Mother's pride

Every Friday you ask me to attend the celebration assembly at school and every week I dutifully turn up and try to catch your attention so you can see me there and when you do, the smile and wave I get it so worth it.

So I join in with the hymn and sing happy birthday to those celebrating and smile as all the teachers hand out certificates to their favourites. Each week I sit there and think about all the wonderful things you have done this week and hope it's your turn.

I think about how the other morning you saw a younger boy crying in the playground before school and went over to see if he was ok. I then watched you take Billy over to play a game to cheer him up.

I remember that day when a new child started and he was upset about his dad leaving him and you invited him over to join you and your friends to play football and showed him the ropes as the new kid.

I was there when you handed in your precious picture for the Christmas competition having taken time to carefully design it and thinking about all the detail and colours you used.

I know that when we talked about giving toys to children who had none you wanted to give even more than I had expected as you wanted to make sure other children would get to have something nice for Christmas.

I've seen you gently stroke Neo and keeping him company when the fireworks were frightening him and you read him a story to help keep calm.

I swelled with pride when you were struggling during the park run on a freezing cold morning, but you kept going and I watched your face break into a huge smile when you made it over the finish line.

So you see when they call out another child's name and I see your shoulders fall in disappointment I am right there with you. I am smiling, but I'm feeling sad for you too. It makes sense that you are wondering why it isn't you. I think the same. Still we put on our best smiles and are happy for those who get the praise that you don't get. I've applauded when other children get recognition for:

Swimming a width of the pool - when we both know you can now swim a length without help and on both your front and back (that took a lot of work)

Taking another child under their wing - when I know you've made time for other children to help them feel welcome or to cheer them up

Writing a whole page - when you write pages and pages of news and stories and lovely notes - in your best writing

Being kind - when I have seen how much it took for you to share your home and family with Blue Bear and now you are fiercely loyal to him as he is to you

We will always smile and be happy for others and applaud their achievements. I will be there to give you a big hug afterwards and bring a snack for the ride home.

You see I do know all these wonderful things you do. I remember every little thing you do that makes me proud and I tell you. Just because it's not in front of the school doesn't make you any less than a kind, caring, loving, bright, boy who does his best.

You and me kid - we know.

Praise Be

I was struck by a few things watching Graham Norton last night. I had always thought highly of Salma Hayek and in quizzes I regularly reply that if I was lucky she would play me in a movie of my life (I wish !) However, my opinion of her has dimmed since she blanked the adorable Tamsin Grieg -  a mortal sin - then every story she told was about how kind or beautiful she is. Kelsey Grammer was marginally less vainglorious, but it's just not the done thing is it ? I know if you are a big movie star you are allowed some vanity, we've all seen Tom Cruise do the whole 'let me phone your Mum' schtick so many times now at movie premieres haven't we ? The last time we saw a similar sofa snub was when Emily Blunt was on the same show as Charlize Theron who just ignored her completely. Typically english Em carried on as normal - as did Tamsin - and I love them both all the more for it. I find self deprecating is so much more palatable than that self important, "don't you know who I am ?"

I realise that all this comes hard on the heels of the passing of Mohammed Ali who has been described in many obituaries as 'confident,' 'brash' and 'a character.' What he did was refuse to be deferential in the face of institutional racism. He was born and raised in a country still coping with collective guilt about slavery and his delivery was poetry crossed with preaching. While he boasted he also made the case for every other black person in America who was not given the platform he had. Mohammed Ali did not wait to be complimented he made bold, arrogant statements about himself knowing that it would cause consternation. He never gave the impression he was seeking approval.

In real life if someone pays you a compliment you're not supposed to say, "Oh my hair ? Well, I'm just glad it doesn't make my face look chubby." Instead of, "Thanks, yes it does suit me doesn't it ?" Similarly when I was asked recently what I do I said, "Oh nothing really, I'm taking care of the boys at the moment." At which my friend interjected with the things I actually do and I still dismissed it as nothing really. 

I've been taking a course about behaviour management and recently we have been covering how to receive and give praise. I'm phenomenally embarrassed by praise. I find it cringeworthy, yet I love to compliment others on their appearance or skills or kindness. Is it a failing that I won't believe a compliment directed at me ? My self doubts seem based on pretty secure evidence to me. I mean I'm the one who is there when I shout at my kids, or refuse to give in despite tears, stamping feet, clenched fists and red faces. I swear in front of them, I close doors to shut out their noise and I pinch their chocolate when they're in bed. So if someone who's only just met me says I'm a great mum who clearly loves my kids I'm hardly going to believe them am I ? What do they know ? 

I know I look like a lumpy bag of old clothes with bingo wings and dark circles under my eyes. It would challenge Gok Wan to coax out the inner goddess from under all that. Not that my appearance is really my main concern at this point. Keeping the peace between the boys and keeping myself sane is my priority. If I can do those two things then maybe I'll boast about my brilliance.

Nah, I don't think so. Oh well, I'd better think of someone else to play me in a movie of my life.