Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Let me tell you about the birds & the birds and the bees & the bees.

To my beloved son,

As I type there is an urgent debate taking place on Twitter, in the Houses of Parliament and on news channels about the free vote taking place on marriage between gay couples. The most interesting part of this for me is how we retread the same old arguments for years and years. In my youth the debate was about 'promoting' homosexuality in schools - in other words acknowledging that some relationships exist outside of the man and woman scenario that was considered the norm. Of course you know that there is no such thing as 'the norm,' there is just who we are and how we live.
Hubbie in morning suit and me in cocktail dress in the gardens of Elmers Court Hotel
I heard a discussion on the radio this morning where a woman claimed that it was 'God's law' that marriage is only between a man and a woman. Now let's be clear where I stand on this issue. Anyone who wants to be married and who is free to in law should be able to. If they want to do this in a religious ceremony that is up to them and if they want to do this in a legal, but not religious way that is fine too. That means: a man and a woman who want to be married, a man and a man who want to be married or a woman and a woman who want to be married.

Can you believe there was a time when me and your Dad being married would have caused a similar hoo-ha because we have different coloured skin ? I know, I know, it's ridiculous the things that people think are any of their business.

You are nearly two and a half now and you have no preconceived ideas about the people in your life. I just have a few things that I need you to know and remember as you grow into the amazing man I know you'll be:
  • Treating someone differently because of who they fancy is stupid, plain and simple. 
  • I bitch-slapped a grown man (ok he was a young man, but he was in the army at the time) for repeatedly using the word gay in a pejorative way -  I will not hesitate to do it again.
  • Whoever you fancy / adore / love we will always love you - there is no question. 
  • If you want to marry or not marry the person you love you deserve the choice either way. 
Most important of all, to meet someone you love enough to want to marry them is a special gift - not everyone is that lucky.

If anyone tries to stop you from being with the person you love come and get me - I'm nowhere near out of slaps yet.

All my love always,



  1. I agree with everything you say. Two of the teaching assistants at my son's school got 'married' at a civil ceremony last year - we had the same discussion. Your heart goes where it's happy. Mine went (same as yours) outside my culture.

    Marriage has it's roots firmly planted in religion. I know of no religion where same sex relationships are accepted because, according to religion, God created man and woman to be together - not same sex couples.

    While some people might see this as outmoded and backward, you have to agree that to accept same sex ‘marriages’ is to go against some pretty fundamental religious beliefs which can’t be decided in parliament because parliament is not God - they don’t make ALL the rules.

    I don’t want to come over as a religious crackpot but while these people might see themselves as crusaders fighting their cause I really don’t see how they can argue against every religion on the planet - we can’t all be wrong? Can we?

    As a Muslim my marriage wasn’t accepted in English Law so I had to have a Civil Ceremony too. I wanted to be married religiously and have my relationship recognised legally. Thousands of people do the same every year.

    Gay people need to search within themselves to find their own religious peace. Whatever happens, they won’t find it in parliament no matter how hard they argue.

    1. Hi Zak,

      Thanks for reading my post.

      I don't share your view that marriage is rooted in religion, but I wholeheartedly agree that parliament is not God.