Does he take sugar ?

It's not often I'm asked to give evidence for why I think something. Even less frequently am I asked to give examples to demonstrate that I am all for equality. Apparently it's not ok to just say, "Well I've been an equality and diversity manager for a living and they don't let you do that if you're not fair and just." I think that's up there with, "Of course I'm not racist or sexist, I can't be, I'm an asian woman."

Well today I was asked to show how I can prove that I'm all for equality and how I support this in my family. So, partly as an instructional guide and partly to demonstrate that I've thought this through here's what I came up with:

Disability:

During the Paralympics we took our son to watch the football and as a result we spoke to him a lot about the difference between a wheelchair and a pushchair, ie. 'you use a pushchair sometimes and you walk sometimes, if someone uses a wheelchair they may not be able to walk or they might have difficulty walking so the wheelchair helps them to do things."

Since he was little our boy has watched Cbeebies so he has seen programmes featuring children with disabilities and is also familiar with the person signing in the corner of the screen. He once asked me about Cerrie's arm and I explained that it looks different, but she uses it the same way as her other arm for some things. He was happy with that and I didn't use the words, 'normal,' or 'disability.'

I took him to baby signing before he could speak so he also has some signs and understands that this is a form of communication. My father and mother-in-law are both quite deaf so we've taught our son that he should look at them when he's speaking so that they can understand what he's saying to them. It's just showing consideration really isn't it ? 

Ethnicity:

Our son has parents of different ethnicity so he is (in newspeak) 'dual heritage.' In theory this means he has a rich and diverse shared cultural experience to draw upon. In reality it means he loves to eat indian food and knows how to say 'hat' in two languages. He also knows that anyone who wears a turban is from the same 'club' as my father. That Grandma will not tolerate shenanigans from errant toddlers late at night. He also knows that some things only happen at my parents house - ie. food is constantly offered - and some things only happen at Grandma's house - ie. Grandpa goes to play golf.

I recalled a Louis Theroux weird weekend programme in which he asked white South Africans about their attitudes towards black people. One of the people he met loved listening to Lionel Ritchie records, but admitted that of course he wouldn't be allowed into his home as he was black. It occurs to me that disliking someone for their skin colour, but being ok with listening to 'dancing on the ceiling,' is beyond parody. That's how I feel about having to explain that I'm not racist.  

Sexuality:

Now I do struggle to show that I'm not homophobic, I mean how do you do that exactly ? Do I point to my music collection and say, "look, so many gays !!" Or point out that I follow Boy George on my twitter feed ? Do I mention that it's irrelevant to me or is that going to sound too flippant ?

I was asked, "what if your child was gay ?" and what I wanted to say was, "I'd cheer, whoop and take joy in knowing that his gorgeous looks and sense of humour wouldn't be wasted on some silly girl." Does this make me heterophobic ? The best reply was given by our dear friends who were asked the same thing - she is a Christian - and in response to the question, "what would you do if you son was gay ?" she said, "erm, love him ?" I hope this was accompanied by a rolling of eyes and '"Duh !!"

When my boy has asked questions I've said, "You have a mummy and daddy who love each other. Some people have two daddies or two mummies who love each other." He's fine with that and if he asks more I will build on what I've already said.

Underlying all of this, however, is the sense that I'm trying to explain something that is startlingly obvious to me. Of course we don't treat someone as inferior because of their age or their height or their hair colour. That would be just stupid. 

Some questions are so dumbass they don't deserve a response. 

Is it just me or is blogging a white thing ?

When we first moved into this area we went to do some shopping at the local Waitrose and Hubbie commented that it was 'very white.' I remarked that the green and white decor signified freshness and cleanliness and he clarified by saying, "No, I meant the people. They're all white." I looked around. "Not everyone, the counter staff aren't."

It wasn't a judgement, just an observation. One that I hadn't made. In the same way I didn't notice until someone pointed it out to me that my chosen profession was staffed almost exclusively by women who were white, blonde, 20-something and (in the old days) trustafarians. It wasn't an issue as it didn't stop me doing my job so I thought nothing of it.

Then at the weekend I was at a blogging conference, my third in the last 12 months. At the first one I was far too dazzled by it all that I barely noticed anyone else (well apart from the fact that the beautiful woman sitting next to me turned out to be Prof Tanya Byron). At the second I became aware that the majority of attendees were white women. This weekend I was there with a friend who is also not white and she noticed it too. At one point she joked that we had to attend different break out sessions to make sure that there was a fair representation and spread of ethnicity.

Before my remarks unleash a barrage of criticism I'd like to explain that I am a big fan of the blogging networks that hosted these conferences and I don't think it is their job to explain who attends. They aren't excluding anyone so it's up to those who are interested and who blog to come along. That's what I did. It was just very obvious to me that only a few non-white women were there and I'm wondering why.

Flowing from this is the question, is blogging mostly a white pastime ? I can't believe that it is. I blog about my son, my family, my life in general and occasionally I review stuff on my blog too. I rarely blog about my ethnicity, but it underlies my writing because it's who I am. It's also half of my son too and I want him to understand both sides of his heritage so occasionally I'll write about Diwali or what it's like when we go to visit family in India. My ethnicity doesn't define my writing, but informs it. I don't speak on behalf of anyone else or their experience just as a blogger who has 3 children doesn't speak for all parents of 3 children.

So do we have a secret underground movement of non-white bloggers who just can't or won't attend conferences for reasons of cost or timing (which can apply to everyone I know). And more importantly why does it matter ? It isn't just so that I can identify with more than half a dozen people in the crowd, honestly.

• Blogging is a democratic thing isn't it ? If you have access to the internet - and I know for some this is an issue - it's pretty much open to all. So is it about access or education ? 

• Companies who clamber for product testers and brand ambassadors do know that parents of every ethnicity spend money and buy stuff for their families don't they ? 

• I refuse to believe that in this day and age it isn't possible to find panellists that are representative of a wider experience. It seems that having a man on the panel is more representative than a black woman. 

• It's important because a panel discussion about feminism descended into purile comments about jam and heels when we could have covered so many others such as FGM and education for girls. Issues that maybe don't personally affect anyone in that room, but affect all of us as people. 

There was a session that talked about blogging changing the world. Well, I'm keen to know if the blogging world is inclusive to start with.

If you have any thoughts on this topic please do comment - I'd love to hear what you think.