Sunday 31 May 2015

To my boy, now you are a big brother

I know that all the changes in our family recently have been very trying for you, but I have to ask you to be the big boy and help Mummy and Daddy by letting us take care of you and your brother the best way we can.

You see there are some things that are very difficult for your brother. He does cry, he can't help it. He can't speak yet and when he wants to tell us something he gets quite cross that we don't understand him. The more we talk to him and help him the better he will be able to talk to us. You speak really well so he will learn from listening to you, if you are patient enough to talk to him. He's already responding to us when we talk and there are signs that his language is coming along. You are helping him learn too.

I know that it's very hard for you to understand why he needs to be with me all the time. Yes he does cry when you sit with me or when he thinks I've gone away. You were with me for a long time before you were born. I spoke to you all the time and sang you songs and we knew each other long before we met. I held you minutes after you were born and have been with you every day of your life so far. Your brother hasn't had that kind of certainty in his life so he needs to build trust and know that I am here for him. It will take him time to believe that we are here for him whatever happens and for now that means he wants to be with me all the time. I am still here for you. I am always here for you. It's just that sometimes you may have to accept that I am also here for him.

It's really hard for you to make sense of things and I'll be honest I feel the same. I don't know why he shouts or gets upset or what happened to him before he came to live with us. I only know that we love him and I hope that he will feel secure and loved with us. Watching you play with your brother and sharing with him makes me and your Daddy so happy. It shows us what a fabulous big brother you can be and I just know that the two of you will be the best of friends as time goes on.

For now though I will do what I can to stop him from taking your toys and from touching your 'big boy' things. In return I ask that you share the toys that you had as a baby with him and help him to feel welcome in this family.

Now to the biggest thing I need from you. This one will be the most difficult, but I know you can do it. I'd like to you share me and Daddy with your brother. Until he is older he won't appreciate how much you wanted him in your life. He may never know how hard it is right now that he is here and it isn't all fun and games and laughter. There is laughter though - and more each day. As we get better at this and as you let him into your life a bit at a time.

I am fiercely proud of you for taking all this in your stride. Of how you introduce everyone to your baby brother. Of how you help take his shoes off when we come indoors. Of how you put your arm across him to stop him from falling or running into anything (even though he shouts when you do). Of how you take him a book to look at when he is awake early in the morning. Of how you kiss him goodnight and good morning.

He is a very lucky boy to have you as a big brother. I am very lucky to have you as a son. I love you both.


  1. Swazi, - as Jax said, what a beautiful post. I feel like it's such an honour to have read this. Thank you for letting us in. XX

    1. Thanks Kiran - it's a challenging time, but we are so very lucky xxx

  2. Your post made me cry (but it could well be hormones too). I also have two boys, by birth and adoption, only mine came the other way round. I hope both your boys settle into it all soon!

    1. Thank you so much for sharing Alice - I hope yours are happy and get on well. Mine have their moments, but they are hilarious too :)