A feminist, an adopter, a radio presenter, an equality advisor and mum to boys.
I swim, play music, write stuff and have ambitions to declutter my home.
This month it's the 5 year anniversary of my radio show. In celebration of this I have a few music related tales to tell. This one, however, has come about only in the last 24 hours as it occured to me that the news events of the last ten days really deserve a playlist. I might even make a podcast out of it.
So first we were all asked to make a huge decision:
And the result was a big shock. The side that had the most votes were all like:
And others - mostly Scotland and London - were all like:
Then the EU puffed up it's chest and was all:
And the UK was all:
Then it wiped its face, picked up its shoes off the floor and flounced off:
So next the lead characters in the whole drama started to realise what they had done:
And the loudest one of all just couldn't hack it any more:
So the other guy said he'd do it and his wife was all:
And a woman who doesn't agree with either of them said she'd take care of things:
Then a guy who isn't that popular wanted to get in on the act too:
So the guy who had stepped up first felt a bit overlooked:
Meanwhile the other side were having their own issues:
And the main man is all like:
Even though everyone else is all:
So, it's all a bit:
And in the background is the thing that started all of this:
You would be forgiven for thinking:
Ok, I've decided I'm so going to make this into a radio show / podcast. I'll post it here when it's done. For now, hope you enjoy the tunes and try not to take it all too seriously.
This time of year seems to be one where we become acutely aware of good causes and giving to others. I get plenty of charity appeals through the post and having written a lot of them in my previous life as a fundraiser I usually cast a professional eye over them and donate to the ones that I particularly feel an affinity with.
At Christmas I have a few causes I always give to including donations of clothes and blankets to homeless shelters. This year we have given to food banks all year round and I've recently been popping in mince pies and fruit cake and the odd bag of chocolate coins too. Everyone deserves special treats at Christmas don't they ?
We also found out about a toy drive to give toys to looked after children at Christmas which has been organised by the Met Police. I shared this with a few people and was amazed when some reacted really negatively to 'supporting the police.' That level of cynicism really disappoints me and it made me think about some of the campaigns that have captured the imagination in the last year and whether it's really about being 'charitable' or something else.
Fairly early on in the year we saw the phenomenon of the no make-up selfie which was not charitable in intent at first, but became about breast cancer. Plenty of women I know (and some men) posted selfies for this cause and I'm sure lots of them donated to breast cancer charities too. It really was a bit baffling to me.
More recently we saw the internet taken over by the ice bucket challenge. Celebrities, family members and pretty much everyone (and some pets) did this one. It was one of those, 'well they've done it so I will too' things, but I did admire Matt Damon's approach. He used toilet water to undertake the challenge and used the massive international interest in it to raise the issue of wasting water. As patron of a charity he highlighted how so much of the world does not have access to clean water to drink and wash never mind to tip over their heads for fun.
You probably already know how I feel about Movember, ie. men not shaving for a month to raise awareness of male cancers. Does looking like a hipster or a porn star (depending on what facial hair does for you) really improve the provision of health services for men ? Do more men check themselves or seek medical help as a result of this month long abstinence from shaving ? I genuinely don't know the answer, but if it's doing some good then why not ?
There was a moment earlier this year when a t-shirt caused a bit of stir. Not since 'Frankie Say Relax' did a slogan get so many hot so under the collar. I don't know if the t-shirt in question was manufactured in sweatshop conditions and I would hope that the decision to wear it would be left the individual. My question, however, is this: does wearing a T-shirt declaring you're a feminist deal with the gender pay gap ? Or online trolling of women ? Or Gamergate ?
Way back when that designer bag declared ' I am not a plastic bag' it didn't have any discernible impact on climate change or - if my observations while shopping are anything to go by - on the behaviour of shoppers. The mad scramble to buy them made a mockery of the concept of 'reducing, reusing and recycling' as they changed hands for many times their real value online.
I guess my point is that my politics don't fit on a t shirt. Charity is a political concept. The fact that it took a teenager with a life threatening disease to raise awareness and funds for cancer charities is shocking. That people were so willing to support the cause because Stephen Sutton asked them to is not.
Charity is a personal choice and how you do it is entirely up to you. If it's this time of year that tweaks a reaction - whether it's guilt or sympathy or generosity - then so be it. I give all year round and do what I can if I don't have much money. I've baked cakes for Macmillan, walked all night in the cold for breast cancer charities and rode a scooter around London wearing a onesie for Comic Relief.
I'll be honest, if I was doing any of these alone it would have been pretty grim, but there are always plenty of folks willing to join in with silly escapades. There will be a new one in March 2015 that I will tell you all about very soon.
For now I'm getting my legwarmers on and doing some warm ups - between bites of mince pie and handfuls of chocolates that is.
I've been meaning to write about exception reporting for a while now. It came out of a lunch where I felt as though I was completely out of touch with reality and it made me think about why that was. Given some time to consider it I've concluded that it was the grand statements of 'fact' I was listening to that I found so unpalatable. I blame the exception reporting we are subjected to disguised as 'news' or 'factual reporting.' If you were to believe the media reports you'd have a pretty low opinion of humanity. Using the grossest examples of indecency or violence or corruption to extrapolate that this is what we are as humans just doesn't make sense. It's lazy and it's inaccurate, but when people are scared and fed up and in debt it's what they are willing to believe to make sense of their own discontent. To counteract this idiotic approach here is my much-needed reality check:
Not all benefits claimants are scroungers. Some are people who work zero hours contracts and don't earn enough to live on. That's a normal living, not a moat or duck house living.
Not everyone who works in a bank is overpaid or wealthy. The vast majority of bank staff do not earn six figure sums or earn massive bonuses. A few do.
Not all immigrants are criminals and ne'er do wells who are just 'over here' to steal jobs, money and housing.
I wish I could challenge the notion that not everyone in UKIP is a racist or sexist, but I do struggle to find any proof to support that assertion. Here are a few reasons why:
Yesterday my lovely friend Tim tweeted that UKIP were planning a 'mini carnival' in Croydon to address accusations that they are a racist party. I live in Croydon and Tim used to so I said I'd go along - even though I had some hardcore TV watching planned yesterday afternoon - to see what was going on. UKIP had invited along all the BME candidates standing for them in the local area - because they're not racists - and booked a steel band - still not racists ok? In the end it was a fiasco and I'm glad I chose to stay indoors as by all accounts it all got a bit ugly out there.
I have to take issue with how much attention Farage and his party get considering they have precisely no MPs. Yes, I'll say that again - they have not one MP. And yet Farage has been on Question time more than any actual politician and continues to be invited to the table despite having no real political mandate. Last month there was a lot of comment about whether or not UKIP would stand in the Newark by-election as if that was of any relevance at all. It was a complete waste of time. Instead of asking why the party is so welcoming to candidates who clearly have no internal monologue or external moderator the media is asking why they aren't going into 'real politics.' Then there was the James O'Brien interview on LBC. If you haven't seen it please take the time to watch it now - it's ok I'll wait...
I know. I know. Close your mouth and keep reading.
Farage is invited to participate in TV debates with other party leaders despite the fact that his party has precisely one idea. Now that is exception reporting taken to it's illogical extreme. UKIP are the exception in British politics. They are a party that has no MPs and yet they are invited to participate alongside parties with real policies (however insane or mundane) and are taken seriously when they openly state they have no interest on anything outside the one issue they stand for.
We have received a mountain of electioneering material in the post from all the parties and UKIP sent me a letter. It was actually addressed to me !! Did they not realise that with the middle name Kaur I would probably disagree with their hostile and openly racist policies ? Oh hang on they don't actually have any policies do they ? Farage spends more time expelling the 'random elements' in his party than he does talking about what they believe in outside the one big idea.
This is why you have to go out and use your vote on May 22nd. Not just because so many people around the world (mostly women) are still denied the right to vote. It is precisely because so many people don't vote that the same old same old keeps happening. If you are someone who doesn't vote and says, 'It makes no difference, what's the point anyway ?' then you are part of the problem. You are the reason the same people keep making the laws and getting away with the self-serving decisions you disagree with. Sitting in your kitchen moaning to your friends that it's all such a waste of time really is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We get the Government we deserve and even if you have no opinion about the local or european elections use this chance to flex your voting muscles. Get in some practice before the general election so that when it comes around you're ready for it. Even if you're not registered to vote for this one, pop down to the polling station and see how it all works. I took my son with me the last time I voted and there was not one other voter there - I like to think that my vote counted for even more.
So even if you vote for a party I don't agree with, it genuinely is more important that you just do it anyway. What matters is that you use your vote and that is is counted.
The news that Tony Benn had passed away came early in the day and I kept trying to pretend it wasn't happening. I caught the end of a tribute during the Today programme and dismissed it as my having misheard. Then I avoided any news bulletins all morning and took the boy and a neighbour out to the shops and for lunch as it was so lovely and sunny. I managed to convince myself it hadn't really happened. Eventually while I was waiting for the Archers repeat to begin I finally listened to the news and had to accept that yes it was true and he had really died.
It was like hearing that a family friend had gone. Someone I hadn't seen for years, but who I still had a soft spot for. When I was at school and was first becoming interested in politics his son was a local councillor and I became fascinated by him. I was a member of CND, a feminist, second generation immigrant and from a low income family. Where politicians were out of touch and 'other' he seemed to be genuinely interested in the people that were frequently ignored or dismissed as unimportant. I didn't always agree with Tony Benn's views, but I like how he listened and spoke in equal measure and didn't do that thing that all politicians do now where they interject aggressively in any conversation/ interview with, "look," while ploughing on with their pre-prepared directive from party HQ.
Just now I heard a tribute programme on Radio 4 where David Davies talked about Benn's career and their friendship. It is telling that there were so many from all sides of the political field who spoke fondly about him and many who were honest in their complete disagreement with his politics. I started to compare this week where two figures on the left of politics died with what happened when Margaret Thatcher died. Neither period of mourning propelled the nation into the outpouring of grief that baffled me (and many others) when Diana died. They did, however, offer an interesting insight into how public death is now and what is allowed to be said and what is chosen to be said. I noted two things in particular.
1. When talking about Thatcher the words Iron Lady were used most frequently and when talking about Bob Crow and Tony Benn it's been about loyalty and being an upstanding champion of the people in once case and a homely, tea obsessed chap on the other.
2. The left and right (politically speaking) behave quite differently in the face of the death of a public figure. They don't see eye to eye politically, but do say the right things for the media - it isn't the done thing to speak ill of the dead after all. However, I don't think there have been any street parties celebrating the death of Crow or Benn, even though I'm pretty sure they inspired the same level of passionate hatred in their detractors as Thatcher did in hers.
I've mentioned before that one of my closest friends and I do not agree on politics. I don't mean we politely disagree and clink tea cups and get on with discussing how to make the smoothest butter icing. I mean there were years when I would come home after a night out with her where I'd feel I'd been mentally and verbally battered and even now there are times when we look at each other with an acknowledgement that we just aren't on the same page on this issue. I suspect this is why we always meet for afternoon tea or a meal, it's a conciliatory way to discuss contentious topics and even if you have a far reaching and painful disagreement at least there was cake or a great glass of wine. Regardless of the disagreement we are still the greatest of friends and I love her very much.
If we only ever befriend people who agree with us we live a small life where our views are never challenged and we never learn anything. I accept that at times I am in the wrong and I'm no longer afraid to admit it. I never used to as I saw it as a failure and would argue my side even as I realised I wasn't even convincing myself. Hubbie and I broadly agree on politics and it is because I'm married to him that I have learned tolerance - bear with me here. You see my father-in-law is someone whose politics are the polar opposite of mine in every sense. He does not listen to anyone and bulldozes on with his Daily Mail informed point of view without any irony or shame. I used to try and get a word in or to argue, but now I listen politely and if I find what he's saying really appalling I change topic or go and do the washing up. Hubbie does not agree with his father's politics, but he respects the man - as do I. It is ironic really as he look a bit like - and sounds a lot like - Tony Benn.
My admiration of Tony Benn isn't a tacit agreement with all of his political views. He wasn't always right, but he was not unkind. His belief in equal rights for gay people was way ahead of the fashionable thinking and he supported nuclear disarmament at a time when that meant you were just mad or living on Greenham Common. He showed respect for others and stood up for what he believed in in the face of great criticism. He said in 1975, "If I rescued a child from drowning, the press would no doubt headline the story: 'Benn grabs child.'"
You don't have to agree with me on any of the above. I do ask, however, that you watch this video clip of Tony Benn taking on Ali G and winning. He doesn't pander to idiotic views in order to look "cool" or pretend to understand where Sacha Baron Cohen's character is coming from - for that I direct you to the Sir Rhodes Boyson interview.
It's that time of year when all the programmes are a look back at the last year so I thought in the spirit of that I'd post a few random thoughts about what I can remember of the last 12 months. It's not in any order particularly and I may well leave out something pretty momentous purely as I've forgotten. So here is my year in headlines:
The Write Stuff: In terms of my blogger life I attended two conferences that taught me an amazing amount and where I met some lovely fellow bloggers who I have learned so much from. Special mention goes to Jennifer Jain who has given me some really great advice and help - you are a lovely lady :o)
Music is the food of love: The radio show I do with Hubbie has been great fun to work on and we're thinking of new themes all the time. It's great being able to share an interest that we have and to have something to show for it in the form of podcasts. We really do have great fun and hope to do more shows this year and grow the audience for both His & Hers and my show Are We Nearly There Yet ?
It's never too late: At the beginning of this year David Bowie created a media 'event' when he released a new single on the internet - followed by an album - without any fanfare or publicity. Most of the surprise was because it was assumed he'd semi -retired from music. I absolutely adore Bowie and thought it was a beautiful single. Just goes to show it's never too late to surprise people.
Oh I do like to be beside the seaside: Closer to home this was the first summer that we have attended the Edge of the Sea two day festival in Brighton and left our son with his grandparents for the weekend. It took me a full day to get used to being without him, but I think I could cope with doing it again this year. I hope so as me and Hubbie have plans to go to more gigs in 2014 and even to take the little man to some family friendly festivals.
Thank you for the days: We took the plunge and decided our boy was ready for days out at theme parks this summer too. He loved Paultons Park - the home of Peppa Pig World - so much that we took him twice. Chessington was also a lovely day out that we were lucky to be invited to try as a family. I think Legoland might be on the cards next summer.
Eye eye: In hypochondria corner I found my eyes going funny and thought I might be developing diabetes - I know, it's almost comical isn't it ? Finally I went to get my eyes tested and discovered I need varifocals. Hubbie stifled his hilarity and helpfully suggested we look at the Stannah range. Yes I did give him a hard - if myopic - stare.
Don't believe the hype: Having avoided it for a long time I finally played Candy Crush and did indeed find it to be mildly addictive. I also tried to watch Breaking Bad and just couldn't get into it. I will try again, but if it hasn't gripped me so far it's not looking good. I became hooked on Mad Men and watched a whole series in two weeks on the train journey to work. After again trying to avoid it I gave in and watched one episode of Game of Thrones and that was it, I had to watch them all. My friend who is always ahead on telly trends was delighted as she can now talk to me about it and when I watch an episode I invariably send her a text message declaring, "That Joffrey needs a good kicking."
You're a big boy now: This was the year that not only did we manage to get the boy out of nappies, but also graduated from a cot to a big boy bed. I recall everyone telling me that the time passes really quickly when your children are young and it is so true. It seems only days ago that he was a newborn baby sleeping next to me and I carefully took away his blanket to find he was asleep on his front with his limbs all tucked under his body like a cat. It made me smile even in my new parent insomniac state.
Goodbye and farewell: Our lovely neighbour passed away after being ill for a few months. He'd been like another grandparent to our boy and as he grew weaker through illness our boy learned to be gentle and kind with this man who loved seeing our boy grow from a baby to a toddler. It was very sad even though it wasn't entirely unexpected.
In the public eye there were the deaths of two high profile political figures - Thatcher and Mandela. One who I despised with my very being and the other who had a bar at my uni named after him - which I know is hardly unique. I think it's enough to say I didn't know either of them, but the two events were big enough to warrant a mention here.
Stop me if you've heard this one before: And in the dying embers of the year another singer whose name begins with B released an album online to the apparent surprise of everyone. Beyonce caused a stir with this supposed 'never before' phenomenon (oh how forgetful the media are) and the album has been a massive success.
So, it's now almost the end of 2013 and I've decided to start my resolutions early to give myself a fighting chance, but that's a whole other post for the start of 2014.
