Of the shame of red marks where clothes are too tight.
Of being unable to bring trousers up to fit.
Of not being able to fasten buttons or zips because of my size.
Of the disappointment at clothes I used to wear just not fitting any more.
Of avoiding looking in the mirror because I know I don't want to see what I've become.
Of seeing a huge fat woman where I want there to be just a woman, a mother, a wife, a yoga teacher.
Of not knowing what to do to make this better.
Of walking, swimming, running and still not changing my body shape even a tiny bit.
Of thinking this is just how it is from now on.
I find it hard to accept that this is me.
How can I learn to love myself at this size when it disgusts me.
This body that grew a baby, birthed him, fed him and held him.
That continues to hold, and care for both my boys.
This body that I rely on, that I compare with others and find lacking.
That doesn't look the way it's 'supposed' to.
So this is my pledge:
To learn to look in a mirror and see the real me.
To not judge and despise the woman before me.
To be kinder to her and try to look at her more often.
To take care of her, choose her nice clothes and make up
To stop hiding.