Help, I need somebody.

This week I have been sharing blog posts that I have written about Mental Health Awareness Week. I had one all written for today which I was going to publish tonight. I logged in to update it and somehow it just vanished. I thought I had saved it, but nope it was gone. Those carefully crafted words that I was so pleased with and the nuggets of wisdom that I thought were so eloquent. Only this evening my heart just wasn't in it really.

Earlier this week I shared a missing person's report - something I never do usually. It was different this time, however because I knew Spencer. We first met through our shared experience of blogging. He was campaigning to persuade Amazon to stop selling a book that advocated beating your children to discipline them. I interviewed him on my radio show and a while later we met in person at a blogging event that we had taken our kids to. He was a lovely guy. We chatted about the Beatles, how we liked our tea the same colour and living and growing up in London.

We stayed in touch even after he moved up north to be with his lovely partner. They would listen to my radio show and contact me while I was on air to request songs and to tell me how much they were enjoying it. I loved knowing that they were listening. I hadn't seen Spencer since he moved to Barnsley. We stayed in touch via Twitter and I often asked how he was doing as he suffered chronic pain. He was struggling and I felt for him, but his humour was always intact in his public persona.

Then earlier this week I saw a tweet that showed his face on a missing person's report. He had distinctive blue eyes so you couldn't miss him really. I was really surprised, but I shared it on social media as he used to live in London. It was worth casting the net as wide as possible to encourage him to get in touch and say he was ok.

Today Spencer's partner K shared the tragic news that his body had been found. It was such a shock to all who knew him. It also reminded me that we had many conversations about depression and childhood spent living with an alcoholic parent. I cannot imagine how K is feeling right now, nor his beloved children. Is it any wonder that my words were lost. How do you express a loss that isn't yours, but that you feel connected with ?

The headlines I wanted to share about Mental Health Awareness Week are even more relevant in light of this. There are some recurring themes that come up whenever mental health is talked about:  

It is not shameful - and yet it is still so difficult to tell the truth about being depressed. Recently someone I trust talked about my being depressed as a justification for his own terrible behaviour. Had I been less broken he wouldn't have done what he did. So on top of my own mental health issues I now have to deal with the guilt of making life difficult for another person. As well as the judgement of those he told. They looked at me and said, "Well that makes sense now."

Be open and honest - ok so I write about it on here, but I've never spoken about it to my family. I don't want them to see me as weak or a failure. I already think that about myself why would I want other people to think it too ? Last year a friend said, "Talk to me about it. If I know I can try and understand." So I trusted him and told him about the anxiety that cripples my capacity for rational thought. I told him that my responses are impaired by my inability to tell actual threats from perceived ones. As things in my head became more complicated he eventually walked away. It was too much to expect any support. Should I just have pretended I was fine ?

Take care of yourself - when your self worth is non existent why would you think that you are worthy of self care ? Taking time for myself has always induced guilt. As if my own wellbeing is inconsequential. People can be so blasé about 'me time' and 'self care' as if it's as simple as going for a spa day. I'm finding ways to take care of myself, but they are things like going for a walk or a swim or a run. Space to just be.

So do I regret talking about mental health and letting people in ? I guess to a point it would have saved a friendship if I hadn't. It might have been less painful if I'd just carried on as if nothing was wrong. However my real friends reassure me and know that a hug is like magic when I'm struggling. They remind me that I am strong, determined and kind. When I surround myself with those who love me I feel like a warrior.

Tonight I raise a glass to Spencer and wish he had found a way that would have enabled him to still be here. I'm also thinking of K and hoping she has hugs and love to hold her through this pain.

I am so thankful for those who keep me going. You are precious and I am so lucky to have you.

What are you doing for Christmas ?

I have been asked this question literally every day this week. Mostly by well meaning individuals and colleagues. I am baffled by it though. It is one day of the year. It's one meal and yet people go on a diet for it. They go into debt and seem to go loco about it. I just don't get it. I have had a cough for over a week and a few people have said. "oh you don't want to have that for Christmas." Really ? What difference will it make ?

Ok, to be clear I am not bah humbug about Christmas and I don't have any problem with it. I just don't get why it's such a big deal. Why people eat so much food, why they spend so much money, why this one day is so significant. I get it if you have a faith and it means something to you in that regard, but if it's a celebration of food and presents then that is just beyond me. It's not cultural. I grew up in England and my parents always celebrated Christmas. It wasn't the biggest day of the year for us though. 

In some ways I do envy people who have that whole excitement about it all. The family side of things, the social side, the dressing up, the presents, I do get that. Brown Bear was only 3 months old for his first Christmas and our house was filled floor to ceiling with presents for him. He had absolutely no idea. I dressed him up as Santa and we took him to visit my parents on Christmas Eve (my Dad's birthday) and then Hubbie's parents so they all got to see the baby for his first Christmas. 

Now I am a parent I do like to make a fuss of the boys and to get into the whole spirit of the thing. We go to see Santa, we have a roast dinner at home, we have presents. However, we don't fill the house with tangerines, bowls full of nuts or masses of sweets. I will confess I have three fruit cakes bought at the school Christmas fair, but that is because the TA who made them has form and her cakes are absolutely amazeballs. 

Don't get me wrong there is no deep-seated trauma or childhood memory behind my lack of enthusiasm for end of year festivities. It is all tied in with anxiety and depression that always reaches a peak around this time of year. I know I'm not alone in that. The enforced socialising and jollity is just too much to take for some of us. I'm not saying anyone else shouldn't have a good time. Just don't expect me to be as enthused. I can't do it. 

It is this expectation of plenty that makes me uncomfortable. This year we have donated toys, food, clothes and I also gave a bag filled with make up from my days as an Avon lady to a refuge that requested gift items for the women. People donate to the children in refuges, but seem to overlook the women. At a time when it seems that we are being pushed into spending money and eating too much I am painfully aware that there are people who are struggling to manage to basics. 

We have enough and for that I am so very grateful. I have made it to the end of this year a significantly different woman from who I was this time last year. So much has altered in my life and for people I care about. It isn't a time of celebration for me. It is a time of gratitude. I am thankful.   

I have friends who will be experiencing their first Christmas without a partner, a parent and in the case of my brother in law his first without either of his parents. In my family we will spend time together knowing that we are so very lucky to have each other. My gorgeous baby niece will have her first  Christmas and Blue Bear and Brown Bear will fuss over and spoil her rotten.

The other day I found a post I had written in December 2009 when we were childless and desperate to be parents. It was titled, "Christmas is for kids." I had no idea how prophetic that would prove to be. Less than a month later I found out I was pregnant and the following Christmas we had our much longed for baby son. The point is nothing is forever. It's just a moment in time and that will pass. I won't stop having anxiety or depression, but I won't feel this way forever either. 

If you struggle with Christmas please don't suffer alone. Here are some organisations that will be open to help if you need it: 

www.samaritans.org

www.mind.org.uk

www.rethink.org

When love doesn't save the day what happens ?

Believe me when I say the above not with cynicism, but with a heavy heart. You already know that I am a big fan of love - I am soppy and embarrassing, with Hubbie, my family, friends and my children. Despite my vow not to, I slobber all over my sons when I drop them off anywhere, much to their embarrassment. Yes, even the almost 2 year old ! 

You can't have missed the news about the closure of the charity Kids Company and the subsequent fallout in the media. On the one hand there are accusations that the charity was not financially viable and on the other the claim that it is the speculation in the media that led to donations drying up. I have over 20 years experience of the charity sector starting out as a volunteer with Terrence Higgins Trust in 1994, working with children's charities, overseas agencies and as a fundraising director in latter years. I have seen a lot of what goes well and plenty of what goes wrong with charities. I've never known a charity to close like this. The Diana Memorial Fund closed a few years ago following a court case they took against the Franklin Mint in the US. The fund lost resulting in a large payout of legal fees that made dent in their finances. There were many charities that relied on funding from them who faced closure and it was a salutary lesson to the sector to diversify funding and not to rely on one major source of income.

We haven't heard the full story about what happened at Kids Company yet and may never truly know. It's terribly sad for all the young people who were helped by the charity and for all the staff who were committed to the work they loved doing. Now, I'm not an expert, but I've learned a lot in the last 20 years and some of what I know might help explain what seems inexplicable here.

Work your way out of a job:

First up charities exist to meet a need that is not already being served. Barnardos, Save the Children and Kids Company all came about to provide care for children who would otherwise be left uncared for and neglected. Medical charities are often started to support people who are confounded about how to cope with life changing circumstances. The Anthony Nolan Trust was founded by parents who were alone and in need of help when their son Anthony was ill and needed a bone marrow transplant. For years they have provided this support to others and now also campaign to encourage more people to become bone marrow donors. My point is that a charity is started to fill a gap and at some point surely the aim must be to negate the need to exist at all ? After all what says success like not being needed any more ? Isn't it more of a win for a charity to say 'we have eradicated this disease' than to say 'we have helped more people with this disease this year than last'. Ok that is probably utopian, but it has been my observation that as charities grow their aim is to diversify and increase revenue to deliver more and more services rather than to work towards their own end. After all when you have offices and staff salaries to pay for why would you want to wind down the organisation ? Well, maybe because you have succeeded in making the service you provide a mainstream one that is available or because the need for the service has gone. That might seem idealistic, but isn't the headline aim of any charity working with vulnerable children and young people who have been neglected or abused to stop the abuse happening in the first place ?

Charisma at the top:

I've worked for my fair share of visionary charity founders. They are inspiring, driven and charismatic. Rarely are they also managers or business minded. When you have a mantra like, "love will cure all" why deal with boring details like salaries and tax returns ? It's so easy to praise the 'front line' services and castigate agencies for having managers and back office staff. Well how do you think those front line staff are CRB checked, insured and paid ? Or have the equipment they need to do their work ? That the offices you work in are paid for and the paper in the photocopier is bought and the broadband is connected and working. Someone has to fundraise to pay for all of that, someone else has to have legal knowledge to ensure that young people, children, older people and anyone else is safe and protected. It's not glamorous, but it is essential. If you've ever had an operation did you get a call from your consultant to book you in or did someone in an admin department advise you of the date you would be seen ? Back office is necessary to enable front line to function. The face of the organisation rarely takes any interest in the functions that make their charity tick.

Love is all you need:

When a founder/chief executive says something like, "love is what these children need," I agree, of course they do. They also need a safe place and trusted people to support them. Love doesn't pay for accommodation and it isn't ensuring they are safe from harm. An abuser will say they love the person they hurt. A parent who has neglected their children will insist they love them while also destroying their childhood. Love will definitely make a big difference, but so can care, nutrition and a safe place to stay - all of which can cost money. Which brings us to...

Show me the money:

Believe me when I say it's not easy to ask for money. I wish it was a case of just saying, "this is really important work, you know that, please fund it." It isn't. When I am fundraising by doing something daft like dancing for 6 hours or walking all night it's friends and family who I'm asking to give money to a good cause. It's asking them to support what I'm doing in the name of a good cause. When I'm fundraising for a charity that I work for it's often trusts and companies who I am applying to. They are being asked by other competing charities whose causes are just as compelling, so how do they decide ? Well they often have very clear criteria of what they will fund - that makes sense. Others will refuse to fund existing work or salaries or capital projects. All of which means that once work is established it's very difficult to fund it to continue. Some charities respond by repackaging what they are doing so it looks new and shiny. Others chase the money and change what they do in order to keep going. It's not a great situation either way. What it does mean is that everyone is fighting for the same pot of money.

Friends in high places:

When the head of a charity is always in the media portraying their own take on the charity instead of the reality it is very difficult for the work of the charity to continue. That same founder / Chief Executive figure will most likely refuse to listen to the people who do pay salaries and fundraise because they have the bigger vision and don't want to get bogged down with the boring stuff like the bottom line. If that same person then says they will go and get a handout from their 'friendly donor' it's neither transparent nor ethical, but you're not allowed to challenge the person at the top. When that friendly donor is high profile and decides to withdraw support what happens ? Well, I have had to negotiate with a corporate donor who wanted their money back because they had no idea what had been done with it. No one wants to have to do that, but if you aren't being open and honest with donors that will happen. Worst case scenario you will have to pay it back. Even worse case scenario you will have no money and have to close. Leaving the benefactors and staff with nowhere to go.

It's not all work, work, work:

Most people I've worked with in charity have a deep commitment to the cause. They also have a love of what they do because - let's face it - they aren't in the best paid jobs. The backbone of the charity sector is the work of volunteers. They deliver services, collect donations, fundraise, organise events, bake cakes, answer phones and without them it would just not be possible to function. No one wants to stop delivering services they believe in or to leave children and young people or older people or animals without any care or support. I say this as someone who has spent time overseas with children in orphanages and refugee camps - it made it glaringly obvious why the cause was so important. I have also worked to fundraise for organisations that provide support to care leavers and young people at risk of crime. It's not an easy cause, but it's one that needs the money as otherwise no one else is doing it.

There isn't room for everyone:

Not every charity will make it and the phrase 'too big to fail' cannot be truer here. Some are such leviathans that it's seen as irresponsible to let them go bust, but why are they so big in the first place ? It's not like any one charity is genuinely unique any more. There are many cancer charities. Myriad medical charities. So many children's charities. The minute differences are negligible. More importantly they're often delivering work we don't realise is charitable. Were you aware that air ambulance is a charity that has to fundraise ? An emergency service provided by charity. Most services for prisoners are delivered by charities as are support services for looked after children. Aren't these public provisions ? Well maybe they should be, but with little regulation and new charities being created every day the money just won't go round. If a charity is able to use public funds like a personal piggy bank and then to not even account for the money how is that fair ? 


This is a blog post I never intended to write, but with so much comment and inference about the current news story I just wanted to add my two pen'orth. Fundamentally there are too many charities. There's not enough money for everyone. If you're fortunate enough to be funded well you owe it to those you work with to be responsible and make that money work the best way. This doesn't mean going back to keep asking for more to fill gaps, but being honest about where it's spent and why. If you can't and that results in funders deciding not to keep funding your cause you can't then lash out at everyone with guilt inducing accusations of service users let down.


Not being sustainable and claiming that love will feed, clothe, counsel and heal wounded children is irresponsible. More importantly it's devastating for the young people who will lose out at a result of this. Right now the last thing they are feeling is loved.  

The road less travelled: for those of us who really had to work at becoming a Mum.

Mothers Day is one of the biggest days of the year for florists and restaurants do pretty well out of it too. We've always made a big deal about it for my Mother and Hubbie's Mum too. Then after we had our son it took a while for me to realise that it was my day now too. I recall how hard it was before then when we were trying for so long and being reminded of what we didn't have was just so painful. A card from the cat is lovely, but the feeling that you will always be congratulating everyone else on their pregnancy and never celebrating your own can become very wearing.

When people know you're trying to conceive it is amazing what they say to be helpful. I was told to try hypnotherapy, acupuncture, reflexology and my personal favourite Shamanic healing. We did actually try yoga, hypnotherapy and reflexology and when I did finally fall pregnant with our son I called him the baby that yoga built.

In trying again I did the same things I had before. Stopped eating rubbish food, cut back on alcohol increased my fitness and made time to look after myself better. The hardest part was trying not to be upset at everyone else becoming pregnant easily while we struggled month after month. A friend suggested trying an ovulation monitoring kit and I was already using an app to track ovulation. When it still didn't happen I figured we were probably just unlucky. Then the lovely folks at Ovusense asked if we'd try their new fertility monitor. It's completely different from the kit I'd used before and is new to the UK. Here is what OvuSense say about the system.

"OvuSense is a new, highly accurate fertility monitor.  OvuSense consists of a personal sensor and a data reader. The sensor is placed in the vagina (similar to a tampon) overnight – the only place where accurate readings of core body temperature can be made.  OvuSense uses patented technology to measure core body temperature every 5 minutes, inside the vagina, while you sleep, providing you a complete picture of your personal cycle. OvuSense predicts ovulation in real time in each cycle, and detects the exact day of ovulation with 99% accuracy.  In just two weeks, OvuSense can tell you when you are going to ovulate, and then calculate the exact day for you with 99% accuracy. Only OvuSense can calculate this much personal information about your cycle with this much accuracy."

It does take some getting used to and the first couple of months the system is getting baseline readings on which to base future predictions. You do get a reading daily and it does say when your fertile window is coming up which is similar to the existing systems I've used before. Where this differs is that you will then get a much more accurate reading telling you when you actually did ovulate and all the information is recorded so that you can compare one month with another.

I found out that I ovulate later than I thought I did and that is really helpful to know. It is also really good for women who have PCOS or unpredictable cycles so they have no way of working out when they are ovulating. If you have an accurate window for ovulation you have a better chance of succeeding in becoming pregnant. The great thing about Ovusense is there is an online support community on Facebook that is a great place to ask questions and to find out more.

The hardest part of trying to conceive for me was the feeling of being alone and not being able to talk to anyone about it. When those around you can just decide to have another baby and it happens for them and you're trying month after month without success it's pretty disheartening. Ovusense answer questions and offer online support as well as sharing success stories from women who have used the system. For a woman who has no idea why she's not conceiving it's a good way to feel a bit more in control of at least part of the process.

I would definitely recommend using the Ovusense fertility monitor as it's really been an eye opener for me. It is not the cheapest fertility monitoring kit, but it's a lot more scientific than anything I've tried before and the data it collects is far more accurate. The online support is a great resource and for anyone trying to conceive it makes what can be a lonely and long road feel less so.

Disclosure: We were sent the Ovusense fertility monitor to review and to give honest opinions.
You can find out more about the product here: www.ovusense.com

Oh Captain, My Captain.

The sad news about Robin Williams' death on Monday was accompanied by talk about his 'battle with severe depression.' I didn't know him so I can't possibly know how it felt for him or how he dealt with his depression, but I'm sad for his family and for those who did know him.

It does seem that his untimely death has opened up the public conversation about depression and how to live with it. I don't say 'cope with it' as I'm not sure I, or anyone else, does, but I know that I live with it. Depression is a constant in my life and one that has taken most of my life to learn to live with. As part of the general conversation about what being depressed can be like here is my take on it. Please accept this with the proviso that we all have different ways of feeling and managing and at times 'not coping.' These are the things that help me, they may work for you, they may not. I offer them here in the spirit of openness and honesty.

Fake it to make it: 
I smile, I make nice, I meet friends, I post happy photos on Facebook and make jokes on Twitter. It's not that I'm lying about how I feel, but sometimes you just don't need sympathy or empathy or platitudes. You just want to act like it's all ok. Also, when you're around a small child all day there are few opportunities for self -reflection or being morose, so there is a kind of enforced jollity that you find yourself employing. There can be few things more heartbreaking than a toddler asking "why are you so sad Mummy ?" and not having an answer.

Keep on moving: 
I have to exercise every day. If I don't I get agitated as all the anxiety courses around my body and my ability to deal with every day life becomes fraught. The irony is - of course - that with depression can come almost crippling exhaustion so I am constantly forcing myself to go to the swimming pool or to put on trainers to go for a run or a walk. I would much rather lie down on the sofa and try and sleep, but I know that exercise acts as a dopamine hit and for a moment it feels ok. It may not last, but to not exercise is just not an option for me.

Eat well, Sleep well:
I find that I either over or under eat when I am depressed. It isn't an exact science so I can't possibly say what will help me. Some days I want to eat lots of bread others I want chocolate and some days I don't eat for hours and I'm not hungry. I know that I should eat regularly or I feel horrid and that I must drink lots of water to feel well. Instead I often spend an entire day carrying round a full bottle of unopened water and lots of fruit. Then there is the sleep issue. I can be flat out dead on my feet tired and still not sleep. Or I'll get up at an unearthly hour, feed the cat, the goldfish and then go back to bed and fall asleep again for another few hours unaware of the time. There is no 'normal' for me and I'm sure that is not unusual.

Make space: 
Just as I try and keep company and be sociable I know that sometimes I need space. This means asking for help and I don't do that very well. Whether it is asking Hubbie to take the boy out so I can have some quiet time or asking family if they can have him overnight I am only just becoming able to do this. At it's worst a few weeks ago I wanted to take myself away and out of all of it. There are times when a bit of room and nothing to do just makes it all feel different. Not necessarily better, but different and that is ok.

Know who to tell: 
There are people who can hear you be honest and those who just can't. I know who these people are. Last week I spoke for a long time to a friend who I've known for almost 25 years (yes J, it's been that long !) about how it all felt. I spent a lot of the call in tears. In the time we've been friends we've been through and talked about our: 4 marriages, 2 divorces, many miscarriages, post-natal depression, love affairs and indiscretions.

Between us we now have 4 healthy, happy children and we are totally honest with each other - to the point of being beyond embarrassment when asked anything. If I ask J to be honest with me she will be. I do the same for her. It's not easy and it means there are periods of time when we just don't talk for a while as there is a lot to process and we know the conversation will be raw and the questions will be unavoidable. Just having even one person who will not judge when you tell them about the awfulness that is you makes a world of difference.

Knowing who not to tell:
Either because they will judge, or offer unwanted advice or just not listen. I shared a house at uni with 'friends' who sat me down for a chat/intervention and one of them harangued me to tell them "what is wrong with you ?" This neither inspired me to share, nor made me feel it was safe to with such a cold and unfeeling audience. Sometimes you want to spare other people's feelings and not worry them that you can't cope. Most days are functional and fine - some are difficult and require effort. Telling some people that you feel depressed might lead them to picture a neglected infant and to over-react. No-one wants that.

It's not going anywhere: 
Trying to pretend it will all go away and not be there any more is at best a wild dream and at worst a delusion. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. It's not who you are, it's how you are feeling. I've been feeling this for nigh on 33 years and there are times when I believe that it's just part of who I am. It isn't. I can't magically make it go away, but I can do my best to manage how I live through it. It is, however, persistent and always just there waiting to make itself known. Accepting that this is real and owning it is not giving in, it is ensuring that I am able to live with it.

Feelings are ok: 
I spend an inordinate amount of time telling myself not to be angry, or upset or to 'try and be normal' - whatever that is.  Don't punish yourself for having feelings. There are times when it seems like I feel too much, or I feel everything and am not able to disassociate from what is outside my head. Hearing the news at the moment is very difficult for me as I feel angry, sad, upset, powerless and this becomes overwhelming. I'm not alone in that, but if the feelings make you want to harm yourself or others then it's time to tell someone how you feel. That's not easy, I'm not saying it is, but you have to try.

Always look on the bright side:
Ok, this one is partly tongue in cheek. I succumb to such black clouds of depression that I really can't see anything else. While on holiday the boy was having a wonderful time and watching him I appreciated how lucky we are to have him and that he is active, healthy and cheerful. I wasn't always feeling things or wanting to be involved, but I did them anyway. Maybe somewhere along the line in the future I'll have a memory that might feel positive and happy, even if I wasn't happy while it was happening. I might feel it in hindsight because the depressive moods don't remain so photos and mementoes are really valuable reminders of what happened rather than what I was feeling.

I hope that something here might help someone else. I'm not an expert, I'm just another person living with depression and willing to talk about it. 

If you would like professional support here are some links you might find useful:

Mind - Mental Health charity

Rethink Mental Health Charity

Samaritans


I wish you the best of luck.

Black Thoughts and Blue Skies.

Today this cartoon appeared on my timeline and I felt so moved by it that I shared it. It's taken from a website called www.robot-hugs.com which you should check out - it really is quite lovely.

I was moved by this because the sentiment in it is so important for those who don't live with depression to understand. It's not always possible for someone with depression to express what is wrong or what they need. I remember my housemates in a shared house at Uni asking me why I was the way I was and being so confused and tearful I just didn't know what to say. It didn't matter how much Rachel harangued me to explain I just didn't know. I still don't really.

Just as one of my other Uni housemates used to play Pink Floyd and lock herself away sometimes and be really excited and happy at other times and we just accepted that was who she was. When she was sad we would be around, but not in her face and when she was manic we'd be carried along by her enthusiasm and rapid fire chat and laughter. I've since found out she has been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder and this was what we were witnessing, but without any knowledge of it. I like to think we were not a hindrance to her and that she knew it was a safe space to be herself in.

It's not always possible to know what you need to make you feel better. Equally it isn't always easy to know what to offer to do. When my closest friend almost died (actually she technically did die and came back) I went to see her in hospital and I asked what she needed. She said she had everything - her ipad, fruit, etc. I thought for a minute then said, "do you want me to wash your hair ?" She looked so relieved and said, "Yes ! That's just what I need." I'd taken a guess because I remembered being in hospital with my newborn son and just wanting clean hair. It made such a difference.

Sometimes is isn't much, but it's just something. When my first marriage broke up and I moved back to my parents' home I was in a daze. It was a miserable time and I didn't know what I was going to do. My sister was living at home and she came to the room where I was going to sleep and said, "shall I sit with you until you fall asleep ?" I had no idea what I needed or wanted, but at that moment I knew that I didn't want to be by myself. My sister brought in a chair and sat next to my bed in silence. She stayed there in the dark until I nodded off. It was the single most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.

This is a difficult time of year for so many people. The weight of expectation is so high and we are all supposed to be having a wonderful time. If you aren't full of festive cheer it can be impossible to be around people who are. It's ok to feel sad, or angry, or fed up, or nothing.

If you are around someone who is depressed bear in mind that you may not be able to do anything. Just being there might also be just enough.







www.mind.org.uk

www.sane.org.uk