A feminist, an adopter, a radio presenter, an equality advisor and mum to boys.
I swim, play music, write stuff and have ambitions to declutter my home.
It's Father's Day this weekend so we've had the usual bombardment of advertising persuading us to buy sarcastic cards and silly, but fun gifts for Dads. One article I read this week asked if we are disrespectful of fathers and their place in society. It is a stark contrast with Mother's Day if you consider the fluffiness factor of the cards, flowers, chocolates and the suggested gifts for Mums. We are encouraged to thank them and to spoil them on their special day. With Fathers we're enticed to make them laugh or send them to jump out of a plane.
To be honest I've never made a big deal about Father's Day for my own Dad. Whereas I'll take my Mum out for pampering or a nice lunch the most I'll do for my Dad is a card and maybe a pair of socks. Hubbie is about the same so while we take Mother-in-law out for lunch Father-in-law gets a card and a phone call to wish him a nice day on the golf course. It's not like our Dads even want the fuss so we're not exactly being nasty, it's just how it's always been really.
Hubbie protecting our boy from a snake
In my case I'm careful not to pick a card that thanks him for all he's done for me (not a great deal) or professing my love for him (that would just be embarrassing). You see our Dads were at their parenting peak when it was still considered the main role of a Father to be the breadwinner and the 'man of the house.' That was not a role that my Father was able or willing to occupy. He was there, I'll give him that, but he wasn't a willing or particularly pleasant Father to me or my brother. He's fine as a Grandfather and that is why he is still in my life.
The role of a Father is very different now and our expectations of what a Father can do are much higher. It is considered remiss if a man isn't there for the birth of his child or if he's not prepared to change or feed his child. In the same way that Mothers are always in the spotlight and being judged, so are Fathers. Yet the day that is supposed to be set aside to thank them is almost considered a joke. Mother's day is one of the busiest in the year for florists. There is no equivalent for Father's Day.
Daddy is almost as tall as the Gruffalo !
We do make a fuss of Hubbie on Father's Day. Maybe because it was such a big deal for us to become parents in the first place, but mostly because he's a great Dad. Just as they make big deal about me I like to do the same for him and it's a long way to his birthday so it's nice to have an excuse to spoil him for a change.
Hubbie works a long day and comes home in time to do bedtime every evening. The only time he isn't is if there is a gig or a midweek football match that he wants to go to, but that's pretty rare actually so when he does want to go it would be churlish to deny him the occasional night out.
Since the boy was a few weeks old they have had 'Daddy Day' every Saturday of the football season. They have a boys' day out and I have the day to myself. Whether I use it to clean the house or to meet up with friends it's been a blessing.
He never complains about the house, my appearance, the food I prepare or anything really. Not that he ever did before, but whoever said that giving a man a baby means you're off the hook forever was pretty much right. He comes home and me, the boy and the cat are all ok and that makes his day.
So today we're doing things that make Hubbie happy; going swimming, taking him for brunch, getting out the barbecue that he loves so much and generally spoiling him in between all of these activities.
The news that Tony Benn had passed away came early in the day and I kept trying to pretend it wasn't happening. I caught the end of a tribute during the Today programme and dismissed it as my having misheard. Then I avoided any news bulletins all morning and took the boy and a neighbour out to the shops and for lunch as it was so lovely and sunny. I managed to convince myself it hadn't really happened. Eventually while I was waiting for the Archers repeat to begin I finally listened to the news and had to accept that yes it was true and he had really died.
It was like hearing that a family friend had gone. Someone I hadn't seen for years, but who I still had a soft spot for. When I was at school and was first becoming interested in politics his son was a local councillor and I became fascinated by him. I was a member of CND, a feminist, second generation immigrant and from a low income family. Where politicians were out of touch and 'other' he seemed to be genuinely interested in the people that were frequently ignored or dismissed as unimportant. I didn't always agree with Tony Benn's views, but I like how he listened and spoke in equal measure and didn't do that thing that all politicians do now where they interject aggressively in any conversation/ interview with, "look," while ploughing on with their pre-prepared directive from party HQ.
Just now I heard a tribute programme on Radio 4 where David Davies talked about Benn's career and their friendship. It is telling that there were so many from all sides of the political field who spoke fondly about him and many who were honest in their complete disagreement with his politics. I started to compare this week where two figures on the left of politics died with what happened when Margaret Thatcher died. Neither period of mourning propelled the nation into the outpouring of grief that baffled me (and many others) when Diana died. They did, however, offer an interesting insight into how public death is now and what is allowed to be said and what is chosen to be said. I noted two things in particular.
1. When talking about Thatcher the words Iron Lady were used most frequently and when talking about Bob Crow and Tony Benn it's been about loyalty and being an upstanding champion of the people in once case and a homely, tea obsessed chap on the other.
2. The left and right (politically speaking) behave quite differently in the face of the death of a public figure. They don't see eye to eye politically, but do say the right things for the media - it isn't the done thing to speak ill of the dead after all. However, I don't think there have been any street parties celebrating the death of Crow or Benn, even though I'm pretty sure they inspired the same level of passionate hatred in their detractors as Thatcher did in hers.
I've mentioned before that one of my closest friends and I do not agree on politics. I don't mean we politely disagree and clink tea cups and get on with discussing how to make the smoothest butter icing. I mean there were years when I would come home after a night out with her where I'd feel I'd been mentally and verbally battered and even now there are times when we look at each other with an acknowledgement that we just aren't on the same page on this issue. I suspect this is why we always meet for afternoon tea or a meal, it's a conciliatory way to discuss contentious topics and even if you have a far reaching and painful disagreement at least there was cake or a great glass of wine. Regardless of the disagreement we are still the greatest of friends and I love her very much.
If we only ever befriend people who agree with us we live a small life where our views are never challenged and we never learn anything. I accept that at times I am in the wrong and I'm no longer afraid to admit it. I never used to as I saw it as a failure and would argue my side even as I realised I wasn't even convincing myself. Hubbie and I broadly agree on politics and it is because I'm married to him that I have learned tolerance - bear with me here. You see my father-in-law is someone whose politics are the polar opposite of mine in every sense. He does not listen to anyone and bulldozes on with his Daily Mail informed point of view without any irony or shame. I used to try and get a word in or to argue, but now I listen politely and if I find what he's saying really appalling I change topic or go and do the washing up. Hubbie does not agree with his father's politics, but he respects the man - as do I. It is ironic really as he look a bit like - and sounds a lot like - Tony Benn.
My admiration of Tony Benn isn't a tacit agreement with all of his political views. He wasn't always right, but he was not unkind. His belief in equal rights for gay people was way ahead of the fashionable thinking and he supported nuclear disarmament at a time when that meant you were just mad or living on Greenham Common. He showed respect for others and stood up for what he believed in in the face of great criticism. He said in 1975, "If I rescued a child from drowning, the press would no doubt headline the story: 'Benn grabs child.'"
You don't have to agree with me on any of the above. I do ask, however, that you watch this video clip of Tony Benn taking on Ali G and winning. He doesn't pander to idiotic views in order to look "cool" or pretend to understand where Sacha Baron Cohen's character is coming from - for that I direct you to the Sir Rhodes Boyson interview.
