It's not real life - it's just TV

I often complain that we don't get any decent telly any more, just a lot of reality telly. Another of my bugbears is misery TV and I don't watch soaps for that reason. If I want to watch families yelling at one another I'll visit mine and not do it in my precious leisure time. There is an element of TV being there to inform and educate, but my favourite shows tend to be purely entertainment, which I almost feel I have to apologise for.  More often than not I'll watch Blackadder yet again (which is almost like learning history isn't it ?) and recently Masterchef or the newly returned Great British Bake Off (come on that's just Home Ec) or if I'm being really swotty a quiz so I have to use my brain a little bit. It made me wonder whether TV was always about real life or if this obsession with 'constructed reality' is all new.

I'm pretty sure that very few bus companies are like seventies sitcom On the Buses. For a start they don't have nearly as many staff as that any more, the cultural mix is far more diverse and the bus garage in South Croydon certainly doesn't have a canteen where they all sit around between shifts - hence the roaring trade in transport caffs along the Brighton Road. If the drivers were to walk out in protest at women driving buses they'd get nowhere these days as women drivers are not controversial any more. I do remember when I was at school and Sheila was the well known driver of the E2 bus who would get out of her cab to help pensioners on and would tell the school kids to wait and take their turn. She won bus driver of the year many times and was brilliant !!

Despite what the papers and every Prisons Minister and Justice Secretary (how Orwellian is that ?) think I know for a fact that prisons aren't like Porridge. Prison officers who've been in the job a long time insist it used to be like that and long serving prisoners do hark back to the days of it being like a gentleman's club, but I suspect closing the 'staff clubs' where officers could get 'cold refreshments' during breaks is only a good thing. Norman Stanley Fletcher and his like do exist, but the scams are far less jolly than the ones depicted going on at Slade Prison. In reality we have an interesting TV crossover where the Muppets help children who have parents inside prison to deal with this very difficult issue in their young lives.

Citizen Khan is no more an accurate reflection of 'multicultural Britain' than Love They Neighbour was back in the seventies. It's just the language was less censored back then and now the white character does not get an equal number of digs as the Asian one. It was a stipulation made by Rudolph Walker when he took the part of the black neighbour that for every racist epithet he should get an equal number of them back at his white neighbour as recourse. I think that was what passed for equality back in the seventies.

And despite what every Health  minister in the last 15 years believes, NHS hospitals are not like Green Wing (and then Scrubs). I'm sure they want to believe that doctors have time for japes and hilarity and that the admin staff spend all day photocopying their body parts rather than actual work. If you think it's a bit far-fetched that actual policy on health might be based on misconceptions from watching a comedy series then try and recall the last time you saw a minister or indeed any public figure sitting in A&E at 3 in the morning with a child with a viral infection. No, it's ok I'll wait...

My personal favourite is a recent addition to the thinly disguised propaganda school of TV making and is the vintage and soft focus Call The Midwife. An everyday depiction of childbirth in the East End of London with a side helping of 'why don't women give birth at home anymore ?" I'm pretty sure that it was commissioned as a lovely bit of Sunday evening nostalgia and costume drama to keep families entertained - I mean only a hard heart wouldn't be reduced to tears by the cute ickle babies wouldn't it ? In addition it's a tale of women giving birth in adversity and without horrid doctors interfering that elevates midwives to mythical status. I honestly do think midwives can be marvellous and that childbirth should be treated as a normal thing and not medicalised as a matter of course. I'm also fascinated to see if requests for and actual home births increase as a result of the show.

Of course all of this is moot when you have a toddler as the TV is on Cbeebies the majority of the time he is awake. At least I can say that is educational without fear of contradiction :o)

Politics Schmolitics

Years ago I took part in a mock election at school. It wasn't really a choice as only three of us had any interest in politics and as they both took Labour and Conservative I was left (reluctantly) to stand as a liberal. I read the manifesto and gave it my best shot, but pretty much could see through the nonsense back then. I also knew from day one that Labour would get all the votes in a safe labour seat as the school was. It was interesting to do, but didn't inspire me to go into politics. It is depressing to become disillusioned at the age of 16 by the futility of my attempt to persuade people to vote for me when I knew they would all vote the same way as their parents.

I avoided going into student politics at University mostly as those who did take part were insufferable "hacks" and I couldn't see myself associating with them. Instead, I did a bit of radio, a bit of journalism, a bit of charity, a bit of film and not a lot of anything really. When I came back to London friends suggested that I should try stand up - do a few impersonations and make people laugh and they flatter you that you have a talent ! My fledgling attempts, however, suffered from my lack of confidence and lack of material as I wasn't able to translate my political thoughts into funny jokes.

In recent years I've been repeatedly asked why I don't go into politics. Even Hubbie has encouraged me to and while it does appeal I have a few (probably very stupid) reasons why I haven't:

Firstly, is the fear of falling out with people. While I like a healthy discussion and a robust exchange of views my problem is when I disagree with someone I like. It makes me feel bad and if I felt like that every time I had to make an unpopular decision what kind of politician would I be ? Oh yes I'd be a liberal in the coalition goverment (probably).

Secondly, I have a pathological fear of being judged and portrayed negatively by the media. When David Blunkett was keen to introduce ID cards as Home Secretary I recall hearing an interview with someone who said, "for a blind man he's keen to see everything" and I was appalled. Now, I'm no apologist for Blunkett or his policies, but when did it become ok to mock a man for his disability ?Surely that is too low a blow even for the most hideous of the media commentators. Of course we now know that this is the same media that would hack the phone of a murdered girl, so they are hardly in the business of being fair or playing nice.

Thirdly, I actually want to make a difference and help people and from what I can see that is the last thing that happens when you become a politician. In between compromise and towing the party line where is there room to actually get someone help for their aged parents or to stop a children's playground from being closed ? Every now and then an MP is able to get a result for a constituent and it makes a massive difference to that person's life. That's the stuff I want to do.

What I don't want is to get wheeled out on Question Time every few weeks to show how diverse my party is (yes Warsi we are bored of seeing and hearing you, please switch the lights off when you leave). Or to be pushed through the ranks quickly and always wonder if it was because of my gender or race rather than my ability.

Instead I think I'll just try to do my best without the need for a rosette. Although, I did always like the idea of being in the 'standing at the back looking stupid party.'