ? 

We're drawn to sweet tastes as children and when I was weaning Brown Bear I was told that he would naturally eat sweet foods so to encourage a broader palate I should offer savoury foods and strong flavours such as spinach and olives. He loved both. I also offered him a variety of textures like homemade houmous and roughly mashed banana with weetabix. Despite my best efforts he still prefers sweet foods, loves chocolate and will pretty much jump through hoops for Haribo. Which funnily enough is also what he does after he's eaten them too. 

So the point of this post is to explain quite how much of a challenge it is for me to give up sugar. I pretty much dream about sugary foods. I think about them when I'm not eating them. As I sat in the theatre last night I was contemplating whether to have a blueberry muffin or a cherry one when I got home as a last sugary treat* Yes that's right. As TV hunk Clive Mantle was acting his 6 foot something self in front of my very eyes I was thinking about cake. I'm not even sorry. Ok, I'm a bit sorry. I'm not entirely sure that's even normal. 

When I'm swimming I'm thinking about what I will eat when I finish. I sometimes have a sense memory of a creme caramel that I particularly loved. I don't actually eat those things afterwards, but it's what goes through my mind when I exercise. In face I really only keep fit so that I can eat without guilt. If I didn't exercise at all I'd pretty much live on cardboard. 

Ok, I can live without dessert and I rarely order it when we eat out as I don't often see something that appeals to me enough. However, knowing that I can't order it means that I will suddenly find everything on a dessert menu sounds delicious - even if it has custard in it. Honestly whoever created custard has a lot to answer for. All my boys love it so I have to buy it, but I can't even bear the smell. Years ago I watched a Paul McKenna show where he suggested visualising something you loathe covering the thing you want to stop eating. For me that would be custard poured on chocolate. It's not for nothing that the title of this blog has the word chocolate in it. 

Anyway, I think I have convinced you of how hard this month will be for me. Not least as I will be following it with a month without chocolate for the British Heart Foundation. Either I will kick my sugar addiction completely or I will have keeled over into a mountain of sweet stuff before then. I  hope it's the former. 

If you would like to sponsor me at Sugar Free Swazi that would be absolutely amazing. Wish me luck !! 

*I had half of each and shared the other halves with Hubbie

Give up chocolate ? Seriously ?

It's the first of March and for some reason that escapes me right now I signed up for Dechox 2016. The British Heart Foundation do amazing work and with the history of heart problems in my family it is a cause that I feel very close to. I've named the charity in my will as I feel so strongly about the value of what they do.

So strongly - in fact - that I'm giving up chocolate for this whole month and asking folks to sponsor this madness. You see I love chocolate so much that I don't just buy one bar I bulk purchase it:

I know I don't 'need' chocolate, but that's hardly the point. You've seen the name of this blog, I consume chocolate like it's a basic nutrient. For me it is. So I'm asking for some moral support from this guy: 

And some financial support from you guys: 

Please don't let this enormous personal sacrifice be in vain ! 

If you can sponsor me I'd be very grateful - my sponsorship page is here: Dechox 2016

When love doesn't save the day what happens ?

Believe me when I say the above not with cynicism, but with a heavy heart. You already know that I am a big fan of love - I am soppy and embarrassing, with Hubbie, my family, friends and my children. Despite my vow not to, I slobber all over my sons when I drop them off anywhere, much to their embarrassment. Yes, even the almost 2 year old ! 

You can't have missed the news about the closure of the charity Kids Company and the subsequent fallout in the media. On the one hand there are accusations that the charity was not financially viable and on the other the claim that it is the speculation in the media that led to donations drying up. I have over 20 years experience of the charity sector starting out as a volunteer with Terrence Higgins Trust in 1994, working with children's charities, overseas agencies and as a fundraising director in latter years. I have seen a lot of what goes well and plenty of what goes wrong with charities. I've never known a charity to close like this. The Diana Memorial Fund closed a few years ago following a court case they took against the Franklin Mint in the US. The fund lost resulting in a large payout of legal fees that made dent in their finances. There were many charities that relied on funding from them who faced closure and it was a salutary lesson to the sector to diversify funding and not to rely on one major source of income.

We haven't heard the full story about what happened at Kids Company yet and may never truly know. It's terribly sad for all the young people who were helped by the charity and for all the staff who were committed to the work they loved doing. Now, I'm not an expert, but I've learned a lot in the last 20 years and some of what I know might help explain what seems inexplicable here.

Work your way out of a job:

First up charities exist to meet a need that is not already being served. Barnardos, Save the Children and Kids Company all came about to provide care for children who would otherwise be left uncared for and neglected. Medical charities are often started to support people who are confounded about how to cope with life changing circumstances. The Anthony Nolan Trust was founded by parents who were alone and in need of help when their son Anthony was ill and needed a bone marrow transplant. For years they have provided this support to others and now also campaign to encourage more people to become bone marrow donors. My point is that a charity is started to fill a gap and at some point surely the aim must be to negate the need to exist at all ? After all what says success like not being needed any more ? Isn't it more of a win for a charity to say 'we have eradicated this disease' than to say 'we have helped more people with this disease this year than last'. Ok that is probably utopian, but it has been my observation that as charities grow their aim is to diversify and increase revenue to deliver more and more services rather than to work towards their own end. After all when you have offices and staff salaries to pay for why would you want to wind down the organisation ? Well, maybe because you have succeeded in making the service you provide a mainstream one that is available or because the need for the service has gone. That might seem idealistic, but isn't the headline aim of any charity working with vulnerable children and young people who have been neglected or abused to stop the abuse happening in the first place ?

Charisma at the top:

I've worked for my fair share of visionary charity founders. They are inspiring, driven and charismatic. Rarely are they also managers or business minded. When you have a mantra like, "love will cure all" why deal with boring details like salaries and tax returns ? It's so easy to praise the 'front line' services and castigate agencies for having managers and back office staff. Well how do you think those front line staff are CRB checked, insured and paid ? Or have the equipment they need to do their work ? That the offices you work in are paid for and the paper in the photocopier is bought and the broadband is connected and working. Someone has to fundraise to pay for all of that, someone else has to have legal knowledge to ensure that young people, children, older people and anyone else is safe and protected. It's not glamorous, but it is essential. If you've ever had an operation did you get a call from your consultant to book you in or did someone in an admin department advise you of the date you would be seen ? Back office is necessary to enable front line to function. The face of the organisation rarely takes any interest in the functions that make their charity tick.

Love is all you need:

When a founder/chief executive says something like, "love is what these children need," I agree, of course they do. They also need a safe place and trusted people to support them. Love doesn't pay for accommodation and it isn't ensuring they are safe from harm. An abuser will say they love the person they hurt. A parent who has neglected their children will insist they love them while also destroying their childhood. Love will definitely make a big difference, but so can care, nutrition and a safe place to stay - all of which can cost money. Which brings us to...

Show me the money:

Believe me when I say it's not easy to ask for money. I wish it was a case of just saying, "this is really important work, you know that, please fund it." It isn't. When I am fundraising by doing something daft like dancing for 6 hours or walking all night it's friends and family who I'm asking to give money to a good cause. It's asking them to support what I'm doing in the name of a good cause. When I'm fundraising for a charity that I work for it's often trusts and companies who I am applying to. They are being asked by other competing charities whose causes are just as compelling, so how do they decide ? Well they often have very clear criteria of what they will fund - that makes sense. Others will refuse to fund existing work or salaries or capital projects. All of which means that once work is established it's very difficult to fund it to continue. Some charities respond by repackaging what they are doing so it looks new and shiny. Others chase the money and change what they do in order to keep going. It's not a great situation either way. What it does mean is that everyone is fighting for the same pot of money.

Friends in high places:

When the head of a charity is always in the media portraying their own take on the charity instead of the reality it is very difficult for the work of the charity to continue. That same founder / Chief Executive figure will most likely refuse to listen to the people who do pay salaries and fundraise because they have the bigger vision and don't want to get bogged down with the boring stuff like the bottom line. If that same person then says they will go and get a handout from their 'friendly donor' it's neither transparent nor ethical, but you're not allowed to challenge the person at the top. When that friendly donor is high profile and decides to withdraw support what happens ? Well, I have had to negotiate with a corporate donor who wanted their money back because they had no idea what had been done with it. No one wants to have to do that, but if you aren't being open and honest with donors that will happen. Worst case scenario you will have to pay it back. Even worse case scenario you will have no money and have to close. Leaving the benefactors and staff with nowhere to go.

It's not all work, work, work:

Most people I've worked with in charity have a deep commitment to the cause. They also have a love of what they do because - let's face it - they aren't in the best paid jobs. The backbone of the charity sector is the work of volunteers. They deliver services, collect donations, fundraise, organise events, bake cakes, answer phones and without them it would just not be possible to function. No one wants to stop delivering services they believe in or to leave children and young people or older people or animals without any care or support. I say this as someone who has spent time overseas with children in orphanages and refugee camps - it made it glaringly obvious why the cause was so important. I have also worked to fundraise for organisations that provide support to care leavers and young people at risk of crime. It's not an easy cause, but it's one that needs the money as otherwise no one else is doing it.

There isn't room for everyone:

Not every charity will make it and the phrase 'too big to fail' cannot be truer here. Some are such leviathans that it's seen as irresponsible to let them go bust, but why are they so big in the first place ? It's not like any one charity is genuinely unique any more. There are many cancer charities. Myriad medical charities. So many children's charities. The minute differences are negligible. More importantly they're often delivering work we don't realise is charitable. Were you aware that air ambulance is a charity that has to fundraise ? An emergency service provided by charity. Most services for prisoners are delivered by charities as are support services for looked after children. Aren't these public provisions ? Well maybe they should be, but with little regulation and new charities being created every day the money just won't go round. If a charity is able to use public funds like a personal piggy bank and then to not even account for the money how is that fair ? 


This is a blog post I never intended to write, but with so much comment and inference about the current news story I just wanted to add my two pen'orth. Fundamentally there are too many charities. There's not enough money for everyone. If you're fortunate enough to be funded well you owe it to those you work with to be responsible and make that money work the best way. This doesn't mean going back to keep asking for more to fill gaps, but being honest about where it's spent and why. If you can't and that results in funders deciding not to keep funding your cause you can't then lash out at everyone with guilt inducing accusations of service users let down.


Not being sustainable and claiming that love will feed, clothe, counsel and heal wounded children is irresponsible. More importantly it's devastating for the young people who will lose out at a result of this. Right now the last thing they are feeling is loved.  

This is what a fundraiser looks like: where's my t-shirt eh ?

This time of year seems to be one where we become acutely aware of good causes and giving to others. I get plenty of charity appeals through the post and having written a lot of them in my previous life as a fundraiser I usually cast a professional eye over them and donate to the ones that I particularly feel an affinity with.

At Christmas I have a few causes I always give to including donations of clothes and blankets to homeless shelters. This year we have given to food banks all year round and I've recently been popping in mince pies and fruit cake and the odd bag of chocolate coins too. Everyone deserves special treats at Christmas don't they ?

We also found out about a toy drive to give toys to looked after children at Christmas which has been organised by the Met Police. I shared this with a few people and was amazed when some reacted really negatively to 'supporting the police.' That level of cynicism really disappoints me and it made me think about some of the campaigns that have captured the imagination in the last year and whether it's really about being 'charitable' or something else.

Fairly early on in the year we saw the phenomenon of the no make-up selfie which was not charitable in intent at first, but became about breast cancer. Plenty of women I know (and some men) posted selfies for this cause and I'm sure lots of them donated to breast cancer charities too. It really was a bit baffling to me.

More recently we saw the internet taken over by the ice bucket challenge. Celebrities, family members and pretty much everyone (and some pets) did this one. It was one of those, 'well they've done it so I will too' things, but I did admire Matt Damon's approach. He used toilet water to undertake the challenge and used the massive international interest in it to raise the issue of wasting water. As patron of a charity he highlighted how so much of the world does not have access to clean water to drink and wash never mind to tip over their heads for fun.

You probably already know how I feel about Movember, ie. men not shaving for a month to raise awareness of male cancers. Does looking like a hipster or a porn star (depending on what facial hair does for you) really improve the provision of health services for men ? Do more men check themselves or seek medical help as a result of this month long abstinence from shaving ? I genuinely don't know the answer, but if it's doing some good then why not ?

There was a moment earlier this year when a t-shirt caused a bit of stir. Not since 'Frankie Say Relax' did a slogan get so many hot so under the collar. I don't know if the t-shirt in question was manufactured in sweatshop conditions and I would hope that the decision to wear it would be left the individual. My question, however, is this: does wearing a T-shirt declaring you're a feminist deal with the gender pay gap ? Or online trolling of women ? Or Gamergate ? 

Way back when that designer bag declared ' I am not a plastic bag' it didn't have any discernible impact on climate change or - if my observations while shopping are anything to go by - on the behaviour of shoppers. The mad scramble to buy them made a mockery of the concept of 'reducing, reusing and recycling' as they changed hands for many times their real value online. 

I guess my point is that my politics don't fit on a t shirt. Charity is a political concept. The fact that it took a teenager with a life threatening disease to raise awareness and funds for cancer charities is shocking. That people were so willing to support the cause because Stephen Sutton asked them to is not.

Charity is a personal choice and how you do it is entirely up to you. If it's this time of year that tweaks a reaction - whether it's guilt or sympathy or generosity - then so be it. I give all year round and do what I can if I don't have much money. I've baked cakes for Macmillan, walked all night in the cold for breast cancer charities and rode a scooter around London wearing a onesie for Comic Relief.

I'll be honest, if I was doing any of these alone it would have been pretty grim, but there are always plenty of folks willing to join in with silly escapades. There will be a new one in March 2015 that I will tell you all about very soon.

For now I'm getting my legwarmers on and doing some warm ups - between bites of mince pie and handfuls of chocolates that is.

Ho ho ho !!

I appear alone, I'm really not :)

Glitter and sparkle and it's not even on the tree !!

I'm not a big fan of bling, but even I succumb at Christmas and seeing all the glamour and sequins around inspires me. I've been running around so much with constant updating of to do lists that I don't know which way is up, but I still found time to get some sparkle into life this week.

Shiny shiny red and glittery :) 

Firstly, I got my nails done. I went for a festive red with some glitzy glitter tips - let's see how long they last shall we ? 

Any tips on how to wrap the ears ? 

Then I spent an evening wrapping all the presents - adding bows and bling to make them look pretty.  Neo offered to help me, but it was all a bit too much for him so he decided to rest and almost got wrapped up himself ! 

My boys putting money into the wishing well

Finally tonight we did what has become a tradition for us at Christmas and went to look at the Christmas lights. There is one road near where we live that is known for having the most amazing displays outside the homes. Every year they run up what must be eye-watering power bills to provide spectacular themed light shows for the public.

Some stunning lights here

There is an element of competition among the houses and they do try and outdo each other every year. Our boy especially loves the ones with moving characters and tonight we saw a snowman tipping his hat, reindeer bowing their heads to 'feed' and Santa Claus waving his legs out of the chimney where he was stuck.

Can you imagine paying to run these lights ? 

Of course, they don't just do this to entertain, but also to raise funds for charity and we always take money with us to donate. As our boy said this afternoon, "let's put some money in and take a chocolate." You see, the lovely folks at number 7 leave out chocolates to thank people for donations, so for a special Sunday afternoon treat we took him to see the lights clutching some money to donate to Starlight and Great Ormond Street Hospital. What a lovely and inventive way to raise spirits and money at the same time.

Who says Croydon isn't beautiful ? 

Now, it's back to crazy planning and my work Christmas party this week - wish me luck !!

This post is being shared on the #countrykids linky hosted by the lovely Fiona of Coombe Mill

  

No, it's not sponsorship, I'm paying you to shave !!

If you know me but at all you will be aware that I have self-diagnosed pogonophobia. I hide it well, especially as living / working in London I often see Hipster men so I have to throw up a bit in my mouth avert my eyes from their misjudged facial hair choices. Well, I don't have to, of course, but it is so much easier than looking at them and wanting to say, "Why would you do that to yourself ? Do you not like your chin ?"

The only acceptable moustache - ever !

So, you can imagine how painful it is for me that every November we now have this phenomenon where (otherwise sane) men take part in Movember and I find myself with an involuntary desire to hand over surgical face masks to cover the offending articles. There is so much to dislike about temporary facial hair, from the flecks of ginger or white that make it look like they've just forgotten to wipe their face after eating, to the actual bits of food that are lodged there. I cannot understand why anyone would do it - honestly. Why not just use this fab app instead ? http://www.facetache.com

Well, ok I'll be honest I do know why and I've written about it before - back in 2011 I wrote this:

Something has happened to my male friends. They have replaced their normal photos on facebook (amusing cartoon depictions or ironic images) with what looks like those photos that are taken in shopping centres where you dress up as a person from the olden days. Not all of them are hirsute so this sudden need to grow facial fuzz is in some cases wildly disturbing. The ones who are naturally young looking now look like extras from Starsky and Hutch and others who are naturally hirsute now look like the station master from the Railway children. 

The reason is - of course - Movember (see link at end of blog) which seems to have captured the interest where other causes have feared to tread. The traditional charity donor is a woman, older and gives to a range of causes. This donor would give a small amount regularly while alive then leave her entire life savings in her will to an animal charity causing a lengthy probate dispute with her family who had no idea that the donkeys would get the proceeds from the sale of her bungalow. As these lovely donors die off charities have desperately tried to diversify their donor base and have had to come up with new ways to appeal for funds. 

In order to get men to donate to charity the challenge fundraising event was born and we have seen the walk along the Great Wall, the trek to the base camp of Everest or the cycle ride in Vietnam. This time, however, someone has hit on an idea so simple it is genius. Ask men not to do something and to get sponsored for it. I've lost count of the number of times a man has complained about having to shave, so the idea of not doing it must be like Christmas, New Year and England being in the World Cup Final all at once. 

I doubt any charity, however forward thinking is going to encourage women to grow hair for sponsorship. If they did we could look forward to the prospect of breast cancer charities publicising "pits for tits." Do you find waxing taxing ? Never fear, grow your hair and instead of being a social pariah you will be adored for being the wonderful fundraiser you are. Nah, I just don't see it. The most a man can expect to suffer is some mild ridicule for growing a moustache, a woman ditching the bleach and wax or going all Frida Kahlo is just going to look like she's neglecting her personal appearance.

For now I'm enjoying seeing the transition from respectable looking man to porn star to Burt Reynolds tribute act. Good luck to all my friends who are taking part in Movember and if you want to know more - go here: Movember 

Why ? Just why ? 

My feelings have changed very little even if 'Pits for Tits' still hasn't taken off, but I am assured that 'Vajanuary' is a thing and that's close enough.

I've decided this year that instead of encouraging this louche behaviour I'm only paying up as an incentive for the culprit to get rid of the facial fuzz.

Seriously I'm going to pay my male friends to shave !!

if you want to read my original blog post about Movember it's here.

In the pink and walking in the moonlight

For months I've been walking and training for the Moonwalk. I decided to do it a while back and called my lovely friend Soraya to see if she was up for it and she said only that day she'd been thinking of something to do as a challenge and she agreed straight away. I had a speech all prepared to convince her, but I didn't need it. I've been walking in the rain, the wind and sometimes even the sun to prepare. My knees have been unpredictable and I've been worried on more than one occasion that they'd pack up. Soraya put her back out early on and it was touch and go if she'd be well enough to do it at all.

My streamlined Moonwalk outfit 

Last week I put together my outfit - it's pink and frou-frou, but I'd say it's essentially an athletic look isn't it ?

Then on Saturday night we got ready while Hubbie put the boy to bed. We packed water, protein bars and some fruit in small bags to carry with us on the route and wore fleece jackets convinced it would be warmer while we walked and we wouldn't need them.

Raring to go 

When we arrived at the Moonwalk tent the atmosphere hit us and when they had a minute of silence to think about why we were there I choked as my reason was standing right next to me. My friend was alive and that was why we were doing it. TEARS.

Tattooed ladies

The reason for doing it was simple, but the walk itself was anything but - that was brutal. It was cold, biting wind and long periods of standing around waiting for road crossings and bottle necks to clear. We never really picked up enough momentum to warm up. My legs ached and my head hurt from the cold. As it became light I perked up a bit and we made a big push to get to the finish.

A glass of wine to celebrate

When we finally finished we hugged and sobbed a bit and made our way home. Hubbie and the boy were waiting for us and after a cuppa and something to eat I got into the lovely hot bath Hubbie had run for me and listened to the radio. The boys went out for a swim and to do the shopping. When they got back I heard Hubbie 'shushing' the boy so as not to disturb me. I sent him a text message a while later to ask if they'd had a nice time - I was still like a zombie so moving wasn't an option. They came up to see me. "I'm proud of you Mummy," the little one said as he handed me some red roses.

I was too exhausted to cry again. 

And the best thing of all - we've raised over £1,500 for breast cancer charities :)

Inspiring women: International Women's Day #lastingchange

On my radio show this morning I shared some virtual postcards from Annie Spratt containing stories about the work funded by Comic Relief in Tanzania to support women running their own small businesses. Annie was in Tanzania with Tanya Barrow and Penny Alexander to visit women who are supporting their own families and bringing a helping hand to others who they employ and supply goods and services to. This is part of my involvement with Team Honk and the wonderful fellow bloggers who are currently carrying a baton from Lands End to John O'Groats to raise money for Sport Relief.

I thought I'd share my #lastingchange virtual postcard with you below: 

Dyeing fabric safely

• Eliafura makes the most beautiful batiks and tie dyed material.  With the support of the Gatsby Trust Eliafura has registered her business and learned important health and safety rules around the chemicals she uses.   Eliafura now also trains other women in the village who bring material to her and she shows them how to create these beautiful patterns.   They sell easily to not only local schools where teachers like to buy them but also overseas. We bought her entire stock because we loved them all so much and are now working out how to sell them on so we can complete the circle of donation, funding, training, selling, donating. 

You can be sure I'll be buying some of those fabrics and giving them pride of place in my home :)

In my career I've worked with various overseas charities and I've seen how amazing and life changing it can be to give someone an opportunity to support themselves. Women like Bertha or Eliafura who have the drive to work for themselves and to succeed in business with the additional benefit of employing others. It is the principle on which the Grameen Bank was based. This is the microcredit scheme that gave small loans to women in Bangladesh who then went on to feed not only their own families, but to employ others who were then able to feed theirs and so on. 

When it was started the basis of lending to women was explained by Grameen founder Mohammed Yunus as being about giving the power to those who were marginalised either by virtue of poverty, gender or lack of education. The Nobel Laureate also reported that not only did the loans have an exponentially higher rate of early repayment than bank loans (which were not available to most of the women), but on a cultural level there was also a higher chance that the money would benefit the community. Where men were borrowing money and using it for themselves woman were using a smaller amount of money to bake bread to sell then reinvest in more ingredients to bake more bread which eventually became a bakery business employing other women. This is a simplistic explanation, but it worked. 

One of the stories I told on my show today was a revelation to me. It began in 2010 led by women from the neighbouring countries Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, which have been torn apart by the worst atrocities of war that the world has seen in recent years. Women from opposing sides of war in these communities came together on a bridge adjoining the two countries in a plea for peace and to show that they could build bridges of hope for the future. Their action sparked a massive global movement to stand in solidarity with women around the world touched by war. It is a beautiful and touching idea. 

It reminded me of an organisation of women that I worked with in Rwanda that began when one widow of the genocide sat under a tree. The next day another woman joined her and the next day another until eventually many women came together to sit under the tree and share their tears, fears, hopes and dreams of how to go on when they had seen so much bloodshed and pain. Community organisations are an amazing force for good and for women who have been disempowered, brutalised and left to fend for themselves they can provide a lifeline.

I've concentrated on women overseas, but I am - of course - aware that women in the UK also benefit from the work of charity and support each other and achieve amazing things. I'll share with you a quiz by one of my favourite feminists that might help put International Women's Day into context. 

Bridget Christie's Quiz

Do something amazing and save a life

I'm always banging on about blood donation and how important it is, but to show you how easy and non-scary it is I thought I'd take some pics while I was giving blood this evening. Honestly it's really simple to book, you can do it online and there are sessions all over including in local church halls and some workplaces too. I went to a local church where they have a regular session every few months.

When you arrive you will be greeted and asked to read a booklet explaining what happens and what the restrictions are on giving blood - this can also be checked online to save a wasted journey. If you are at all nervous or if it's your first donation this is the time to say so as they will make sure you are taken care of and that you're not put off. I am not a fan of needles, but they are very professional staff who make it as painless and simple as possible.  Once you're booked in you will be asked to wait so bring a book in case it's busy.






You will be called up to have a pinprick test which will determine if you are able to donate blood during your visit. If not they will explain why and you may be referred to your GP for further tests to ensure you are well. Otherwise you will be directed to wait until called up.

While waiting you should drink plenty of water to help the blood flow - it is a good idea to stay well hydrated during the day before you attend a session too.








When there is a free chair the donor carer will call you over and prepare your arm and make sure you are comfortable. The chair lies back flat and you can pretty much relax while it all goes on - this evening my donation took under 5 minutes so it's not a long process at all. They will ask you to sit and rest before you go so that there is no risk of you fainting and if they are in any way concerned about you they will make you wait until you are fully well before leaving.

Now the best bit of donating - the tea and biscuits !! The only time I eat full fat crisps is after I give blood and it's kind of medicinal so I don't feel bad about it at all. You can also book your next appointment while you are having a drink and snack so that you don't have to think about it. They will send you a letter of confirmation by post so it couldn't be simpler.


I go on about giving blood because so many people who could donate don't. Blood stocks run low at this time of year, but the need does not so the blood transfusion service really do appreciate every donation. It took under an hour for me to donate this evening so time is no excuse.

My boy got this lovely sticker. I want him to grow up knowing how important it is to do something that could save a life.

If you would like to find out more or to find a local donor session please go to www.blood.co.uk

Thank you :o) 

Some children you never forget

I've been thinking about some very special children recently.

In Romania:

Bobby the Roma child who was in the street one night when a woman I know asked him if he'd eaten and when he said he and his sisters and brothers had no food at home she gave him some money. As she went about her shopping she was aware that he was carefully choosing bread, fruit and milk to feed his family. She came outside to find Bobby waiting there and she asked why he hadn't gone home yet - he held out his hand to her. "I had to give you your change."

The three Romanian children who had seen their youngest sibling killed in an institution from which they were adopted. The family who adopted them decided to have them baptised and after the service they spoke for the first time about what had happened to their brother and disclosed that it had been a member of staff who had been responsible. When they were all in a cab going home to their adoptive family the oldest child told the social worker that they had had a lovely time and to thank the kind people for taking care of them. They thought they were being sent back for speaking up about the murder.

Gaby who was adopted at 18 months and her adopted parents thought she had no memories of the orphanage until they took her to visit the children's centre. As soon as she saw the white tiled floor she began screaming and fitting as she thought it was the orphanage and she was being taken back there. Her parents never took here there again.

In Sierra Leone: 

The boy who witnessed his entire family being macheted to death by rebels who left him for dead in a pool of his own blood. He was rescued barely alive and now has gouges in his back where they hacked at his body too. He is a humble, quiet young man who bears no malice towards those who left him orphaned and who is making a future for himself without any family at all.

Visiting a refugee camp where children came up to tell us they had been soldiers. They were now going to school and being fed and were no longer given drugs or abused in order to get them to take orders from young men no older than them. A child aged no more than ten who could assemble an automatic weapon in the time it takes to boil a kettle.

In the UK:

The boy who came to school in dirty and smelly clothes and unfed most days. Teachers would bring clothes for him and his siblings to wear and soap for them to wash with at school as well as bringing in food for them to eat - this was before breakfast clubs in schools were in existence.

The three children who we were asked to consider for adoption. Twins under a year old and a sister aged 2 and a half who had learning difficulties. I still lose sleep worrying about whether they were split up in order to find a suitable family for all of them.

All of these children are real. They have all left an impression on me and I still think about them. Not every day, but sometimes the feelings I had when I met them come flooding back. I have met a lot of children whose lives have been difficult. Children who have seen more pain and violence than anyone should ever see. Some make it through and grow to become adults who don't let the pain of their early lives define them. Some don't make it.

When I think about them I hope that they are living happy lives and that they are loved.  

Is it just me or is blogging a white thing ?

When we first moved into this area we went to do some shopping at the local Waitrose and Hubbie commented that it was 'very white.' I remarked that the green and white decor signified freshness and cleanliness and he clarified by saying, "No, I meant the people. They're all white." I looked around. "Not everyone, the counter staff aren't."

It wasn't a judgement, just an observation. One that I hadn't made. In the same way I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me that my chosen profession was staffed almost exclusively by women who were white, blonde, 20-something and (in the old days) trustafarians. It wasn't an issue as it didn't stop me doing my job so I thought nothing of it.

Then at the weekend I was at a blogging conference, my third in the last 12 months. At the first one I was far too dazzled by it all that I barely noticed anyone else (well apart from the fact that the beautiful woman sitting next to me turned out to be Prof Tanya Byron). At the second I became aware that the majority of attendees were white women. This weekend I was there with a friend who is also not white and she noticed it too. At one point she joked that we had to attend different break out sessions to make sure that there was a fair representation and spread of ethnicity.

Before my remarks unleash a barrage of criticism I'd like to explain that I am a big fan of the blogging networks that hosted these conferences and I don't think it is their job to explain who attends. They aren't excluding anyone so it's up to those who are interested and who blog to come along. That's what I did. It was just very obvious to me that only a few non-white women were there and I'm wondering why.

Flowing from this is the question, is blogging mostly a white pastime ? I can't believe that it is. I blog about my son, my family, my life in general and occasionally I review stuff on my blog too. I rarely blog about my ethnicity, but it underlies my writing because it's who I am. It's also half of my son too and I want him to understand both sides of his heritage so occasionally I'll write about Diwali or what it's like when we go to visit family in India. My ethnicity doesn't define my writing, but informs it. I don't speak on behalf of anyone else or their experience just as a blogger who has 3 children doesn't speak for all parents of 3 children.

So do we have a secret underground movement of non-white bloggers who just can't or won't attend conferences for reasons of cost or timing (which can apply to everyone I know). And more importantly why does it matter ? It isn't just so that I can identify with more than half a dozen people in the crowd, honestly.

• Blogging is a democratic thing isn't it ? If you have access to the internet - and I know for some this is an issue - it's pretty much open to all. So is it about access or education ? 

• Companies who clamber for product testers and brand ambassadors do know that parents of every ethnicity spend money and buy stuff for their families don't they ? 

• I refuse to believe that in this day and age it isn't possible to find panellists that are representative of a wider experience. It seems that having a man on the panel is more representative than a black woman. 

• It's important because a panel discussion about feminism descended into purile comments about jam and heels when we could have covered so many others such as FGM and education for girls. Issues that maybe don't personally affect anyone in that room, but affect all of us as people. 

There was a session that talked about blogging changing the world. Well, I'm keen to know if the blogging world is inclusive to start with.

If you have any thoughts on this topic please do comment - I'd love to hear what you think.

I'd like world peace of course (and a flatter stomach)

Like most people and every Mum I know I have a to do list that is constantly updated and not always completed. I function better with a list of tasks to achieve and it is very satisfying to tick them off even if it's just 'feed the cat' rather than a proper job like 'change the sheets' - this one sits there almost as long as 'clean the fish bowl.'I don't cheat by adding jobs to the list that I've already done (mentioning no names Gemma !!!) but there are some that have been on there a long, long time. 

So, the latest *big* list is - in no particular order - as follows:

• Find a job that I love to do and that pays something - not a fortune, but enough for nice things like Waitrose shopping and a holiday. I love producing and presenting my radio show and writing this blog, but neither of them generates any reward beyond sheer joy that anyone is interested in them :o)

• If I can earn some money it will give me back some financial independence too. When I had my own flat I also had life insurance and Hubbie would like me to have some again so that he and the boy taken care of if anything happens. Life insurance tends to be tied to mortgages so if you're not the main breadwinner it's not considered a priority, but it doesn't seem strictly fair on the boys in my family if I don't have any, so I'd like to sort that out.  

• Lose weight - I know this is a very common wish amongst the women I know this one. I am so fed up with being chubby and it is as simple as stopping stuffing my face and getting off my butt to just do it. To motivate myself to achieve this I'm taking part in Walk the Walk next May with the lovely fellow blogger and real life friend Soraya to raise money for Breast Cancer charities. I'd better get fit by then -  even if it's only the half one - I did the full one a few years ago and it damn near killed me !! I'm also part of Team Honk's blogger relay from Lands End to John O'Groats so I'm not going to humiliate myself with all those super fit Yummy Mummy bloggers taking part. 

• Get the garage project started.  It's been on hold for 2 years now (ie. since we moved to this house) and we knew that the garage had to be rebuilt, but we just haven't got round to doing it yet. As I'm not working full time I should just get on with it really, but I know that it won't be a quick thing and I'm dreading the mess and chaos. 

• Decorate the boy's bedroom. I feel so guilty that we've never decorated his bedroom, but I didn't want to commit to a design scheme then have him decide he doesn't like it any more. I have mentioned before how the Barnaby the Bear wallpaper I'd loved aged 4 waned a little when I was 12. We are aiming to put his 'grown-up' (toddler) bed in the room and decorating it in time for Christmas. That way he will have a new room and lots of lovely presents all at once.

Finally, I would like take better care of myself. To get more sleep, wear my nice clothes rather than my comfy ones and think about my appearance again. I used to take time to choose what a I wore, my accessories, make up and hair and I just throw on what's closest (and clean) now. It's not good enough really.

 I'd like to make the effort a bit more so that Hubbie doesn't see me as a frumpy, grumpy wife and my boy doesn't see me as a lumpy, dumpy Mummy.

So there it is. Yes I'd like world peace, but for now I'll take a flatter stomach :o)