How popcorn helps me talk to my boys about adoption

A recent development that has been great is the realisation that Blue Bear loves watching movies. He will sit and concentrate with his brother and pay close attention to the plot and characters and this is helping me with managing the long days of the school holidays. In fact this week I've got Blue Bear at home and Brown Bear at sports camp so I'll be taking Blue to the cinema for a morning screening just him and me. It's something we haven't done before so I'm looking forward to seeing what he makes of it. I always take popcorn and drinks from home and if he's really hungry afterwards we can go for lunch. I might even ask our lovely neighbour Jill if she wants to join us. 

When we got home from a busy weekend this afternoon I asked the boys if they fancied watching a film while I got their dinner. Blue Bear has been staying with Grandma and Grandpa and Brown Bear has been with my parents this weekend. They've both missed each other, but immediately that they see each other they argue and bicker. Perfectly normal for brothers I guess, but exhausting for me and Hubbie who rarely get child free time and when we do it's all too short-lived. I popped on Stuart Little for them and sort of watched it myself - which I don't usually do - and it inspired this post. 

I've mentioned before how open we are about adoption in our family and we have always answered truthfully when Brown Bear asks questions about it. With Blue Bear starting school in September I am guessing he will start to ask questions and be curious too. I find that movies are a great shorthand for the emotional topics that are difficult to talk about. Here are the top ones that have helped me talk about adoption, fostering and different families. 

Inside Out: is obviously about emotions - what with them being the central characters. However, it's also about friendship, life changes and how out of control children can feel when adults make difficult decisions that they cannot influence. Each time Brown Bear has watched it we have talked about different emotions and how he feels about things. It has given us a common a language to address difficult feelings he experiences and it's given me an 'in' to talk to him about them. 

Paddington: was the first movie that we really identified as being explicitly about adoption. When Paddington first arrives from Peru he's alone, frightened and the Brown family know very little about him. When Blue Bear arrived with us it was very similar and we talked about how hard it must have been for him to understand our home and habits when he wasn't used to us. Brown Bear also recognised that being the new one in a family is difficult and we talked about how he must have felt when Blue Bear came into his home and shared his family. 

Stuart Little: We only watched this today, but the themes of not fitting in and being different were really interesting. We talked about how George finds it hard to accept his new brother and while the adoption is a little simple and easy for my liking, the relationship between the brothers is the bit that works well for me. I like that they work towards loving each other and that Stuart even wins over the family cat Snowbell (who looks a lot like Neo so that works for us too).

Star Wars: Ok bear with me here, because it's an out there concept, but the family at the centre of the 'proper' Star Wars movies is a scruffy Nerf Herder, a princess, a trainee jedi and a wookie. The family that is thrown together in adversity. Luke is raised by his aunt and uncle and doesn't find out who his real father is and when he does it's not what he was hoping for. It's a messy situation all round, but I think it's a great metaphor for the complicated nature of families and nature vs nurture. Not a conversation that I'm planning to have with Blue Bear at this point, but useful to have in the locker for later. 

Annie: The Albert Finney version is great fun and the new version has an interesting take on the story that includes social media and technology. Annie's search for her 'real parents' and the doggedness with which she pursues the tiny bits of information she has is heartbreaking. The determination to find out anything she can is something I am prepared for when Blue Bear is older. Whatever we can tell him we will, but there are gaps that we may never be able to fill for him. Miss Hannigan may not be the best advert for fostering, but the cameraderie of the girls in her 'care' is amazing. Oh and I like the dog. 

Despicable Me: While it's not the central storyline, the take away for me in the first movie was how adoption isn't always straightforward or wholly positive. Gru adopts the girls for his own selfish motives and when he thinks he has lost them forever he realises how much he has grown to love them. The girls accept the crazy life they are adopted into complete with minions and plans for world domination and in turn they bring something to Gru's life that he didn't know he needed. The really profound part of this for me is seeing his mother develop a loving relationship with the girls which she didn't have with her own son. There's adoption breakdown, a genuine family relationship and fluffy unicorns. Honestly, what's not to love ?  

So those are my top few movies that helped me talk about adoption with Brown Bear. I'm sure there will be others that will appeal to Blue Bear as he will have different questions and probably responses that I'm not prepared for yet. I'm not sure what he's going to make of Boss Baby this week though. 

I miss the velvet seats most of all.

I took Brown Bear to the cinema last week for the first time in ages. We were invited to see Captain Underpants by a friend who gets tickets to preview screenings and I wasn't able to go so he went with Hubbie and Blue Bear. So with the holidays well underway I thought I'd take him out - just us - as a special treat. We went to see Despicable Me 3 and he had popcorn and a soft drink I don't let him have often and we went for pizza afterwards. It was a lovely thing to do and I hope we get to do it again soon.

I used to go the cinema very regularly and now it's such a rarity that I only get to see recent films if they are on Sky movies and I get to watch them when we visit the in-laws. You see films have always been a big deal for me. The other night Dirty Dancing was on and I was telling Hubbie how I'd been to watch it when it first came out - I was 16 - and I was obsessed with it. I convinced myself I wanted to be a dancer. Just like I decided after watching Desperately Seeking Susan that I would wear those ridiculous bangles and ribbons in my hair and shop in second hand shops. I spent a lot of time in Flip on Long Acre in Covent Garden after watching that film and even spent time in Camden while also thinking, "this is a ridiculous place full of tourists why is it so popular ?"

Whenever a film comes on TV I will tell Hubbie the story that comes with it. More often that not he's not seen it anyway, but I like to add a bit of a personal touch to enhance the experience. Here are a few of my favourites:

Back to the future - Me and my brother went to watch this in the eighties and were probably wearing bodywarmers (before the were renamed gilets) which Mum had bought us in Southall market. The lads sitting behind us were talking and at a crucial point in the plot one lad - who had clearly seen it already - told the other one, "It's ok he's wearing a bullet proof vest." Suspense ruined.

Toy Story - I went to see this with all my siblings. My sisters sat behind us and I sat next to my brother. At the bit when Buzz finds out he's a toy and not a real astronaut I heard my brother quietly say, "Oh no," with genuine sadness. He was 21 !

Star Trek into Darkness - This was one of the few films I've seen with Hubbie. We upgraded to the posh seats as a treat and settled in for the cinematic experience and it was fantastic. At one point Benedict Cumberbatch's character has been captured and he's asked his name. The dramatic music lifts and he booms, "I am Khan." and at that moment someone in the audience exclaimed, "Oh Fuck !" Everyone collapsed with laughter.

Sliding Doors - I watched this with my long term cinema buddie Sandra and I had been looking forward to it for ages. We went to a daytime screening and two older ladies were sitting in front of us. They seemed to be enjoying it until one of them said, "she looks like her sister or something." and it became evident that they had no idea that it was two separate strands of the same story. We decided not to interfere to correct them.

Broken Arrow - when I used to work away from home sometimes I'd have a quiet afternoon so I went to watch this film in chinatown in Birmingham. About twenty minutes after the designated start time nothing was happening so I went to ask what happened and the manager admitted that he hadn't realised anyone was in the cinema so the projectionist hadn't put it on. I sheepishly went back to my seat to watch John Travolta smoke and over-act like a good 'un.

Titanic - I went to watch this in the much-missed ABC cinema in Streatham. It was a lovely old art deco building and the screens were old and the seats a bit tatty, but it had its own charms. During the film I noticed the screen seemed to be juddering, but no one else was bothered by it. After an hour of this I had a bit of a headache so I went to ask the manager to check if I was imagining it. He looked at the screen and said, "Oh that's not right is it ?" and went to fix it. I don't know if anyone else noticed.

Boxing Helena - I am taking a guess at the film because it was truly terrible, but I did go and see it. I was in a cinema in central London during the day and decided to sit to the left side out of the way so I could spread out and enjoy my snacks in peace. Then a woman and her daughter walked in looked around at the completely unoccupied seats and decided to sit right in front of me. In an empty cinema.

Vantage Point - Me and Hubbie decided to go to the cinema when we were in India. We went to a shopping mall in Delhi, my grandmother went to a coffee shop to watch the cricket - yes I being serious - and we went to watch a film. We paid to upgrade our seats and were offered a menu as we sat down. The waitress served me tea on a tray in our seats and offered a list of snacks. It was a bit odd but so very indian. I loved it.

Oh I miss the old days of visiting fleapit cinemas - actually no not really. I do miss going to the cinema though. I should do it more often.

Going to the pictures while staying at home

I was always mad keen on films and would go 'to the pictures' every week with my friend Sandra and we'd often go to eat before or after and catch up over a chat. We would choose a film that one or other us fancied watching and Sandra would read the reviews to get an idea of how good it might be. We went out a lot over the ten years or so that we were 'cinema buddies' and planned our upcoming trips to watch films. It wasn't always about the film we were seeing, we watched Mannequin on one of my birthdays, Dirty Dancing on another. We often travelled to other cinemas in London to watch films with a limited release so we watched obscure Australian films like Red Rock West or Lantana in out of the way places. This was all before children so now I rarely go to the cinema and if I do it's usually to watch a kids' film. In fact the last one I saw in the cinema was probably Inside Out.

To make up for this I often watch films when we stay with the in-laws as they have Sky Movies. Otherwise I've started having a 'movie night' with Brown Bear where we close the curtains, get a big bag of popcorn and watch a film together. I started him off with the original Star Wars trilogy - because I'm a purist and didn't want to pollute his understanding of the Star Wars universe with the inferior prequels. Of course he's heard of the franchise and even knows who all the characters are, but he wasn't old enough to watch the films until recently. He found the Force Awakens far too scary so we didn't get too far with that one, but we can come back to that when he's a bit older.

I found it a bit disturbing that he preferred the character Prince Hans to Han Solo and thought Kylo Ren was cool - I did wonder for a while if this was potentially a worry. Then we watched Darth Vader in the films - instead of on a lunch box or a frisbee - and he got a better idea of the 'baddie' side of him. When we watched the Empire Strikes Back he already knew the big reveal about Vader so that wasn't as much of a shocking moment as I had hoped. I loved that he also recognised that Leia is a badass - only good can come of this. I'm delighted that he has become a fan of the 'real' Star Wars films before we watch the prequels and that he has an interest in sci fi and women as heroic figures. After all I've got Firefly and Buffy to introduce him to yet.

Watching films with my boy is wonderful and I'm so pleased we get to enjoy this special time together huddled under a blanket on the sofa - occasionally with the cat. The bit I miss is the discussion with another grown up afterwards to clarify the things I didn't follow or to share "I cannot believe..." moments. The other night I was watching Guardians of the Galaxy with Brown Bear and he explained to me that Rocket is a raccoon and we both laughed at "I am Groot." Then at the bit where he says, "We are Groot." I sobbed. Please tell me I wasn't alone ? I'm not sure Brown Bear fully appreciated my emotional reaction.

I was watching Batman vs Superman with Hubbie (well he was asleep so it was just me really) and two things really surprised me. 1. Affleck is not a bad Batman. I know he was not a popular choice, but he was significantly better than George and I say that as a devoted fan of the Clooney. The bigger shock for me, though, was that I had no idea Lex was short for Alexander. Is it only me who missed this ? In all the years of growing up with Gene Hackman as Luthor, then the bloke in Clark and Lois, then Billy Zane (how mad is that ?) and now the Social Network guy how is this the first time I'm hearing his full name. Please tell me I'm not a total idiot for not knowing that ?

Then there's the films that are just for me. These days that's anything featuring Chris Hemsworth. Ok, I'm not really watching his acting and the recent Ghostbusters remake recognised this and gave me exactly what I wanted. I used to have the same reaction to Matthew McConaughey before he went all method and serious. There was always a guarantee of a shirt off scene and plenty of ridiculous reasons for him to wear very little. Brad Pitt as JD in Thelma and Louise was no more than eye candy and if you think this is gratuitous, yes you're right. It's also wonderful. Not every film has to be about learning something, sometimes it's just about pure pleasure.

Anyway, I'm working through movies that I think Brown Bear will like and there are so many still to go. He has asked to watch Guardians of the Galaxy 2 and is still holding out for Boss Baby. Sometimes I scour the TV channels idly and the other night Thor was on - well that was my evening made. If Zoolander, Dodgeball or Coming to America is on Hubbie will sit and watch them again even though we've seen them so many times we know every line. It's still worth the time to sit and watch together. Recently we watched Room and I cried for most of it. I did the same when watching I, Daniel Blake.

Ok, so I don't get to go to the cinema any more, but I still get to watch films and sometimes I even get to watch them to the end. Hubbie is out tonight so I'll put the boys to bed and see what's on. You know I think I even prefer watching films at home - in the cinema you don't get Neo on your lap and endless cups of tea. They're missing a trick there.

All the feelings, all of the time. I need a marmalade sandwich.

The house is very loud and fraught these days. The sibling rivalry between the boys has gone up a notch and it's really hard to know what to do. Baby Boy is becoming more confident by the day. His speech is coming along and his personality is as cheeky and endearing as his brother's. He is also having mammoth tantrums that are ear splitting in volume and completely unpredictable. At least he can now say, "more naa naa," "cheers," and does a cracking impersonation of a pirate when he's watching Swashbuckle.

It's much harder to work out what's going on with Big Boy as he is veering from hysterical to anger and then sad and remorseful. It's exhausting and combined with moods and throwing things in a temper I'm finding it all a bit too much. I've tried to help calm him, I've talked to him, sat with him and asked his favourite auntie to talk to him, but we don't seem to be making any progress. What I noticed was that given space to talk he does give away information, if we are smart enough to listen for it. The other day he overheard me saying, "you're so cute." to his brother and said, "why don't you say that to me ?" I do, but maybe not as much as he'd like. Then last night he asked Hubbie why he doesn't get to do the same things at bedtime as his baby brother. When we talked about it later we agreed that if he wants to go back to a 'baby bedtime' then maybe it's worth a try until he decides he wants to stop.

I was talking to a friend whose two boys who are older than mine and was crestfallen when she explained that they still bicker and experience jealousy. I had hoped that this would get better, but it seems to be an ongoing issue with vaying degrees of seriousness. At the beginning when Baby Boy came to us we expected some problems with them getting to know each other. There certainly were problems and they were far worse than I could have imagined. Then I found a few things that helped.

Big Boy and I watched the movie Paddington - a lot. There were some interesting parallels in the story of a young bear who lives with an elderly aunt and uncle because his parents have died and our boy who had lived with foster carers until he came to us. We talked about how scared Paddington must have been to leave his family and go and live somewhere new. How strange it was to live with people he didn't know and who didn't all trust or like him at first. The difficulties of learning how to fit in with a new family with different ways of being. So that helped to identify how his brother was feeling and I hoped to nurture some love and care for this new little boy in the family from the other little boy who was feeling left out.

It took time to also find ways to reach Big Boy and help him process his anger, jealousy and general sense of being less important now that there was a new boy in the family. Then we watched Inside Out and it gave us a new language to talk about emotions and how powerful and overwhelming they can be. Big Boy talked about how it feels like there is fire coming out of his head when he gets angry. How sometimes he just feels sad and he doesn't know why. The movie helped us both understand that however much we'd like to be happy all the time it isn't always possible. It also made me cry and when we watched it again recently he asked why.
"I feel sad sometimes and I don't alway know why."
"I don't know why I feel sad or angry Mummy."
"That's ok. So long as you don't hurt yourself or someone else it's ok to feel angry or sad."

We looked at some baby photos and videos of him the other day and I kept telling him that he's always my baby. Even when he's a man he will still be my baby. He laughed. I want him to know and believe that I can love them both and I care about his feelings. I don't want either of my boys to hurt or to be angry, but when they are I want them to have a safe place to go.

Now I just need to find a movie to help us talk about this stage and these emotions. If you have any suggestions please do let me know.

How to have a happy half-term

You may have noticed I've been a bit quieter than usual on here. If not then why not ? Self-involved much ? Anyway, the combination of working full time and half term have been pretty challenging. Not helped by a last minute cancellation of one of the activities we had been relying on to help us with childcare. So, I've been thinking about how to keep the boy occupied, not least as a warm up for the longer Easter break and then the even longer summer holiday. Family have been amazing and he stayed with my parents and his auntie and uncle for a few days. They kept him very busy and he came home happy and tired, but he also missed us (yay !).

We always love to do things like going to kids club movies, craft activities and even the occasional outdoor trip. However, I also want him to have a proper break from school so some days we just want to hang around at home and do things that are fun, but don't involve travel. 

You will probably already know about Snapfish. They are the company that produce photo gifts, cards, wall art and calendars that when we first had our son we bombarded our family with. That first Christmas each family member got a photo album of photos of our beloved first born and in subsequent years they've had calendars, canvas collages, mugs and even t-shirts with photos on. The print quality is great and they arrive really quickly so I'm a big fan. All our thank you cards were from Snapfish this year with a collage of images of our son and a lovely thank you message in chalkboard style on the back. I also made a lovely valentine's card using images of me and Hubbie from the last ten years and I've designed mother's day cards for both grandmothers containing lovely photos of their favourite (and currently only) grandson and ordered some glossy copies of his school photos for them to keep and treasure too. All of these were delivered to me within a week, but for for an additional charge they will deliver direct to your recipient. 

In case you're not sure what this has to do with half term they also do some great - and completely free - printables online. These include characters and themes (eg. princes and princesses) and even some party kits so you can produce everything from invitations and thank you cards to bunting and personalised items like pirate or princess themed accessories for guests. They also have a range of printable cards so you can make and print at home if you can't wait. 

I'm going to drop some heavy hints that I'd like Hubbie to do some of the Mother's Day activities with our boy. These include origami flowers and a very tempting French country breakfast in bed kit. I think they can multi-task just this once can't they ? 

The other lifesaving half term helper we have discovered has been Amazon Fire TV. We set it up in our bedroom as the reception in there has always been poor so we thought having an online streaming service would be a better option. It's linked to my Amazon account so I can download apps to it online and as we have a Amazon Prime subscription there are lots of shows and movies that we can access for free too. The kit itself is compact and very sleek. I've been having great fun using the voice activated remote to choose programmes. We haven't tried to gaming controller yet, but I suspect that will be on the cards at some point during half term. 

It's proven to be a great decision to use this upstairs and in the morning when we aren't at work or school we can all lie in bed and watch movies or shows together with a better picture quality than we ever had before. The best feature for me is the memory as I rarely watch something in one sitting (I get to see about 5-10 minutes a day which isn't really the best way to watch a movie is it ?) so being able to go back and pick up where I left off is really helpful. At the moment I'm part way through 'The Watch' and my boy is back to back viewing 'Justin and the knights of valour' and they are both saved where we last left off watching. It's great having so many choices to watch and you can save up things to watch later. 

I think we'll be pretty prepared for the Easter break and look forward to even more fun with my boy both in and out of the house. 

Disclosure:
The lovely folks and Snapfish sent us a voucher code to try out their products.
The lovely folks at Amazon Fire TV sent us the kit to try out.
All views are honest and no payment has been received. 

Yes son, Mummy was a rock chick and Daddy was an Indie kid

Tonight me and Hubbie went to watch the Wedding Present perform at the Clapham Grand in London. I'm pretty sure they were the first band we went to watch together (although Hubbie insists it was someone else I'm sticking to my theory). It was at the Concorde 2 in Brighton and we went with his lovely childhood friend Helen and her partner Jolyon. Sadly Helen passed away after a short and very rapidly progressing cancer diagnosis not long after that so we have especially fond memories of this gig.

In an homage to that first time we go to watch Dave Gedge and his band during the August Bank Holiday weekend when they take over the Concorde 2 for a mini festival called Edge of the Sea - yes he's missed a trick here by not calling it 'Gedge of the Sea' hasn't he ?

The reason I mention this now is that we love music and it's been a big part of our lives as a couple. Going to watch music together, playing music on our radio show and making music with our son is what makes us happiest. Before we were parents we could spend long hours wandering round record stores and pondering which tunes to play on long road trips. Now we are ordered to 'turn the music off Mummy, I can't hear my movie.'

So, when that holy grail of free babysitting and co-ordinating calendars happens upon us we grab the opportunity with both hands. Having the chance to go out and relive our misspent student years watching a band together gives us much needed relief from parenting a belligerent four year old. It also means that for one night at least we're not just Mummy and Daddy.

We get to be a couple of music-loving students again.

No we haven't been drinking - we really are this fuzzy :)

Labor Day: Review

In my youth I wrote film reviews for the university newspaper and later I was the arts editor - and was criticised for favouring the modern arts such as cinema and stand up comedy over the traditional ones like theatre and classical music. It wasn't true, but there you go. Being invited to a preview screening is so very exciting as I often don't watch films until long after everyone else, so to get to see one before it's actually released is a rare treat. I've known the friend I went with since those uni days and over the years we've been to watch artier films like Pollock and Magnolia. I dragged him to watch Along Came Polly some years back and I think he's just about forgiven me so he agreed to join me for this preview.

Labor Day is based on a book of the same name and was directed by Jason Reitman - the Academy Award winning director of Juno and Up In The Air. The stars are Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin and some younger actors who grow up to become Tobey Maguire. There is a tiny appearance by Juno's father (J.K. Simmons) which was lovely as was the realisation that the policeman in the town was Dawson (James Van Der Beek).

The story centres on a Labor Day weekend when Henry Wheeler and his mother Adele meet Frank Chambers in the supermarket and he convinces them to take him home with them as he is in need of help. They soon realise he is an escaped convict and Stockholm Syndrome sets in almost immediately as they fall in love with their captor while he repairs the house and they try not to alert the police or neighbours to his presence in the home.

Not only is this story about Adele finding herself again after many losses in her life, but about Henry discovering a father figure in this man who comes into their lives and in one long weekend becomes the piece that completes their family. The portrayal of Frank as a misunderstood man is typified by the scene where he teaches Henry and a disabled neighbour to play baseball having earlier baked a peach pie.

This film had a touch of the Bridges of Madison County about it and yet at rare points it reminded me of Juno - which I loved. It is beautifully shot, but the storytelling is a bit mawkish for my liking and the characters are quite one dimensional. The mother of the disabled boy and Henry's father in particular are too simplistic. The fact that they would uproot their entire lives for a man they barely know was a bit baffling too, but the build up of tension does create a sense of drama.

I'm growing to like Josh Brolin as an actor and his gruffness suits this role really well. Kate Winslet almost reprises her role in Revolutionary Road - with a touch of Holy Smoke there too - and at times she reminds me of Ruth Jones in Stella. She plays Adele as frumpy and sad, but it is a fine line between sympathetic and pathetic. Henry is the narrator of the story so maybe this is more about his point of view of his mother at a trying time.

This is definitely a Sunday afternoon movie and there was one point where a sob came up from a fellow audience member - I was close to tears myself - so it's also a bit of a weepie. Maybe a rainy Sunday afternoon :)

Labor Day: official release date 21st March 2014
Cert 12a

Thanks to Mumsnet Bloggers and Paramount Pictures for inviting me to this preview :)

My eighties retro baby boy

Not a week goes by without some hokey research study into something that is either startlingly obvious: "Scientists reveal that not sleeping enough makes you tired" or deeply patronising: "Doctors reveal their concerns that pregnant women are not stopping work early enough to protect their babies." Don't bother looking for either of these studies as I made them up. It doesn't mean that someone hasn't done them though. I don't think there has been any scientific research into the effect of maternal behaviour or music tastes in utero though. Well beyond the whole, 'play soothing music to the foetus and it will respond when it's a baby' type thing of course.

The reason I wonder this is because I'm convinced that my son has developed music preferences based purely on what I like to listen to. I went to a lot of gigs when I was pregnant with our boy. We went to Ben & Jerry's Big Sundae on Clapham Common and the boy bopped along to Billy Bragg. He also enjoyed the mellow tones of Norah Jones and even managed to keep up with the Primitives. I am delighted that he loves music now and he seems to have a wide ranging taste (as I've said before on this blog). What I wasn't prepared for is his love of music that is so outside his experience I'm fascinated to know how it's come into his consciousness.

For weeks now he has been singing. "Let's do the Timewarp again," and "Monster Mash." I'm a massive fan of Rocky Horror so I can see why he'd like that although I can't recall ever having watched it or listened to the music in his presence. He's also been saying "Go Flustered," which we've spent weeks trying to work out - while also hushing him in case it's something rude. After some questioning and not a little head scratching we finally realised he's been singing, "Ghostbusters." Seems startlingly obvious doesn't it ? Except he's never watched it and as far as I know it's not been on the TV lately. It was one of my favourite films as a child though so I can only conclude one thing - he's inherited my tastes from the eighties !

Once we'd finally worked it out I tracked down the cartoon series on Lovefilm and he watched it this afternoon fascinated and enraptured. I was never that keen on the cartoon if I'm honest, but his concentration levels don't extend to the movie yet. Unlike his friend Attie who regularly watches "Starhorses" (Star Wars) starring "Threesweepio" (C3PO). Mind you she also used to regularly watch "Hamadations"(101 Dalmations).

I'm wondering if all this talk of an eighties revival is also revealing itself in the DNA of our toddlers. What can we expect next ? Will they all turn their baseball caps backwards and fight for the right to party ? Maybe they will start doing the MC Hammer dance - well my boy already does that if he needs the loo and doesn't want to admit it. Maybe they'll go all shoulder paddy and big haired too. Oh wait that's just pageant toddlers isn't it ?

Whatever it is that's happening I'm a bit freaked out by it.

There is something strange in my neighbourhood. All I can say is, "Go Flustered !"

It's Wednesday so it must be date night !

What did we do before the Orange Wednesday offer of 2 for 1 cinema and 2 for 1 pizza at Pizza Express ? We didn't go out on dates that's what.

There was a time before we had our beloved boy when going out for the night wasn't such a mission. We'd play softball together one evening a week during the season, we'd go out for dinner quite often and we used to go to the Clapham Picturehouse for free previews or occasionally we'd pay for a movie.  The only time we ever paid full price for a film was to watch In The Loop and thankfully it was worth every penny.

Now if we want to watch a film together we usually have to wait until it's on DVD or - as we discovered recently - we can pay a small fee to watch it on TV and have our own home comforts while we watch Argo from the sofa in our pyjamas. The gold standard of date night, however, is when we have childcare and can go out to eat and watch a film both on the same night. Tonight was such a night.

We do make the obligatory calls to ask the babysitter (my sister) if our boy is being good. Of course being modern and high tech parents we have a teleconference with our son from Pizza Express direct to his cot and can check if he has toothpaste on his pyjama top or if he's playing up while he's supposed to be drinking his milk. With these duties done and pizza and doughballs wolfed down and paid for it's to the cinema for the main event.

Now I used to go to the cinema every week come rain or shine and watched a new movie each week. In recent years I watch fewer than 3 films a year in the cinema, so when I do they had better be good. The trailers give me the impression that my attendance is hitting the most likely candidates for films I can sit through. Apparently, upcoming delights include; Fast and Furious 6, another new Superman (Kevin Costner is his Earth dad this time, not a Duke of Hazzard), a zombie apocalypse movie starring Brad Pitt and something about a magic trick / grand larceny involving Woody Harrelson, the kid who invented Facebook and Borat's wife. It really didn't inspire me to return to the cinema again any time soon.

The last cinema visit we made was to watch Avengers Assemble which was brilliant. Cracking dialogue, great action sequences and lots of super heroes. I have to say that Star Trek: Into Darkness was no less impressive. It gave me laughs, thrills and a story I could actually follow (no mean feat these days !) We upgraded to the premium seats for a treat and if we'd had any snacks we had two places to store them and extra wide arm rests too !!

In a return to my movie reviewing past after a 22 year hiatus here are the highlights:

• Chris Pine giving it the full Shatner 
• Bones played with tongue so far into his cheek it was poking into his ear
• Spock, Kirk and Uhura having a domestic in a small shuttle while trying to avoid a Klingon attack
• Scenes on moving vehicles reminiscent of Blade Runner 
• Costume changes so ridiculous that at one point Bones appears to be wearing his Gran's best dress 
• Benedict Cabbagepatch in action mode and giving it large with his dulcet tones and dreamy dark hair 

The best moment, though, was when Benedict's character reveals who he really is. In the hush of the cinema a lone voice said - with feeling - "oh Shit !!" it was what we were all thinking and it relieved the tension of the moment, albeit temporarily.

I love date night.

A blog post of two halves - just like an Easter egg :o)

At the start of this week I went along to a peaceful protest outside parliament to support independent midwives in their campaign to continue working in the UK. Their work is under threat due to the requirement that they have indemnity insurance in order to practise which comes into effect in October. As most independent midwives are self employed and there is currently no insurance product suitable for them this would mean they could no longer offer their services to expectant mothers. I stood in the cold on Monday morning with these wonderful women because it was my good fortune to have the personal care of independent midwives and I feel I've been spoiled.

I did attend a few NHS appointments so I can make some comparison. To be able to see the same midwife every time and to have the continuity of care made all the difference to me, especially when things did not go to plan with the birth - do they ever ? I interviewed Kay Hardie on my radio show about this campaign so you can hear her talk passionately about why it is important to allow midwives to offer women the choice of how and where they give birth. The reason we are doing this now is to find a solution rather than wake up in October and mourn the loss. It would be so tragic if the only recognition independent midwives were to get was because they were no longer there.

I'm testing this theory that you only notice it when it's gone with my boys. I've decided to take the day off. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything special, but from this evening until Tuesday morning (when Hubbie goes back to work) I'm also not doing anything for Hubbie or son. The result of this could be that they have chocolate eggs and weetabix for breakfast and go to football tomorrow in their pyjamas, but if so that's in Hubbie's hands. To be honest, that might be their preference anyway.

My plan is to:

• get up early and practise yoga before they wake up
• eat whatever I want for breakfast, rather than my son's partially eaten toast, his leftover fruit pancake or a spotty banana while rushing out of the door
• clean the house while listening to Radio 4 
• eat my lunch at lunchtime and not 4 o'clock as usual
• settle on the sofa to watch a movie with a big cup of tea by my side

They should be at football so it's just me and the cat having some bank holiday fun together. Yes cleaning the house (mine, no one else's) is my idea of a good time - don't judge :o)

At the end of this little experiment one of two things will have happened:

1. The world will come crashing to a halt and kingdoms will crumble (ok the pyjamas and breakfast thing is more likely)
or
2. Hubbie will manage to parent perfectly well without my interference

I suspect it'll be the latter, but either way I get a day off so I win :o)

Keep taking the pills (the blue one or the red one ?)

I've said before that in my head movies are real. This is sometimes a bit odd as I think something has really happened and it's just a scene in a film I've watched. I'm not alone in this - a man I worked with used to tell stories as if they were real that were lifted from movies. eg. the friend of his who did the a job that sounded really familiar then I realised that was because it was the Edward Norton character in Fight Club - I didn't have the heart to tell my work colleague that he was delusional and we all knew, it seemed too unkind.

Then there are the 'facts' I know because it was in a movie so it must be true. The most disturbing fallout of my obsession with moving pictures, however, is how I perceive life events through the filter of screenwriting cliches. Well mostly romantic comedy cliches actually as those are the movies I tend to watch the most as they require very little thinking and even less active engagement with the plot. The reason I even mention this is that it has become a bit debilitating and I'm borderline agrophobic now for the following reasons:

1. I can't tell Hubbie I love him before he goes anywhere because if I do something terrible will happen to him minutes later while I'm washing up and smiling at nothing in particular (the same applies to anyone I love)

2. When I'm sitting in the car waiting at lights I'm convinced a runaway truck will pitch up out of nowhere and jacknife ploughing straight into unsuspecting me

3. A cough always means something sinister (usually consumption of course.) If it's dismissed as 'nothing just a little tickle in my throat' they're almost certainly a goner !

4. If I meet someone new I can't assume they are entirely trustworthy, they could be an assassin or a private investigator befriending me for nefarious purposes

5. Loud noises at night are always bad news. I once phoned a friend to come over to my flat rather than leave my bedroom to check what the loud noise had been hours earlier. I threw a set of front door keys out of my bedroom window to him in the street and he quietly and carefully climbed the stairs two floors up - so as not to disturb the intruders - armed with something heavy. He kindly gave me the all clear when he'd put the suitcase back up into the bathroom cupboard that it had fallen out of.

Can you imagine how tiring it is trying to unpick the cliches from the probable ? Now bear in mind I've picked the examples that show me in the least crazy light - no really I have ! If I was to go into the Bollywood movie cliches too you'd be all discombobulated. Then there's the whole 'what if the Matrix is real ?' thing when the Sky box goes off for no reason. I didn't say it had to make sense. 

So I'm going to bed now, with the stairs fully lit and not in a skimpy nightdress. 

Wish me luck !  

Wave Hello and Say Goodbye

If you follow me on facebook or twitter you will already know that I've succumbed to January madness. Having kept my head together during the snow chaos and toddler tantrums it would appear my sanity has finally ducked out the back door while I was otherwise occupied. Yesterday morning I was searching for my keys (which is a daily activity since I started locking the front door at night) and having been to all the usual locations I finally noticed the "clink clink" coming from the spinning drum of the washing machine. I looked at my son, he looked at me and then we both took a deep breath as I stopped the machine mid-cycle to retrieve them.

Despite this sounding like a desperate cry for help I am glad it's come at the end of January as for some people it's been like that all the way through. Thankfully for all of us we can now look forward to the days being light for longer, the impending half term holiday and the delights of Shrove Tuesday and Valentine's Day. So as it's the last day of January I thought I'd take this opportunity to revisit my resolutions and update you on how they are going so far.

Making time to read - I'm going great guns with this one having already finished more books in January than I did in the whole of last year. Bearing in mind I used to be able to finish a book a week when I was commuting it's been a readjustment to only reading a few pages a day, but at least I am reading again so that's good. Of course it helps that the books I got for Christmas were by the likes of  Danny Baker and Caitlin Moran - I have decided that if I'm struggling to want to read a book then it's just not worth the effort.

Trying a new sporting activity - Until a few weeks ago I thought Kettlebell was the whistling sound coming from mother in-law's kettle when it makes a whistling sound as the water comes to the boil. Then I went to a free trial of kettlercise a few weeks ago. It is good old fashioned hard work using weights and performing a series of exercises to thumping music - I loved it !! Combined with the five week boot camp I'm currently doing I am definitely getting fitter. I spent last Sunday at lunch with the in-laws pulling my jeans up constantly - cursing the quality of tailoring these days. The next day I dug out a smaller pair of jeans and managed to get into them comfortably so it would appear that the hard work is having the desired effect - hurrah !

Go to the cinema once a month - Well if I go tonight I can still get this one in under the wire, but it is pretty unlikely. So let's just say that I have two willing movie buddies now (thank you Sarah and Vicky). Having Sky movies and on demand has meant I've been watching films at home and have caught up with the Harry Potter series having lost track of the plot a few years ago. Of course watching them in the wrong order isn't helping, but finding a 2.5 hour child-free space to watch a movie has been a feat in itself.

Cook a meal from one of my many recipe books - Ok this one I confess is still a work in progress. I've been consulting the books, but haven't actually made anything yet. I did enter a competition with a family favourite recipe (see previous posts), but haven't ventured too far from the usual menu that's scribbled onto a sticky note on the fridge. I have seen some lovely meal ideas in the latest Waitrose magazine so I'll be trying those for Chinese New Year. I will report back on how the crispy tofu pancakes turn out.



So, that's how I'm doing so far - not too bad I think.

Well, I guess it's farewell January.

Here's to a fun-packed February !

A cat, a fish, a Baker and the Bloggess...

The cat has started sleeping on our bed upstairs. He used to do that in the old house and before the boy was born, but in this house he has a few chosen spots to sleep and our bed hasn't been one of them. Until now. I wasn't sure why this was, but thought it might be that the room is warmer than downstairs, or he might just like sleeping where we've been. Then I spotted the him standing on his back legs with his front paws reaching up the chest of drawers at the top of the stairs. He was straining to look at something and then I realised what it was. The goldfish.

Vince the fish has lived with us for almost two weeks now and he seems to have settled in nicely. My son enjoys watching him swim and talks to him in 'fish talk' ie. making a face like a fish and going 'pop' a lot. He loved going out to get a fish tank for him and even picked up some cat food for the other family member so he is doing well in his ability to care for pets. I don't have a glowing record as a fish keeper - having overfed goldfish in the past - so when Hubbie said "there's too much food in there for him," I looked sheepish and felt guilty. I don't want to have the death of another fish on my conscience so I'm being much meaner with the fish flakes than I was before.

Overfeeding is a common theme for me so it's not surprising that this latest lesson coincides with my new year weight loss regime. I am resisting the urge to polish off all the leftover mince pies and had my first session of bootcamp last week so I'm feeling quite virtuous so far. The freezer is now bulging with yummy food that I've stored instead of 'getting rid' of it by eating it. I realise how uninteresting this must be to you so I promise not to bore you with the details of how it's going.

I may, however, make reference to how my resolutions are going. For example I've almost finished reading Danny Baker's autobiography and have already started on the Bloggess's book (which is great by the way). That's the reading resolution sorted. I've signed up to try a session of Kettlebells next week so that's trying a new exercise. Finally, I am delighted to report it looks like I have a movie buddie (thank you Sarah - you are indeed a Champion !), so I may have the going to the cinema one sorted too. Not bad going for the second week into January is it ?

Now if I can keep the cat from attacking the goldfish he might make it to February.

Resolutions Schmesolutions :o)

If you'd told me at the start of this year that at the end of it I'd have a weekly radio show of my own I'd have looked at you sideways and smiled kindly. I'd also have been amazed if you'd told me that the most toxic female journalist of modern times would refer to this blog in a column following the fab Mumsnet blogfest event.

So it's with this in mind that I am starting 2013 in a novel way. I won't be detoxing or giving up anything on Jan 1st. Not because I have a perfect life or I am as good as I think I can be, but because I'm coming at this resolutions thing from a different perspective for a change. Instead of stopping doing something I'm going to concentrate on doing more of things I want to do better. By doing that I hope that I will spend less energy and time on the things that I don't need or want.

So, in no particular order:

I am going to make time to read. I was given so many great books for Christmas and I still haven't read the ones I got last year. I'm sure it's possible for me to make time in my day to read a little bit - although this might mean watching less Hawaii 5-0.

I'll be trying new sporting activities that I haven't done before. I've been doing the same exercise classes for almost 4 years now and while they are fun it's a routine for me and I attend because I feel guilty if I don't. That's not a good reason. I used to play softball and scuba dive and ski -  what happened to that action chick ? Oh yes I am a middle-aged Mum now, but that's no excuse is it ?

At least once a month I will go to the cinema and watch a movie - this may entail finding a movie buddie or I could go along on an afternoon when my boy is at nursery. This is all thanks to Hubbie being super generous and getting Sky movies so I can see films at home, but let's be honest sitting in a dark room at home isn't the same if you haven't overpaid for the popcorn.

I'm going to cook at least one recipe from each cookbook I own - and no, not just the baking ones !! Kind people have given me some great books full of recipes which I look at and go "ooh aah," but I haven't actually followed any of them yet.  My aim is to make a seasonal Slater stew, some gorgeous Gok gyoza and anything from the achingly beautiful Lilli Vanilli baking book I won from a fellow blogger. I hope to find some interesting new meals and to use ingredients I haven't tried to cook with before. I will, of course, share how this goes with you for good or ill (preferably not getting ill !)

I'm sure I'll think of other things as time goes on, but these are a pretty manageable start I think. They are already better than my original list which was:

To be able to afford to use Aveda shampoo and conditioner

To have someone to do my hair for me at home

Have a personal trainer to get my backside to exercise when I want to sit on the sofa watching Hawaii 5-0
The beloved Kitchenaid mixer which I really want to own, but I can't justify the cost of 

To be able to travel first class - anywhere

I realised that all of these were materialistic and made me sound like I want to be Madonna - which I used to when she was all cool and wore rubber bangles and lace in her hair, but not so much now.

Thanks for reading my blog and for listening to my show. If you haven't yet tune in at 1pm today or you can podcast it later.

Hope 2012 was good to you and here's to not turning into Madonna in 2013 :o)

Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it

I've been considering whether or not to buy an early bird ticket to the Mumsnet Blogfest and it's caused me to ponder. My main ponder has been about the depletion of social skills that comes from being at home with my boy and whether or not I could be in a room full of strangers for a whole day without hiding in a corner nursing a drink and calling Hubbie every 20 minutes to ask what the boy is doing.

In ponder mode the list making goes haywire and my observations of minutiae become more frequent. This is just a selection of them from this week: 

- When I take my son to nursery we pass under a canopy of trees - he calls it a 'snuggle' 

A 'snuggle'

- If something is wrong with my boy I take him to the doctor immediately. However, my arm has been 'not right' for four days, but I keep telling myself that it's fine. I can't tell if I'm over or under-reacting. 

- The cat comfort eats during bad weather and strokes me with his paw when we're sharing the sofa. I could sleep all day. Have we swapped lives ? 

- We were at playgroup on Wednesday and my boy came over and asked for a "Mummy cuddle" then clambered up onto my lap - he has never done this before - my heart skipped a beat

- The day after I stock up on baby stuff it's all on offer - are the shops doing it on purpose ? 

- A new Bond movie is coming out soon - I remember when this used to be a diary date for me and my friends to watch at the Odeon Marble Arch. Now it's a waiting game before it's out on DVD

- Despite owning 3 different sizes of jeans (pre, during and post pregnancy) I have not one pair that fits right now

- When it's raining my son looks out of the window and says "pitter patter" - I'm delighted that he chooses onomatopoeia over mere description 

Some weeks you just watch what's going on in the world. That's been this week for me. 

"Stop going on about pants" (Hubbie to me during the beach volleyball)

By now you've probably watched the Olympic opening ceremony. You may even have been in it in which case well done, unless you're the woman who infiltrated the indian team and caused an international incident. For my part I loved loved loved the whole thing and - as I commented on Facebook - the only way it could have been more spectacular is if it was an Indian wedding organised by my Mum.

It's out of character for me to take any interest in a sporting event and even more so for me to choose to go to one. So being excited about the beach volleyball yesterday morning took me by surprise. The last time I chose to go to an event with Hubbie was when we saw the San Francisco Giants at the SBC Stadium while on holiday in California. That was a long evening made manageable only by the constant entertainment and the organ that does indeed go "dah dah dah dah" like in the movies between innings.

I'm as interested in sport as Hubbie is in weddings. While I'm oohing and aahing at the dresses and flowers he's checking the sports results on his phone. In fact at his brother's wedding - which took place during the Ashes - the photographer had to keep sending his assistant into the bar to retrieve all the male guests (and groom) so the photos wouldn't just have women in them.

Likewise when sport is on I'm checking my email, facebook, twitter or blogging. I don't watch the BBC during Wimbledon fortnight as I have no interest in tennis and when the world cup takes place I spend a lot of time shopping or baking as I don't want to deny Hubbie his footie fix. Every Saturday during the football season the boys follow their team Fisher and I get to see my friends for lunch or catch up with the cleaning. Before we were married I used to attend one game a season, I'm now officially a Fisher widow which I much prefer.

Like almost everyone else I applied for tickets to a lot of sports in the Olympics without any genuine interest in them. I got tickets for the Beach Volleyball and Hockey and it's only the former that I was bothered about going to. It was as I expected unreconstructed sexim (complete with Benny Hill) and audience participation not unlike the baseball. It was fun and almost held my interest once Hubbie explained to me how the scoring works.

Now I regret that I'm not going to more events over the next fortnight - maybe all sports are like this and I'm missing out on something ?

Don't call me (cry) baby !!

I've always loved watching movies and when I was a younger (and single) woman I used to go to the cinema every week with my good friend Sandra and we'd enjoy the latest offerings. Of course now I'm married and a mother I barely go to the cinema - apart from last week when the wonderful Rachel babysat so me and Hubbie could go and watch Avengers Assemble, bloody brilliant it was too !! So now I tend to catch movies on the telly or watch them when the baby is asleep which means I don't fully pay attention as I'm usually folding washing or checking email at the same time.

This week we've been testing out Netflix and I decided to watch The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas while the baby had his afternoon nap. It was very different from what I had been expecting and I found myself drawn in so far that by the denouement of the film I was actually panicking and pleading with the film to not do this and was absolutely beside myself by the harrowing end of it. It's not often a movie has that effect on me (not least as I'm not paying attention so I've no idea what's actually going on). However, I am prone to crying during films so in no particular order here are my top weepies:

Miracle on 34th Street (every version): it's the bit where we realise that Santa can talk to all children. Richard Attenborough signing with the little girl has me bawling like an infant every time - even thinking about it sets me off

Juno: pretty much the entire movie has me crying, but when Jennifer Garner opens Juno's letter and when she holds her son I am a wreck

Sex & the City: yes I know and I feel you judge me and I just don't care. Carrie's wedding day makes me cry and makes me angry all at once - no mean feat ! 

Marley & Me: I won't say why in case you haven't seen it and to be honest unless you can stand the beige one for the length of this film you probably won't watch it. Suffice it to say that a film about a dog is going to make me cry at some point. 

Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham: a very traditional Bollywood movie and traditionally I sob my heart out at the old family separated for some stupid reason and reunited at the end scenario

The Shawshank Redemption: So many reasons to cry, but more than anything when Red is working in the supermarket and puts up his hand and asks for a "bathroom break boss"- heartrending

Love Actually: Emma Thompson listening to Joni Mitchell and crying - not an original choice I grant you, but guaranteed to make me weep every time

Truly, Madly, Deeply: only the hardest of hearts could watch Juliet Stevenson snottily sobbing "I miss him so much" and be unmoved

Million Dollar Baby: Hilary Swank telling her family where to go - and Mr Eastwood sitting with her. Just recalling this is making me go 

Precious: I really had to work myself up to watch this as I knew it was going to be hard going - amazingly it isn't entirely morose, but a tear jerker nonetheless 

It's not an exhaustive list - like I said it doesn't take much to make me cry - but you get the general idea. I didn't even mention Toy Story, or Dumbo, or the Lion King, but animation that makes me cry is a whole other category for another day.