Postcards from Cornwall

I used to imagine that spending time in Cornwall was just what other people did. That it cost too much and would be out of our price range. It was a shame really as on my travels around the country I'd seen some lovely places and wondered how the experience of Padstow would differ if I was a tourist instead of visiting for work. My first ever visit to the Eden Project was in its first year of opening as I was staying in Wadebridge for work so I thought I'd take a rare morning off to go and see it. It was the beginning of a long love affair I have with the place and one I've been able to indulge in since we've been taking holidays at Coombe Mill with the children. We took Brown Bear the first time we stayed in Cornwall and he's been with us a few times since. I've wanted to go back on my own for a while though.

At the weekend I was lucky enough to go to the Eden Project twice. On Friday night I went to watch the Manic Street Preachers with Hubbie. We were absolutely soaked by the rain, but the gig was amazing so the weather didn't matter much. I made a quick visit to the Mediterranean biome where the lovely Nathan told us all about how oats are transformed from a humble crop to a breakfast cereal and I even rolled some oats to take home with me.

The tickets entitled us to go back the next day so Hubbie kindly offered to have the boys while I went off to spend time by myself exploring and enjoying the place without having to entertain or feed the boys. I stopped for a lovely brew and then I achieved a long held ambition to make it to the top of the lookout point to get a stunning view of the rainforest below. A young lad who was also walking up was delighted to share that he'd just overcome his fear of heights. It was a good day for us both.

I've reached the roof of the rainforest !

The view is spectacular 

I ate a delicious lunch - made of locally sourced ingredients - in peace and quiet before going back to the biome to learn the 'story of chocolate.' How it goes from bitter cocoa pod to the delicious bars we consume. (some of us more than others, admittedly). The zipwire was definitely tempting, but I decided that one daredevil act in a day was plenty and - realistically - if I didn't have anyone to cheer me on it probably wasn't going to happen. After checking in with Hubbie I bought a pasty to say thanks for looking after the boys at Coombe Mill so I could have an unspoilt trip to Eden.

The story of chocolate from bean to bar 

These smell amazing 

All that time by myself gave me a chance to ponder how much time we spend doing things that make our children happy that we don't necessarily have any interest in ourselves. Equally why drag them around when they will just fuss about having to do a 'boring grown up thing' ? I've decided to plan what I want to do as the boys grow older and I am able to cultivate my own interests again.

My new ambitions:

Go on holiday without the boys - I don't mean a long weekend or a few days I mean a full on proper grown up holiday with cocktails and going out for dinner and only doing what we want to do. I'm relaxing just thinking about it.

Own a camper van - ok this is obviously a pretty common one, but it's still on my list. I want to be able to take off and have an adventure whenever I want. To pack a yoga mat and some swimming things in the back and just drive away for a few days and not have to worry about anyone else.

Learn to surf - now this is related to the last one as the whole surf culture is associated with camper vans. It's also one of the sports that I haven't yet tried and have wanted to for years. I booked a surf course on Fistral Beach over ten years ago and bottled out of going by myself. Now I have sons they can do it first so I don't feel so daft.

Live in Cornwall - maybe not all the time, but I do love it here. Of course I do have to wait until they have more than the one Waitrose (or live in Truro where that one is). This ambition will make it possible for me to...

Work / volunteer at the Eden Project - it's a place that always fascinates me and I would love to spend a lot more time there. Who knows I might even apply for an apprenticeship.

Care for a dog - I've had an ambition for a while to foster a dog. Blue Bear loves dogs so much and I think caring for a trainee assistance dog would be great for us as a family. He could learn to look after it and we would also be helping prepare the dog for a life helping someone else.

and finally...

Write every day - At the moment I write late at night before going to bed or in the brief moments I have during the day. It's usually in the front room with other things going on all the time - crying children, cat demanding to be fed, hubbie watching politics or sport on the telly. I'm often tired and unable to really concentrate on what I'm doing so all those fantastic clever witticisms that I thought of earlier have retired already. I'd like a space that is mine and where I can just go and write. Without distraction, unnecessary noise or guilt.

I'll let you know how I get on with achieving this list :) 

I can do this - I know I can

I've said before that I don't make resolutions, but I try to have goals or aims that are achievable. I'm keeping it simple this year so hopefully I'll have a good chance of making progress.

So, in no particular order:

1. I will finish an entire book (no, kids' books don't count)

2. I'm committed to building Baby Boy's vocabulary from Daddy, Mama, Bubba (brother), bubbles, bowl and more.

3. I'm going to use my time constructively when the boys are at school and pre-school. It's only 3 hours, but I'll make it count.

4. The great declutter will pick up pace and I'll stop keeping things 'just in case.'

5. I'll make time for myself whether that's to have a soak in the bath or taking time to do my hair.
 

It's not my job, it's who I am

I went to my boy's school assembly on Fri and it was a special service for Mothering Sunday. There were lovely readings by the children and the nursery class sang the song I've been hearing all week. His tuneful solo rendition was mangled by the 35+ voices of under fives who seemed awestruck in front of an audience of parents. At the end all the mums were presented with daffodils by our children. My boy was delighted that my bunch weren't open yet and so was I as I explained, "that's lovely, they will last longer."

The readings were about the 'job of a mum' with the classic about children demanding a drink, a hug, an answer, etc from Mum and asking Dad, 'where's Mum ?" There was recognition that mums do so much for us and that "a mother's love is blind because she loved you before she met you." I can vouch for this. My love for my boy was forged long before I saw his face. Or held him in my arms. It's not just the act of giving birth that made me his mother though. Yes that's a huge thing. Carrying, growing and birthing a child is a huge thing. It's not the only way to be a mum though. I honestly think that for me being a mum is about how I feel. Of course there's the reality of caring for a child, but many people do this who didn't carry the person they love in exactly the same way a parent loves their offspring. 

Origami flower and a lovely breakfast in bed

The idea that being a mum is my job is one that suggests I do it under duress. Believe me there are days when it feels that way, but it's not true. Parenting was in my bones even before I was old enough to have children. I grew up with a motherly attitude and I always felt it was my responsibility to be in charge and take care of others. Not in a resentful way by any means. More in a needing to know that everyone was looked after way. I'm not really comfortable with others doing things for me though. It's partly a control thing - I know how I want things done - and partly an, "I'm not worth it," thing. I will make sure my boys have eaten and will fuss about them being warm enough then go out of the house without a coat and as angry as a bear who hasn't eaten, because... well I haven't eaten. 

This morning my boys brought me breakfast in bed. It was lovely. I didn't complain about it or tut about how I'd have done it differently. I ate it with the cat sitting next to me and the boys went downstairs to leave me in peace. 

I think I could get used to being taken care of - sometimes :)

Cat in a (paper) hat 

Don't tell me to relax !!

Blue skies

This morning I was up, showered and dressed before my son woke up. I crept into his room, kissed him softly and whispered, "I love you." 

The cab arrived to take me to the station and I arrived at the airport with hours to spare. I had time to eat breakfast and to drink more than one (hot) cup of tea. 

As I boarded the flight I smiled as I remembered the last time I went on a plane it was with my boy and he was suitably excited - as a 4 year old should be.

The plane I travelled on

The flight was smooth and my meetings went well. I checked into my hotel and it's suitably comfy. After a swim and some hot food I spoke to my boy on FaceTime. We blew kisses and said "I love you, sleep well, see you tomorrow." 

I'm going to watch a movie in bed - uninterrupted by the 4 year old or the cat - I'll wake up at a time of my choosing rather than when one of them wakes up needing something. In the morning I'll be free to go for a run, a swim and have a relaxed breakfast. Oh the luxury.

We need cooler names for London airports !

So with all these indulgences why am I sitting here blogging instead of chilling out ? Well, I'll tell you. It's because I miss all of it. The early starts, the missed breakfasts, the demanding child and cat, the military planning with Hubbie to squeeze in a swim. 

Is it relaxing if I'm not with them ? Yes, sort of. Is it quieter ? Yes, of course. Is it enjoyable ? No, not really.

I'm looking forward to getting back to all of them. Relaxing is overrated :)

A bed to myself ? That truly is luxury 

Holiday helpers: or, How I keep sane when we are supposed to be relaxing

The joy of bunting

Earlier this year we went on our first holiday since we had our son. Before he was born we used to go on holiday a few times a year. Me and Hubbie do well on holiday as we enjoy spending time with each other and relax and decide most things without disagreement. Throw a belligerent toddler into that mix, however, and you have the recipe for a holiday that we just weren't prepared for. 

For weeks people asked if I was looking forward to my holiday and I was careful in saying "it'll be nice to have a break." What I didn't say was "I am praying that my son doesn't cause chaos on the plane," "I'm dreading that he'll create havoc due to us all being together for a whole week" or that "I really just hoped we'd get some child-free time, but it was unlikely as it was just us 3 going.
In the event he was fine with the journey there. When checking in we got a passport for his teddy Jiggles and he enjoyed eating breakfast in the airport. He was occupied during the flight, ate some of the meal, played a farting fish game that Hubbie had downloaded onto his tablet and even met the pilot when we landed. He banged his head while we waited an age for Hubbie's bag to come off the carousel and was a bit unruly waiting to collect our hire car, but as soon as we got into the car he promptly fell asleep until we got to our hotel. 

My boy on his one day at the beach

During the holiday he sustained a nosebleed at the kid's club, an ear infection that put paid to beach days and had more tantrums on a daily basis than I thought possible. You see for kids a holiday is not what it is for adults. Please allow me to explain. The reasons we go on holiday are:

To relax:

Adults - sit by the pool, read books, eat nice meals, drink and generally kick back
Toddlers - don't relax. Why would they, they're toddlers.

To experience new things / places:

Adults - like to go sightseeing, take photos
Toddlers - want to go to the same park every day to do the same thing every day and will make it clear that they do not approve when this is not adhered to

To see a different people/cultures/lifestyles:

Adults - tick things off their bucket list like dance flamenco or eat at the highest restaurant in Las Vegas (we've done one of these)
Toddlers - kick off because it's all a bit different and they miss their friends - who wants to spend all that time with their parents really ?

To have a break from the daily grind:

Adults - lie in and stay up late, eat at strange times and try to do as much as possible in the given time
Toddlers - have just about got used to the meticulously enforced routine you instilled and now you're expecting them to freestyle it ?

Conclusion: as holiday companions parents and toddlers are entirely at odds with each other from the start.

We are going on holiday again and this time I'm armed with the learning from the first one. We're not flying this time, but we will be driving for a long time so I am prepared with the following holiday essentials:

Snacks - my boy will do almost anything for Bear fruit and Nakd bars - I keep one of each in every bag (and for Hubbie too)

Lifesavers

Tablets - equipped with all manner of technology for grown ups we also have a portable DVD player for the car this time so he can watch Firehouse Dog. I've got all his favourite apps including; Cbeebies, Talking Tom and Farting Fish (thanks for that Hubbie !!) 

Activities - plenty of crayons, mini colouring books, playing cards and puzzles and stickers. Something will do the trick.

Holiday journal - a red hardback book with matching pen that Hubbie picked up at a conference. We kept it on the table so he could use it whenever he wanted to draw a picture, 'write' about his day or put stickers or souvenirs in it like his unused kids club wristband. This time I'm expecting pictures of all the animals he meets on the farm.

Bribes - so I have a new football for him, a new bucket and spade set, lots of small bags of Haribo sweets and more stickers.

I'm hoping it will be relaxing. I've packed a few books, my running kit and all of our wellies so we've got all eventualities covered.

Wish me luck - I may well need it !! 

Relaxing image