Thursday, 20 November 2014

No, it's not sponsorship, I'm paying you to shave !!

If you know me but at all you will be aware that I have self-diagnosed pogonophobia. I hide it well, especially as living / working in London I often see Hipster men so I have to throw up a bit in my mouth avert my eyes from their misjudged facial hair choices. Well, I don't have to, of course, but it is so much easier than looking at them and wanting to say, "Why would you do that to yourself ? Do you not like your chin ?"

The only acceptable moustache - ever !
So, you can imagine how painful it is for me that every November we now have this phenomenon where (otherwise sane) men take part in Movember and I find myself with an involuntary desire to hand over surgical face masks to cover the offending articles. There is so much to dislike about temporary facial hair, from the flecks of ginger or white that make it look like they've just forgotten to wipe their face after eating, to the actual bits of food that are lodged there. I cannot understand why anyone would do it - honestly. Why not just use this fab app instead ? http://www.facetache.com

Well, ok I'll be honest I do know why and I've written about it before - back in 2011 I wrote this:

Something has happened to my male friends. They have replaced their normal photos on facebook (amusing cartoon depictions or ironic images) with what looks like those photos that are taken in shopping centres where you dress up as a person from the olden days. Not all of them are hirsute so this sudden need to grow facial fuzz is in some cases wildly disturbing. The ones who are naturally young looking now look like extras from Starsky and Hutch and others who are naturally hirsute now look like the station master from the Railway children. 

The reason is - of course - Movember (see link at end of blog) which seems to have captured the interest where other causes have feared to tread. The traditional charity donor is a woman, older and gives to a range of causes. This donor would give a small amount regularly while alive then leave her entire life savings in her will to an animal charity causing a lengthy probate dispute with her family who had no idea that the donkeys would get the proceeds from the sale of her bungalow. As these lovely donors die off charities have desperately tried to diversify their donor base and have had to come up with new ways to appeal for funds. 


In order to get men to donate to charity the challenge fundraising event was born and we have seen the walk along the Great Wall, the trek to the base camp of Everest or the cycle ride in Vietnam. This time, however, someone has hit on an idea so simple it is genius. Ask men not to do something and to get sponsored for it. I've lost count of the number of times a man has complained about having to shave, so the idea of not doing it must be like Christmas, New Year and England being in the World Cup Final all at once. 


I doubt any charity, however forward thinking is going to encourage women to grow hair for sponsorship. If they did we could look forward to the prospect of breast cancer charities publicising "pits for tits." Do you find waxing taxing ? Never fear, grow your hair and instead of being a social pariah you will be adored for being the wonderful fundraiser you are. Nah, I just don't see it. The most a man can expect to suffer is some mild ridicule for growing a moustache, a woman ditching the bleach and wax or going all Frida Kahlo is just going to look like she's neglecting her personal appearance.


For now I'm enjoying seeing the transition from respectable looking man to porn star to Burt Reynolds tribute act. Good luck to all my friends who are taking part in Movember and if you want to know more - go here: Movember 


Why ? Just why ? 

My feelings have changed very little even if 'Pits for Tits' still hasn't taken off, but I am assured that 'Vajanuary' is a thing and that's close enough.

I've decided this year that instead of encouraging this louche behaviour I'm only paying up as an incentive for the culprit to get rid of the facial fuzz.

Seriously I'm going to pay my male friends to shave !!

if you want to read my original blog post about Movember it's here.

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