Mission Impossible: taking a shower when you have a toddler

Before I was a parent if I wanted to take a shower it went something like this:

Wake up. Drink Tea. Faff about. Go into bathroom. Complain about the cold floor. Turn on shower. Shower. Get out of shower. Get dressed. Go about my day.

Then our son was born and I didn't want to leave him out of my sight so I'd only shower if someone else was watching him the whole time. This meant taking a shower in the evenings when Hubbie was home or when family came to visit.

Now our boy is 3 years old and taking a shower goes something like it did this morning:

Me: I'm going to go upstairs and have a shower now. Are you ok ?
The boy: Yes Mummy. I'm watching Peppa Pig.
Me: Ok I'll just put my tea cup in the sink.
The Boy: Mummy, can I have another muffin please ?
Me: I don't have any more muffins sweetie. How about some toast ?
The Boy: I want another muffin.
Me: I'll see what I've got.
adequate replacement found
Me: Right. I'm going up to have my shower now.
The Boy: Mummy, I want to watch the Baby Gruffalo please.
Me: Ok I'll put it on then I'm going for my shower.
The Boy: Thank you Mummy.
I make it halfway up the stairs
The Boy: Mummy, I need the toilet.
Me: Ok, you know how to go to the toilet.
The Boy: Yes Mummy.
A few minutes later
The Boy: Mummy can you clean my bottom please ?
Me: Yes sweetie. 
niceties done and hands washed
The Boy: Thank you Mummy. Can I watch the penguin please ?
Mummy: You want to watch Lost and Found ?
The Boy: Yes Mummy - the Penguin is lost and the boy found him so it's Lost and Found.
Me: Yes son, that's right. I'm going to have my shower.
I make it to the top of the stairs this time
My Boy: Mummy, I want to watch the rain again.
Me: You want to watch the storm again ? Ok.
rewind film to the start of the storm - repeat this stage three times
 Me: I'm going up to have my shower now, Ok ?
The Boy: I want to change my clothes Mummy.
Me: Can I just have my wash first then we'll both get dressed.
The Boy: I want to get dressed now Mummy.
Me: ok come with me and we can get you dressed. 
he skips up the stairs and chooses and rejects two jumpers, three t shirts and any socks - finally settles on a jumper and starts to go downstairs
Me: Ok where will you be while I shower ?
The Boy: In the back room Mummy.
Me: Playing ?
The Boy: Yes Mummy
Me: If someone is at the front door don't open the door please - call me.
The Boy: Yes Mummy.
He's going downstairs now
Me: What do you do if the door bell rings ?
The Boy: Answer it.
Me: No sweetie, you call Mummy. What do you do ?
The Boy: wait for Mummy ?
Me: Yes baby, you can call me.
Carries on downstairs
A few minutes pass
A knock on the bathroom door
Me: Yes ?
The Boy: Mummy, I want to take my jumper off.
Me: can you wait until I've finished going to the toilet please ?
Door opens slowly
The Boy: Can you help me take off my jumper please Mummy ?
Me: Ok. can I just finish going to the toilet please ?
Door closes slowly
Jumper removed, he goes back downstairs
Finally, I'm in the shower
Door opens
The Boy: Mummy, I need a hat.
Me: Can you wait until I come downstairs please ?
The Boy: I'm ready Mummy.
Me: I can see that. You've got your outdoor shoes on. Where are you going ?
The Boy: To the park.
Me: Can you wait for me please ?
The Boy: Yes Mummy.
Stands waiting in the bathroom
Walks away and closes the door 
I get out of the shower and start drying off 
He walks back in shoeless and sockless and wearing a different jumper
The Boy: Mummy, I can't find Jiggles.
Me: He was on the sofa. Have a look for him there.
He goes downstairs
The Boy: (calling from downstairs) I found him Mummy !
Me: Great news.
The Boy: Mummy, I hurt my head.
Me: How did that happen sweetie ?
The Boy: On the table when I went to get Jiggles.
He's upstairs now, I'm in my bedroom 
The Boy: I want to go to the park.
Me: Look out of the window sweetie - it's raining.
The Boy: Oh.
pause
The Boy: Are you ready Mummy ?
Me: Yes sweetie.