It's not all work, work, work you know :)

When the boy was born I stayed at home for a full year to be with him. Then I went back to my job and soon after decided I didn't want to be a working mum and took the redundancy package on offer and stayed home with him until now. As he's going to school in September I've decided it's time for me to look for work that fits in with this big change. As I review my work history it brings to mind something that Hubbie said to me recently. Hold onto your hats...

This is a good one...

You won't see this coming...

*clears throat*

I am the real Miss Rabbit !!

I know, it's a bit of a shock. I'll give you a minute to process that fact before we move on. *makes a cup of tea* 

Now you've had a few minutes to recover, maybe I should clarify what I mean. To be exact Hubbie calls me a cross between Miss Rabbit and Nessa from Gavin and Stacey. You see every now and again I will drop into the conversation a job I have done that is so random that it sounds like it can't be true. It's not deliberate, like a humble brag, "Oh, yes it was like when I parked cars for the Sultan of Brunei and he let me keep a Ferrari." It's far less exotic than that.

Would you employ this woman ? 

On holiday when I made the boys toasted waffles with chocolate spread and strawberries I mentioned that I don't eat them myself any more. Years ago there was a Belgian waffle van in Ealing Broadway next to the jewellery stall that I worked on. The woman who ran the stall was my Maths teacher's wife - he looked like Bluto from Popeye - and the lad who used to wheel the barrow out in the morning and back into storage at night was called Vince and smelled of weed. The lads on the fruit stall opposite used to undercharge me - the perks of being 'colleagues' - and I learned all the different names for semi-precious stones, but never worked out how to put the puzzle ring back together.

Hubbie laughed.

It was just the latest in a long line of jobs that I've done that sound made up but they really aren't. I mean why would I make up that one ? It's not beyond reasonable to have done so many different things. It is rare for anyone to stay in the same job for years and years any more and if you think about it I've worked since I was 16 and I'm 44 now, so my having done a crazy number of jobs isn't so unlikely is it ? So when I say something like, "I was interviewed for a radio show in Sierra Leone," I'm not trying to show off, I probably forgot about it until the moment I just said it.

At times it must sound like I'm lying, but I'm not. I really did work in Transylvania and yes the water was poisonous, but the alcohol was not. When you put it like that it does indeed sound a bit bizarre.  

Yes, I really did meet the actual Sheriff of Nottingham. No, I really did. His name was Mr Fulton. He was very friendly, not like the Alan Rickman one at all.

The other Sheriff of Nottingham.

It seems unlikely, but I did travel to Cork on Sept 12th 2001 with my boss and it took us over 2 hours to check in because they had suddenly introduced new security measures in light of the attack on the twin towers the day before.

When I worked for a paging company I was often mistaken for a doctor because I had a 'beeper.' Well, that and the fact that I'm asian, I guess. The boss really did say that he thought mobile phones were a phase and he had no idea who any of the acts were that he had voted for as one of the judges of the inaugural Mercury Music Prize.

And finally, should you ever find yourself in possession of a copy of the electronic version of the PUSH guide to which university (1997 edition) that is indeed my voice on the CD. I had high hopes of a career as a voiceover artist, but alas, it was not to be.

So, I haven't driven an Eddie Stobart truck or worked as a living statue like Nessa, nor am I part of the Mummy's volunteer fire service or a helicopter pilot like Miss Rabbit, but on my past form surely it's only a matter of time before those are on my CV too ?

In the meantime please wish me luck with my job search :)

Could this be my next job ?