I had blonde ambition because of Madonna

How is it possible that Madonna is 60 today ? I mean I realise it's perfectly normal and had they lived Prince and Michael Jackson would also be looking at cashing in their over 50s plans and popping out for the early bird oap special in the local Harvester. I guess I just don't see Madonna as 'older' and of course 60 is no longer old anyway.

I've loved her since I was a teenager and was influenced by her in so many ways. The hair; rags, curly and messy, the platinum blonde phase I wish I could have carried off. The fashion; thrift store clothing, ankle boots, leather and lace. The attitude, her perseverance and  let's face it the self confidence. Of course she has her faults - who doesn't ? - but I honestly believe the influence she has had on many women (and men) of my generation is profound. So here - in no particular order - are my top ten reasons for celebrating Madonna.

1. She is a genuine poor kid made good. She literally went from rags to riches. Ok the rags were in her hair, but you get the point.

2. Mads is a fierce advocate of the gays - ok she wasn't the first, but she certainly wasn't shy about talking about sexuality. When her book 'Sex' was published my friend Jo pre-ordered it and when it was delivered we sat in her bedroom at uni looking through the photos in awe even though most of them had already been published by papers to prove how depraved she was.

3. I made my family come home early from temple one Sunday afternoon so I could watch the Blonde Ambition tour on an italian cable channel. I can't believe my Mum actually did that for me.

4. She is fluent in French and Italian - this woman is no thickie. She sent her kids to a french speaking school and values education very highly.

5. As a parent M is very strict - I like that she doesn't take any crap from her kids. It's far too easy to give your kids everything when you are loaded, it's much more difficult to say no.

6. Talking of saying which - Madonna doesn't need anyone to like her. Remember that scene in the movie 'Truth or Dare' ? Where Kevin Costner comes to see her backstage and she makes a gag face ? See she don't give a damn.

7.  As a business woman she has built an empire and maintained it. Other singers have been ripped off by accountants, record companies and even their partners, but M takes no shit from nobody. (sic)

8. Her acting is abysmal, but I did really enjoy her turn as Karen's flakey roomate in Will and Grace. It was self-effacing and hilarious.

9. When Madonna falls in love she gives it all she's got. Famously her love for Sean Penn has never really gone away. She turned herself into an English lady for Guy Ritchie. For a woman who is so strong and independent she falls hard for the men she loves.

10. The woman can dance. That is all. Watch any pop starlet and you will see her moves all over them.

So those are the highlights from my history with Madonna. It's not an exhaustive list by any means. I mean I didn't even talk about the music videos (stunning), the chameleon-like style changes (epic), the adoptions (best not), the feuds with other singers (legendary) and the fact that even after all these years she's still able to terrify with a look. I can't help, but admire the woman for that.

What is Sanskrit for cultural appropriation then ?

I saw on twitter that Beyonce has been called out for 'cultural appropriation' in the video for the song she has dueted on with Coldplay. In it she features as a Bollywood screen star complete with cleavage enhancing outfits and henna painted hands. Chris Martin and fellow Coldplayers mime while doused in Holi colours and there is a smattering of scenes featuring 'local colour' such as poor kids, festivals and holy men. It's pretty harmless stuff really. Is it appropriation ? Not especially. It's heavy handed and pretty cliched, but no more so than when Madonna did it a while back when she made the Ray of Light album.

In fact Madge was credited with introducing the entire western hemisphere to yoga which apparently no one had even heard of before she did it. I've been a yoga teacher for 7 years now and have practised yoga for over 20 years. I first started when I came back from uni and read an article in Time Out about the life centre in Notting Hill and decided to check it out. The first lesson was tough, but I loved it and I kept going. Every Saturday morning I'd be in warrior pose wondering why I put myself through it as my teacher Andrea - an ex dancer - put us all through a tough Ashtanga routine. I was lighter and younger then and I struggled, but something made me want to do keep going and to get better. I did get stronger and learned a lot more about the practice and eventually took the step I had wanted to for so many years to train as a teacher.

One of the things that struck me when I was training was how often I heard the references to 'real' or 'traditional' yoga. I was lectured by tutors about how yoga is practised in India and on one memorial occasion a teacher impersonated indian people with that head bob we know (and that I loathe). I complained about her behaviour and she took to attacking me with the preserve of the racist and weak, 'some of my best friends are...'  I was fascinated by the mispronunciation of Sanskrit words and chanting what I can only assume is a non asian's version of the blessings. I was the only asian in the room and would often hear grand pronouncements about how things are done in India. One fellow student shared her outrage that in India disability is seen as a punishment as 'they believe it's karma' - oh man did I let rip on that day.

When I qualified and was looking for places to teach I found that there are a number of churches that do not allow yoga to be taught in their halls because it's seen as a religious practice that is at odds with Christianity. It isn't, but I'm not going to disrespect someone else's faith and there will always be other places to teach. Not long ago it was reported that a school banned yoga due to it being 'cultural appropriation' I have to admit I was a bit baffled until I thought, well yes it is. But so is the chicken tikka masala that is probably served in the school canteen and come to think of it the tie dye skirt that the art teacher wears.

The line between celebration and appropriation is pretty blurry. I think getting all het up at Beyonce is  missing the point. No one wants to appropriate the reality of what life is like for women in India. Why deal with misogyny and widespread violence towards women when the clothes are jewellery are so pretty ? It's so much simpler for beautiful, successful, western women (whether black or white) to objectify asian women even further.

Oh and the single isn't much cop either.

Thank you !!!!

So it's been a pretty eventful few days.

On Monday night I went to the first night of Anything Goes at the Churchill Theatre in Bromley and it was absolutely fantastic ! I know all the songs (you probably do too) and it was just so vibrant and fun. It was a really great start to the week and seeing all the lovely dancers in their vintage outfits gave me some inspiration for my danceathon outfit next week.

It's been London Fashion Week - an event I used to take great interest in before it became entirely out of the realms of my reality - well since the Clothes Show stopped being shown on telly really. I always loved watching the catwalk shows (of course now it's called a runway instead which is part of the reason I stopped caring) and seeing what the designers had in store for the rich and thin. I am neither so you can see why it's less of a thing for me now.

To demonstrate how far I am from being a fashionista I got all discombobulated about a tweet I saw telling me that Krispy Kreme were giving away free doughnuts to celebrate their 1,000th store opening. I discreetly did up my cardigan (I said about the fashion thing didn't I ? I wasn't kidding !) and left the office. I did that fast walk that looks like you need the loo really urgently all the way to the shop on High Holborn and the nice man handed me a lovely and nutritionally questionable foodstuff in a bag. It made my day that did :)

Then Madonna fell off a high stage in a wardrobe fail that looked terribly painful and caused all sorts of reactions - from claims that she had done it on purpose to those leaping to her defence by claiming that she has super human powers. I don't envy the person who had done up her cape at the neck. While I've always been an admirer of Madge it's no secret that she is not a fan of failure. It reminded me of her on stage during the blonde ambition tour and thinking how hard she worked to get fit so she could dance and sing for hours. That is a woman who works hard and it shows. I'm pretty sure if it was me I'd have stayed down and actually cried.

I almost did cry on Friday actually. During the end of the week assembly at school my boy finally received a special celebration certificate and badge at school for writing. It is so heartening for me to hear that he has been writing pages and pages of words. His teacher even quipped in the assembly that he must be 'writing a novel." I hope so. That would make me even prouder - as if that's even possible.

On top of all of that my biggest surprise came today when I checked my Red Nose Day fundraising page to discover that I've smashed the fundraising target I set for the Danceathon I'm taking part in with hundreds of others - and a fair few Team Honkers - at Wembley Arena to raise funds for Comic Relief. It has been an amazing and kind of so many lovely folks to sponsor me to take part in this. I genuinely appreciate every donation and I know it's not easy for everyone to give so thank you from my heart for doing so.

It's not too late to give if you still want to. I will share plenty of pics from the event itself and I haven't forgotten that I promised to do and film a happy dance when I reached my target. Keep an eye on t'internet as I expect it's going to make the whole gold dress/blue dress thing pale into the distance when it goes live :)

Disclosure: The lovely folks at the Churchill Theatre invited us to see Anything Goes free of charge. 

Rolling my eyes: Everyday sexism / racism / homophobia

There are few things that raise my hackles more than isms - you know sexism, racism, ageism, etc. It's been a weird week as there have been cases of quite a few of them in the news. I'm singling out these headlines* because they've really made me shake my head and feel quite sad.

(*these were made up by me - they aren't actual headlines - well I don't think they are)

All Egyptians are white aren't they ? 

Rupert Murdoch, a man known mostly for being old, white and rich remarked on Twitter that he couldn't fathom why there was hostility at the casting of white actors in a film about Moses. No, not Gwyneth and Chris Martin's son, the other one, you know possibly the most famous Egyptian ever.  His disbelief at claims of racism in the white only casting was based on his assertion that all the Egyptians he knows are white. It is entirely coincidental that the movie is being distributed by a company he owns of course. Twitter exploded amidst challenges to his understanding of racism - missing the point that he probably doesn't really tweet himself and doesn't he use the standard disclaimer 'all views my own.' Not that anyone who want to own his views other than him of course. Clearly he is so untouchable that he honestly believes he can just say anything because being so old and rich and white there are no consequences.

Samantha is a goer and she loves it

Radio 4 comedy show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue has been running for years and with mostly the same all male cast. There is a running series of jokes about the fictional 'Samantha' that essentially are about her sexual veracity and this caused one listener to complain to the BBC trust. The trust found that the show had no case to answer. So ISIHAC rules that sexist jokes will stay, but they will endeavour to have more women on having argued with Stella Duffy that one of the existing panel would have to die before there was room for a woman. Yes, this did happen. A few months ago Stella was guest presenting Pick of the Week and we were discussing how few women are on panel shows on Radio 4. Stella challenged the ISIHAC team to respond to the claim that they don't welcome women guest panellists and they were quite aggressive on Twitter arguing that it was tradition and which of the living esteemed original players did she want them to sack to make way for a woman ? Woah there with that passive aggressive defence of the male panellist there Radio 4. 

Woman takes off top and the world doesn't end.

I always loved Madonna. I admired her tenacity, her capacity for hard work and her amazing body. How she came from very little to being rich, powerful and didn't care about what anyone thought of her. I wore armfuls of rubber bracelets and lace rags in my hair during the Susan days and her single handed revolution in making yoga the class of choice for urban women was amazing to witness. She is now 56 and surely everyone who wants to - and most who don't - have seen Madonna naked by now. It is hardly a shock to anyone and frankly if she wants to take her top off and be photographed you can choose not to buy the magazine. It's like those people who announce on Facebook that they are 'taking a break' and then hang around to see who cares enough to ask them to stay. Honestly, if you are going to be offended, just don't look. Sheesh !! 

Teenagers look sullen and wear short skirts.

A communications aide to a Republican senator saw fit to trash 'The First Family' and lost her job as a result. Elizabeth Lauten took offence at photos of President Obama's teenage daughters looking fed up while watching him pardon a turkey for Thanksgiving. It wasn't just their sullen looks and folded arms, but the fact that they were wearing short skirts that was considered disrespectful - it was unclear whether this was to the turkey or the nation as a whole. She also tore into the parents as bad role models for the girls. It's not often we witness ageism of young people, but this was pretty appalling behaviour towards young women who have no choice, but to be photographed and commented on. Making it about their clothes and appearance is just crass. 

 Jack and Sarah

During a plenary session at the recent Mumsnet Blogfest journalist Sarah Vine impressed friends I was sitting with as she seemed pretty reasonable and canny. Prejudiced by the knowledge of who she is married to, I wanted to disagree, but I did concede that she came across well. She's hardly a Liz Jones or Toby Jones Young type who will openly court hostility from the crowd so it was hardly surprising really. It was very disappointing then to read about the spat she got into with Jack Monroe that descended into homophobic rhetoric. You can look up the entire story so I won't go into it here, but I will say that I don't think Jack was kind in her initial comments about the late son of the PM. In response Sarah came across as homophobic when she suggested that being a gay parent was a selfish and irresponsible choice. It's so very medieval and neither of them comes out of this covered in glory.

My head hurts this evening and it's hardly surprising is it ?

I'm hoping that the next week is better.

Wish you were here ?

I may have mentioned that we are on hols this week so just in case you're missing your regular fix here are a few ditties to keep you going until normal service is resumed.

Please enjoy :) 

Green Day: Holiday 

Madonna: Holiday

Vampire Weekend: Holiday

Cliff Richard - Summer Holiday (just for you Sonya xx)

The Ramones: Rockaway Beach

Resolutions Schmesolutions :o)

If you'd told me at the start of this year that at the end of it I'd have a weekly radio show of my own I'd have looked at you sideways and smiled kindly. I'd also have been amazed if you'd told me that the most toxic female journalist of modern times would refer to this blog in a column following the fab Mumsnet blogfest event.

So it's with this in mind that I am starting 2013 in a novel way. I won't be detoxing or giving up anything on Jan 1st. Not because I have a perfect life or I am as good as I think I can be, but because I'm coming at this resolutions thing from a different perspective for a change. Instead of stopping doing something I'm going to concentrate on doing more of things I want to do better. By doing that I hope that I will spend less energy and time on the things that I don't need or want.

So, in no particular order:

I am going to make time to read. I was given so many great books for Christmas and I still haven't read the ones I got last year. I'm sure it's possible for me to make time in my day to read a little bit - although this might mean watching less Hawaii 5-0.

I'll be trying new sporting activities that I haven't done before. I've been doing the same exercise classes for almost 4 years now and while they are fun it's a routine for me and I attend because I feel guilty if I don't. That's not a good reason. I used to play softball and scuba dive and ski -  what happened to that action chick ? Oh yes I am a middle-aged Mum now, but that's no excuse is it ?

At least once a month I will go to the cinema and watch a movie - this may entail finding a movie buddie or I could go along on an afternoon when my boy is at nursery. This is all thanks to Hubbie being super generous and getting Sky movies so I can see films at home, but let's be honest sitting in a dark room at home isn't the same if you haven't overpaid for the popcorn.

I'm going to cook at least one recipe from each cookbook I own - and no, not just the baking ones !! Kind people have given me some great books full of recipes which I look at and go "ooh aah," but I haven't actually followed any of them yet.  My aim is to make a seasonal Slater stew, some gorgeous Gok gyoza and anything from the achingly beautiful Lilli Vanilli baking book I won from a fellow blogger. I hope to find some interesting new meals and to use ingredients I haven't tried to cook with before. I will, of course, share how this goes with you for good or ill (preferably not getting ill !)

I'm sure I'll think of other things as time goes on, but these are a pretty manageable start I think. They are already better than my original list which was:

To be able to afford to use Aveda shampoo and conditioner

To have someone to do my hair for me at home

Have a personal trainer to get my backside to exercise when I want to sit on the sofa watching Hawaii 5-0
The beloved Kitchenaid mixer which I really want to own, but I can't justify the cost of 

To be able to travel first class - anywhere

I realised that all of these were materialistic and made me sound like I want to be Madonna - which I used to when she was all cool and wore rubber bangles and lace in her hair, but not so much now.

Thanks for reading my blog and for listening to my show. If you haven't yet tune in at 1pm today or you can podcast it later.

Hope 2012 was good to you and here's to not turning into Madonna in 2013 :o)