The best things in life are music and kissing

Music is a big part of my life. It always has been. From the first time I heard Jesus and Mary Chain and knew that there was music for me in the world - not just the insipid pop that my contemporaries enjoyed - I was hooked. It was about so much more than just the music for me - it was the words, the artist and the fashion. I've often mentioned my love of Debbie Harry, Chrissie Hynde and Kim Gordon - beautiful women and powerful singers. I always wanted to be as amazing as they appeared to me and the fact that they are still going strong is so inspiring. It was also a valuable life lesson to have the self confidence they must have had to make such an impact in an industry that traditionally favoured men.

In the eighties Patsy Kensit was the pretty girl at the front of the band, but she was still iconic. Wendy James, however screeched like a banshee, looked hot as hell and had a punk attitude. The sentiment of this song spoke to me - even though I hadn't even been in love at this point. The idea of being with someone just for what he would spend on you seemed ridiculous to me so I love this. I remember when one of the girls in school told me how much money her boyfriend had in his bank account.  I couldn't understand why it mattered to her. All that I cared about was if a boy was a good kisser. In fact that's always been the thing that takes my breath away - a kiss to make my heart skip a beat.

Of course later on when I'd had my heart broken a few times I also discovered the women with big voices and a no nonsense attitude towards their men. Etta James' voice raised my heart rate and the brazeness of the lyrics here embarrassed me beyond belief. Even at my most confident I don't think I could express myself this honestly. It's just as well she did on my behalf. I loved that there was music out there for women who owned their sexuality and weren't afraid to say what they wanted. Let's be honest if a woman like Etta sings this to you are you going to say no ?

In my first serious relationship - and subsequent marriage - my partner would spend a lot of money on gifts. I found it a bit overwhelming as I didn't feel deserving of such generosity. It also went against my upbringing of saving money and being careful with spending. Don't get me wrong I love gifts and really enjoy spoiling others. More often than not that will be something I know they would appreciate or they mentioned it once and I remembered. However, when it comes to me I would rather spend time with someone I love than have money or gifts. Don't get me wrong I am always grateful for kindness, it's just the cost isn't necessary. The best presents for me involve music - a gig I really want to go to or an evening in good company. It's pretty simple really.

The best thing about music is how it makes me feel. If I'm down I listen to the music that fits my mood. Ok that is wallowing, but it's also allowing me to feel the emotion and often I find a way through the heartache or loss through music. Whenever I was dealing with a break up I'd always turn to certain songs that suddenly had deep meaning for me - how did they know how it felt to be me ? Just as falling out of love is a mainstay of music there are the songs about being in love - that beginning bit where it's all wonderful and you can't wait to see each other. When every touch is like a surge of electricity just thinking about that special someone inspire feelings of love - and lets be honest lust ! It was Prince's stock in trade to create sensuous music and some of the lyrics left very little to the imagination. While it's one of the best known I still think Kiss typifies how wonderful it can be to just lock lips with someone and be lost in the moment.

I'm always going on about the movies I love and music is a major factor is what appeals to me about a film. One of my favourites is a romantic comedy which features a lot of soppy songs and I love them all. The story of two people meeting, having a magical connection and losing touch for years before finally finding each other again tugs at my heart strings. Every time I watch Serendipity I think John Cusack will get out at the right floor and meet Kate Beckinsale and they will save themselves the torturous journey to find each other again. Every time. The music is perfect with the divine voices of Annie Lennox and Nick Drake adding beauty to the simple story. However, it's this song by Shawn Colvin that completes it for me.

If I didn't have music would I be able to express myself - probably. Would it be the same as crafting a mix tape or a CD for someone - shorthand for, "here is what I feel and these words and music express it so much better than I can." Absolutely not. Sharing music with others is like a love letter. It's giving a part of myself to someone else and being vulnerable. Of course the fun and enjoyment I get from it is a bonus.

Sometimes it snows in April

A year ago today Prince died. It followed months of celebrity deaths which went on to become the overiding theme of 2016 (well that and disastrous election results all round, but less said less tears shed about those).

I loved Prince. If you didn't know that about me, well you do now. I first saw him live when I was working as a steward at Wembley Arena and he performed a number of gigs. I was scheduled to work two of them and I even agreed to work two Cliff Richards so I'd get to work another Prince. Honestly crowd control at a Cliff gig is no mean feat. Those older women will go to great lengths to get up close to the Peter Pan of pop and some had travelled from Sweden just for the gig. Anyway, I digress.

My first Prince gig was an eye opener and from the moment I saw him on stage on I was completely hooked on his music and him. Bear in mind I was an old hand at gig going by this stage and was pretty much a metal head and indie chick so my love for his smooth stylings and insane guitar skills came as a bit of a shock. Carmen Electra was the support act on that tour - Prince named all his early muses from Appollonia to Carmen and later Vanity. They were all incredibly beautiful and he would nurture their talent (such as it was) and then let them go on to do their own thing. He surrounded himself with fantastically talented musicians, there was The Revolution, the New Power Generation and most recently 3rd Eye Girl. He launched the careers of Sheila E, Wendy and Lisa, Jill Jones and brought Mavis Staples to an audience that hadn't heard of her - for shame.

One of the rumours that circulated about Prince during his lifetime was the legendary vault of unreleased music he kept at Paisley Park in Minneapolis. He was a prolific writer and often gifted his songs to others. The Bangles, Sinead O'Conner and Chaka Khan all benefited from songs he'd written that gave them huge success. His perfectionist tendencies meant he played every instrument and had high expectations of his fellow musicians. What it meant for a fan was a mindblowing show every time. From him sitting at the piano playing a haunting rendition of a ballad to the brain melting opening of When Doves Cry he held the entire O2 in this palm every one of the 21 nights he played in 2007. I was there for three of the nights and he played a different set each time - I wish I could have gone to all 21 nights. Unlike the drunk woman I met in the ladies who wailed that she'd missed her favourite song I didn't leave the arena once he was on stage - why would you ? Prince was a mesmeric performer and a party animal. He'd come off stage having played for 2 hours and go on to hold an after party where he'd play for even longer.

The night I went to watch Prince with Hubbie we were the closest I've ever been to the man himself (Prince, not Hubbie) and while my beloved stood with his arms folded watching the performance I was enthralled and entranced and plotting a way to get even closer without getting dragged away by security. I managed to resist the temptation to get into trouble and Hubbie grudgingly admitted he could see how much of a showman Prince was. He did also acknowledge that his skills as a guitarist are underrated by non fans. I have no idea if it's true, but as the apocryphal story has it Eric Clapton was once asked how it felt to be the greatest guitarist in the world and he - apparently - said, "I don't know, ask Prince."

So it's been a year since he died and I still feel the ache of realisation when I hear his voice. Of course I didn't know him, but does it matter ? I am so lucky I got to see Prince as many times as I did. I'll be playing his music today and remembering that.

It's ok I think I have a plan

I think it's been pretty much universally agreed that this has been a difficult and sad year already. 

David Bowie died and the world remembered that his music and influence have been immense. Prince died alone and under circumstances that weren't entirely clear and long before his time. Mohammed Ali passed away and right there a legend was gone. So many people have that iconic image on their wall of him as a young boxer and that is how many will choose to remember him. I will think of the man who emereged from years out of the public eye to light the Olympic flame at Atlanta. Seeing him diminished by Parkinson's disease reduced an entire world audience to tears. Victoria Wood died quietly and privately as did Caroline Aherne and we were treated to some of the best written comedy of many generations in tribute. This makes it even more shameful that 'women in comedy' are still considered outliers. Alan Rickman with his melifluous tones and Terry Wogan with his instantly recognisable voice were also lost to us. Then only recently Pete Burns and a few months before Alexis Arquette died at a young age. It's been a long list of losses this year. 

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but to name everyone would take so long and my tears would drench the keyboard. To honour their lives I play the music of Bowie and Prince to my children. It's my way of giving them a taste of what it meant to me. We watch comedies and talk to each other in soundbites that made us laugh or impersonate Wogan or Rickman in homage. It's so sad to lose them, but also wonderful to have great memories to share. The warmth that comes from having a positive to think about helps move grief along. 

Then we had the EU referendum and it was painful to hear my five year old ask, "Do we have to move away now ?" I don't know how you explain to a child the climate of fear that was all around them at that time. We did our best and moved on from it. Now I find myself filled with a new dread. 

My son came home from school yesterday talking about the US election and quoted how many seats Trump had won versus how many Hillary had won. We talked about it and he was baffled at why adults aren't so happy about the man who won. He thinks about these things a lot so I don't want to lie to him, but the truth is just too harsh. 

You see the president-elect is a man who mocked a journalist with a disability and lied about it. My son has a respectful attitude towards disabled people and understands that it is better to ask than presume when you do not understand something. 

The man who will occupy the White House has incited hatred towards millions of people and entire nations based on ignorance and fear. I am raising my boys to understand that race, ethnicity and accident of birth are no justifications for fear or bullying. 

This wealthy man has openly boasted about sexually assaulting women and getting away with it because he can do what he likes. I talk to my son's about consent even at their young age. It's important that they show respect, but also that they do not allow others to disrespect them or their bodies. 

How do I tell my sons, my beautiful non-white children who I am raising to be kind and considerate men that this president talks about people like us in ways that are not nice ? That maybe going to New York to see your best friend who now lives there isn't such a great idea until this president understands that not all brown people are dangerous. 

These boys who will not tolerate homophobia because they know that it's just not right. My older son knows that marriage can be between two men, two women or a man and a woman. They recognise that families are varied and vibrant and not all the same. That some children don't have as much as they do so they have donated toys and we have taken clothes and food to a refugee centre and local charities. 

I am raising men - not boys. Men who are kind, considerate, respectful, strong and will speak out for those who cannot do it themselves. They will be the positive change to counteract this hateful, narcissistic, misogynistic, homophobic, xenophobic leader whose only qualification seems to be that his extreme wealth makes him untouchable. 

How do I know that my sons are going to do this ? On a day when 7 people died in a tragic accident a few miles from our home and so many people were thrown into turmoil for a day I went to an interview in the lashing rain, arriving windswept, exhausted, damp and as I took out my notes for the interview I saw this in my folder. 

That's how I know. 

Nothing Compares to Prince

Of all the celebrity deaths that have happened this year it was only when the news was announced that Prince Rogers Nelson had died that I received text messages, tweets and messages on facebook offering condolences. Hubbie told the kids, "Mummy is upset so be nice to her. When you're dried off from your shower give her a hug." In fact I was numb. A few days ago when his private flight had to land as he was ill I was already worried. I still didn't expect this news and it's come as a shock to many so soon after the wonderful Victoria Wood died.

Prince was the mixed race son of a musician raised in relative poverty and whose eccentric writing style / song titles ( eg. I would die 4 U) was apparently due to dyslexia. He wore heels and flamboyant clothing and was sexually explicit in his early lyrics and performances. In later life he became a Jehovah's Witness and chose to no longer perform the controversial material. In this later incarnation he would knock on doors and evangelise. Can you imagine answering the door to Prince and inviting him in to talk to you about his faith ?

His live shows were extravaganzas of dance, music and showmanship. He was multi-talented and nurtured the talents of many musicans and singers especially beautiful women like Carmen Electra, Sheila E, Wendy and Lisa and Mayte Garcia - who he also married. It was a live show that really turned me into an obsessive fan over 25 years ago.

When I first heard of him I didn't see the appeal really. He was short and a bit skinny and when asked why he wore heels he replied, "because women find them sexy." I just didn't see it. Then in 1990 I was working as a steward at Wembley Arena as a steward and I was paired with a lad who was a Prince obsessive. He kept convincing me how amazing Prince was and that it would be a life changing experience seeing him live. When I was offered work at some of his upcoming shows I took the chance to see what the fuss was all about. He wasn't wrong. At the end of the show when all the audience had left I was standing there looking at the empty stage wondering what I had just witnessed. My life would never be the same again. It really was amazing. At the end of the perfomance confetti fell from the ceiling and balloons with condoms attached the the strings cascaded onto the audience. I still have a jar containing that confetti.

Over the years I've been to watch Prince live many times and even managed to persuade my shoegazing Hubbie to go along to see him. If I've been to a Prince gig with you it's a sign that we're close as I don't share my love for him with just anyone. Being in the audience was more than a gig for me, it was like an act of worship. It didn't matter what he played or what he left out, I was there for the love of Prince. I was bereft when the O2 run of shows ended and couldn't wait to see him again. When he was doing those 'secret' gigs in London venues a while back I was gutted that I wasn't able to just drop everything and just pitch up to get tickets. I was, however, very lucky to get to see him so many times. He was an accomplished musician and could play pretty much every instrument to a high standard. The musicians who worked with him were pushed hard as he was a perfectionist, but he also wanted them to stand on their own as artists and would support them going on to their own successful careers.

Part of the reason for his famous falling out with Warner was because he wanted to release music more frequently than their publicity schedule would allow. Legend has it that at Paisley Park there are thousands of unreleased songs he wrote with the intention to release them on his own terms after he famously freed himself from record company control. If that meant a new album every year than that was what he would do. Whenever a new Prince track was out I'd listen to it repeatedly for hours, days even weeks. It would be lodge in my brain until anything else was irrelevant. Until the next one came along. Since I heard the news I've been singing, 'Sign of the Times' in my head over and over.

One of my life ambitions was to visit Paisley Park - he would host open days when you could wander around and maybe even see him too. I would still love to go to Minneapolis, but it just won't be the same now that he isn't there. My one abiding memory - apart from waiting with my friend Vicky for over an hour for a glance at him after the shows at the O2 - is of having seats so close that I could practically have touched him. I was standing next to Hubbie at the time - he had his arms folded and was observing rather than enjoying the show. At that moment I was entirely captivated by the man on the stage, not the man standing next to me. Sorry love. I think that Hubbie understood that I was in another dimension right then and he wasn't going to break that spell.

The only way I can think of to celebrate the life of Prince is to play some of the fantastic music he left us. So on Sunday evening from 6-8pm I'm hosting a tribute show on Croydon Radio and I'll be playing my favourite music by him. I'll wear purple and put on a raspberry beret and party like it's 1999.

Join me and Let's Go Crazy.

My bucket (and spade) list - boom boom !!

I love when I get to post about ambitions or dreams. It's nice to put it out there into the universe and you find out that what you might consider to be out there ideas are secretly shared by other people. The lovely folks at Transun have asked bloggers to share their 'bucket list' of three destinations they'd love to visit and it's taken me the longest time to whittle my list down to just 3 places. It's like when you have to choose favourite movies or music, the effort expended in choosing is only surpassed by the annoyance once you hit publish and realise that you have changed your mind or forgotten an obvious choice. So, bearing in mind that this list will change almost immediately that I finish it here goes:

I would take these to Hawaii

Hawaii: Ok, if you are a regular reader you will know that I am obsessed with visiting Hawaii mostly because of the TV show Hawaii 5-O and my love for Steve McGarrett (Alex O'Laughlin). It's also where I want me and Hubbie to renew our wedding vows on a beach in a schmaltzy ceremony that is nothing like the wedding we actually had. I know I have an idyllic view of Hawaii and have had ever since I watched Elvis in Blue Hawaii oh so many years ago. It's the thought of walking off a plane and being given a lovely garland of flowers and learning to hula properly - I think I have the hips for it. Yes it's a cliched version of what Hawaii is probably actually like, but what is a dream destination without some cliches ?

Proper English tea for my ex-pat friends 

Australia: I never had any interest in going here, but over the years it's become a favoured destination for me as friends have emigrated or returned here and Hubbie has family who we would love to visit. Including an elderly aunt who was a £10 pom all those years ago and who I love for her eccentricity and the fact that she sounds like Helen Daniels from Neighbours. Lovely friends who emigrated from Chester a few years ago having planned it for over 5 years and one of my London gal pals who met her husband when she was in Australia travelling and emigrated there and is ridiculously happy in Perth. I would also love to take my boys to Australia for a long holiday to experience the things I've read about in my Bill Bryson book. Bill is my go to travel writer and he is honest and warm about the places he has visited. I envy him his travels - even to the horrid places he has to write about.

Purple passport for my boy's bear

Minneapolis: Again regulars will know that I love Prince. No, that's not right, I adore Prince. The thought of being in his home town and being able to visit Paisley Park is one that fills me with joy and palpitations. When he did all those gigs at the O2 a few years ago I managed to get tickets that placed me as close as I've ever been to the man - a few feet at most. I was practically hyperventilating with the sheer exhilaration of it so if he was having an open day at his home - which he has done before - I would have to go and I'd most likely make a complete dork of myself if he was actually there. The Sky box in our house has only two things recorded on it that I would be distraught if we lost. One is a documentary about Prince and the other is an episode of New Girl that he is in as himself. Anyway, this is the fangirl / stalker destination choice for me.

If only I wasn't restricted to just three choices I would also mention Argentina which Hubbie loves and he wants to take the boys to watch Boca Juniors. With so much of the world that I would love to see, but today, at this time these are my choices. Don't ask me in an hour I'll probably change my mind :)

This post is my entry to win a trip to see the Northern Lights with Transun Holidays - find out more here

Is now the right time to share that I used to think the Northern Lights were the Blackpool illuminations ? No, I thought not. 

Dancing in the car and other toddler adventures in music

We love radio in our house. Music radio, talk radio, commercial radio, internet radio you name it we will listen to it. I have the radio on almost all the time so my boy has grown up with an awareness that the Archers theme tune means it's time for bedtime milk and that the 6 o'clock news beeps mean that Daddy's train gets into the station in ten minutes. He also knows that both his parents can be heard on the radio and loves hearing Mummy say goodnight to him on the occasions when I've done a music show in the evening.

I've taken him to Rhymetime at local libraries since he was a babe in arms so he knows all the nursery rhymes and he also hears us singing silly made up songs at home. He copies the ones we've created and he's started to invent his own songs too. My brother once asked if his nephew was requesting to 'get down get down' from his highchair in the style of Kool and the Gang - Jungle Boogie and I had to admit yes he was. What can I say we sing where just talking would be boring.

So he's got music in his bones and surprisingly strong opinions about what he likes to listen to. When he's in the car with me I veer between Radio 4 and XFM (Hubbie listens to LBC and it just makes me yell so we have to agree to differ). I've been doing an unscientific study of his tastes in radio music these last few weeks and have compiled a shortlist of the ones that have made me laugh the most.

Nirvana - Heart Shaped Box: I am personally delighted that my boy loves Nirvana - not least as he has very cool hair and we used to dress him in grunge style. It's not exactly toddler music, but I love the band and it makes me so happy that when this song came on I asked him if he liked it and he said "Yes Mummy - make it louder" (high praise indeed) 

Whigfield - Saturday Night: Ok I'm horrified by this one, but I get that it's appealing to a child. I mistakenly went off piste during the extended news and thought I'd see what Radio 1 were playing and this is what was on. My boy insisted that he wanted to hear this to the end. Even me telling him that Daddy would be really disappointed by this choice did not persuade him otherwise. When Hubbie got in the car my boy said, "Daddy you don't like it, but it's my favourite." (it's not - he's only heard it the once !)

The Cure - Pictures of You: I only recently discovered that Hubbie doesn't like the Cure. It's been a revelation as I just assumed that you had to like them if you have any indie music sensibility whatsoever, but apparently not. My boy, however, does seem to have inherited my love of the Cure so that's ok. 

Matchbox Twenty - 3am: On a long car journey recently I plugged my ipod into the car and played some of my favourite random songs and when this one came on the boy began to swing from side to side in his car seat. Just to be sure he wasn't just putting off a much needed loo trip I played it again and sure enough he was enjoying the music. So he even likes obscure American bands. 

The Strokes - New York City Cops: This was on in the car when I parked up on our drive this afternoon as we got back from nursery. I turned the key and the music stopped along with the engine and I heard a plaintive cry from the backseat, "NOOO MUMMY !! Don't switch it off !!!" I had to turn the car back on and sit on our drive until it was finished and then I was allowed to bring him indoors. In a bizarre twist me and Hubbie saw the Strokes play a gig at the Natural History Museum before the boy was born - who knew it would turn out to be his perfect gig ? 

So this is what my boy would have on his playlist. I haven't played him any Prince songs yet because I can't take the risk that he might not like them and that really would destroy me. He did reject a Foo Fighters song on Sunday, but I'm putting that down to him being close to nap time and not in the mood for loud music. He did seem ok with Rage Against the Machine (heavily edited of course) so it's not like he is averse to noisy tunes. 

This does bode well for my plans to make next year that one where we take him to festivals. 

He seems to have discerning taste (Whigfield aside) and frankly that's more than I can say for a lot of grown ups I know !