Just call me Greta Garbo

We had an impromptu after school play in the park with friends today. With the sunny weather it's easier to decide on a whim to detour to the park and I get on with the mum so I have company while the kids run around and keep each other busy.

There were the inevitable tantrums when it was time to leave, but the promise of ice cream at home seemed to quel the worst of it. As we were saying bye I told my friend I'm going away for the night tomorrow. On my own. I had planned to have a night away a month ago, but it didn't happen in the end and as a result I really need the break now.

I am having a rough time with Brown Bear and we aren't getting on that well a lot of the time. I know it's a stage and will be over at some point, but I'm also not at my best so I'm not coping as well as I would like to. Having this bit of time to myself is much needed.

It's taken me a long time to allow myself time away by myself without feeling guilty. It really is the case that you have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can take care of anyone else. I've let myself get tired, run down and have little patience. Just one night to myself isn't too much to ask is it ?

I go to the theatre by myself sometimes and I love it. I don't have to talk to anyone if I don't want to. I'm not worrying if the other person is having a good time. I can immerse myself in the show and at the end of it I don't have to discuss it with anyone. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the company of other people, but sometimes I just want to do my own thing in my own time and without anyone else around. It's a rare treat to have genuine 'free time' where I don't have to pick anyone up or take anyone to a party or have thought about what other people are going to eat.

This afternoon the boys had separate pick up times so I collected Blue Bear and when we got home he sat watching youtube videos of volcanoes (his current fascination is with lava and all things volcanic) while chomping on ginger nut biscuits. He asked me questions about lava and chose the next video he wanted to watch all by himself. It was fascinating to see how much he has grown up.

After picking up Brown Bear we went to the park and the boys went off with their respective friends. Blue playing with his 'girlfriend' and showing consideration and kindess as he helped her learn how to go on the big slide. It was touching and sweet to see how he took care of her. Brown Bear took it in turns to ride his friend's bicycle and kicked his football before joining us in the play park. He was climbing when another kid was behaving unsafely. I looked over and said, "Leave it, let's go now." He got down, came over to me and said, "He's being an idiot Mummy." I agreed and enveloped him in a big hug. He was hot and sweaty and didn't resist my unexplained affection. He just hugged me back and then we walked together to catch up with the others.

A lot of the time it isn't like this. Often it is difficult, tiring, unrewarding and just very, very loud. I love my children and I am so lucky I've been able to be with them so much. However, I also need to have time and space without them. I am sure that having some time away from them helps me be a better Mum.

This afternoon I got it right. It felt lovely and relaxed and fun to be with the boys and their friends. I am sure that knowing I will be away from them tomorrow evening was a big part of that.

Remember when swipe left was how you turned the page on a kindle ?

You will be relieved to hear that I'm aware that my recent posts have been all 'me, me, me,' and frankly even I've had enough of that. So, in reponse to absolutely no public demand here is a welcome break from the pity party.

A friend of mine separated from her partner last year and is keen to meet someone new, so she's been internet dating. It's been 15 years since I did the same and the world of dating has changed a phenomenal amount since then. In the early days you never admitted to meeting anyone through the internet. I told only a few friends and my housemates were on hand to call me to give me a get out if things were going wrong. If anyone asked how you'd met you would be prepared with stories about shared interests or meeting at work. In actual fact the serious relationships in my life did come about through work and shared interests so maybe there's something in that ?

Anyway, this is my advice for you Britney* based on what I learned and I hope it's helpful. Feel free to disregard it all and throw caution to the wind though love. If you meet the man of your dreams in a wine bar in Beckenham and he's a keeper, what do I know ?

The experience of internet dating was a salutory lesson in what I didn't want. It helped me narrow down the qualities I was looking for and the 'non-negotiables.' At this point you want to meet some guys, have a drink, dinner, whatever. A profile won't tell you anything that matters, but it will give you the headlines. I can guarantee you that men always overrate how attractive they are. That's not to say they're trolls, but they will say they're an 8 when they're probably a 6 on a good day. When you've shown me photos I've noticed there are fewer passport shots now and more 'hey look at me on the beach, walking the Great Wall,' etc. type photos. That shows effort, or a good grasp of photoshop.

Where you meet matters. I was lucky that when I was dating I lived and worked in London so I didn't go to the same place twice. If I was really unsure about a potential date I'd meet them at the wine bar down the road from my house so I didn't have to give up my entire evening if it wasn't going well. Ok, so you have the added wrinkle of arranging childcare, but if you meet for lunch that solves that one and you have an automatic out if he's not your type.

Talking of type I've categorised them for you to save you the heartache and drama - I mean, we have kids, that's enough drama isn't it ? 

The Marrying Kind: 

This guy is ready to settle down. He's going to marry the next woman who meets his criteria. All his mates are settled and he was in a serious relationship, but that ended and now he's running out of time. If you want to get married go for this guy, but if not be prepared for him to move on pretty quickly so he can get to Mrs Right. 

The Cryer:

Emotions are good and all that, but this chap emotes all over the shop. And the cafe and the car park if it gets that far. He had a pretty crappy break up with his last girlfriend and while he's not bitter he is feeling every last bit of it. Still. So you will hear about it and how he thought they were going to settle down and have kids and that he misses the dog. He still goes to see her parents and plays Fifa with her brother, but he's over it. Honest. 

The lad:

The love of this guy's life is his group of mates. They have names like, "Banjo, Big D, G-Man and Tash." He won't explain any of them, "you had to be there." These friends have known each other since they were kids and they will have known every girl he's ever dated. It won't matter to him if you aren't his type, he's doing you a favour letting you into his 'gang' anyway.  

Heff wannabe:

He's fit and he knows it. Acts like a playboy, but never talks about what he does for a living. That exclusive club in town ? Yep he can get you in and he drops names that mean nothing to you. He gives the impression he doesn't have to work and can afford a lavish lifestyle. It's more likely he lives with his parents and drives their car. He's got all the moves and it's flattering that he wants to even be seen in your company, but you know he's always looking over your shoulder for a better option. Enjoy it while it lasts - you're just a pit stop. 

The Player: 

He's all about sharing himself around and will probably call you by the wrong name. Actually he will call you babe or darling or precious so as not to have to even learn your name. He won't pretend to be looking for anything serious so you'll have a laugh and go out on some dates with a bloke who claims to like women - so much he can't choose just one. He knows what to say and how to treat you like a lady - or a bad, bad girl if you prefer - and gets plenty of practice. If you don't mind not being his one and only this is your guy, well not yours exclusively, but you know what I mean. 

The Bad Boy:

Oh this one is so appealing and so very hard to give up. He won't make a firm arrangement with you so you never know where you stand. If he does show up he's sufficiently sexy to make you forget his misdemeanors. He's pretty unreliable (think John Hamm's character in Bridesmaids) but has you wrapped around his little finger. Thinking about him will make your heart flutter, but you know that he's also going to break your heart. Totally worth it ! 

Could go either way: 

Potentially a good guy, possibly a stalker. Too soon to say. He will be attentive, kind, romantic, thoughtful and there. Man will he be there. If he hasn't already cooked for you he's planning on it. He sent you flowers after the first date and calls when he says he will. Nothing bad about any of that but if he's not your type he's not going to give you up easily. It make take a while to shake this one off. Still it's nice to be wanted isn't it ? 

The jackpot:

If he's seen you at your worst, if he's around when you're being a total arsehole - hey let's get down to brass tacks, if he's held back your hair when you've overdone it at that Prosecco bar you both thought was a great idea - he's a keeper. He's not perfect - hell neither are you ! - but he's also realistic and knows that it's not always posh dinners and hot sex. He's around for the fun stuff and will still be there when things are a bit crap. You have a laugh and you can be yourself without fear that he's not up to it. For my money this one is the one to hold out for.

Of course the profile on your phone won't tell you any of this so you're going to have to snog a few frogs. In the meantime enjoy the drinks, the dinners and whatever else you fancy.

Good luck precious xx

* Britney is not her name, I'm being discreet. 

I can't keep it to myself any more...

I've been trying to contain my excitement about this news, but I have been bursting to tell everyone. In fact I've already told all the staff in my local Waitrose, Yasmin who does my nails, most of the people I have met in passing since we planned it and now I'm finally telling you too. You see it's something I've wanted to do for so long, but it just hasn't happened. Now, with help from the fantastic folks at Mark Warner we are able to fulfil my wish to do something really special with the boys.

We will be flying to France for our first ever...

Family skiing holiday !!

via GIPHY

Ok, I'm ridiculously excited about this and really, really want to tell the children. However, it's Blue Bear's birthday in two weeks and with it being so close to Christmas I want to make sure that it is really special for him. Once he has been the centre of attention in his own right we can do the big reveal and share all the amazing new things we are going to try.

Going on a plane: Brown Bear has flown before, but Blue Bear hasn't. I showed the boys their passports the other day and we talked about keeping them safe and what they are for. I asked Blue if he would like to go on a plane and of course he said yes. Phew ! That's a relief.

Staying in a chalet hotel: All our holidays with the boys have been in the UK - well Cornwall because we love it so much. We usually stay in a self-catering cottage and have days out and do activities as a family. This time we have booked to stay in a chalet hotel so we can relax. I don't have to cook and we will have afternoon tea with delicious cakes every day. Now that is dangerous !

Kids' clubs: The biggest departure for us, however, is that we have booked the boys into the Mark Warner kids club which is renowned for being excellent. Brown Bear will go to ski school in the morning and Blue Bear will go to a creche. They are confident and friendly children and will be cared for by British qualified child care staff - we are reassured that they will make friends and have fun.

Doing our own thing: Hubbie doesn't ski and has no interest in learning so I'm planning to head out to the slopes while he relaxes in the chalethotel. There is a heated pool, sauna and steam room and we have a balcony so he can just sit and read if he wants to. I haven't skiied for years so I'm going to tag along to ski school with Brown Bear and hopefully remember what to do. I think staying upright will be my main challenge to start with !

The last time I went skiing I looked like this

Buying ski stuff: Of course this has meant I've had to do some shopping for all the kit we need. It's a difficult job, but someone's got to do it. Family and friends have been advised that the boys have lots of lovely things so for Christmas they don't need any presents. However, some have kindly offered to get them socks, gloves and other things they can use on holiday. I can't wait to see what the boys make of that !

Do me a favour: So, now I've told you there is something I need you to do. You have to keep it to yourself. It it still a secret from the boys so please don't tell them. I promise I will share the big reveal when we do finally tell them. I think Brown Bear already suspects something as he said the other day, "I've never been skiing. I'd love to go." I smiled and said, "I'm sure you will get to one day."

You will definitely be fed up of hearing about it, but for now I'm just so excited !

Disclosure: We have collaborated with the lovely folks at Mark Warner to make this trip possible. 

Halloweek and Halloweden in Cornwall

We've already had one week of half term and spent it in Cornwall. I love taking the children there and we have a few days out that we do every time we go.

The first is Lappa Valley which is the most wonderful day out for a family with train obsessed children. The steam engine takes you from the starting station into the valley itself and we rode on Ellie to get there, passing the boating lake and taking in the scenery as we enjoyed surprisingly good weather for October half term. We've been to Lappa many times before so the boys know pretty much which things they like to do and where to go first. We changed things up a bit this time though with a trip on the diesel engine which runs along a track that goes through forest land with some animal figures hidden in trees and on branches on the route. The day we went the train was held up a few times by 'leaves on the line,' but our driver was very patient and good natured about it and soon got us moving at speed again. Straight afterward we went on the intercity train that does two loops of the park and we spotted a shark in the pond !! Blue Bear did point out to me that I shouldn't be scared as it wasn't real.

As well as the trains there is a massive play area at Lappa Valley with practically a life size pirate ship and the best castle and pipe slide I think I've ever seen. The boys love it there and even on poor weather days they are happy to run around and play on this for ages. It's a great place to run off a lot of excess energy and with a cafe serving cornish cream teas and ice cream you can quite easily let them do their thing while enjoying the break. Well until the inevitable, "Muuuuuum, he pushed me," shatters the momentary peace that is.

For half term Lappa are celebrating Halloweek with spooky trains and plenty of themed events to celebrate Alongside all of the regular great attractions will two Spooks trails, one for Little Monsters (3-5 years) and for Big Beasts (6 years plus), children’s Halloween quiz, spooky colouring and a prize for everyone who comes in fancy dress! All of our activities are very family friendly and suitable for young children.  Best of all, all additional activities are included in the standard ticket price and it's such good value for what is always a great day out for us.

Lappa valley opens at 10am and Halloweek runs until 29th October.

I've been visiting the Eden Project since 2000 when it first opened and love it so much. In the years since my first visit I've seen the site grow and change and now I have children I also enjoy sharing it with them. Last week we booked a rainforest trek and Brown Bear and I walked for 45 minutes with our knowledgable guide Adam. We learned so many interesting facts about the rainforest and Brown Bear was fascinated and asked lots of questions. This is the longest he's spent in the rainforest biome as he's always found it too hot before, but the added interest of learning about the plants and ecosystem kept his mind off the heat.

Every time we go to Eden we have a few traditions. Hubbie goes to the Pukka tea tasting (and often has a pasty too), I get to have a cup of tea and a slab of delicious cake and the boys have delicious Cornish ice cream. One of our favourite things is storytime as the storytellers are amazing and really capture the magic and intensity of the spoken word. That's why I am so excited that Eden are hosting the first ever Halloweden event to celebrate half term. The Roald Dahl themed week of activities includes some of the best loved stories brought vividly to life in this brilliant setting. You can find a giant sleeping in the grounds, learn how to spot a witch and of course there is the Little Monsters Halloweden ball and disco on Saturday 28th October to celebrate the end of half term.

The ice rink is now open for the winter season and we have been a few times. There is an additional charge for ice skating and it's a good idea to pre-book as it can get busy. On the day we went the toddler session was about to begin and it's a non skating session for under 5s to encourage them to play safely on the ice. We asked Blue Bear if he fancied it, but he was adamant he didn't want to go. Maybe next time.

The Eden Project is open from 9.30-6pm and Halloweden is running until 29th October.

Disclosure: The lovely folks at the Eden Project offered us a family ticket to visit. 

My secret life as the Easter Bunny

We don't celebrate Easter as such, we're not Christians so it isn't a religous thing for us at all. However, it does often coincide with the Sikh celebration of Vasaikhi which marks the formation of the Sikh faith. So in that sense we do make a big deal of it.

On the last day of term I organised an Easter egg hunt for all the children in Brown Bear's class with all the mums kindly donating chocolate for the goody bags and controlled chaos while the kids searched for the plastic eggs that were hidden all over the pub garden. It was great fun and they all enjoyed it very much.

Last week I took the bears to Bromley and we went for a nice lunch, played in a fantastic playground in the sunshine and took part in an Easter hunt to find the bunnies hidden in shop windows. It was quite a walk to find them all, but the boys loved it and at the end they got a chocolate egg for their trouble. "Can we eat it now ?" asked Brown Bear, and I said they could as they'd been so good.

Finding a bunny in a shop window 

The next day I took them to Ikea for yet another egg hunt which again was a bit of a trek, with Brown Bear writing down all the answers on his sheet and at the end the boys both got an ice cream cone.

Tonight I've been sorting all the eggs and gifts the boys have been given into separate bags and am astonished at how much they have been given. Our lovely generous families and neighbours have all given them Easter gifts in addition to our own presents for them. Every year we have an egg hunt at home and I hide lots of small eggs around the garden with a big egg at the end. This year they will already have got so much chocolate I'm not sure they can handle any more.

Tomorrow we're surprising the boys and going to a steam railway with another Easter egg hunt. It's the perfect combination of steam trains and chocolate, I can't imagine anything my boys would love more.

Ok, so none of these are especially traditional activities, but they all involve an element of searching for clues, writing things down and a treat at the end. I mention this because rather than just handing them a chocolate or an ice cream - which of course I could do - they are doing something to 'earn' it, working something out or finding things. They get a sense of achievement from taking part and are rewarded with a treat at the end.

A few sweeties for Easter 

Do I spoil my children ? Yes of course I do. It makes up for all the times that I feel incompetent, useless or think I've been overly hard on them.  It's my job to raise my children to be kind, thoughtful, helpful people. It's also my pleasure to make them smile and laugh. To give them the pure joy of having a chocolate or a sweet just because and for them to enjoy it guilt free. I write them notes from the Tooth Fairy, leave them little traces to indicate that Father Christmas has been and pop little secret notes where they can find them from me just to tell them I love them.

Now I have to hide chocolate in the garden and leave clues from the Easter Bunny - shh don't tell anyone. 

The day my boys went to Battle.

Sunshine and days out are the magic combination that keeps us sane during the school holidays. It means the boys hope for ice cream (and there's always ice cream) and there's usually a treat or two while we're out. On Saturday we visited Battle Abbey in glorious sunshine and as Brown Bear has just finished a topic at school about castles he was very excited about being our 'expert' on all things to do with castles.

I reminded Hubbie that we've been to Battle before - we went for a spa weekend at a local hotel when I was pregnant and had dinner in the town - but he has no recollection of it at all. Visiting again we got to appreciate how much nicer it is than we could tell in the dark evening. The view as you arrive is spectacular and the boys were really excited when they saw where we were going.

English Heritage invited us to visit and try out the family activities so our first stop was the shop to pick up audio guides for adults and children. Brown Bear loved his handset with a Horrible Histories style commentary and took great care with his kit. He was able to tell Blue Bear all about what they were looking at and it gave him an independence that I think he really enjoyed.

Beautiful cafe 

We stopped for lunch at the beautiful cafe and sat outside in the sunshine. The boys had a lunch box (£4.50) with plenty to eat in it and the promise of a visit to the children's playground was enough to ensure they ate pretty quickly. They loved the wooden rides and in particular a 'hamster wheel' that kept Brown Bear busy for ages.

Wooden playground

We took a walk around the battlefield site and in such great weather it was lovely to explore and follow the signs explaining the historical significance. Brown Bear in particular was fascinated by the story of the battle of 1066. 

The Abbey itself is really impressive and we took a walk through all the rooms and saw an ice room, a crypt and took a walk along the precinct wall. Luckily the boys didn't mind all the walking and we got to see so much while we were there.

       

The visitors' centre was a real highlight with interactive exhibits and plenty to see and do for the boys. There is a film you can sit and watch, games and lots to see and read about.

The visitor's centre

Brown Bear was surprised at how heavy the chain mail was and we talked about how hard it would have been to walk wearing armour.

The interactive exhibits are great fun and as it wasn't too busy when we were in there the boys were able to spend time playing and learning. 

Our last stop was to explore the new rooftop views. It's a steep staircase so be prepared if you aren't he best with heights. We left Hubbie on the ground floor while me and the boys went to see what we could see. On the first floor there was an activity for children to design their own coat of arms. As a child my favourite book was the ladybird book of heraldry so I loved this. 

Designing our own coat of arms 

Another innovation at Battle is these tablets with an abbot guiding you through the exhibits and explaining what they were for. It's fun and lighthearted as well as being a different way to get children to engage with history.

Brother William as our guide

On the day we visited there was a wedding taking place in the grounds and I can see why it would be a wonderful choice for a special day.

There is so much to see and do at 1066 Battle of Hastings, Abbey and Battlefield (to give its full title) and during the easter holidays they will be hosting an easter adventure quest from Friday 14th - Monday 17th April. You can meet a Saxon outlaw and characters from the past with stories of times gone by. Rise to their challenge and win a reward.

It’s time to get hands-on with history!


I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have not paid for the product or to attend an event. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity. I have received a voucher in return for writing this post. 

My boys got to be royalty for the day at Kenwood

Weekends can be such a big deal and when they are combined with school holidays the pressure is on to make each one meaningful. Well we had a helping hand last weekend when English Heritage offered to host us for a visit to Kenwood House in Hampstead. While I am without question a Londoner I have little affinity with North London so I've never been there before, but I can see I've clearly been missing out. When we arrived it was already really busy with families enjoying the sunny weather and sitting outside enjoying picnics, playing games and generally making the most of a nice day in spring.

Brew House Cafe in the sunshine 

My boys exploring Kenwood House gardens 

First things first we had to get some lunch so we went to the Brew House Cafe for a lovely meal courtesy of Searcys - the same people behind the champagne bar at St Pancras. The boys had a packed lunch box (£7) and me and Hubbie had a delicious Sunday roast each (£15). As you can see it was a massive meal ! The boys were treated to an ice cream cone afterwards and we really needed to walk it off as we were so full, but happy. I can heartily recommend the food here, but maybe pace yourself so you can also have a cream tea - I wish I had left some room for that. 

As entry to the house is free you can instead spend the money on a nice lunch and make a day of it. We were lucky with the weather, but on a colder or rainier day I can imagine that a Sunday lunch here would be a real draw.

We found Kenwood to be really child friendly with plenty to keep them occupied. My boys loved the dressing up clothes and indoor play area. On the day we went there was also a craft activity with a minimal charge (£1). You can also pick up an explorer backpack to help guide smaller visitors round the house and gardens.

Dressing up time 

My little king 

The house itself is really impressive and the volunteers are well informed and friendly. We heard some amazing facts and stories about the paintings in the rooms and were given some really helpful pointers to help keep the boys interested. 

The beautiful library

Bear on the stairs 

The grounds at Kenwood are really beautiful and there is also a lake. I spoke to a friend who told me she's been to see concerts here and with such lovely surroundings it must be so atmospheric. While we took in the scenery we spotted a fantastic tree for climbing and Brown Bear decided to brave it to the top branches. I was impressed with his deft footwork, but equally pleased when Blue Bear made the decision not to scale the branches as I didn't fancy climbing up to rescue him if he lost his nerve.

We'd love to thank English Heritage for inviting us to visit and I'll give them the last word: "whether you prefer visiting ancient castles, grand houses or spooky abbeys you and your family will find plenty to explore and get involved with. We give all our visitors the chance to try stuff on, investigate things, climb the ramparts or simply enjoy the atmosphere and stand where history happened. During Easter we will be running a series of Easter Adventure Quests across the country, where families can meet a costumed character, solve clues and win chocolate rewards."

We were invited to visit Kenwood House by English Heritage and would like to thank the site team for making us so welcome. Thanks also to Tudor and Robert at Searcys for a wonderful lunch. 

I am a member of the Mumsnet Bloggers Panel, a group of parent bloggers who have volunteered to review products, services, events and brands for Mumsnet. I have not paid for the product or to attend an event. I have editorial control and retain full editorial integrity. I have received a voucher in return for writing this post.