My life on TV

I'm a big fan of TV and watch far too much of it - ever since childhood. I used to watch the show that told you to 'switch off your TV and do something less boring instead' and stayed put until something genuinely less interesting was on. I sat through a lot of rubbish TV. As a result I know a lot of theme songs from shows and it's a handy skill to have for pub quizzes. The other thing I have learned from watching a lot of TV is that it's not often that art imitates life. I don't watch reality TV a a rule because I live reality and when I'm relaxing I want escapism. Not for me the banality of the partially true lives of inhabitants of Essex or Chelsea. However, there have been a few TV shows that have accurately depicted situations that have happened to me in real life. It's a bit freaky when that happens.


Eastenders: Now it's not a happy chapter of my life so I don't really go back there much. As I was having lunch with friends a while back I spoke about not remembering much of it in detail and one of my friends said, "Well PTSD will do that," and she has a point. The only really awful bit I ever really elaborate on is the one that I saw enacted dramatically by Little Mo when she stood up to her abusive husband Trevor. No I didn't attack my ex with an iron, but I did take it with me when I left - which was vindictive because I absolutely don't iron. It was pure spite on my part. I'm not proud of it, but to be honest it wasn't the worst thing I could have done. So we argued about petty things like the dish drainer and a plug stack and the friend who had come with me told me to just leave them. As I went to leave she went outside to wait by the van we had borrowed for the day and as I went to leave my ex decided to have his say about me leaving. This 6'4" man towered over me and threatened me. And I stood there - all 5' nothing of me - and said, "If you're going to hit me just get on with it. I've got things to do." He visibly shrank at my lack of fear - he just didn't know what to do. I told him he was a coward and a bully and I wasn't scared of him any more. He called the police and they sent two female officers who checked I was ok and ignored him completely. I left. No drama, no-one was hit by a household implement and there was no doof doof music. Still I did feel a moment of triumph when I saw Little Mo having an almost identical confrontation with her husband. It was then I felt proud of myself for standing up to him and leaving.

Monica and Chandler: There is very little about Friends that resembles reality. The ridiculous way that Rachel goes from unemployable spoilt, rich girl to successful fashionista in a very short space of time. Phoebe surviving on the money she makes as a masseur and terrible busker is just not believable on any level. And never forget that the whole Ross and Rachel relationship would just not occur in real life. He's a selfish, boring, petty man who offers absolutely nothing and she's already rich and doesn't struggle to meet good looking (straight) men, despite working in fashion - I know that's entirely realistic isn't it ? Anyway, the area in which I do see a similarity to my life is when Monica and Chandler have difficulty conceiving. It's one of the rare serious moments when Chandler tells Monica the bad news and they are heartbroken. On they day that Hubbie came home from his appointment he referenced this scene to soften the blow a bit. It kind of did. It also ensured I went into Monica mode and chose not to accept that there was nothing we could do. The rest is pretty well documented on this blog so I won't repeat myself.

Gavin and Stacey: There is a lot to love about this show. The fact that the families are named after serial killers is a stroke of genius. We watched an episode the other day where Pete shows off a hat that his wife Dawn bought him that bears the legend, "Pete Sutcliff loves golf." Stacey's mum even comments on how unfortunate it is that she goes from being a West to being a Shipman. Honestly if you don't find this stuff funny why are you even here ? So the point is pretty similar to the last one in that Gavin and Stacey are told they won't be able to have children. In one exchange they agree they will keep trying for a while and if nothing happens they will stop and think about other options. Stacey says, "It's sad isn't it ?" and every time I watch that scene it makes me cry. Yes it is very sad. When we were told that we were 'unlikley' to conceive we both sat in the reception of the fertility clinic and cried. I don't know how long we stayed there for, but it felt like a long time. On a much happier note, when we did find out that I was pregnant Hubbie exclaimed, "My balls work !" Just like Gavin does when they find out that Stacey is pregnant. I only did one test though - I didn't pee on a shoebox full of them.

Outnumbered: I never understood why people liked this show until I became a parent. Even then it wasn't until we had two of them. Ok, we're not strictly outnumbered as there are two of them and two of us, but as is pretty clear the cat is on their side - or he has recruited them to be honorary cats which is far more likely. So the main reason this show resonates with me is because Brown Bear is the spitting image of Ben. It has been evident since his curly hair kicked in and my sister even pointed it out. I suspect that Blue Bear is like Karen in that he is more considered and serious. Now I watch it and sympathise with Pete and Sue and their incessant attempts to keep ahead of their brood.

Miss Rabbit: Well this one is a joke that occured to Hubbie when it became clear that the character of Miss Rabbit from Peppa Pig does every job. It came about after I spoke about all the different jobs that I've done and he started to call me Miss Rabbit. It's a good call actually even though I'm not a helicopter pilot or a volunteer fire officer, but I have worked in a library. Anyway, Miss Rabbit has a pretty good work ethic and that's no bad thing is it ?

Curb Your Enthusiasm: We've been rewatching this show in preparation for the new series in October. It pains me to admit it, but I am really much more sympathetic towards Larry than I should be. Despite his selfish tendencies I honestly think he's more misunderstood than anything. I know he can appear to be a sociopath, but there is definitely an element of him being in the wrong place at the wrong time and not thinking before he speaks. I can identify with that.

It's not my job, it's who I am

I went to my boy's school assembly on Fri and it was a special service for Mothering Sunday. There were lovely readings by the children and the nursery class sang the song I've been hearing all week. His tuneful solo rendition was mangled by the 35+ voices of under fives who seemed awestruck in front of an audience of parents. At the end all the mums were presented with daffodils by our children. My boy was delighted that my bunch weren't open yet and so was I as I explained, "that's lovely, they will last longer."

The readings were about the 'job of a mum' with the classic about children demanding a drink, a hug, an answer, etc from Mum and asking Dad, 'where's Mum ?" There was recognition that mums do so much for us and that "a mother's love is blind because she loved you before she met you." I can vouch for this. My love for my boy was forged long before I saw his face. Or held him in my arms. It's not just the act of giving birth that made me his mother though. Yes that's a huge thing. Carrying, growing and birthing a child is a huge thing. It's not the only way to be a mum though. I honestly think that for me being a mum is about how I feel. Of course there's the reality of caring for a child, but many people do this who didn't carry the person they love in exactly the same way a parent loves their offspring. 

Origami flower and a lovely breakfast in bed

The idea that being a mum is my job is one that suggests I do it under duress. Believe me there are days when it feels that way, but it's not true. Parenting was in my bones even before I was old enough to have children. I grew up with a motherly attitude and I always felt it was my responsibility to be in charge and take care of others. Not in a resentful way by any means. More in a needing to know that everyone was looked after way. I'm not really comfortable with others doing things for me though. It's partly a control thing - I know how I want things done - and partly an, "I'm not worth it," thing. I will make sure my boys have eaten and will fuss about them being warm enough then go out of the house without a coat and as angry as a bear who hasn't eaten, because... well I haven't eaten. 

This morning my boys brought me breakfast in bed. It was lovely. I didn't complain about it or tut about how I'd have done it differently. I ate it with the cat sitting next to me and the boys went downstairs to leave me in peace. 

I think I could get used to being taken care of - sometimes :)

Cat in a (paper) hat 

Everything I've learned about love - and cats.

Ok, so it's Valentine's Day this weekend tacked helpfully in front of half term. On the basis that you probably love someone (whether you are with them or not) and that you love your kids (if you have them) this is a pretty big week for love. To that end I've been doing my research about love and what's it all about and what do you know someone shared a little gem on Facebook about the four types of love according to Tony Robbins. You know him. He's the life coach who looks like a man mountain and in the movie Shallow Hal he showed Jack Black the error of his ways in judging women by their appearances. Anyway, he appeared on Oprah talking about these four main types of love and I was fascinated so I thought I'd share them with you.

Baby love: Ok it sounds lovely, but this is where someone's love is all about them and so long as you give them whatever they want they will love you. Only as long as you keep giving them what they want. It's forgivable when the person doing it is small and cute and looks like you - or someone you love who made the small person with you. Narcissism and Oxytocin ensure that newborn babies don't get left out in the cold to starve when all they do is demand milk, cuddles, nappy changing and generally deprive their loved ones of sleep and sanity. When a grown person does it it's manipulative and unkind. When a cat does it no one says a thing because, well it's a cat.

Go ahead son, demand all you want.

Horsetrading: Loving someone in return for something. So you will be loved by this person so long as they know that there is a payoff in it for them somewhere along the line. Now, Tony also calls this whoring, but I think that's a bit harsh. In the beginning of a relationship you are placing a lot of trust in the other person that they will be honest with you and that they will put as much into the relationship as you do. In some instances you are putting yourself out there and taking risks knowing it might not pay off. If you've never been in a relationship that hasn't paid off then you are one lucky soul. Or, you've never lived with a cat.

True Love: The one where you are equal and love each other with no agenda. Ok, maybe it's not perfect, but it's pretty much as good as it gets. When me and Hubbie celebrated our first Christmas we had only been seeing each other for a few months so it was with some shock that we realised that we'd both bought each other the same number of gifts and almost exactly the same sorts of things. We both bought each other books about music, an item of hardware (please don't ask) and some other things that we were really amazed at having got the same of. I think it was a pretty good sign that we were meant to be. (ok, ok, sick bags away now). A cat will convince you that they truly love you until you realise they also say that to the lovely lady two doors down from you.

The look of love - or something :)

Spiritual Love: Tony describes this as epitomised by Nelson Mandela and the Dalai Lama. Someone who is able to send love to those who have hurt them and the ones they love. It's not being walked all over, but it's a level of love that surpasses what most of us can deal with unless we are very magnanimous indeed. I aspire to being able to love those who have hurt me. I am nowhere near that yet, but if I get there I will be sure to let you know. A cat will make you think it's forgiven you for stepping on it's tail earlier in the day and then when you least expect it you'll get a swipe - claws and all - or find a pile of sick by the front door. Thanks cat - I still love you. Oh look, I'm there :)

So, now we know what love is we can go forth into this big love weekend fully armed with all the information. I tried to describe Valentine's Day to my son as he wrote cards for his teachers and enclosed a chocolate heart inside each one. He gleefully handed them to the teachers today saying, "it's got a chocolate inside. You can eat it."

I think he has a pretty good handle on this love stuff :)

The perfect motto for life