Here comes the sun...

This weekend I'm on my own. On Friday I drove 300 miles away from home and am staying in a flat by the sea. Sleeping as much as I want. Only eating if I feel like it - and not cooking at all. In contact with people I want to be in contact with. I've seen a few people, but mostly I'm just enjoying some solitude. Instead of feeling guilty and missing my kids, I've spoken to them and I know they are happy and well.

It was the anniversary of the death of my friend on Friday and I went to see her partner. We had a nice lunch, complimented each other and laughed as we recounted lovely stories about Soraya. I knew this was going to be an emotive time. It was all a bit last minute really. My friend Pippa was running a new year one day retreat and I said I'd love to come. I mentioned it to Hubbie and he said he had plenty of plans with the boys so it was fine. It took some logistical planning - and an unscheduled visit to the vet in the morning - but it came together beautifully.

The first thing I did was greet the sea when I arrived

Driving for six hours gives you time to think. The transition from a difficult week (or two) at work to a weekend of 'me time' was fairly seamless. As I drove in the dark I listened to the radio and let go of the stuff that I can't do anything about right now. I knew I'd be doing some wonderful yoga with Leif in the morning so getting sleep was my priority. However, when I arrived I wasn't tired or hungry. I explored Penzance a bit and said hello the sea. Unpacked my things and made myself a cuppa. When I went to bed I propped the door open - in case the kids woke up. Habits are hard to break aren't they ? When I woke up at some ridiculous time I just went back to sleep.

In the morning I went for a run 

I realise that taking a weekend for myself so far away is self-indulgent and I appreciate that I am so very lucky to be able to do this. I love Cornwall and have a small group of friends here now and it was so lovely when I was sitting on the yoga mat and a woman came over to me beaming and we shared a huge hug. I "know" Katy sort of, but we didn't know we'd both be at this retreat. It felt so good to have the familiar faces and the beautiful location with the sea just in view and the sun and rain taking turns outside the windows.

I did some beautiful relaxing yoga

It was a few years ago I did this for the first time and I remember being filled with guilt. I was convinced I was failing as a mum and it weighed heavy on me. That time with other mums gave me strength. I spent time in nature - walking along the sea - and in my own company. The themes I found in common with others included loneliness. Being a stay at home parent was isolating. Yet I had forgotten how to enjoy my own company. I'm rediscovering what that is like now.

We watched dolphins from here

The simple joy of sitting at the kitchen table, looking out of the window, listening to the Archers with seagulls in the background (in real life not on the radio). I've been for a walk and it's a gorgeous day. Bright and sunny with just a little breeze. Yesterday evening I sat on the prom with Pippa watching dolphins splashing in the sea as the sun went down. Yes it's been sunny here. In January. The dolphins were a delightful surprise. It's like a reward for taking time for me.

This lovely lady inspires me to be brave 

 I have one more adventure today before I drive back. It's a brave, crazy thing that I'm doing with my lovely friend Pippa. I'll tell you about it later.

Wish me luck !

Got my work shoes and a packed lunch all ready to go

I was queuing at the till this afternoon to pay for my shopping. I decided that as it's my first full week in my new job I was going to be well prepared so I bought all the food I needed for lunches, breakfasts and any snacks. The boys were at home lounging in the sunny garden having returned from cricket and we had all been for a fun swim earlier in the morning. In the queue I noticed a man behind me who had only two items to pay for. I asked it he wanted to go ahead of me and he looked a bit surprised, but thanked me and moved forward. The woman in front of me was frantically packing her shopping, she had already rolled her eyes and castigated her husband (who had disappeared now) and was clearly not in a good mood. The man in front of me stood next to her waiting his turn to pay and she looked at him and sharply asked him to move away so she could put in her pin number.  He was quite elderly and didn't really understand so I gently took his elbow and explained that she wanted some privacy to put in her number and he mumbled something. She swore at him and he looked baffled. It brought me up short, because I can remember days when I have been like that. I've not been patient or especially nice and it's embarassing to see in another person the rotten behaviour I've probably displayed myself. 

This was on my mind because we just had a half term holiday in Cornwall where we spent time relaxing, eating outside, being active and generally doing things as a family. I have tried to manage the worst of my moods and temper, which is much easier when it is sunny and now the boys are older they even sleep in sometimes !! I noticed Blue Bear has more energy, he asserts himself more (well he shouts a lot), he is funny and engaging and lots of fun. Brown Bear blew my mind when we all went on a long cycle ride by being brave and sensible and working as a team with me and hubbie. I have wanted to ride the Camel Trail since I first visited Cornwall about 18 years ago. Now that Brown Bear can ride a bike confidently we hired bikes - and a buggy for Blue Bear to sit in behind Daddy's bike. We took to the trail and it was just fantastic to be able to cycle as a family and to see my son pedalling away and taking the lead. Even when he came off his bike and scraped his arm - quite painfully - he got back on and kept going. I recalled how when I fell off my bike my dad would tell me off rather than comfort me. It showed me that some of my worst traits are learned behaviours and it is entirely my choice to take them on. I didn't tell him off, I reassured him that falling off is part of cycling and he had done nothing wrong to make it happen. Then we sang as we cycled along to take his mind off his injury. 

I noticed that I'm letting go more and giving the boys more space. It's been on my mind that the shift from full time parent to full time work is something I just wasn't prepared for. The boys are great, they love creche and hopefully Blue Bear will eat supper at school this week instead of expecting me to feed him when I'm home from work. Brown Bear often asks me, "How was your day Mummy ?" and made me a certificate to signify how well I'd done for going back to work. They are fine with it. Hubbie provides the encouragement and practical support to enable me to do this at all. On my first day as I was leaving for work he gave me a massive hug and whispered in my ear, "I'm so proud of you." That carried me practically all the way there. 

It's taken what seems like forever, but now I am here and I have put things in place to help me feel calmer. I disclosed to work that I experience anxiety and stress. This is the first time I've ever done that. I decided it was best to just be open and I'm glad I did. They need to know that if I am being asked to stay late and it means I can't pick up my kids that is going to cause me anxiety. Being late for my children makes me stressed. Over the years I realise that people have thought I'm being unreasonable or picky when actually I'm anxious. It's not logical or directed at anyone in particular and to a certain extent it is out of my control. If I am on a train that is delayed I will be getting anxious - even though there's nothing I can do about it. If I have an hour for lunch and the food is late I will be anxious. I'd rather just leave it, but I don't want to be rude. 

So when I saw the woman today I kind of sympathised with her. I have no idea why her day was going that way or why she was upset with her husband or why him changing the orangeade for lemonade caused her to react as she did. I have no clue why the man standing close to her caused her to get so upset. In fact, I blamed myself for letting him in front of me and putting him in that situation. Still, I hope she felt better later. 

I came home and put out four outfits for this week. I organised the things I need to take to work and put the food in the fridge that I am going to eat tomorrow. I am managing my potential anxiety in the only way I know how - by organising the hell out of it. Now I'm going to bed so that I at least have a fighting chance of getting enough sleep. 

Halloweek and Halloweden in Cornwall

We've already had one week of half term and spent it in Cornwall. I love taking the children there and we have a few days out that we do every time we go.

The first is Lappa Valley which is the most wonderful day out for a family with train obsessed children. The steam engine takes you from the starting station into the valley itself and we rode on Ellie to get there, passing the boating lake and taking in the scenery as we enjoyed surprisingly good weather for October half term. We've been to Lappa many times before so the boys know pretty much which things they like to do and where to go first. We changed things up a bit this time though with a trip on the diesel engine which runs along a track that goes through forest land with some animal figures hidden in trees and on branches on the route. The day we went the train was held up a few times by 'leaves on the line,' but our driver was very patient and good natured about it and soon got us moving at speed again. Straight afterward we went on the intercity train that does two loops of the park and we spotted a shark in the pond !! Blue Bear did point out to me that I shouldn't be scared as it wasn't real.

As well as the trains there is a massive play area at Lappa Valley with practically a life size pirate ship and the best castle and pipe slide I think I've ever seen. The boys love it there and even on poor weather days they are happy to run around and play on this for ages. It's a great place to run off a lot of excess energy and with a cafe serving cornish cream teas and ice cream you can quite easily let them do their thing while enjoying the break. Well until the inevitable, "Muuuuuum, he pushed me," shatters the momentary peace that is.

For half term Lappa are celebrating Halloweek with spooky trains and plenty of themed events to celebrate Alongside all of the regular great attractions will two Spooks trails, one for Little Monsters (3-5 years) and for Big Beasts (6 years plus), children’s Halloween quiz, spooky colouring and a prize for everyone who comes in fancy dress! All of our activities are very family friendly and suitable for young children.  Best of all, all additional activities are included in the standard ticket price and it's such good value for what is always a great day out for us.

Lappa valley opens at 10am and Halloweek runs until 29th October.

I've been visiting the Eden Project since 2000 when it first opened and love it so much. In the years since my first visit I've seen the site grow and change and now I have children I also enjoy sharing it with them. Last week we booked a rainforest trek and Brown Bear and I walked for 45 minutes with our knowledgable guide Adam. We learned so many interesting facts about the rainforest and Brown Bear was fascinated and asked lots of questions. This is the longest he's spent in the rainforest biome as he's always found it too hot before, but the added interest of learning about the plants and ecosystem kept his mind off the heat.

Every time we go to Eden we have a few traditions. Hubbie goes to the Pukka tea tasting (and often has a pasty too), I get to have a cup of tea and a slab of delicious cake and the boys have delicious Cornish ice cream. One of our favourite things is storytime as the storytellers are amazing and really capture the magic and intensity of the spoken word. That's why I am so excited that Eden are hosting the first ever Halloweden event to celebrate half term. The Roald Dahl themed week of activities includes some of the best loved stories brought vividly to life in this brilliant setting. You can find a giant sleeping in the grounds, learn how to spot a witch and of course there is the Little Monsters Halloweden ball and disco on Saturday 28th October to celebrate the end of half term.

The ice rink is now open for the winter season and we have been a few times. There is an additional charge for ice skating and it's a good idea to pre-book as it can get busy. On the day we went the toddler session was about to begin and it's a non skating session for under 5s to encourage them to play safely on the ice. We asked Blue Bear if he fancied it, but he was adamant he didn't want to go. Maybe next time.

The Eden Project is open from 9.30-6pm and Halloweden is running until 29th October.

Disclosure: The lovely folks at the Eden Project offered us a family ticket to visit. 

Postcards from Cornwall

I'm not big on sending postcards really. I find that they often arrive long after we've come home and I'm not convinced that anyone really wants them these days. Facebook has enabled us to all share our own images of places we've been to so those revolving racks outside souvenir shops appear to gather dust as people bypass them. We once received a postcard about 2 years after it was posted during my sister's honeymoon. I remember being very surprised that it made it at all after so long.

The other reason I don't always buy postcards it because they don't necessarily capture what I want to share about the place. I bore most people with how much I love Cornwall and the specific things that I love don't always feature on the souvenir items. Here are some highlights from our most recent visit.

On our first night we went for dinner in Looe to a place called Cornerstone. It's an american style diner - which appeals to Hubbie - and the milkshakes alone are worth a visit. I can also - however - recommend the veggie burger.

amazing milkshakes 

Excellent veggie burger 

In the morning I went for a run. We were staying near woodlands and the Deerpark area is stunning - as is so much of the area.

beautiful deerpark lake 

We took a drive to Polperro to explore and it reminded me a little of Portmerion in Wales. The scenery is just breathtaking. Brown Bear asked if he could touch the water so I let him carefully walk down the steps to the waterside and Blue Bear warned, "Be careful, it's dangerous."

Polperro fishing village

Polperro is stunning 

On the walk back to the car park we spotted the model village with signs of train lines - a favourite of the boys. They were really keen to take the Polperro Tram - it's nothing like the ones where we live.

Lovely model village 

Polperro tram 

The weather predictions weren't too promising one day so we decided on a nature day and visited Golitha Falls. I have no idea why I thought Fitflops would be the ideal footwear for a walk in the woods, but we did enjoy it very much. Blue Bear wasn't keen to go too far so he stayed with Hubbie and played pooh sticks while me and Brown Bear followed the falls until it became a bit too treacherous underfoot.

Arty self portrait 

Golitha Falls 

I've mentioned many times how much I love the Eden Project at Bodelva. I visited when it first opened and have been a regular visitor for the last 5 years watching it develop and change with each visit. Last year we went to see Manic Street Preachers perform at the Eden Sessions and it was fantastic. I never tire of this place and on this visit Blue Bear seemed to really enjoy himself. He loved the plants, the activities and even spent time in the rainforest biome admiring the waterfall.

Eden Project 

Learning about climate

Allotments 

Our last full day was spent at Lappa Valley. The clear winner of best family day out for us. To get there you take a steam train - we travelled with an engine called Ruby - and once you arrive there is a boating lake, a diesel train, electric cars, a huge playground and crazy golf. My boy love it here - yes that includes Hubbie. He even suggested we take a later train back to make time for an ice cream !

Ruby the steam engine at Lappa Valley 

lunch at Lappa Valley 

Massive castle play area 

On the way back from Lappa we had time for one last stop so we decided to visit Fowey (pronounced "foy"). It's a steep walk down to the sea, but it's worth it for the views. Also we went to the best fish and chip shop ever. It's attached to the brewery so they sell alcohol and the chips are delicious ! Definitely recommended.

Fowey - pronounced "foy"

I'm so pleased we decided to visit some new and different places this holiday. The boys are taking more of an interest and it's fun to take them exploring. We even had good enough weather for an afternoon on the beach and they both paddled in the sea. I hope that's what they remember when they look back on their childhoods.

Wish you were here ? I bet you don't !

I grew up in a family that didn't take holidays. If my mum was able to save up she would book a caravan for a few days in North Wales or Devon. We'd be driving all day with nothing to do in the car and would always arrive late (usually in the dark) and would pretty much all complain the whole time. I consider holidays with my kids now to be my karmic reward for this. When we go away I pack the car, arrange for someone to feed Neo and Hubbie charges up the kids' devices so they are busy during the journey. We always leave early to get to our destination during the day and try to get the boys settled as quickly as possible. Once we've located the nearest play area I can unpack and put on the kettle.

The last time we went way was at Christmas and the boys were a nightmare. They argued and fussed all day every day and it was just horrible. At one point I told Hubbie to just get the train back home as his complaining was almost as bad as they boys' behaviour. He stuck it out and we had a miserable time. So what possessed me to book to go away again ?

Well, I noticed that all the families at my son's school have plans for the summer and they pretty much all involve going abroad. We don't take the kids abroad yet, but we do try and get away for at least a week over the summer. In the last few years we've been going to Cornwall because it's so beautiful and there is so much to see and do. There are places we all love to visit like Lappa Valley and then the Eden Project which I am a massive fan of and I bribe the boys to go to with the promise of a pasty for Hubbie and big slabs of homemade cake for the boys.

We're staying a lovely cottage in a part of Cornwall we've not been to before. Yesterday we went to a beautiful fishing village then spent the scorching afternoon on a beach with they boys paddling in the sea and then playing in the sand. It was pretty much what I had hoped for. There are young children living here who knock on the door to play with the boys and yesterday when we got back from the beach they had a paddling pool out so our boys jumped in with them and had a great time before dinner.

They woke up this morning and were playing and mucking about together - which is great, ast least we don't have to supervise them every moment. I got them to sit for breakfast and put some bacon under the grill for Hubbie. I had managed to cut the bread using the bluntest knife since those kids' knives you get in Ikea and made myself a tea. Hubbie took the bread I'd hacked for my breakfast and I eventually sat down to a stone cold cup of tea, mostly burnt toast and a not quite cooked egg - yummy !

We used to have holidays that involved drinking on the plane and staying in bed until we wanted to get up. Breakfast made by someone else. Lunch with cocktails or wine. Dressing up to go out in the evening. Tours and walks in the local area and not a play park in sight. I rarely visited a supermarket for cereal, plasters or colouring pencils. Everyone keeps telling me, "they're not young for long," or, "enjoy it," and my personal favourite, "It gets worse when they are older." Oh joy.

Well. I've got to pack a coolbag with drinks and snacks so they don't have to go any length of time without consuming something. They will still insist on buying something to eat anyway. Probably ice cream. Oh well we are on holiday I suppose.

Adventures old and new in Cornwall

While we were in Cornwall over Christmas we decided to go on some of our tried and trusted family days out, but we also went to an event we'd never heard of before and it has become a firm favourite.

The Eden Project: 

I've loved the Eden Project since I first visited in the year it opened and try to go there whenever we are in Cornwall. We hadn't planned to go this time as we had missed out on the very popular Christmas Grotto visit bookings - hardly surprising as Father Christmas at Eden is amazing. We thought we'd go anyway as this year there is a sound and light show after dark and we thought that sounded like something the boys would enjoy. 

It wasn't the warmest of days, but that doesn't matter when you have the indoor biomes, soft play and great dining. We always eat at Eden as the food is so great and this time was up to the usual standard with the addition of some seasonal treats too. After a hot lunch we took the boys to listen to a story in the Mediterranean biome. It's a lovely spot and the storytellers at Eden are so talented. We always check the times for live events including Pukka tea tasting (Hubbie's favourite) and live storytelling and this time there was also a history of pirates. Most of these are repeated during the day so you get another chance if you missed it. 

An area that we've not taken the boys to before is the soft play and learning zone. The soft play is for under fives only so Blue Bear got to do this while Brown Bear played with magnets and pumped water. It was a good break actually and meant that when we got back to the outdoor spaces we were all refreshed in preparation for the sound and light show. The boys took the landtrain which is a great option for young children or anyone who doesn't fancy the walk up the long paths or many steps. At the top we had a great view of the lasers although these photos don't really do justice to the show. Even without a visit to see Father Christmas we still had a fantastic day

Winter Wood - Rogue Theatre: 

The new favourite for us was the amazing Rogue Theatre which took place at Tehidy Woods near Portreath. The show we saw was Winter Wood and we were told about it by the lovely Pippa of Story of Mum who suggested it to me when I said we'd be in Cornwall for Christmas. I'm do glad she did as  despite being an hour from where we were staying it was everything we had been promised and everyone thoroughly enjoyed it. 

A theatrical experience that takes place in the woods already sounds magical so when you are greeted by a fairy and walk through trees strewn with baubles and decorations you know it's going to be special. At each point we were met by fairies who sang, juggled with fire or invited us to make a wish  on the trees. By the time we go to Old Man Winter the boys were already convinced of the magic of the woods. 

Old Man Winter and his silver wishing feather 

A brown paper bag of sweets later and we were ready for the next adventure. By the time we reached the heated marquee for hot chocolate and face painting (all included in the ticket price) we were enchanted by it all. I made a special decoration with Blue Bear and Brown Bear tried hot chocolate and liked it (I think it was the marshmallows personally). We also bumped into lovely Hayley of Down Side Up and Brown Bear made friends with Natty. She told me that Rogue Theatre is very popular with locals and it's hardly surprising as the show is fantastic, featuring outdoor activities and indoor performance with hot chocolate, face painting and a craft activity all for only £8.50 for a whole family. We also donated a ticket to the wildcard scheme where they offer a ticket to a family who otherwise cannot afford to go. 

Our lovely handmade natural decoration

I can see Rogue Theatre becoming a fixture of our visits to Cornwall as they do shows during the summer too. Apparently Old Man Winter becomes Old Man Summer, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. The greatest compliment I can give it is that even Hubbie enjoyed the day and it's not often that he is captivated by magic. 

Disclosure: The lovely folks at the Eden Project gave us complimentary entry for our visit. 

Taking a break from being Mum & Dad

So we celebrated ten years of marriage this weekend. Our first child-free break in.. like ever.

We started off with dinner at The Mariners Public House in Rock. They kindly gave us prosecco to celebrate and we had a wonderful meal:

The view from our apartment in the morning was just wonderful. Swans, ducks and geese outside and a lovely sunny vista.

Then a visit to the Eden Project - I love it here and it's my idea of a great day out.

Hubbie got to be in Game of Thrones:

I got to pretend to be a cabbage patch kid:

Then on a visit to Mevagissy we decided to take a break from the pouring rain and be a bit soppy:

On our actual anniversary we had a lovely dinner in Padstow at Stein's seafood restaurant:

It's great to be Mr and Mrs for a few days, but going back to being Mummy and Daddy was pretty great too. When it was all done I decided that I need to remember this:

I think I need a holiday !!

We've just spent a week on holiday with the boys in gorgeous Cornwall. We spent days out and about and even had some lovely weather to enjoy the beach. Hubbie and I are zonked out and in need of a period of recovery and - if I'm honest - some child free time. Except now I'm home with them for 2 months. Yeah 2 whole months with them at home with me and no respite. The exhaustion of being with two belligerant and argumentative boys hasn't quite worn off yet so I won't bore you with details. Instead I'll give you a whistle stop tour of the holiday snaps. Enjoy :)

It was Blue Bear's first visit to Peppa Pig World - he loved it !

Camper Van fun to start the holiday

We always visit Lappa Valley - it's a brilliant day out for the boys (and Hubbie loves it too)

Ruby the steam engine 

The boys wanted to play crazy golf with Daddy - with varying degrees of success 

Blue Bear putting

Brown Bear playing seriously

On a particularly sunny afternoon we decided to go to the beach - great fun 

Beach Boys

Me and Brown Bear tried out surfing for the first time - it was awesome !

Polzeath Beach 

Jiggles the Bear and Woof Woof the Dog enjoyed relaxing at the beachside cafe during lunch

Jiggles and Woof Woof chilling out 

Pizza after surfing was fabulous !!

Veggie and delicious ! 

Brown Bear went for a lovely walk with Stanley the dog - it was so sweet

Stanley and Brown Bear taking the coastal road to Tintagel 

The search for the camper van is now on - we found a few to be going on with

Campervans to end the holiday too