Monday, 4 January 2016

A lofty tale

So Big Boy was saying with my parents and Baby Boy was napping so we decided to do something crazy. Something I haven't been allowed to do since we moved into this house. Something that Hubbie likes to do alone and when we're not around to break the mood or to spoil his fun. He finally allowed me to go into the loft. The loft is his domain, his territory, he is the master of all he surveys up there. As part of the great declutter I got special dispensation to do an inventory of what we had up there so we can decide what to store, what to sell and what to throw. I was a bit nervous so he gave me some basic safety instructions and told me where it would be ok to step, oh and to wear shoes.

As he took the loft steps down and the clanking sound rung out we both froze in case it work up Baby Boy. After a few moments we decided to risk it and went upstairs. I looked around in horror at what I can only describe as carnage. For years I have trusted Hubbie when he assures me that it's all organised up there. That when I give him clothes that the kids have outgrown and put them in labelled boxes and bags he has carefully put them somewhere on a shelf he has built. I've been convinced that all those old toys, the unused electricals and the masses of exercise kit I've bought is safely stored away. What I saw when I finally went up there was just piles of stuff. Literally, piles of bags and partly assembled toys. Bags and boxes of shoes, mine the boys' and some that don't even appear to belong to any of us. As I stood there trying not to fall through the ceiling below I rolled up the sleeves of my onesie (shuttup it's still officially time off !) and got to work.

what could possibly be in this box ? 

I opened bags and boxes and relabelled them then put similar items together. I found baby toys, a moses basket, a bath seat and door bouncer as well as bags of clothes that I thought I'd given away years ago. Clearly I had asked for them to go up in the loft until I decided what to do with them. Now it was time to decide and I was armed with a marker pen, but wasn't allowed to bring the clipboard and sheet of paper to draw a map of the location of everything.

As we worked through the piles of stuff I noticed the edges of some of the bags appeared to be shredded and Hubbie laughed that there might be mice up there. I grimaced a bit and as we started to gather rubbish to put into a black bag he went a bit pale. My eyesight is pretty ropey anyway so I didn't quite know what he was asking me to steer clear of. "Is it a furball, a bundle of unmentionable or is it a dead mouse ?" I asked. Hubbie grimaced and said, "the latter." I stepped back and cursed our cat for not doing the one job he is most qualified for in this house. Ok, Neo isn't known for his love of heights, but still it wouldn't hurt to earn his cat treats would it ?

To be honest of all the things I expected to find up there - Shergar, Lord Lucan, a secret family of squirrels - it never occurred to me to look for corpses. I left it to Hubbie to dispose of the body in a suitably dignified manner once we'd established that I had lost the marker so I couldn't draw an outline round it like a mini crime scene. Give me a break it was harrowing.

At least now I know where the foot spa is, because we all know that every home must have a foot spa that is never used don't we ? I also have a corner for all the yoga kit I've hoarded over the years, many boxes of baby stuff for my sister (or for NCT sales) and clothes in every size from newborn upwards. I now understand why so many people were keen to give us things when we found out we were expecting. Your home gets overtaken once you have children. The garage, the loft, all the bedrooms, pretty much every surface and even our parents' homes are littered with kiddie things. Once the travel cot, baby car seat, bath toys and assorted walkers are done with and you accept that you won't need to keep them 'just in case' it's a waiting game to see who will have a baby next so they can have it all.

It's still a work in progress and this is just the first phase of the great declutter - still it would have been nice to find the luggage that we haven't seen since last year.


  1. I've been up in our loft. It is bad. Thankfully haven't found a dead mouse yet. So much to get rid of though. I'm a decluttering queen at the mo but the loft may break me!

    1. Get up there - take cleaning wipes, an assistant and bin bags.
      You'll feel so smug (and a bit dusty) when it's done.
      I've only done stage one - inventory of what's up there & disposal of bodies !!