My mission, should I choose to accept it is...

I've set myself a new challenge - not one that involves dancing for hours or running or walking to raise money for charity. This is one where I am going to give something up. I've done it before so I know it's possible. The last time was out of necessity, this time it is out of embarrassment and mostly shame.

I've been declutturing our home for years now. At the weekend I decided it was time to take a serious look at the cupboard filled with shoes and bags to see if there was anything that could be gotten rid of. Turns out there is quite a lot. On a massive scale. I mean to a degree that I find so cringe-making I'd be making jokes if it didn't make me look like such a dope. So here is the unedited truth.

I have enough handbags to use a different one every week of the year - and the majority of them have never been used.

A small selection of my many, many bags. 

I've got more shoes than every other member of my family put together - I don't just mean the boys, I'm including siblings and parents here. This is following a cull of shoes and having a half dozen brand new pairs in boxes put aside to sell already. 

The clothes I own are repetitive and unimaginative - mostly jeans in either bootcut or skinny leg / jegging style. I own many striped tops and over the years I've noticed I've got the same jumper (exact same style, colour everything) because I've forgotten I already own one. 

At the weekend as I was sorting through the many handbags I found three (not one) three piles of clothes hidden behind them. There were 8 items of maternity clothing that I bought and never even opened. Yes, I bought some maternity clothes in anticipation of becoming pregnant again and completely forgot I had bought them. Then I found one of the piles was maternity clothes that I had worn and didn't need any more. Nice frocks, trousers, etc. that I had worn even after my boy was born, but that strictly I didn't need to keep.  

I was shocked by my own inability to remember how much I own. At my sheer greed.

So, here is the challenge I've set myself. I'm not going to buy any new clothes, shoes or accessories until my birthday next year. This will be interesting as we have established that I don't buy out of need, but mostly forgetfulness. I will go out to a shop I like and see something I like and when I get home I realise I've got more than one of those already - well, of course I have, because I like it !

Just to be clear I'm not equating this will real suffering. I will still go out to eat with Hubbie or friends. I will go to gigs (but I won't buy a t-shirt) and I will buy nice food for us to enjoy as a family. What I won't do is 'treat' myself to a handbag because I've always wanted one like it. Or to a shirt because I never look glamorous enough and I want to feel like I'm still that fashion forward young woman I used to be.

Wish me luck with it - and if you fancy a handbag let me know :) 

My imaginary family (and other first world problems)

I have a lot more than this 

Talk to anyone who has known me for a few years and they will tell you about my compulsive shoe and handbag habit. Neil will tell you how at Uni I was invited to most concerts because I was the only one who had a credit card to pay for gig tickets. This is the only explanation I can (or will) offer for having been to see Clannad. Bee will tell you how I own more coats than it is possible to wear - I know this because when we were watching Buffy once I mentioned that she had a different coat on every night and Bee said the words, "Pot, Kettle, Black." SJ will tell you I have accessories ranging from belts and bangles to perky hats and pashminas. I might not remember what day it is, but I will be damned if I'm going out uncoordinated.

I mention these oddities as my evil capitalist ways have been curbed in recent years, due to a combination of reduction in income and changed priorities. Yes I know being a stay at home parent is reward enough - blah, blah, blah - and I genuinely do prefer to buy things for my son and Hubbie. However I appear to have swapped one overindulgent habit for another. It became apparent to me as I found myself picking up far too many Easter gifts yesterday - I can't say any more than that as Hubbie does read this and I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Hot Cross buns a-go-go

You see there are three of us and yet I grocery shop like the apocalypse is imminent. At Christmas I bought 4 Christmas puddings - 4 !! Our boy doesn't even eat Christmas pudding and we still have two of them. I've just stopped myself from buying a bumper pack of Easter eggs from Thorntons - I've already bought enough for all of us and all our siblings. In the supermarket the other day I bought up one of every type of Easter cake for a 'special Easter afternoon tea' and we currently have four flavours of hot cross buns at home. I reiterate, there are three of us.

Don't panic though, I think I've worked it out. I'm shopping for my imaginary family. I know, I know. Bear with me here. I'm one of four siblings, my father is too and my mother is one of five. Hubbie has one brother and we have one son. I always thought I'd have a pretty big family. I wanted to have four and Hubbie was kind of ok with two. Before we had our boy we were approved to adopt two children and at one point were asked to consider three children - a toddler and younger twins - so we would have been a pretty big family overnight.

As it is we have one child and he is gorgeous and we adore him. However, we had thought we'd have more and part of me clearly hasn't let that go. In my head I was supposed to have a brood of kids and I'm clearly shopping for them. That's why I have enough cakes to sink a small fleet, a freezer filled with mini twister lollies and enough straws to build a replica Eiffel Tower.

I saw someone this afternoon who I haven't seen for a few years. She asked me if I'd had any luck in falling pregnant again and I told her I had been and it hadn't worked out. She said, "Oh well at least you've got little one." Of course I have and he's not a consolation prize. She's not the only one to remind me that our family is incomplete. It's a regular question and I dread any family event where I'll see someone who's onto their second or third or more pregnancy. It reminds me what I don't have and it prompts them or others to ask if we want to have more children.

Of course we do.

I'm not ungrateful for my small family. I love how close we all are. I just have to get real about how much chocolate, cake and biscuits we can get through.