I can't keep it to myself any more...

I've been trying to contain my excitement about this news, but I have been bursting to tell everyone. In fact I've already told all the staff in my local Waitrose, Yasmin who does my nails, most of the people I have met in passing since we planned it and now I'm finally telling you too. You see it's something I've wanted to do for so long, but it just hasn't happened. Now, with help from the fantastic folks at Mark Warner we are able to fulfil my wish to do something really special with the boys.

We will be flying to France for our first ever...

Family skiing holiday !!

via GIPHY

Ok, I'm ridiculously excited about this and really, really want to tell the children. However, it's Blue Bear's birthday in two weeks and with it being so close to Christmas I want to make sure that it is really special for him. Once he has been the centre of attention in his own right we can do the big reveal and share all the amazing new things we are going to try.

Going on a plane: Brown Bear has flown before, but Blue Bear hasn't. I showed the boys their passports the other day and we talked about keeping them safe and what they are for. I asked Blue if he would like to go on a plane and of course he said yes. Phew ! That's a relief.

Staying in a chalet hotel: All our holidays with the boys have been in the UK - well Cornwall because we love it so much. We usually stay in a self-catering cottage and have days out and do activities as a family. This time we have booked to stay in a chalet hotel so we can relax. I don't have to cook and we will have afternoon tea with delicious cakes every day. Now that is dangerous !

Kids' clubs: The biggest departure for us, however, is that we have booked the boys into the Mark Warner kids club which is renowned for being excellent. Brown Bear will go to ski school in the morning and Blue Bear will go to a creche. They are confident and friendly children and will be cared for by British qualified child care staff - we are reassured that they will make friends and have fun.

Doing our own thing: Hubbie doesn't ski and has no interest in learning so I'm planning to head out to the slopes while he relaxes in the chalethotel. There is a heated pool, sauna and steam room and we have a balcony so he can just sit and read if he wants to. I haven't skiied for years so I'm going to tag along to ski school with Brown Bear and hopefully remember what to do. I think staying upright will be my main challenge to start with !

The last time I went skiing I looked like this

Buying ski stuff: Of course this has meant I've had to do some shopping for all the kit we need. It's a difficult job, but someone's got to do it. Family and friends have been advised that the boys have lots of lovely things so for Christmas they don't need any presents. However, some have kindly offered to get them socks, gloves and other things they can use on holiday. I can't wait to see what the boys make of that !

Do me a favour: So, now I've told you there is something I need you to do. You have to keep it to yourself. It it still a secret from the boys so please don't tell them. I promise I will share the big reveal when we do finally tell them. I think Brown Bear already suspects something as he said the other day, "I've never been skiing. I'd love to go." I smiled and said, "I'm sure you will get to one day."

You will definitely be fed up of hearing about it, but for now I'm just so excited !

Disclosure: We have collaborated with the lovely folks at Mark Warner to make this trip possible. 

Put on your oxygen mask before helping others.

You know you've heard this instruction on airlines before and you know it makes sense, but is it only me who thinks deep down that it wouldn't feel right to tend to myself before my kids ? Not because of some martyr complex, but because that's how some of us are hard-wired. The concept of putting your oxygen mask on first in order to help others is not one that I've ever been able to embrace. It makes sense of course - you are better equipped to help others if you are in good health yourself. However I will always ensure the boys are fed first and that their things are all ready. That means having all the clothes washed, meals planned and family planners completed so we all know who is supposed to be where. If this sounds terribly organised and selfless don't be fooled it's all to make life easier for me. I have to know that the meals are sorted so that no one is hungry and therefore grumpy. If I've arranged the clothes it means that no one ends up going to watch football without shoes on - yes this actually happened on the rare occasion when I handed over responsibility to Hubbie. More to the point if I have done all the planning I know that they are taken care of before I then take a break for myself.

Only that break for myself doesn't actually happen. The boys go to football, or to school, or work and while I tell myself I'll sit down and eat something shortly I find yet more things to do around the house. It can be hours later before I do get something to eat and by then I'm a bit woozy and more than a little grumpy. Irritation seems to be my ever present emotion and tiredness my default state of mind. I spend so much time organising everyone else's lives that it leaves me with no time to actually have a life of my own. Last weekend I was on a mini cruise with my older boy and at one point I had about an hour to myself. I didn't have any meals to prepare or anyone to get ready or any cleaning to do and I had no idea how to fill the time. So, I decided to fulfil a lifetime ambition and learn trapeze. As you do. It was still a bit weird doing something for myself though.

I fly through the air with the greatest of ease... sort of

A while back we were visiting friends and we were talking about the differing approaches we have to parenting. She said that she will make sure her son is fed first then get something herself - as I do. He said he will get himself something to eat so that he is in a fit state to care for his boy and to meet his needs. Both make sense of course, but it still struck me that putting yourself before your child is not something I would be comfortable with.

I'm not just about doing for my kids and Hubbie though. This is an attitude I've had for many years. It's also not about being noticed or praised for philanthropic deeds, it's a pathology. Years ago I bought tickets to a gig and invited a chap who I fancied who I knew liked the band too. He joined me and I was absolutely delighted as he thanked me for the tickets, but then he went on to a party afterwards without so much as a backward glance. I felt a bit of a dummy if I'm honest. I always used to make an effort - and still do - to do nice things for people. The people I love do that same. My sister knows I love Ruffles - those raspberry and coconut chocolate bars that you used to only get in small newsagents and Woolworths - so when she sees them she always buys them for me. It may seem a small thing, but it's a lovely thought and one that I think shows real consideration.

Oh Ruffles I love you so

I am working on this whole putting my oxygen mask on first. My to do list was enormous today, but I decided to go for a swim instead of doing all of the things on it. That is surely a bit of progress ? Putting myself first instead of the tyranny of the list ? Well, maybe it is the beginning of something.

Now I've actually swung on a trapeze anything is possible.

Don't tell me to relax !!

Blue skies

This morning I was up, showered and dressed before my son woke up. I crept into his room, kissed him softly and whispered, "I love you." 

The cab arrived to take me to the station and I arrived at the airport with hours to spare. I had time to eat breakfast and to drink more than one (hot) cup of tea. 

As I boarded the flight I smiled as I remembered the last time I went on a plane it was with my boy and he was suitably excited - as a 4 year old should be.

The plane I travelled on

The flight was smooth and my meetings went well. I checked into my hotel and it's suitably comfy. After a swim and some hot food I spoke to my boy on FaceTime. We blew kisses and said "I love you, sleep well, see you tomorrow." 

I'm going to watch a movie in bed - uninterrupted by the 4 year old or the cat - I'll wake up at a time of my choosing rather than when one of them wakes up needing something. In the morning I'll be free to go for a run, a swim and have a relaxed breakfast. Oh the luxury.

We need cooler names for London airports !

So with all these indulgences why am I sitting here blogging instead of chilling out ? Well, I'll tell you. It's because I miss all of it. The early starts, the missed breakfasts, the demanding child and cat, the military planning with Hubbie to squeeze in a swim. 

Is it relaxing if I'm not with them ? Yes, sort of. Is it quieter ? Yes, of course. Is it enjoyable ? No, not really.

I'm looking forward to getting back to all of them. Relaxing is overrated :)

A bed to myself ? That truly is luxury 

Finding my wings

One of those things that people always say they'd do if they won the lottery is to travel - or buy a tropical island if you're one of my friends. Seeing more of the world is an ambition that most of us have had at some point and unless you have a pathological aversion to travel it's one that is pretty achievable. My in-laws didn't go on foreign holidays when Hubbie was growing up, but as soon as their sons left home they were off on long haul holidays and gallivanting all over the world on cruises too. My parents only ever went on holiday to India to see family so my Mum often laments that she travelled from India to England and never saw anywhere in between. If I won I'd take her on holiday to the places that she wanted to see. Of course I'd have to actually play the lottery first to be in with a chance of winning.

In my own adulthood I've been fortunate enough to be able to go to some fascinating and beautiful places. I went scuba diving in Egypt, skiing in Canada and worked with children in Romania and Sierra Leone. I've done my fair share of flying alone and it's been ok, but I'm not a joyful or willing traveller by air.

Apparently when I was a toddler my Mum took me to India and during a scheduled stopover we had to disembark the plane and I flat refused to get back on as I was so terrified of the plane that I had boarded earlier at Heathrow without seeing how big it was. From the tarmac in Germany it looked far too scary and it took most of the cabin crew and some maternal cajoling (bribery) to persuade me back on board to complete our journey. I didn't actually know this so when Mum told me it reawakened a fear of flying that I had no idea I ever had.

Once upon a time flying somewhere was an exciting experience that was magical and fun and made us feel like we were doing something special. Now it feels like an exercise in enforcement and the process is unpleasant and designed to make you feel uncomfortable. From the long list of forbidden items to the series of security checks it's a conveyer belt of fear and anxiety.

I was booked to travel on the 12th of September 2001 - the day after the events that led to liquid limits and shoe removal being a normal part of travel. Now I was travelling from Stansted which is possibly the worst airport I've ever been to (and I'm including that tiny airstrip in Sierra Leone where we sat for half a day waiting for the fuel to arrive for our plane and where I saw a bit too much of Andy Kershaw as the bus we were travelling on had poor suspension and his shorts left little to the imagination !) and it was the first day of the newly created security measures so it was complete chaos. It took over 2 hours to check in and I only just made it to the plane in time. It was RyanAir so there wasn't even any solace in free snacks as you get jack all on their flights unless you pay through the nose for it.

I'm telling you this because my new job requires some travelling and will involve flying to a few places too. It's a strange experience going to an airport for work rather than a holiday. Instead of buying magazines and sunglasses in the departure lounge I look for wifi and a spot to sit with a cuppa. Where I'd usually go shopping in Fat Face for some additional holiday outfits I'm only travelling with hand luggage so I can't add anything to my bag and instead of reading my book I start to ponder what the boys are doing while I'm away. The main thing is I'm putting off the fear of flying alone. When we were on a plane with our boy I was so concerned that he not be scared that I forgot my own fears entirely.

In recent years Hubbie has dealt with my fear of flying in two ways. Firstly he takes the mickey out of me mercilessly during a flight saying things like, "oh that isn't normal is it ? That wing looks wonky." which doesn't make me feel any better but distracts me from the genuine fear I'm feeling. The other thing he did was bought me a flying lesson which I put off doing for over a year. When I did actually do it I was terrified, but so exhilarated once I'd done it.

I'm still not the best flier, but is it too much to hope that the next crew I fly with are the Foo Fighters ?

Yes son, you're going to 'be there' when we have the best adventures yet.

Since me and Hubbie met we have been on a lot of holidays together. In my family we didn't really do holidays as we didn't grow up with a lot of money so if they did save up enough to go away my parents would favour taking us to India to see family members. When I was older and working I earned enough to take holidays myself so I have enjoyed scuba diving in the Red Sea and skiing in France and Canada. I flew to Egypt on my own, which I never thought I'd do, but it was great actually. I've flown a fair bit, but it's always nerve wracking so I like to plan ahead and get lots of magazines, a bottle of water and music to listen to. It makes all the waiting around so much easier.  I've flown to Romania and Sierra Leone for work and was amazed to find that you could still smoke on the flight to Romania (it was over ten years ago though).

Hubbie didn't go abroad for holidays as a child as his family were not keen to go overseas - ironically as they love travel now - so when we met we both indulged our love of travel together. It is lovely sharing photos of our adventures with our son as it's like telling him the story of our relationship through the special times and experiences we've shared. He likes to hear about where we've been and what we've seen.

Our first baseball game was amazing

When we had been together for a little while we decided to go on a trip to the US and spent two weeks in California staying in San Francisco and taking in our first baseball game - Hubbie is a big fan and his obsession with the Giants began at this game. We also visited Alcatraz, as I was working with prisons this was a bit of a busman's holiday, but still it was interesting. Especially the sign welcoming indians - how nice of them.

We walked the Golden Gate Bridge 

Good to know :)

We then took a road trip along Highway 101 taking in the Atlantic Ocean and Santa Monica, Los Angeles and Las Vegas. It was an epic trip for us and the best thing was that we spent 24 hours a day together and didn't fall out with each other once. I think we pretty much knew that we were compatible from this holiday on. My memories of this holiday are of driving along the ocean road listening to great music and being with a man who I loved spending time with.

Holidays have great memories for us and we like to mark occasions so while in Las Vegas Hubbie booked for us to go on a 'venetian gondola' for my birthday. I've never been to Venice so this was a very special treat indeed.

My first ever gondola trip in 'Venice' 

You see our holiday snaps are like a memory box of the significant moments and special milestones. as I mentioned I was a nervous flier and didn't enjoy flying anywhere, but would suffer it to get to the destination. Hubbie has a tactic that involves teasing that something genuinely is wrong with the plane that makes me forget my insane 'catastrophic thinking' and means I can go ahead an enjoy the holiday from the moment we are moving. Well, unless you're flying from Luton that is - nothing can make that a positive experience in my view ! The silver lining was that it was a surprise weekend break that Hubbie booked to Rome and while we were there he proposed ! It was just before the World Cup started as he says, he wanted to 'get it out of the way.' I know, what a gem eh ?

We just got engaged - yay !!

Well, I did marry him and both of us had wanted to go to New York for years so we booked a 6 day break for our honeymoon. It was late October so it was cold, but we visited all the touristy things, went up the Empire State building and even took a romantic carriage ride in Central Park with a driver who was pretending to be English until we said we were from London - then he became fiercely 'Noo Yawk' which was hilarious ! We flew into one airport and out of a different one - that was quite something with a 5am drop off on the way home. Still the holiday was worth it.

Central Park carriage ride

It was only a matter of time before we would visit India together and we planned it for ages to make the most of the long journey. As it was Hubbie's first trip he was incredibly patient with myriad relatives pawing him and commenting on how tall he was and marvelling, "Of course he's indian, he loves trains and loves indian food." I didn't have the heart to tell them that describes quite a lot of english people actually. Sharing my memories from childhood visits to India was magical and seeing how much Hubbie loved it was pretty special. The internal flights to get to far flung tourist locations was a revelation to me too - not least the snack boxes we were offered as compensation for flight delays :)

The Princess Diana pose 

So, there are memories of how me and Hubbie came to be Mr & Mrs and now we're creating new memories with junior. We've gone from this:

Supper Club in Amsterdam 

To this:

Watching the sea with my boy

Travelling as a family has been a completely different holiday experience for us, but no less fun. I was worried about flying with my son and he completely surprised me with his sense of adventure and willingness to go with the flow. In fact when we were disembarking the plane in Spain an older couple sitting across the aisle from us said they had no idea that there was a young child sitting with us as he'd been so good during the flight. I breathed a sigh of relief as my preparation had been so worthwhile.

From checking in Jiggles the bear with his own passport:

What a well travelled bear

To the fun of spotting all the other kids with Trunkis at the airport and comparing designs:

Hurry up Daddy !!

To keeping little man entertained on board the plane - thank goodness for tablets, headphones and seatbacks :) 

Keeping busy - and quiet

Finally visiting the cockpit and meeting the pilots - both there and back. Yes you can still do this and it's great fun for both little and big boys as I discovered ! 

Checking the charts

Proper steering 

We have graduated from holidaying as a couple to family vacations. We have some pretty great memories already, but my boy does look at these images and ask, 'where was I Mummy and Daddy ? Why couldn't I be there ?"

I want to be able to say, "Son, for the next big adventure we want to all be there." In two years it will be our tenth wedding anniversary and we want to take a trip to Hawaii to renew our wedding vows and learn to surf. To be able to celebrate our milestone anniversary and for our son to be there with us would be so special. I also have an ambition to put my feet in every ocean on the planet and so far I have managed the Indian Ocean and the Atlantic. Going to Hawaii I could tick off the Pacific from my list too.

With so many amazing memories already we are so very lucky. We hope to create many more memories that we can all be there for. Fingers crossed for Hawaii.

This post is an entry for the #Flying100 Family Holiday Challenge, celebrating how flying allows us to make memories and ‘be there’, in association with #Flying100. Find out more at http://bit.ly/flying100

Holiday helpers: or, How I keep sane when we are supposed to be relaxing

The joy of bunting

Earlier this year we went on our first holiday since we had our son. Before he was born we used to go on holiday a few times a year. Me and Hubbie do well on holiday as we enjoy spending time with each other and relax and decide most things without disagreement. Throw a belligerent toddler into that mix, however, and you have the recipe for a holiday that we just weren't prepared for. 

For weeks people asked if I was looking forward to my holiday and I was careful in saying "it'll be nice to have a break." What I didn't say was "I am praying that my son doesn't cause chaos on the plane," "I'm dreading that he'll create havoc due to us all being together for a whole week" or that "I really just hoped we'd get some child-free time, but it was unlikely as it was just us 3 going.
In the event he was fine with the journey there. When checking in we got a passport for his teddy Jiggles and he enjoyed eating breakfast in the airport. He was occupied during the flight, ate some of the meal, played a farting fish game that Hubbie had downloaded onto his tablet and even met the pilot when we landed. He banged his head while we waited an age for Hubbie's bag to come off the carousel and was a bit unruly waiting to collect our hire car, but as soon as we got into the car he promptly fell asleep until we got to our hotel. 

My boy on his one day at the beach

During the holiday he sustained a nosebleed at the kid's club, an ear infection that put paid to beach days and had more tantrums on a daily basis than I thought possible. You see for kids a holiday is not what it is for adults. Please allow me to explain. The reasons we go on holiday are:

To relax:

Adults - sit by the pool, read books, eat nice meals, drink and generally kick back
Toddlers - don't relax. Why would they, they're toddlers.

To experience new things / places:

Adults - like to go sightseeing, take photos
Toddlers - want to go to the same park every day to do the same thing every day and will make it clear that they do not approve when this is not adhered to

To see a different people/cultures/lifestyles:

Adults - tick things off their bucket list like dance flamenco or eat at the highest restaurant in Las Vegas (we've done one of these)
Toddlers - kick off because it's all a bit different and they miss their friends - who wants to spend all that time with their parents really ?

To have a break from the daily grind:

Adults - lie in and stay up late, eat at strange times and try to do as much as possible in the given time
Toddlers - have just about got used to the meticulously enforced routine you instilled and now you're expecting them to freestyle it ?

Conclusion: as holiday companions parents and toddlers are entirely at odds with each other from the start.

We are going on holiday again and this time I'm armed with the learning from the first one. We're not flying this time, but we will be driving for a long time so I am prepared with the following holiday essentials:

Snacks - my boy will do almost anything for Bear fruit and Nakd bars - I keep one of each in every bag (and for Hubbie too)

Lifesavers

Tablets - equipped with all manner of technology for grown ups we also have a portable DVD player for the car this time so he can watch Firehouse Dog. I've got all his favourite apps including; Cbeebies, Talking Tom and Farting Fish (thanks for that Hubbie !!) 

Activities - plenty of crayons, mini colouring books, playing cards and puzzles and stickers. Something will do the trick.

Holiday journal - a red hardback book with matching pen that Hubbie picked up at a conference. We kept it on the table so he could use it whenever he wanted to draw a picture, 'write' about his day or put stickers or souvenirs in it like his unused kids club wristband. This time I'm expecting pictures of all the animals he meets on the farm.

Bribes - so I have a new football for him, a new bucket and spade set, lots of small bags of Haribo sweets and more stickers.

I'm hoping it will be relaxing. I've packed a few books, my running kit and all of our wellies so we've got all eventualities covered.

Wish me luck - I may well need it !! 

Relaxing image

Sandals, sarong and a stack of books. Check.

It took some to-ing and fro-ing (an identity verification issue and resending of birth certificate and a refund of my check and send fee from the Post Office), but we now have passports for my boy and me. His first one and finally my passport in my married name - about time too as it's our 7th anniversary this week. You see I'd renewed my passport the year before we got married - I didn't know we'd be hitched the following year - and I was loathe to pay for a new passport just to change my name. The boy has never flown before so we thought we'd better choose a short flight for his first time and go somewhere warm and relaxing.

I know I need a holiday because Seasonal Affective Disorder has set in with a vengeance. The wet and windy weather is making me feel angry and upset and the only cheery moment of the day is when the boy kicks through what we now call, "crunchy munchy leaves" (thank you Octonauts). It's a miserable time of year for me and many others so I think a break should pretty much be prescribed by a medical professional. I mean the signs of distress are unmistakeable:

• The highlight of my week so far has been that I spent all morning cleaning the bathroom and kitchen, let's be fair though it's only Tuesday so there is time for things to improve 

• It's so rainy and windy outside that we're eating comfort foods and feeling stuffed. I'd much rather be outside in a warmer climate eating salads and fruit and drinking wine for lunch 

• I've had to take the cardigans and scarves from the back of the wardrobe and put the summer clothes to the back - that's not right is it ? 

• The cat is permanently fixed to his beanbag upstairs. If even he won't go out then it's either the end of days or winter - same thing really

• I'm starting to sympathise with the white witch in Narnia. No wonder she was pissed off, who wants to have to deal with frizzy hair all the time from the cold and rain ? At least if it's proper winter with snow you can wrap up warm and cosy. This in between weather is just infuriating.

So the plan is to book somewhere not too far and warm enough for me to wear sandals. Where the boy can splash in a pool and play all day. Where Hubbie can watch sports and lie in the sun (and preferably not burn). Where I can read sit under a massive parasol, swim a bit, read lots of books and not cook for a week.

Ah, holidays… I love and miss you so much.