The meeting that changed everything

Three years ago today we attended a very important meeting. 

One that changed all our lives forever.

We dropped Brown Bear off at school and went to visit a family we had only met once before. 

I think we arrived early and waited outside until the agreed time. We knocked on the door and they opened the door to greet us. With a lot of nervousness we went to the room at the back of the house to see the special person we were meeting. We had seen photos of him so we knew what he looked like, but we hadn't spoken to him or seen him for real. I held back a bit as I didn't want to overwhelm him and I didn't know how he would react to us. He had seen photos of us too and when we came in he went over and picked up a small album and showed us. He recognised us from the family photo we had sent. He didn't say much - he had a dummy in his mouth so it would have been muffled anyway. He looked at us and smiled, then walked back to a place of safety and watched us. 

He was dressed like a little old man in a sweater vest - like the ones my dad wears. He stood in front of the TV screen - like my sister used to. He surveyed us from afar and made a decision about whether we were ok to approach or not - I'm told Hubbie was like that too. 

Hubbie was first to engage with him. He lay on the floor and played with toys until with tentative steps Blue Bear came over to join in. I sat back and watched. He was so tiny. So much more beautiful than the photos we had seen. Quiet, thoughful and shy. He kept going back to the comfort of his foster carer for a cuddle and reassurance that these people who had come were ok. Hubbie coaxed giggles and laughter from him and it was the most magical sound. 

We didn't stay long that first day. After around an hour we left to go home. All the way back we chattered away. There was so much to tell Brown Bear and he was excited to hear all about it. I made some notes immediately we got home as a friend had advised me to. I am so glad I listened as so much happens and it's difficult to remember the minor details, the order of events or even the emotions. 

Brown Bear wanted to know everything, but most importantly, "What is he like ?" and "When can I meet him ?" He knew he was going to meet him later in the week and was impatient for that time to come. It was so hard to sleep that first night. The excitement, the anticipation, the anxiety. What if he decides tomorrow he didn't like us after all ? Is it safe to get close to this little boy if there is any chance it might not work out ? 

In the end none of that mattered. I just knew from the minute I saw him that this was our baby boy. That he had to join our family. I finally fell asleep with the joyful memory of his giggles ringing in my ears. Hopefully, they would be in our own home before too long. 

Attachment parenting: I swear by it.

I'm not going to get into it about the Peaches vs Hopkins TV 'debate' on attachment parenting. I didn't follow it and neither woman is a parenting role model I'm about to emulate. I am all for attachment though and was listening to Oliver James talking about lovebombing on Radio 4 yesterday afternoon. As a result today has been spent loafing around and doing as little or as much as my toddler wants to do. You see I like the idea of responding to what my child is interested in, but I'm not about to advocate my skills as a parent above anyone else's. I'm doing my best and I sometimes over-do it or get it wrong. Mostly I am just glad that he's a happy child and that he loves us. 

If anything I've probably been over-attached. I never left my son alone at all when he was first born. I would shower while Hubbie was home either in the evening or stupidly early in the morning. I honestly thought that if I left my baby for longer than it takes to make a cup of tea he was going to roll over (which he'd never done) or stop breathing (he's still here).  Of course I do still check on him - old habits and all that - but now I stay in bed rather than shower at 6am. That's hardly tiger mama behaviour is it ? 

As he's a toddler now I do go and shower and leave him to his own devices (watching telly, creating a 'traffic jam' with his toy cars or playing with the hands free soap dispenser if I've forgotten to put it high up) for around 5-10 minutes. I do have to keep calling every 30 seconds to check he's still in the house though as he can't be trusted not to open the door if someone knocks. Grandma was babysitting on Halloween night and as she is quite hard of hearing he heard the door knock and went to answer it - only to be confronted with two rather terrifying teenage boys in masks. They didn't get any sweets, but the boy got a proper scare !!

The other night Hubbie opened a belated birthday card he'd received that had been sent to the wrong house with the wrong age on it. He affectionately called the sender a nob - supposedly out of earshot of our boy - only for the boy to start saying 'nob, nob, nob, nob' in a sing song voice. I gave Hubbie my 'silly boy' head shake and he responded with, "actually, he may have heard that before in the car driving to football." I suppose it could be worse. I'm not sure how though.

Up until now my son's idea of bad language has been to point at me and say 'Oh. Dear.' forcefully as that is what he thinks swearing is. We're also working on discouraging the 'toilet talk' which he loves right now. As an example.
Me: "What did you do at nursery today little bear ?"
Toddler: "Bum Bum."
Me: "I don't think you did. What did you have for lunch ?"
Toddler: "Poo Poo."
Me: "Ok that's enough toilet talk for today."
Toddler: "Wee Wee."
Me: <sigh>

I'm not expecting a call from anyone asking me to share my parenting secrets any time soon. I am, however, expecting to be embarrassed by my son's vocabulary some time in the near future. 

When If he calls Santa a Nob Poo Poo I'll look around pretending he's not with me, but that's when all my attachment parenting will come back and bite me in the 'bum bum.'