What's my job ? Oh, I'm a mum.

On Monday evening I went to an event hosted by Mumsnet in conjunction with Boots No.7 about returning to work with confidence. The panel discussion was interesting as we heard from women from a range of careers including a high level fund manager, a model and a fashion writer. Each of them had taken a break to have a baby with varying levels of financial support and each had to negotiate a return to work taking into account their childcare needs.

It may sound naive, but I hadn't appreciated that so many of us have the same issues with employment. I worked for over 20 years before I fell pregnant with Brown Bear and the prospect of maternity leave was both enticing (a break from work - how little I knew !) and terrifying. What would I return to ? Would I even have a job to go back to ? As it happens I took the full year of leave and when I did return to work I made the decision to take voluntary redundancy and stay at home with my son for longer. I don't for a minute regret that decsion and I am so lucky that I was able to do this, so many mums aren't able to stay at home if they want to. I knew going back into work would be difficult, but I had no idea how much or why.

I've written before about the Motherhood penalty and the Fatherhood bonus. It's a phenomenon that's been studied by academics specialising in gender studies where women who have children find their careers suffer whereas men who do the same are actually rewarded with promotion, pay rises and even flexibility in work patterns. This is not the case for everyone by any means, but I am feeling how real this is right now. Before I had children I earned a very decent salary, had status and responsibility. I was able to pay my own way and to enjoy holidays and to buy things as I wanted. I now earn nothing at all, my status is defined by my children and I don't have the independence to spend money as I could before. I'm not suffering by any means. This isn't a 'poor me' diatribe. It's more frustration at the difficulty I now face in securing employment now I am a parent.

Once Brown Bear started at school I was working in a job I really enjoyed with responsibility and a decent salary. It was a maternity cover, but I hoped it would be a springboard to a career change for me. Instead we found out that we had been matched with Blue Bear and I found myself once again taking leave from work to raise a child. I didn't qualify for adoption leave or adoption pay - I missed out by a few weeks, but there you go. It was the right thing to do and again I'm so glad I did stay with him as it's made such a difference to how well he's settled into the family. My commitment to my children and my family overall is what has kept me going through a period where I have slowly depleted my resources, grown older and become more detached from the working world.

Listening to the panellists on Monday evening I was inspired to try again to get back into work and not to apologise for being a Mum. In the past I've found myself taking on far more hours than I can comfortably manage and neglecting my family as a result. I no longer want to put my sons into breakfast club and creche just so I can work. With so many women in the workplace surely employers can meet us in the middle and make the most of our skills and experience ?

Another topic that was covered by the panel was the concept of asking Hubbie (or whoever is your significant other) for help instead of it being a shared responsibilty from day one. When I went to work we discussed how to make it work. After a few months of being miserable, tired, overworked and feeling like a failure I talked to Hubbie and he suggested a different way of working where he and I shared the childcare. It made such a big difference. We were fortunate that his employer was willing to accommodate our needs, but I am now not so timid to ask for his assistance when I need it. I used to treat his job as having hallowed status and put my own needs last.

Following the panel discussion I had a mini makeover with lovely Rachael from No.7. I talked to her about my love of Boots No.7 and in over 20 years my skin has changed but my skincare routine hasn't. We're told appearance isn't the be all and end all, but it's all part of the armour of going out of the house and being someone other than mum for a while. I left the event with lovely make up on and a confidence that I will be able to go back into the workplace on my terms.

Being a mum is a huge part of who I am now, but it's not all I am or all I can do.

Take it away Dolly.

Being savvy now could help you be happy later

This afternoon I was in the garden and I heard our next door neighbour cutting back the high trees in the back garden. I called over to him, "are you practising for your retirement Martin ?" and he said he was getting used to being free and able to spend more time gardening. He is retiring next year and as a company director he has a pension and probably savings too. Our situation is not as fortunate and like many others I do wonder what the prospects are for me and Hubbie compared with our own retired parents and neighbours. I often joke about how I'll spend my retirement years doing all the things I don't have time to now. A bit of gardening, some travel, lots of swimming, yoga and running and plenty of writing and radio shows. In actual fact I have no idea what resources I will have to live on as like a lot of women I've taken time off from my working life to raise children and this has implications for my pension. 

I was asked to check out a new website called  Retire Savvy which was created by Skipton Building society to help people plan for retirement. The website isn't about just promoting their own products or services, it offers advice and answers questions about retirement planning and pensions in general. I did think at first sight that this was only aimed at older people as the only two menu options were 'are you retired ?' or ' are you approaching retirement ?' of which I am neither. On closer inspection it did have some useful information for me though.

I've changed jobs a fair amount in my working life and have paid into a number of pensions including a public sector one. I have never fully understood if this would pay out a reasonable amount in retirement and this site isn't about to answer that question, but it did help me find out how to amalgamate those small sums of money into a more manageable single investment fund. I also read found it interesting to see that range of 'frequently asked questions' asked about pensions aren't that different from mine. I don't feel nearly so silly any more.

Of course being a stay at home parent does impact highly on the potential income you can expect to have in retirement and a bit more around this would have been helpful. It is those of us who don't have a long history of consistent payments into a pension fund who will be most worried about what happens when we get to retire - whenever that will eventually be.

No one knows what will happen in later life. Hubbie has parents who both have a nice retired life with a good income and flashy holidays because father-in-law has always been pretty savvy with his investments and they both had good company pensions. We don't expect anything like as wealthy a retirement, but knowing that we have done our best to plan for it now is reassuring.

If you have questions about retirement planning this is a good place to start. They even have a jargon buster page so you can check out what all those terms in the small (and big) print mean.  It won't necessarily answer all your questions, but it's a good place to get some basics and for me it did spur me into looking at what I have already paid into and ensuring I don't lose it out of sheer incompetence. After all it's my money that I've paid in so I should check where it is and make sure it's working for me.

If I'm savvy about it now then I can spend more time enjoying retirement rather than worrying about it. 

I was asked to review retiresavvy.skipton.co.uk by Skipton and the Mumsnet Bloggers Network. All views are my own. I was entered into a prize draw to win vouchers as a token of thanks for blogging. View other blogs on this topic here: http://www.mumsnet.com/bloggers/retiresavvy-portal-what-our-bloggers-thought-

A sailor's life for me (sort of)

Ahoy there Sailor ! 

A while back I visited the world's largest cruise ship Oasis of the Seas and it was part of a new fleet being launched by Royal Caribbean - the Quantum ships. This weekend me and big boy are enjoying a pre-inaugural trip on the latest of this fleet, the Anthem of the Seas. As my in-laws live in Southampton we stayed over with Grandma and Grandpa on Friday evening so we could make an early start on Saturday morning. On arrival at the terminal building we were met by these jolly greeters who wished us a pleasant trip and went for the check-in which is all done online using handheld tablets. Security is airport style so we were prepared for this and it was all very smooth. We even managed to pick up some magazines in the terminal building, although - of course - we've been far too busy to read them !!

Mum airways

The lovely folks at Royal Caribbean planned a busy itinerary for us so we got on board promptly and made sure we found our room so we could get cracking with the activities. The first was this amazing skydiving machine called iFly which I thought was only for adults but my amazing and brave boy had a fly too. I was blown away by how well he did and even though he found it a bit overwhelming he made me so proud. 

Brave Boy

One of the cliches you hear about cruises is that you end up eating a lot of food as it's all there. Well, I can honestly say we've eaten a hell of a lot of food this weekend, but it hasn't been all buffets by any stretch. We ate in a Patisserie yesterday afternoon where they served a great hot chocolate for my boy and had a display of beautiful macarons and other petits fours that looked delicious. They were not available to eat, just to look at, but it's just as well really !! There is a lot of choice of places to eat on board and when you have little ones to feed that makes a lot of difference. Having the option for a slice of pizza or a quick bite in the afternoon or late morning can be the difference between a happy child and an almighty meltdown. 

La Patisserie 

Talking of which we also signed up for the kids club on board. Adventure Ocean is over two floors and provides childcare for children in age ranges from 3-5 (Aquanauts) 6-8 (Explorers) and 9-11 (Voyagers). There is also a room suitable for nursery age children. My boy loved it so much in the kids club I had to prise him out of it last night and he was raring to get back in there this morning. For child who isn't always keen on such things he really took to it. The staff are all fully trained and take great care of the children. On a cruise you would have a phone which they can use to contact you on the ship in case of emergency. Royal Caribbean also offer a babysitting service in room where 2 fully trained members of staff stay with your child. It is a paid for service and at $19 per hour I can honestly say it would give me peace of mind knowing I could go out to a show or for a meal knowing my children were being taken care of in room instead of by a monitor system.  

Decorative vintage aprons

Cruises haven't traditionally been seen as family holidays, but this ship has really given me pause for thought when it comes to taking my kids away. The kids club for one and the facilities on board for older children are amazing. On this ship there is a basketball court and circus school during the day and it's used for dodgems or roller disco at night. Then late at night it's a club venue for adults. I even tried my hand at a bit of trapeze this afternoon - photos to follow on social media no doubt. Finding time to do fun things for yourself can be a tough on a family holiday and that was one of my aims with this cruise. I have to admit it felt odd not having a child with me and to wander around thinking about how to spend my time, but it also was quite nice to have a spa treatment - hot stone massage, blissful by the way - and to go and watch a show with a cocktail served in my theatre seat. 

This is the life !

Admittedly, it's a different kind of holiday. The ship has different 'zones' for different interests so there is the pool deck and the Seaplex with games zones and fun areas for children. There are bars and cafes as well as formal dining and plenty of places to stop and have a quick bite or to get a drink. In fact my chosen blogging style is now a touch more decadent as I've taken to treating myself to a glass of bubbly before sitting down to write. I can see this being the way forward for me :) 

In a later post I'll tell you about some of what we got up to on the second day !

Disclosure: We were invited to try out the new Anthem of the Seas ship by the lovely folks at Royal Caribbean and Mumsnet. 

Wow, did we really do all of that ?

Wow is it the end of 2014 already ? I've been out this afternoon with the boy and when people were saying, "Happy New Year," I kept catching myself thinking, really ? It's so hard to recall how one year compares with the last - apart from the ones where momentous things happen like getting married or having a baby - so instead I've been looking back at what I did in 2014.

Early in the year when there was still a hint of Winter in the air it was time for yet another Team Honk challenge. This year it was the Lands End to John O'Groats baton relay where bloggers used any means possible to take part. In London we were fortunate to have a lot of participants and we chose to do 'Honkopoly' visiting places on the Monopoly board. I got jailed at the Tower of London and rode a scooter dressed as a burglar. At one point Honkopoly was trending on Twitter which was a highlight and a massive boost as the day wore on. When I was on the train back home in the dark I was too tired to explain my clothing to onlookers and had no phone battery to call Hubbie, but hey what an achievement !

Honk Honk ! It's me not yet in jail. 

We finally took our son on a plane for the first (and second) time. After a few years of 'staycations' we finally took the plunge and had holiday abroad with our son. He loved the flight and met the pilot and sat at the controls going out to Lanzarote and back. It wasn't plain sailing (when is it ever with small children ?) but it was a positive experience and we decided it would be ok to do it again. He also enjoyed telling everyone he had been on holiday to Spain.

As well as having a birthday in May, I also did the Moonwalk with my lovely pal Soraya who is a breast cancer survivor. I could not believe I was doing this as I remembered that it's the single most difficult challenge I've undertaken in my life so far and for some reason I chose to do it again !  Anyway, we were overwhelmed with support (mostly for Soraya really) and it make being dressed like an idiot totally worth it.

Post moonwalk celebration

This was the year of my celebrity interviews with a run of them - I talked to Mark Steel about his love of sport - he concluded that we were probably married without knowing about it. Then I interviewed Mark Thomas who was fantastic and shares a love of the Fall with Hubbie. I met him again recently and he was kind enough to say he remembered. I also interviewed Andy Kershaw who I last met when we were both in Sierra Leone.

My lovely friend Lesley launched her new business venture Glow, in the Autumn and as part of that she organised a World Record attempt with around 30 of her colleagues. It involved a lot of us taking part in a fitness routine all at the same time across the country while adjudicators from the Guinness Book of Records watched to verify we had done it correctly. We found out later in the evening that we had indeed set a new World Record - with me dressed in a bright orange hula skirt. Oh well, it's not worth doing if you don't make an idiot of yourself is it ?

I'm moving so fast I'm a blur :)

In September this year my boy started school which has been a big milestone for all of us. At one point we didn't know if we would even ever have children so the fact that he is in school now and can write his name, is learning Spanish and is doing simple maths is just astounding. I went with both of his grandmothers to buy school uniform and at the Early Years nativity this month I was amongst the proudest parents fighting for a seat at the front of the hall.

In November I fulfilled a 2 year goal of chairing a session at the Mumsnet Blogfest about diversity and inclusion. It was nerve wracking and I was worried that no one would come or there would be nothing to say, but it was great and I hope that it's the beginning of something that will truly move things along in the world of blogging.

Not long after this - well 2 days later actually - I started a new job. It's the first time I've worked full time since my son was born so it's been a bit of a shock to the system waking up so early and always rushing to make sure I'm back to pick up my son from school. It is also, however, really challenging and reminds me that I have a brain that can do more than plan meals, wash school uniform and plump sofa cushions.

No really, he does know I'm there honest

So, in case any of you didn't already know I met Russell Brand when he advertised a couple of small shows he was doing in trendy Hoxton. He was talking about his plans for revolution and the giggling girls in the front row seemed very keen on political change from what I could tell. It was interesting to hear his ideas and to witness how he thinks. The attention he's had since then has been something else though. I share this photo here as it got such a strong reaction when I put it up on Facebook.

And finally I fulfilled a long held ambition by going away this Christmas. We had the most fabulous holiday in Cornwall in the Summer and stayed at Coombe mill which is perfect for a family like ours with a small boy who loves animals, tractors, trains and generally being outside with other kids. It was so much fun that we went back for Christmas and if you've read my last few posts you will have seen we had a wonderful stay with Fiona and her marvellous family.

My happiness jar - can't wait to read it :)

It has been a big year for all of us in the family and sometimes it's hard to remember everything so I'm delighted I have this jar. At the start of the year my sister shared this idea of keeping a record of the things that go well or make you happy and putting them into the jar to be read on New Year's Eve. I look forward to reading this aloud so I can recall all the best things before the next year begins.

I wish you a Happy New Year and hope that 2015 brings plenty of fun, happiness and joy.

It's not quite Howard's Way is it ?

I've been a bit off radar this week, but I do have a very good reason. I was on a cruise ship. In case you're wondering how I got home so quickly I'll clarify that. I was invited onto the ship, but we didn't make it to the Caribbean (sad face). I did, however, get fed to within an inch of my life - I didn't need to eat until after 1pm the next day I was still so full !

The view from the lifts is amazing !

It would have been great to actually visit the Caribbean, but it was still pretty great to be invited by Royal Caribbean to have a nosey around the biggest cruise ship in the world. The Oasis of the Seas was in Southampton this week, so while they boarded actual passengers a few of us were invited on board to sample some of the delights of a cruise. I have never been on one before and haven't seriously considered booking to go on one as a family as the only people I know who have been on and enjoyed a cruise are my in-laws and my elderly neighbours. In my mind it's a pastime for the retired and not for families with children. That's exactly why they wanted people like me to come aboard and change our minds about what cruising is like.

Not a shopping mall but the main promenade

So first up the ship is absolutely massive - the main promenade is twice the size of any other cruise ship and it's like being inside a shopping mall rather than at sea. It took us a while to board, but that was only because so many passengers were checking in super early so they could peruse the ship and take it all in. We were assured that it's actually a process that would take no more than 15 minutes in real life conditions. Security is like at an airport so you do have to walk through arches and provide photo ID before boarding.

King Julian serving at lunch 

Luscious lunch 

It's Alex the lion !

Once on board we were given lunch at Giovanni's. There are a lot of food outlets included in the price, but Giovannie's is one of the restaurants that requires an additional cover charge.  The charge is actually very reasonable, the food was delicious and the service just wonderful. It's not somewhere I'd eat often, but would be great for a special meal. While we were eating our starters we spotted these characters who joined us for photos and even came to see us at the table. I have to admit I was more than a little star struck !

Touch screen guide

This is a wall mounted guide that has a touch screen so you can see where on the ship you are, where you want to go and what activities are on that day. I've mentioned the enormity of the ship and it is a concern that you might get lost or - horror of horrors lose your child. You are never more than a few feet away from a member of staff and they are very helpful and friendly. If you lose a child you notify one of them and the entire staff on the ship stop what they are doing and search their area. Apparently it takes no more than 3 minutes to locate a lost child on board.

Trevor the fresh juice man

One of the things that I love about going on holiday is the relaxation, the fresh fruit and the opportunity to unwind. On board there is a very well equipped gym where you can do spin classes and you can work out from early morning to 1am !! We also had a mini treatment in the Elemis Spa and that would be one of my favourite places to visit I can tell you. After a workout and a relaxing treatment I always look forward to a refreshing drink of some kind. Trevor is the man who can help make magic happen. I asked for a drink based on pineapple and he created something of beauty out of pineapple, banana, orange and (as he told me conspiratorially and with a twinkle in his eye) "a little bit of peach." It was heavenly !!

Lilting music 

There is a lot for adult passengers with on board entertainment including live shows and we were serenaded by a band that included steel pans to get us into the Caribbean feel. I was interested to see what was available for children though as my son is aged 4 and I couldn't imagine what would keep him occupied and enable me to relax while on a cruise. The kids' club is a series of rooms that have age appropriate activities including science experiments, sports, arts and crafts. It's clean, well set out and staff are trained and first aid qualified. You can leave your children safely and know they are being cared for.

Outdoor pool fun 

Kids' club playroom 

My major concern was that as I have a very active child I wasn't sure there would be enough for my son to do that would stop him going stir crazy. Then we went outside and I saw the amazing sports deck with a number of fun pools, hot tubs for grown ups, crazy golf and the zipline that is included in the activities package (as is the flow rider) and you can go on it as many times as you like. In good weather it would be amazing to spend the day outside having fun swimming, playing and being active and might go some way towards counteracting the overeating that can happen on a cruise. I did a zipline along the top of the ship - I wasn't sure why I agreed to it, but as I zipped along over the carousel I was not at all scared and actually enjoyed it :)

Enormous starter

Decadent dessert 

When you talk to anyone about cruises the topic of food is never far away. There is a lot of it and it is pretty much inevitable that you will eat more than you intend to as there is so much on offer. Our food was amazing and I genuinely didn't need to eat the next day as it was so filling. There is a wide variety of food outlets to try and some are included and others require an additional charge. I did wonder what my son would make of the food, but there is so much choice I'm sure we'd find something that he would enjoy on board. Also with a cruise that makes frequent stops we could go ashore and try different cuisines in the ports.

The zipline was great fun

Overall I did rethink my preconceptions about the kind of people who go on a cruise. I mean who on earth would have predicted that with my propensity for seasickness and fear of heights I would willingly clamber onto a zipline and career along the 15th floor of the ship way above the decks ? It is not beyond the realms of possibility that we would consider booking a cruise as a family. I'm not sure I'd like to be at sea for days at a time, but a Mediterranean cruise with stops at different destinations every day might appeal. Having seen it in real life I can see what an amazing experience it could be for children to enjoy.

Disclosure: Royal Caribbean kindly invited me and some other Mumsnetters on board to experience what a cruise has to offer for families. I was not paid for this review.

Review: The Skeleton Cupboard - Tanya Byron

The first Mumsnet Blogfest I went to was so completely overwhelming - not least as the most amazing, beautiful and glamorous woman was sitting next to me. I turned to ask her a question about a point she'd made during a session when the topic of parent bloggers respecting their children's privacy came up. It was later I realised I'd been sitting next to Professor Tanya Byron.

I was delighted to be sent her book The Skeleton Cupboard to review. It's not often I get to pick up a book that I enjoy as much as this and even less frequently that I get to finish it. I have at least 4 books on the go at the moment that I've begun and not managed to get to the end of. Not because they're not good but it's the time it takes to read when you have a toddler around.

The Skeleton Cupboard is a relatively quick read as the chapters are a manageable length and the topic is divided into a few case studies that are like mini stories within the book. The case studies are not of real people, but are taken from experiences that Tanya had while training to become a psychologist in London. The stories do not make easy reading and it's really the light touch with which she tells it that makes them so compelling. There are a lot of references to her own attractiveness and a fascination with breasts that is largely irrelevant, but it is light relief. When she talks about someone's ample bosom it is in stark contrast to the harrowing cases such as the suicidal teen or the psychopath.

If this sounds a bit intense, yes it does go dark at times, but Tanya brings you back to a safe space and one where she is honest about her own shortcomings in the role she is learning. She does make reference to the difference between psychology and other disciplines, but I'm not sure I get the actual differences. The story is very much a baptism of fire, but one that she relates with kindness and respect, hence not using real case studies, but fictionalised versions of events.

I can recommend The Skeleton Cupboard as a fascinating insight into the world of psychology and some background about Tanya's own life. If I hadn't already read it I'd be taking this on holiday.

Mumsnet kindly sent me this book to write an honest review. 

It's FRIDAAAAAAAAYYYYY !!!!!!!

Ok, I know you already know that so maybe it's a bit obvious. Like those people who always post on Facebook the 'Thank Goodness It's Friday" images of drinking, partying or going somewhere exotic. If you are one of those people, just shush ok ?

If - like me - you're a stay at home parent/carer/pet parent/whatever this may be like any other day for you. It makes no odds that tomorrow is not a working day because every day is a working day/ non-working day for some of us. Well for me Saturday is the day I do my radio show in the morning so it's more like a working day than most actually.

However, this week I've got a few things to be happy about - not just the blazing sunshine outside which made the picnic we went to today a fun and fabulous activity instead of a potential disaster as outdoor events can so often be. As it's almost the weekend I thought a photo post might also be fun:




My new cards have arrived in plenty of time for Britmums Live in a few weeks. I've also got a fantastic sponsorship with a local company working with kids that we love, love, love. More details to follow in my Britmums post...

Kathleen Perkins' gorgeous hair

The fab comedy series Episodes was back this week and found this pic of the gorgeous Kathleen Perkins - who responded to a tweet of mine !!!! I'm having my hair cut this week and I SOOO want this style - maybe not so blonde though.

Talking of Episodes - I took part in the Mumsnet web chat with Stephen Mangan on Thursday and he was just so lovely. He was talking about his new movie Postman Pat (he is the voice of Pat) as well as previous projects like Green Wing, Jeeves and Wooster and - of course - Episodes.

He kindly responded to a few of my questions, so of course he's my new best friend :)

My love of social media has resulted in a massive coup this week - I spotted on Twitter that Jesus and Mary Chain are playing live this November and this morning me and Hubbie were both online sweating profusely while clicking refresh to get tickets, they sold out in 5 minutes.

After an adrenaline packed 5 minutes I sent Hubbie a text to say "we got tickets !!!" I am beyond excited.



Now if this post sounds a bit boastful please be assured it is not often I get a week of lots of nice things happening. That's why it's such a big deal and I'm mentioning it. Also, it is lovely and sunny outside and that automatically makes things seem better doesn't it ?

I read this week that 'positive things happen to positive people' - no I'm not getting all philosophical on you it was an interview with Sarah Beeny.

So my mantra (for now at least) is to be positive :)

We were going out to dinner...

...so I was choosing some earrings to wear that would look pretty, but not get stuck in my hair or fall out of my ears (this happens frequently). We'd arranged to meet at the restaurant - well calling it a restaurant is a bit much as the service is pretty lax and the food variable at best, but it's local and serves the kind of italian food you know you'll enjoy anyway.

The first time we'd eaten there I'd asked for the gnocchi and they said it wasn't available that evening. A few days later Hubbie (then boyfriend) was making me some dinner at his flat. He made gnocchi because, "I wanted to make you happy." It was a pretty foregone conclusion that we'd be married after that. We still went to the restaurant every week despite them forgetting our starters, regularly having only two thirds of the menu available and occasionally just not remembering we were even there. It's safe to say it wasn't the busiest place in Battersea.

After only a year of being married we were still holding on to the romantic rituals and habits that we had started when we were first courting. The regular meals out, the walks along the river on a Sunday, city breaks and holidays during school term time. Ah the bliss of the childless. Not that we didn't want children of course, we just hadn't had them yet and it was only a matter of time.

We had been trying since before the wedding and while we hadn't expected to get the jackpot honeymoon baby we were just wondering if there was something going on that we should know about. In fact we both went to see our respective GPs to check that all was ok with us and had various blood tests, which for a man who hates the sight of blood was a bit of a trial really. Hubbie was going to see his doctor after work for his results then coming to join me for dinner.

I put on lip gloss and mascara and checked my reflection for any smudges. A whole day at work can do weird things to a face and no amount of candlelight can disguise it, so I was relying on the magical power of make-up to give the illusion of natural beauty. I heard the double beep of a text message coming through. As I picked up my coat and went to the door I glanced at the screen. "I'm finished here. See you in ten xx"

As I walked I saw the evening runners in Battersea Park wearing reflective gear, bobbing along like fireflies. It was one of my favourite places to run too and I loved living so close that I could go there before work. I had encouraged Hubbie to run with me and he'd become quite a keen runner himself. He was even training for the Windsor half marathon.

By the time I got the restaurant he was already standing outside and he smiled as he caught sight of me. He held the door open for me and I joked that I hoped he'd had a snack on the way just in case. We sat at a table by the window - a mistake, they never see you sitting there, but you can watch everyone else walk past. I asked if he'd had a nice day and he smiled again. The waitress came over and took our drinks orders. My coat fell off the back of my chair so I went to retrieve it from the floor and realised I hadn't asked and he hadn't told me. "What did the doctor say ?" "Oh not a lot really." "Ok, good or bad news then ?" I laughed a little, he didn't. "He says it's highly unlikely we can have children." The waitress came back with our drinks. She asked if we were ready to order yet. We both shook our heads.

Now I looked a little closer I could see behind his glasses that his eyes were red. He still had his coat on and he hadn't looked at me since we sat down in the restaurant. I reached out to put my hand over his on the table. After some time he said, "What do you want to do ?" After a bit more time I said, "Well I'm going to order the gnocchi." We both smiled, he took off his coat and we raised our glasses to each other.

This post is my entry for the Mumsnet Blogfest competition using Lionel Shriver's favourite first line from a book. 
Fingers crossed :o) 

Is it just me or is blogging a white thing ?

When we first moved into this area we went to do some shopping at the local Waitrose and Hubbie commented that it was 'very white.' I remarked that the green and white decor signified freshness and cleanliness and he clarified by saying, "No, I meant the people. They're all white." I looked around. "Not everyone, the counter staff aren't."

It wasn't a judgement, just an observation. One that I hadn't made. In the same way I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me that my chosen profession was staffed almost exclusively by women who were white, blonde, 20-something and (in the old days) trustafarians. It wasn't an issue as it didn't stop me doing my job so I thought nothing of it.

Then at the weekend I was at a blogging conference, my third in the last 12 months. At the first one I was far too dazzled by it all that I barely noticed anyone else (well apart from the fact that the beautiful woman sitting next to me turned out to be Prof Tanya Byron). At the second I became aware that the majority of attendees were white women. This weekend I was there with a friend who is also not white and she noticed it too. At one point she joked that we had to attend different break out sessions to make sure that there was a fair representation and spread of ethnicity.

Before my remarks unleash a barrage of criticism I'd like to explain that I am a big fan of the blogging networks that hosted these conferences and I don't think it is their job to explain who attends. They aren't excluding anyone so it's up to those who are interested and who blog to come along. That's what I did. It was just very obvious to me that only a few non-white women were there and I'm wondering why.

Flowing from this is the question, is blogging mostly a white pastime ? I can't believe that it is. I blog about my son, my family, my life in general and occasionally I review stuff on my blog too. I rarely blog about my ethnicity, but it underlies my writing because it's who I am. It's also half of my son too and I want him to understand both sides of his heritage so occasionally I'll write about Diwali or what it's like when we go to visit family in India. My ethnicity doesn't define my writing, but informs it. I don't speak on behalf of anyone else or their experience just as a blogger who has 3 children doesn't speak for all parents of 3 children.

So do we have a secret underground movement of non-white bloggers who just can't or won't attend conferences for reasons of cost or timing (which can apply to everyone I know). And more importantly why does it matter ? It isn't just so that I can identify with more than half a dozen people in the crowd, honestly.

• Blogging is a democratic thing isn't it ? If you have access to the internet - and I know for some this is an issue - it's pretty much open to all. So is it about access or education ? 

• Companies who clamber for product testers and brand ambassadors do know that parents of every ethnicity spend money and buy stuff for their families don't they ? 

• I refuse to believe that in this day and age it isn't possible to find panellists that are representative of a wider experience. It seems that having a man on the panel is more representative than a black woman. 

• It's important because a panel discussion about feminism descended into purile comments about jam and heels when we could have covered so many others such as FGM and education for girls. Issues that maybe don't personally affect anyone in that room, but affect all of us as people. 

There was a session that talked about blogging changing the world. Well, I'm keen to know if the blogging world is inclusive to start with.

If you have any thoughts on this topic please do comment - I'd love to hear what you think.

Blogfest 2013 was like the sixties, if you can remember it you weren't really there.

When I worked in an office Monday morning was the usual, "good weekend ?" "Yeah it was ok, and you ?" "Oh not bad, painted the living room green. Went for dinner and watched Homeland." "Yeah I keep meaning to watch that too. Tea ?" "Oh go on then." I don't work in an office now, so the only way I get to tell anyone what I did at the weekend is to blog about it - well unless I bore the staff at the swimming pool in the morning or at Waitrose when I go to pick up my free tea that is. They smile politely, but they're not interested really.

So at an unearthly hour on Saturday morning I got out of bed and checked what time my friend Soraya was getting into Victoria Station to meet me and Jennifer. I tried to be as quiet as possible so the boys wouldn't be woken up by me, but when I left they were awake and wandering round too. I reminded Hubbie what was for breakfast, lunch and dinner and left the house for my day at my second Mumsnet Blogfest. With free tea from Waitrose in hand I met the others who were Blogfest virgins and we made our way to Kings Cross. I don't mean to be rude, but I was propositioned outside the station years ago and it now looks like a modern and fabulous European station so it feels like it's a million years away from its past. The venue itself is a big glass building with a terrace that overlooks some lovely houseboats - nothing like I expected for Kings Cross.

Having been to the first blogfest alone I arrived and stuffed myself with pastries. In keeping with tradition I did the same this time too. I also managed to find myself sitting next to Professor Tanya Byron last year so I raced down to the front hopefully. I didn't get a celebrity seating pal, but did have a prime seat to watch the first panel featuring a real life Mark Darcy and some cracking discussion with a live twitter feed running along the back screen. I will admit it was so exciting to see my tweet appear that I was only half listening to the panel, but I caught the jist which was Toby stop being daft and Stella the room loves you so you don't need to play to the crowd so much. It was refreshing to have a lively chat about internet trolling though as the subject is pretty dark and upsetting.

The think bombs from Prof Tanya, Dr Sue Black and Jon Ronson were fabulous with some food for thought as well as a new found hatred of algorithms (who knew I had feelings about those ?) It reminded me that years ago I had my first and only letter published in the Guardian Weekend magazine in which I mentioned Jon Ronson. I'm sure it's as memorable for him as it was for me. I attended some really interesting and engaging sessions and how delightful that a fellow blogger got a whoop from the audience while sitting on a panel of well known comedy writers (way to go Sonya !!) Of course Lionel Shriver's pink wellies have now become legendary, but AL Kennedy with her dry delivery is surely the only person who could rock that fabulous tank top and flat cap combo.

I was far too nervous last year to talk to the sponsors, but this time I decided to go up and introduce myself. This meant I was trying not to knock out others with my Hondamums vanity plate for the rest of the day - sadly it can't actually go on my car, but I've given it to my boy and he's delighted with it. When I popped over to see the nice chaps at Mark Warner Holidays I was rewarded with a cocktail (or two) and a photo of me on a Windsail (not looking especially athletic it has to be said !) It also enabled me to check how to enter the competition to win a fab holiday ! For the record my top tip for a family holiday is to make sure there is a pool as all of us love swimming and even if it's a rubbish resort we'll spend hours splashing around having fun on our hols.

[For more tips on how to entertain the kids on your travels, the kit you absolutely shouldn't leave home without and more visit the Mark Warner blog www.markwarner.co.uk/blog]

The afternoon session has been written about so much that I'm not going to add anything to the debate by going over it here. Personally I wasn't offended by the panel discussing whether a Mummy blogger can be a feminist. I didn't walk out, find myself shaking with anger, feel the need to shout from the balcony or quote Joss Whedon. Maybe that was the numbing effect of the alcohol or maybe it was the taking down of the live twitter feed during the more heated part of the debate as I sent my pithy contribution to the discussion by tweet. Whatever the case Jo Brand brought the day to a fine end and my friend Soraya prodding me to go and talk to her in the bar afterwards was a stroke of genius. Just before leaving we went into the photo booth run by Talk Talk and decided to pose for our quartet of photos as the Village People - no, please don't ask !

It feels like such a lot to take in and yet the time flies past. Meeting bloggers I feel I know intimately from reading their posts and following them on Twitter was a bit weird, but tapping badges so that we could exchange contact details meant I didn't have to panic about not being able to keep in touch with anyone. I'm reinvigorated and revitalised by it all (although I did spend most of Sunday in a daze and lolling around the house like a student on reading week) and raring to build on my new links and knowledge.

A special thank you to Jennifer and Soraya for hanging out with me and keeping me company on the journey there and back. Please pop over to visit their blogs and say "Hi" from me.

Keep calm, I've got a big bag and I'm not afraid to fill it (with cupcakes)

!This time last year I was cacking myself wondering why I'd decided to go to the first Mumsnet Blogfest. I didn't know anyone else who was going and I was terrified I'd stick out like a useless amateur in a room full of technical wizards in amazingly co-ordinated outfits with perfect figures and no evidence of mummyhood other than a much cooler bag than me.

As I waddled over to the venue very early and awaited the onslaught of power mums I was quite surprised to find welcoming, friendly normal women quite happily noshing the pastries that I'd expected they'd be avoiding. My first conversation was with a lovely blogger who's based in Italy and had just been published (intimidating much ?), but everyone I met was really friendly and I learned so much all day. I had been going through an identity crisis wondering whether my blog was actually being read by anyone and whether or not there was any point in continuing. I left with renewed confidence that I could do new things and try to build and audience without changing the essential nature of what I enjoyed writing.

I'm really looking forward to going again this year now I know a lot more bloggers and am less timid about promoting my blog, I've learned how to use linkys (well this post is on one isn't it so that's one skill I didn't have last year !). It's a great day with so much going on and there was not a moment that I wasn't learning something new, including how many cupcakes I can fit into my handbag - a lot if you must know !

The sessions are so great I want to borrow Hermione's ability to be in more than one class at once so I don't have to miss any of them. As well as looking forward to the sessions I'm also going to see some blogger friends who I've chatted to online and some I've even met in real life. Some are even presenting the sessions - ooh get me with my blogger celeb pals :o)

So my top tips if it's your first Blogfest ?

1. Dress how you like, it's not a fashion show and no one is judging you.
2. Bring a very big bag - there is so much to pick up and the goodie bag is enormous !!
3. Take a break from whatever nonsensical food fad you're following for just one day. The cakes, the lunch and the drinks are so wonderful you'd be crazy to miss out on them.
4. Bring a tablet with you and don't lug a massive laptop along - it was heavy and I didn't use it at all !! .
5.  There will be wifi.
6.  Tweet while you're there - it's a great way to meet and greet other bloggers who are sitting in the same room and it's how I got talking to the fabulous Mammasaurus !
7. Don't try and do everything - the sessions will be online later so you can watch any you missed
8. If you're bringing a baby seek me out and I'll be more than happy to hold and hug while you go to the loo or drink your tea - honestly !!
9. Don't be afraid to talk to the brands that are there - they will work with a range of bloggers and you don't have to be the Bloggess to get their interest
10. Make friends & have fun !!

I'll see you there :o)

Mumsnet bedtime stories

On a rare night out last week I was invited to attend the launch for Mumsnet Book of Bedtime Stories. It was one of the few times I've been into town after dark and there was wine and everything !

The book is the result of a competition that invited Mumsnet and Gransnet members to submit bedtime stories to be chosen for this compilation. I did consider sending in a story, but it's devilish difficult to actually write a story for kids ! Michael Rosen whittled down the twenty shortlisted stories to the ten that appear in the book and it must have been very hard to choose. I don't envy him the decision, but what a fun job to do.

The authors were all at the launch and I got most (if not all) of them to sign a book for my boy. I also chatted to some of the illustrators about the fact that the stories look absolutely beautiful and they are all so different. There is a nice range of styles and age ranges in this book so it will last for a while and would make a wonderful gift to give a child, a parent or grandparent or anyone who loves picture books.

I'm going to give a copy to Mother-in-law so that my boy has one for when he stays with her. It's like having ten picture books in one - a space saver too !! I'd suggest it would also work to take on holiday so you don't have to carry lots of books to keep your little ones entertained. I can see this book becoming a firm favourite in our house and I'm delighted I got to talk to some of the people who created it. It's inspired me to give writing a children's story a go, but I've got a long way to go before I'm as good as these guys ! 

Thank you to Hannah from Mumsnet for inviting me to the book launch :o)

The 10 winning stories (in author alphabetical order) are:

• Polly the Jumping Cow by Jools Abrams-Humphries 
• Bedtime at the Lighthouse by Philip Bell
• Time for Bed by Michelle Eckhaus
• The Night Thief and the Moon by Katherine Latham
• A Parcel for Theo by Claire McCauley
• Princess Imogen's Independent Day by Christine O'Neill
• The Dancing Bear by Suzy Robinson
• The Sheriff of Rusty Nail by Sophie Wills
• Celeste Who Sang to the Stars by Kate Wilson
• Allie to the Rescue by Helen Yendall

If you are looking for a special and beautiful present for a child (or a grandparent) Click here to buy the book from Amazon

Disclosure: This is a personal review of the book - I was not paid to attend, but I did get a free book.

Resolutions Schmesolutions :o)

If you'd told me at the start of this year that at the end of it I'd have a weekly radio show of my own I'd have looked at you sideways and smiled kindly. I'd also have been amazed if you'd told me that the most toxic female journalist of modern times would refer to this blog in a column following the fab Mumsnet blogfest event.

So it's with this in mind that I am starting 2013 in a novel way. I won't be detoxing or giving up anything on Jan 1st. Not because I have a perfect life or I am as good as I think I can be, but because I'm coming at this resolutions thing from a different perspective for a change. Instead of stopping doing something I'm going to concentrate on doing more of things I want to do better. By doing that I hope that I will spend less energy and time on the things that I don't need or want.

So, in no particular order:

I am going to make time to read. I was given so many great books for Christmas and I still haven't read the ones I got last year. I'm sure it's possible for me to make time in my day to read a little bit - although this might mean watching less Hawaii 5-0.

I'll be trying new sporting activities that I haven't done before. I've been doing the same exercise classes for almost 4 years now and while they are fun it's a routine for me and I attend because I feel guilty if I don't. That's not a good reason. I used to play softball and scuba dive and ski -  what happened to that action chick ? Oh yes I am a middle-aged Mum now, but that's no excuse is it ?

At least once a month I will go to the cinema and watch a movie - this may entail finding a movie buddie or I could go along on an afternoon when my boy is at nursery. This is all thanks to Hubbie being super generous and getting Sky movies so I can see films at home, but let's be honest sitting in a dark room at home isn't the same if you haven't overpaid for the popcorn.

I'm going to cook at least one recipe from each cookbook I own - and no, not just the baking ones !! Kind people have given me some great books full of recipes which I look at and go "ooh aah," but I haven't actually followed any of them yet.  My aim is to make a seasonal Slater stew, some gorgeous Gok gyoza and anything from the achingly beautiful Lilli Vanilli baking book I won from a fellow blogger. I hope to find some interesting new meals and to use ingredients I haven't tried to cook with before. I will, of course, share how this goes with you for good or ill (preferably not getting ill !)

I'm sure I'll think of other things as time goes on, but these are a pretty manageable start I think. They are already better than my original list which was:

To be able to afford to use Aveda shampoo and conditioner

To have someone to do my hair for me at home

Have a personal trainer to get my backside to exercise when I want to sit on the sofa watching Hawaii 5-0
The beloved Kitchenaid mixer which I really want to own, but I can't justify the cost of 

To be able to travel first class - anywhere

I realised that all of these were materialistic and made me sound like I want to be Madonna - which I used to when she was all cool and wore rubber bangles and lace in her hair, but not so much now.

Thanks for reading my blog and for listening to my show. If you haven't yet tune in at 1pm today or you can podcast it later.

Hope 2012 was good to you and here's to not turning into Madonna in 2013 :o)