It's ok I think I have a plan

I think it's been pretty much universally agreed that this has been a difficult and sad year already. 

David Bowie died and the world remembered that his music and influence have been immense. Prince died alone and under circumstances that weren't entirely clear and long before his time. Mohammed Ali passed away and right there a legend was gone. So many people have that iconic image on their wall of him as a young boxer and that is how many will choose to remember him. I will think of the man who emereged from years out of the public eye to light the Olympic flame at Atlanta. Seeing him diminished by Parkinson's disease reduced an entire world audience to tears. Victoria Wood died quietly and privately as did Caroline Aherne and we were treated to some of the best written comedy of many generations in tribute. This makes it even more shameful that 'women in comedy' are still considered outliers. Alan Rickman with his melifluous tones and Terry Wogan with his instantly recognisable voice were also lost to us. Then only recently Pete Burns and a few months before Alexis Arquette died at a young age. It's been a long list of losses this year. 

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but to name everyone would take so long and my tears would drench the keyboard. To honour their lives I play the music of Bowie and Prince to my children. It's my way of giving them a taste of what it meant to me. We watch comedies and talk to each other in soundbites that made us laugh or impersonate Wogan or Rickman in homage. It's so sad to lose them, but also wonderful to have great memories to share. The warmth that comes from having a positive to think about helps move grief along. 

Then we had the EU referendum and it was painful to hear my five year old ask, "Do we have to move away now ?" I don't know how you explain to a child the climate of fear that was all around them at that time. We did our best and moved on from it. Now I find myself filled with a new dread. 

My son came home from school yesterday talking about the US election and quoted how many seats Trump had won versus how many Hillary had won. We talked about it and he was baffled at why adults aren't so happy about the man who won. He thinks about these things a lot so I don't want to lie to him, but the truth is just too harsh. 

You see the president-elect is a man who mocked a journalist with a disability and lied about it. My son has a respectful attitude towards disabled people and understands that it is better to ask than presume when you do not understand something. 

The man who will occupy the White House has incited hatred towards millions of people and entire nations based on ignorance and fear. I am raising my boys to understand that race, ethnicity and accident of birth are no justifications for fear or bullying. 

This wealthy man has openly boasted about sexually assaulting women and getting away with it because he can do what he likes. I talk to my son's about consent even at their young age. It's important that they show respect, but also that they do not allow others to disrespect them or their bodies. 

How do I tell my sons, my beautiful non-white children who I am raising to be kind and considerate men that this president talks about people like us in ways that are not nice ? That maybe going to New York to see your best friend who now lives there isn't such a great idea until this president understands that not all brown people are dangerous. 

These boys who will not tolerate homophobia because they know that it's just not right. My older son knows that marriage can be between two men, two women or a man and a woman. They recognise that families are varied and vibrant and not all the same. That some children don't have as much as they do so they have donated toys and we have taken clothes and food to a refugee centre and local charities. 

I am raising men - not boys. Men who are kind, considerate, respectful, strong and will speak out for those who cannot do it themselves. They will be the positive change to counteract this hateful, narcissistic, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic leader whose only qualification seems to be that his extreme wealth makes him untouchable. 

How do I know that my sons are going to do this ? On a day when 7 people died in a tragic accident a few miles from our home and so many people were thrown into turmoil for a day I went to an interview in the lashing rain, arriving windswept, exhausted, damp and as I took out my notes for the interview I saw this in my folder. 

That's how I know. 

I've put on my red shoes David.

This isn't the blog post I was planning to write today. I'm not entirely prepared if I'm honest. All day it's been on my mind and now I'm here sitting at the keyboard and looking for the words.

As I stood at the sink this morning trying to persuade Baby Boy to prise open his mouth so I could brush his teeny tiny teeth Hubbie popped his head round the door.
"Have you heard the news about David Bowie ?"
"No."
"He's died."
"Are you sure ? Show me where you saw that."
He showed me the tweet. I went back to my son's teeth and turned on the radio to hear Nick Robinson talking about it. Yes it was true.
Big Boy heard the news items on the radio and asked me,
"Mummy are you sad about the man who died ?"
"Yes baby. It's a very sad day."

When we heard Golden Years on the radio on the school run I told him it was that man who died singing. Big Boy nodded along and smiled. I knew I had to make a radio show just for my boys so they would know who he was and how diverse and fantastic his musical legacy really is. On Friday night me and Hubbie will be on the radio presenting our tribute show - I always play a Bowie track on my own show and this one will be bitter sweet as I get to play all Bowie, but for the saddest of reasons.

Beckenham, Bromley and Brixton are all taking credit for Bowie. Tonight there is a street party in Brixton and every radio station has played songs by him all day. I tuned into BBC London earlier and heard Robert Elms breaking down as he tried to compose himself to go on air. No one quite believes it.

Hubbie took this photo on his way to work in Brixton, it's become an unofficial shrine:

This evening when I got back from swimming I sat in the car on the drive listening to Lazarus. Before I had to open the door to whatever nonsense might be going on at bedtime. I just couldn't face taking part in real life and wanted to feel the emotion of music performed by a man who knew that most people would listen to it just after he had passed away.

If you look back at the titles of my blog posts you will spot that I often pilfer lyrics and titles from Bowie songs. On one of the rare occasions I baked a cake for the Clandestine Cake Club I called it Rebel Rebel and made it look a bit Ziggy Stardust. Any excuse really. Ok so I wasn't the only one who was in love with Bowie. It wasn't just about the make up and the incredibly attractive man wearing it. It's been a said a lot today that everyone felt like he knew them intimately and that the represented how we felt.

A lot of tributes have concentrated on how he was an innovator and reinvented himself so many times. He was also influential in LGBT politics as a figure who was open and honest about his own sexuality at a time when it just wasn't the done thing. He also challenged racism in the music industry and the preferential treatment given to white artists. The first time I found out about the ill treatment of the indigenous people in Australia was when Bowie made the video for Let's Dance featuring aboriginal actors/dancers. When he married Iman it made me joyous that he loved a beautiful black woman (ok her beauty is irrelevant to her skin colour) as it meant when he was bored of her he would be mine all mine.

London is clearly in mourning for this son of South London and the music he made is the best legacy anyone could hope for.

Personally I think this is pretty cool too:

Do you remember when … ?

It's that time of year when all the programmes are a look back at the last year so I thought in the spirit of that I'd post a few random thoughts about what I can remember of the last 12 months. It's not in any order particularly and I may well leave out something pretty momentous purely as I've forgotten. So here is my year in headlines:

The Write Stuff: In terms of my blogger life I attended two conferences that taught me an amazing amount and where I met some lovely fellow bloggers who I have learned so much from. Special mention goes to Jennifer Jain who has given me some really great advice and help - you are a lovely lady :o)

Music is the food of love: The radio show I do with Hubbie has been great fun to work on and we're thinking of new themes all the time. It's great being able to share an interest that we have and to have something to show for it in the form of podcasts. We really do have great fun and hope to do more shows this year and grow the audience for both His & Hers and my show Are We Nearly There Yet ?

It's never too late: At the beginning of this year David Bowie created a media 'event' when he released a new single on the internet - followed by an album - without any fanfare or publicity. Most of the surprise was because it was assumed he'd semi -retired from music. I absolutely adore Bowie and thought it was a beautiful single. Just goes to show it's never too late to surprise people.

Oh I do like to be beside the seaside: Closer to home this was the first summer that we have attended the Edge of the Sea two day festival in Brighton and left our son with his grandparents for the weekend. It took me a full day to get used to being without him, but I think I could cope with doing it again this year. I hope so as me and Hubbie have plans to go to more gigs in 2014 and even to take the little man to some family friendly festivals.

Thank you for the days: We took the plunge and decided our boy was ready for days out at theme parks this summer too. He loved Paultons Park - the home of Peppa Pig World - so much that we took him twice. Chessington was also a lovely day out that we were lucky to be invited to try as a family. I think Legoland might be on the cards next summer. 

Eye eye: In hypochondria corner I found my eyes going funny and thought I might be developing diabetes - I know, it's almost comical isn't it ? Finally I went to get my eyes tested and discovered I need varifocals. Hubbie stifled his hilarity and helpfully suggested we look at the Stannah range. Yes I did give him a hard - if myopic - stare. 

Don't believe the hype: Having avoided it for a long time I finally played Candy Crush and did indeed find it to be mildly addictive. I also tried to watch Breaking Bad and just couldn't get into it. I will try again, but if it hasn't gripped me so far it's not looking good. I became hooked on Mad Men and watched a whole series in two weeks on the train journey to work. After again trying to avoid it I gave in and watched one episode of Game of Thrones and that was it, I had to watch them all. My friend who is always ahead on telly trends was delighted as she can now talk to me about it and when I watch an episode I invariably send her a text message declaring, "That Joffrey needs a good kicking."

You're a big boy now: This was the year that not only did we manage to get the boy out of nappies, but also graduated from a cot to a big boy bed. I recall everyone telling me that the time passes really quickly when your children are young and it is so true. It seems only days ago that he was a newborn baby sleeping next to me and I carefully took away his blanket to find he was asleep on his front with his limbs all tucked under his body like a cat. It made me smile even in my new parent insomniac state.

Goodbye and farewell: Our lovely neighbour passed away after being ill for a few months. He'd been like another grandparent to our boy and as he grew weaker through illness our boy learned to be gentle and kind with this man who loved seeing our boy grow from a baby to a toddler. It was very sad even though it wasn't entirely unexpected.

In the public eye there were the deaths of two high profile political figures - Thatcher and Mandela. One who I despised with my very being and the other who had a bar at my uni named after him - which I know is hardly unique. I think it's enough to say I didn't know either of them, but the two events were big enough to warrant a mention here. 

Stop me if you've heard this one before: And in the dying embers of the year another singer whose name begins with B released an album online to the apparent surprise of everyone. Beyonce caused a stir with this supposed 'never before' phenomenon (oh how forgetful the media are) and the album has been a massive success.

So, it's now almost the end of 2013 and I've decided to start my resolutions early to give myself a fighting chance, but that's a whole other post for the start of 2014.