Brim full of Hygge

At the start of the year Hubbie gave me a book all about Hygge - the Danish concept of relaxation and being happy. A few weeks ago I went to a workshop to find out all about Hygge Box and I loved it. Not least because I found out how you actually pronounce the word - it's not hoo-gah it's hyoo-ger.

During the workshop we heard all about how Hygge has been interpreted as being all about white furnishings and expensive candles, but it's really simpler than that. Spending time with loved ones, sharing a blanket, eating nice food, soft lighting - these are all hygge. We made a lovely heart shaped decoration and tasted some traditional biscuits - no fancy hot choc for me that day. It reminded me of how me and Brown Bear enjoyed candles and cuddles under a fluffy blanket before he went upstairs to bed and it seems to have slipped away from us. Since the workshop I've introduced after school hygge with the boys getting into their onesies, relaxing on beanbags with a snack. It's a lovely time that they can unwind and I can truly appreciate the peace it brings to the house. 

I was fascinated by the idea of Hygge Box which is delivered to your home either as a one off or on a monthly basis. I asked if I could review a Hygge Box and look what arrived in the post this week - a Hygge Box in pretty packaging. the tissue paper inside is festive and luxurious so you feel like you are truly getting a box of treats. It's like the paper you used to get turkish delight wrapped up in and you'd get icing sugar on your fingers when you opened it. This wasn't quite as sweet as that, but it was filled with some lovely things to celebrate Advent. 

Of course there is an advent candle, some marzipan, mulled wine spices, hot chocolate mix and a kit to make crackers - including the jokes to put inside. There is plenty to do, things to eat, some items to help relax and overall it's a nice bit of self care. I can also see how it would work as a gift for someone else. As subscriptions go this is one that really appeals to all the senses. It would also make an ideal gift. 

Hygge Box was founded by Sally and Gabby whose travels have led to the realisation that they wanted to share Hygge with others. Once a month they send out a themed box of lovely things to get your hygge on. You can order a one off box for a friend - if you want to - or for yourself. I love the idea of a box filled with surprises and treats, like a special gift for no reason other than you deserve it. 

To see how I get on with the contents of my box follow me on Twitter for photos of the crafts and maybe even the tasty treats (if I remember to photograph them before scoffing that is !)

If you want to try a box for yourself you can order online here: www.hyggebox.co.uk  

Disclosure: The lovely Sally and Gabby sent me an Advent Hygge Box to review. 

Happiness is making time for some hygge

One of my Christmas presents from Hubbie was a book about Hygge - you know the nordic concept of cosiness and relaxation that involves candles and is credited with the reported high levels of happiness in the danish populationf. Well I liked the sound of it and in conjunction with my KonMari tidying project I've been thinking about how make 'cosy time'.

So the other evening I lit some candles and put them either side of a lovely plant. We don't have a fireplace so I wanted to create a soothing atmosphere with what we do have. When Brown Bear saw the candles he asked if we could we sit together in candlelight while Blue Bear was being put to bed. I was a bit surprised, but he really enjoyed the closeness and we have made it a regular thing. It's our bit of special time before he goes to bed and it helps calm him down after a tiring school day.

I'm no expert, but I'm finding ways to bring Hygge into our lives. I thought I'd share some of the ways we experience hygge in our home.

Hygge with candles. We have so many candles and tealights it's lovely to get to use them. They don't have to be scented - in fact the danes prefer unscented candles.

My hygge buddies, Brown Bear and Neo. They love to sit together in contemplation and stillness (well the cat does). It's their own form of hygge. 

My personal hygge with Neo and a brew to keep me and my fluffy dressing gown company. This doesn't happen often, but when it does it's just wonderful.

The best hygge we've had recently - looking outside at the snow falling while being all cosy inside. The boys were just delighted and watched for ages.

I'm really enjoying this special time we make for each other - it's nice and comforting and stops me from sitting looking at my phone all evening. I'm not saying we can practise Hygge every day, but I hope we can make time for each other and be close. I've already noticed Brown Bear is calmer and happier. I'm working on Hubbie too - he's not really a candles and fireplace sort of bloke, but you never know he might succumb to the cuddles.

Give it a go - you never know you might find it fun.

Presenting my boys - the Indestructibles

Following the drama of Blue Bear sustaining a head injury earlier in the week I thought I was done. Then on Friday afternoon I had to deal with Brown Bear shoving a sticking plaster up his nostril, which as an airway required medical intervention. Sort of. I wasn't going to spend my Friday evening at A & E so I decided to take Mum action. Nostril free of obstruction I hoped to catch a break. What was I thinking ? These are my boys we're talking about. 

They think they're indestructible. 

And that's the problem. I'm currently channelling fear, panic and guilt because I'm booked in for a two day retreat this week. Is it completely irresponsible to leave my boys behind and go away to sleep alone, meditate, be creative and practise yoga ? Don't get me wrong, I'm excited that I can go to the toilet without someone asking me where I am or following me in crying because I left them alone for 20 seconds. I can sit and read, or write, or do nothing at all instead of waiting until late at night when the kids are asleep and I'm tired and drained of energy. 

Hubbie is taking care of the Bears and the cat while I lounge around, sleep in, have a facial, a massage and reflexology. I trust him completely - he's a fantastic father. The problem is the kids have no concept of danger. They throw themselves headlong at things, off things, into things. We barely keep them alive when it's two of us doing it. When we're a (wo)man down the stakes are just too high. Parenting my 5 yr old and 2 yr old is a constant cycle of running interference, being one step ahead and being able to stand the sight of blood (or worse - have you seen a plaster come back out of a child's nostril ?) when you've misjudged it. 

The so-called parenting experts (Supernanny, Gina Ford) made great claims about what parents should do without having been parents themselves. They gave credance to their rules and advice by insisting that they had cared for many children over the years. Yes, cared for. Been paid to look after. Not been subjected to 24 hours a day - day after day - of relentless tantrums, fighting, food refusal, selective hearing and seeming desire to break the people charged with keeping them alive. We do this because - despite everything - we love our kids.

Movie treats for Mummy & Son

This weekend I've been spoiling Brown Bear to help boost his 'Mummy love tanks' (it was in a book about love languages - stop looking at me like that.) Movies, popcorn, ice cream, lots of attention just for him and Hubbie has been spending time with Blue Bear. I had hoped that it would be special and wonderful and we would connect and he'd see that I love him so very much. At times he is so jealous that it feels like I can't do right by him. He demands all my attention and deems any time I don't devote to him as neglect or proof that I love his brother more. 

So, this magical Mummy / Son time I envisaged just didn't happen. He carried on as usual and I felt like I'd been taken for a dope. I can't point to one thing as there is so much, but the overriding one is he just won't listen. You warn him not to run in the house just as he slams into a door and screams like he's lost a limb. You ask him not to stick his foot out to trip up his brother and then he stubs his toe or Blue Bear bites him in retaliation. Cue another bloodcurdling yell. He emits a series of high pitched squeaks and squeals - much like a human fax machine. This is the worst as I have hyperacusis and every sound is like a fine knitting needle being pushed into my ear. 

I'll be getting an honest to goodness break from being Mum. Hubbie gets to experience hell for three days without his wing (wo)man. So I'm taking my time out with good grace and gratitude. Yes I'm very, very lucky. I'm also realising that I deserve it. I mean the boys are still alive aren't they ? That's got to be worth something. 

Thank you Hubbie. I love you. I wish you luck. If you need me I'll be chanting in Cornwall. 

Om Shanti

Put on your oxygen mask before helping others.

You know you've heard this instruction on airlines before and you know it makes sense, but is it only me who thinks deep down that it wouldn't feel right to tend to myself before my kids ? Not because of some martyr complex, but because that's how some of us are hard-wired. The concept of putting your oxygen mask on first in order to help others is not one that I've ever been able to embrace. It makes sense of course - you are better equipped to help others if you are in good health yourself. However I will always ensure the boys are fed first and that their things are all ready. That means having all the clothes washed, meals planned and family planners completed so we all know who is supposed to be where. If this sounds terribly organised and selfless don't be fooled it's all to make life easier for me. I have to know that the meals are sorted so that no one is hungry and therefore grumpy. If I've arranged the clothes it means that no one ends up going to watch football without shoes on - yes this actually happened on the rare occasion when I handed over responsibility to Hubbie. More to the point if I have done all the planning I know that they are taken care of before I then take a break for myself.

Only that break for myself doesn't actually happen. The boys go to football, or to school, or work and while I tell myself I'll sit down and eat something shortly I find yet more things to do around the house. It can be hours later before I do get something to eat and by then I'm a bit woozy and more than a little grumpy. Irritation seems to be my ever present emotion and tiredness my default state of mind. I spend so much time organising everyone else's lives that it leaves me with no time to actually have a life of my own. Last weekend I was on a mini cruise with my older boy and at one point I had about an hour to myself. I didn't have any meals to prepare or anyone to get ready or any cleaning to do and I had no idea how to fill the time. So, I decided to fulfil a lifetime ambition and learn trapeze. As you do. It was still a bit weird doing something for myself though.

I fly through the air with the greatest of ease... sort of

A while back we were visiting friends and we were talking about the differing approaches we have to parenting. She said that she will make sure her son is fed first then get something herself - as I do. He said he will get himself something to eat so that he is in a fit state to care for his boy and to meet his needs. Both make sense of course, but it still struck me that putting yourself before your child is not something I would be comfortable with.

I'm not just about doing for my kids and Hubbie though. This is an attitude I've had for many years. It's also not about being noticed or praised for philanthropic deeds, it's a pathology. Years ago I bought tickets to a gig and invited a chap who I fancied who I knew liked the band too. He joined me and I was absolutely delighted as he thanked me for the tickets, but then he went on to a party afterwards without so much as a backward glance. I felt a bit of a dummy if I'm honest. I always used to make an effort - and still do - to do nice things for people. The people I love do that same. My sister knows I love Ruffles - those raspberry and coconut chocolate bars that you used to only get in small newsagents and Woolworths - so when she sees them she always buys them for me. It may seem a small thing, but it's a lovely thought and one that I think shows real consideration.

Oh Ruffles I love you so

I am working on this whole putting my oxygen mask on first. My to do list was enormous today, but I decided to go for a swim instead of doing all of the things on it. That is surely a bit of progress ? Putting myself first instead of the tyranny of the list ? Well, maybe it is the beginning of something.

Now I've actually swung on a trapeze anything is possible.

Eight years on, but who's counting ?

Today it's mine and Hubbie's 8th wedding anniversary. We're taking the boy to stay with my parents and we'll have a night away in a nice hotel with dinner and breakfast - bliss ! In the evening, after dinner, we'll be on air presenting our radio show so we'll be online chatting to listeners in the 'shout box' which is a live interaction with presenters during a show. It's not a conventional way to spend an anniversary, but it's pretty much perfect for us. I get to have a swim, Hubbie gets to go to the gym and we both get to be on the radio together.

So, if you will indulge me this is my post dedicated to celebrating the top 8 things about being married to Hubbie. To misquote Ross Geller from Friends: "One for every year I have been married to and loved him."

1. He's a key member of any pub quiz team with his extensive sports knowledge. Don't ask him about popular culture or pop music though, it will not end well ! 
2. He's taller than me - well let's face it most people are - so he's very handy for reaching things on high shelves. This isn't quite as dim as it sounds. Hubbie has a genuine aversion to DIY, but he does the 'manly' stuff around the house which means I don't have to :)
3. His incredible patience with my backseat driving. I'm always pressing an imaginary brake on my side and will advise him what not to do when driving despite the fact that he's much better than I am at driving long distances - I rule when it comes to city driving though.
4. Even when I doubt myself and my ability Hubbie wants me to do well and is ambitious for me. He's not jealous or competitive, but supportive and genuinely happy when things go well. 
5. The songs - oh the crazy made up songs. Even before we had our boy he used to make up silly songs for and about me. Mostly to the tunes of current hits, but often just out of the blue.
6. Despite wildly different musical tastes we often go to gigs together. I went with him to watch the Fall a few times and he's been to see Prince with me. There's a mutual respect if a bafflement at our respective choices of music. 
7. When we're together we share the stupidest jokes and puns. No one else would find us as entertaining as we do each other - and ourselves. 
8. He knows how to make things all better, whether it's finding a 'kunkarella' to make me laugh or reminding me that I don't like salmon and shouldn't order it in restaurants. 

So, here's to us and our quirky married life. If anyone needs me I'll be in the hot tub worrying about the cat being home alone.

One weekend, three Mums :)

This weekend it's Mother's Day (if you're in the UK that is - our American friends celebrate in May for some reason). It'll be my 4th one as a Mum and I've planned a lovely pampering day on Saturday which my Mum is coming to and then lunch with Mother-in-law on Sunday. We've kind of got the hang of this thing now. My first one was a little fraught as my boy was only 6 months old and while I enjoyed having a day of being pampered I did actually want to spend some of the day with my son and Hubbie.

Me and my Mum at West Pier Brighton

We are both lucky that we have our Mums and we make sure they are thoroughly spoiled and that they get to see their grandson, which is no less than they deserve. They seem to enjoy spending time with the boy and as time goes on it gets difficult to think of things they don't already have lots of. In the past I've deluged my Mum with scarves, chocolate, flowers and all manner of gifts. In recent years I've noticed that I have inherited a habit from my Mum and her Mum (my Naniji) of saying that I don't want anything. I never understood it, but as time goes on I notice that with Christmas, Valentine's Day, Mother's Day and then my birthday in the space of 6 months it does get a little crowded and I don't need that much. We're still working our way through all the chocolate we got at Christmas so I've embargoed all chocolate gifts until after Easter. This also helps with my getting fit and training for the Moonwalk so double bubble.

Hubbie with Mother-in-law

I prefer to have some pampering and relaxation so that's what I'll be doing courtesy of my boys. The nice thing about having some time to chill out is that I get to reflect on how far we've come as parents and what my boy can do now that I catch myself being amazed by.

• He can brush his own teeth. I remember when he didn't have any teeth

• He chooses his own clothes - sometimes many times a day - and he checks himself in the mirror !

• He asks questions and responds to the answers - I remember when he would burble and smile at whatever I said *sighs longingly*

• He can use scissors - properly - this still makes me wince and I keep wanting to take them out of his hands

• He can hold a conversation with a pilot, a cab driver or an airport official. I know adults who can't do this ! 

• He knows to speak up and look at his grandparents who are deaf when he talks to them - he doesn't shout

• He corrects me. Often. It drives me crazy

• He calls for me when he is hurt or upset - it makes me feel important - one day he won't 

The thing I like the best is when he gives me a big hug and a kiss and says, "Mummy, I love you more than Jiggles." Jiggles is the bear he loves most in the whole world.

Whatever you do I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day :)

Me with my one day old boy

Gone Fishing

As you read this I'm on my hols - consider this a virtual postcard from the beach where me and Hubbie and the boy are sunning ourselves. The boy has stated his intention to eat ice cream and lollies on the beach every day, Hubbie wants to just get some sleep and I'm hoping to finish a book. Just one book, I'm not greedy.

Me and Hubbie in a rare photo together

The day before we left I donated blood and loaded up series 6 of Mad Men on my iPad as well as 6 Peppa Pig episodes and 10 Dora the Explorers. I've taken teabags - I can't be doing with Liptons which you always get abroad - and whole food bars as we're self catering so I've not entirely escaped cooking.

Sunshine and shades :)

So this comes to you via the magic of the internet - and a slight hope that it's not as hot there as it is here :) 

Even the cat will be sunbathing

This post is part of Mummy Never Sleeps joy filled linky #allthesmallthings