Thursday, 1 October 2015

Creating memories from birth and beyond

Yesterday Big Boy was 5. I was talking to him about how wonderful it was waiting for him to be born and how much it meant to meet him for the first time. He looked past me and said,
"Mummy can I watch the TV please ?"
In the days before he answered me back

I often talk to Big Boy about when he was a baby and he loves to watch video of himself when he was younger. He's really keen on hearing about what he was like as a baby and now he has a baby cousin he's even more fascinated. Seeing my first nephew and holding him made me realise how tiny they are when they are so new and how much my own boys have grown since birth. It also gave me a pang of sadness that I have no knowledge of Baby Boy as a newborn and no photos of his first days.

When I talk to the boys about their babyhood it's with an awareness that there are gaps in what I can tell Baby Boy. I didn't carry him for 9 months. I wasn't his first Mummy. I am his Mummy now and the love I feel for him is as fierce as it is for his brother. However, I feel guilt that I don't have baby photos of him, stories about his first days, memories of what he was like as a newborn.

My boys playing nicely 

Instead we have memories that we have created with his since he's been with us. Going to the park and pointing at the dogs - 'oof 'oofs. Riding his scuttlebug around the house - I know, I know. The cheekiness, the fun and the games that we play together. It's not a bed of roses as the last few days of almost constant tantrums will attest to, but it's so worth it.

When it comes to his birthday we will take just as much effort to make it special and fuss and spoil him just as much as his brother. He will have a cake and candles and lots of presents and helium balloons. We will Skype the grandparents and contact his foster carers so they can wish him a happy birthday too. He had his first birthday with them so it seems only fair that they get to share his second one too.

We're still learning about Baby Boy and he's still learning about us.

How he came to us is irrelevant, that he is here is all that matters.

We are family 


  1. Don't feel guilty - there really is no need. I am sure you love him just as much and that is all that matters and all that he will remember. Do you have a first picture of when he came to live with you? That can be just as special. When I was little I loved looking at the pictures of the day my parents took me home. The first photograph of my mum holding me in her arms in front of the children's home with my dad and one of the nuns that ran the place. I would never get tired to hear the story of how they were so excited they locked the key in the car and had to drive all the way to my grandmothers in a taxi to get the spare key. I never for a second missed having a photograph of me as a newborn.

    1. Thank you - we do have photos and I've written down how we felt and what we said so I can talk to him about it. I guess it's wanting him to have what his brother has really. I'm delighted you have such good memories from your early days. Thank you for commenting :)

  2. This is lovely, we are parents to two birth boys and we hope to adopt a 3rd child and the thing that's holding me back is how I'd deal with having missed out on the early days. Happy birthday to your lo x

    1. Thank you - I hope your plans work out. In the end it's such a small part of the entire experience, but it's good you've considered the issue. Best of luck xx

  3. My children are adopted. I tell them they grew in my heart not my belly.