I tell you what I want, what I really really want...

Well, if I'm being entirely honest it's to have one day where I don't feel overwhelmed by the toddler terror in my home. The domestic terrorist if you will.

More and more, recently I'm convinced I'm having a nervous breakdown and it's all because of someone who's not even 4 years old yet. When my family jumped at the chance to have my boy over to stay last week I was relieved to have a break from him. Me and Hubbie spent the evening missing him and wondering how this was the first night we'd ever spent at home without him. I was about to pat myself on the back for finding a sanity solution when I phoned to say good morning only to be told he'd head butted someone. Before breakfast.

Sigh. Calm shattered.

In my desperation I burden anyone I meet with my frustration at my toddler:

• The woman who made my free tea at Waitrose: She assured me it won't last and when I said could he come to live with her she smiled kindly. I think that's still a no though.

• One of the women who works at my son's nursery: She suggested I send him to Ju-Jitsu. That's all I need, my violent toddler learning how to hit more accurately !

• My yoga students who have grown up children - and in one case grandchildren: They advised it's a phase. Apparently they're worse later. AARRGGHHH !!! 

• I must have been stressed as I even found myself talking to Emma Bunton (you know her off of the Spice Girls) about my errant boy. We're not mates or anything I saw her at an event and she told me her boys were the same and to hang in there. She then said my boy looks gorgeous and to give him a hug from her. I officially love her now :) 

My new best friend :)

If you are also struggling to work out if you're losing your mind or just a bit tired, I've put together a little quiz like they do in magazines. Not that I read magazines of course, I'm far too busy / stressed / tired for that kind of indulgence ! Anyway, here goes:

1. Do you wake up already exhausted to the sound of, "Mummy, can I brush my teeth ?" "Mummy, can I feed the cat ?" "Mummy, I need the toilet" ?

2. Is it normal for you to feed a least 3 other people/pets before you are fully awake ?

3. Do you regularly eat 'lunch' at 4pm having missed breakfast as well ?

4. Is a lost hat / sock / shoe reason enough for a complete meltdown (yours) ?

5. Do you cry at every single thing featuring babies, dogs or 'inspirational mottos' on facebook or in adverts ?

6. Have you used your child's full name (yes, including middle names) more than once in the last week ?

If you can answer yes to all these questions then rest assured you're probably not having a nervous breakdown, you're just being held captive by a toddler. It does improve, apparently, but I can't tell you when.

He's asleep on the sofa at the moment, so I'm going to tiptoe to the kitchen and make some tea.

Wish me luck !